Object of the Mind
by Ephany
Summary: When offered a second chance, what would you choose and how can you make sure not to repeat the same mistakes? The Cullens get just that, but some have more difficulty starting over a friendship they lost when leaving Forks. Standard Twilight Couples R
1. Chapter 1

**Thank you for taking an interest in this story. I've never ever in my life have written anything..**

**Friends suggested i'd get rid of my crazy Twilight addiction by writing my What If ... moments in a story**

**That didn't really help :P**

**Stephenie Meyer owns Twilight and all it's characters  
**

BPOV

The wind sweeping past my body made me smile....my skin tingled making me feel alive. Perhaps after all that had happened..... This is the best solution, even the wild water crashing violently into the cliffs underneath me couldn't frighten me. After the past few days, the cold and cool water looked inviting.

As soon as my body hit the water that feeling changed, no longer did the cold feel inviting. I was pulled under not knowing or feeling what way was up anymore and soon I knew.

My life was finished, offcourse even if i would get out of the water now..... I would still be a danger to my father and friends.

The thought of Charlie made me panic, he wouldn't know what happened to me and I hadn't had a chance to say good-bye. Right now, all i wanted was to say good-bye and not being able to say good-bye made me want to fight.

Kicking my legs I found my way up to a lighter part of the water, following the light must bring me to the surface. Knowing these action were my only chance at saying good-bye I made the decision to say good-bye to the only person who would see.

Perhaps they had left me in person but were still thinking of me and would get this message. I remembered the beautiful house that I had visited so often, and my other family. The person I loved most in this world easily came to my mind but for once I wasn't desperate to see his face, who I needed most was Alice. I knew that Alice would see my visit to her as soon as I had decided I would because she was always looking out for her own future.

I pictured myself.... wrapping my arms around Alice her small body and telling her it was ok that they had left, that now i understood. Hoping this would work I also asked her to let Charlie know what had happened and last of all i thought about him. It hurt... but if my life was going to end I wanted for Edward to move on. I said my good-byes to each and every one of them, strongly thinking of meeting Alice as the last little bit of control left my body and I was sucked under again in the pain.

Ice cold water washed around me causing me for a moment not to feel my body before my back slammed into the rocks again. Pain rushed back through my body before something hit my head and a sudden sharp pain started to take me under.

As the world around me slowly started to slide away into an all consuming blackness I gasped his name for the last time…Edward


	2. Chapter 2

EPOV

Running....

Simply just running through the snowy forest as fast as I could seemed to be the only thing to help me feel a little again.

It gave me space and time alone,I needed time alone now to try and think of other things. But somehow I could never run fast enough, no matter how fast I pushed my stone cold body I had could never outrun the memory of that delicate flowery scent and the touch of her warm skin. The memory of her scent and the way her warm smooth skin had felt under my marble touch made me come to an abrupt halt.

Only three months a go my world had been complete. Yet as I stood here now and remembered how her face looked blank in her attempt… trying to be brave and her eyes closing down with hurt of the words I had told her. It felt like all I once had lived for had disappeared.

"_Where we're going... It's not the right place for you" _

The lie had been difficult but needed. As soon as my words had left my mouth she had tried to persuade me she did belong with me.

_" Where you are is the right place for me". _

But my mind had been made up, my family had already left and were waiting for me up brother already feeling torn apart for actions that weren't his fault. It was our nature.

_" Bella, I don't want you to come with me"_

Saying the words I made sure to speak slow, each word slow and precise, my eyes not leaving her face. Begging in my own mind she would accept my words. It had been very difficult but not as difficult as seeing the hurt and pain in her eyes.

_" You... don't ... want me? " _

Her heart had sped up as the realisation of my words had kicked in and her heart and mind had started racing.

_" NO"_ The harsh word left my mouth and for a moment I had been afraid she would break down, if she would battle me any more on the subject, I might not be able to leave her. Until she had spoken to me calm and collected, letting me know she understood.

_"That changes everything"_ Just like that she had accepted my words, there was no more argument. Had Rosalie been right then, was human love different.... would she let go of me so easy... move on and live a full human life?

That was when I had made my last promis to her

"_I promise that this will be the last time you'll see me.... It will be as if i'd never existed"_

Thinking about that conversation my memory suddenly brought to mind the brave words she had softly whispered.... three little words knowing I would hear them as I walked away and left her there in the woods of Forks. They were the opposite of her reaction and almost made me turn round again.

But the memory of what happened at her birthday made me stick to me decision. She had no chance to persuade me…me the monster that didn't belong in her world. It was too dangerous for her to stay around our world and if Jasper had not attacked her that evening, it would be a matter of time before that monster in me would have..........

I stopped my line of thinking, dropping to my knees and burying my head in my hands.

There was no peace for me, only regret of the mistakes made in the past. Feeling as broken and human I had ever in the past 110 years I curled up and closed my eyes, allowing the memories of my love to flood my dead mind.

Time got lost and only the animals in the woods around me gave any sign at of the world not ending. As the wind and rain swept around my cold body I couldn't feel it and did not wish to try and get up again.

Hours…

Days........

Weeks past as I lay there, a stone being. Starting to fade in with nature. The animals had gotten used to me being here, I did not long for them. The hunger that had always been there, burning in my throat was only a small pain as I remember her. My loved one, my beautiful warm and perfect Bella.

I hardly noticed as a pair of arms wrapped around me and lifted me from the ground. Not wanting to think about who had found me and what would happen after that I closed my mind of and drifted even deeper away in my memories. They were all I had, all I had left myself with for the rest of eternity.

The rocking movement of the person carrying me lasted for a while before I was put down. As we slowed down and I could the person holding me tense I realized we must have gotten to whatever place I was brought to. Knowing I should at least protect myself I focused, their thoughts hit my mind immediately telling me where I was, she had brought me home.

What happened to him, he looks like he's gone through hell. Could a vampire hurt itself, I wish Carlisle was here to see if there is anything wrong with him physically? What it if we never get him back, can I continue without all my children? Esme always being the loving mother was worried.

He looks like he hasn't been hunting for weeks, like he tried to starve himself. Perhaps I could go get him a snack. Yeah some grizzly could maybe perk him up a little. Emmet let his mind run wild at the thought of us hunting for his favorite dinner and the fun we have always had hunting together.

Idiot should have just stayed with his human… perhaps I could have been more supportive and been a friend with her. Perhaps if she would have been a real family member to me also I could have persuaded him to stay. Rosalie surprised me with her thoughts, guilt and compassion weren't any of her regular thoughts. They usually were about her and not about others.

How could I have been so blind to so much pain? I could feel his gift, hope and love flood my mind next. Jasper was trying his best to make me feel welcome at home again as he looked at his wife's face. I could see the pain and sorrow in it as she looked down.

It was then I realised who had come and collected me, Alice. The closest thing to a sister I could imagine having in this eternal life. But then if Alice was holding me in her arms while sitting on the couch in the living room, where was Carlisle?

The love from my family and the love I felt for them made me slowly open my eyes and look around. They were all standing there looking, their eyes going from Alice to me and back again. Flawless creatures all finding comfort in their mate, yet all longing for me to join our family again. In their mind I could read what they wanted, they were waiting for me to show them that I did want to be here with them also.

Inside me I felt the hope Jasper had given me being replaced by a tiny spark of my own as I opened my mouth and thanked Alice for finding me…. it felt good to be home.


	3. Chapter 3

BPOV

I sat inside my truck for a while, just staring at other students parking their cars.

None of them looked familiar at all. Ofcourse I knew that already as I had sat in the sheltered haven of my truck before, looking through the windshield trying to remember. Like the previous days I had sat here and watched the faces of people that once were friends, enemies or perfect strangers nothing happened. It made me feel lonely and it took all my strength to slowly pull my hand back from the ignition.

Outside the rain and wind swept the hair of all these blanks, these people that laughed and talked with friends, making me feel even more reluctant to get out and head for the main building. It was still drizzling, not enough to keep me inside of the dry and warm truck but cold and wet enough to make this day even less attractive.

School pictures were not on my list of favourite things to do, it was fine for people who looked beautiful and confident but not for me. Even without memory loss I knew that being in the spotlight never was and would be part of my personality.

I looked down at my outfit, dark jeans and a navy blue turtle neck sweater. Warm and safe, but not fashionable in any way at all. Not that I really cared, I wasn't much to look at so why would I pretend to be something I wasn't.

With a sigh I grabbed my bag and opened the door of my old truck, it needed a good push to actually swing open. Pulling the hood of my jacket up over my head first, I slid out the seat and felt the cold wind hit my face. As I attempted to shut the door of my truck while trying to push my backpack over my shoulder at the same time I hit my elbow on the edge of the door. The pain swept like a current through my arm making me cringe,making me remember that the damage wasn't just on the inside of my body.

"Are you all right Bella?" I turned around to see Angela standing next to her car, she had parked next to my truck and had just gotten out and witnessed my small clumsy performance. "Yeah sure, just hit my elbow on the wrong spot" I replied quickly and flashed her a smile to reassure my friend I was ok. It probably looked genuine because she replied with a laugh herself and walked around her car towards me.

"First period starts in a few minutes, we should get going" Angela said as she linked her arm through mine dragging her with me towards the main building where we both had history together.

The thought of history made me slow down; I forgot to send her the last pages of the paper we had to write together. "Angela I'm so sorry, I just realized I forgot to e-mail you the last pages of our paper. It's worse enough for my mind to have gone blank completely, now I'm dragging you down also!"

I could hear her laugh and I relaxed a little bit, perhaps it wasn't due today? My mind raced through my agenda, trying to remember what it had said for today's homework and doing so it confirmed to me, indeed the paper was due today.

"Bella, stop getting angry at yourself. We did all the research together, you even came up with a good subject. Together we wrote most of the paper, so I completed the epilogue and it wasn't that much trouble. You can't expect to do everything, remember you had an accident only 3 months a go. It's ok, really. The paper is finished and Ben had a sneak peek at it and thought it was really good" My only friend was looking at me with a warm smile, still dragging me along towards our class. As we entered she let go of my arm and grabbed her bag. I walked to my seat at the back of the classroom and watched Angela pull the folder with our paper in it out of here bag and dropped it on the corner of the desk.

She winked at me and slid in her seat at the front of the classroom. Knowing she didn't blame me and that I had nothing to worry about I relaxed a little bit. I liked this seat, at the far end of the door, next to the window. It allowed me to enjoy the scenery outside whenever class was slow or like now, hadn't started yet.

Outside the drizzle had stopped and it made me frown, why did it always have to stop raining as soon as class started. The trees in the parking lot still had wet leaves and the little amount of sunshine that managed to escape the ever present clouds hanging over Forks reflected of them. When I had first moved here according to my dad I really disliked the green, wet weather and had longed for the dry desert of Arizona. Now I couldn't imagine living there anymore, the lush green forest had found a way in my heart.

Next to me a chair was being pulled back and someone sat down. Turning towards the girl to check who it was sat down I tried to remember who she was but couldn't think of a name. " I'm Alice, nice to meet you" Her hand was extended towards me and she had a slight frown as she watched me search my mind for her. She did seem vague familiar so I gave her a small smile.

"You probably don't remember me, I'm Carlisle daughter, just before your accident me and my brothers and sister moved to Europe for a while, student exchange program. Now my brother, boyfriend and myself are back to finish high school" Her hand was still extended towards me so I softly grabbed her hand to shake it.

The cool skin was a surprise but the sudden force of her vibrant smile distracted me from the feeling. Just before I was ready to release her hand she happily exclaimed "Great! now we are reacquainted we can be friends again"


	4. Chapter 4

BPOV

Friends with Alice, the thought made me smile. I couldn't remember her but she looked so happy to see me and inside I also felt that we could be friends.

"Nice to meet you again Alice. Perhaps your father told you I've got some trouble remembering the past year. But if you want to try, we can hang out and perhaps some memories will come back" I made sure to smile while talking to her, just to make sure she understood I really did mean the words I was saying to her. It would be nice to have another friend, the others had tried to hang out with me but easily got frustrated when I couldn't remember things that were important to them.

Dr. Cullen had told me that it would take time for my memory to become whole again;he couldn't explain why the past months seemed to have been erased from my mind. Besides that I had also suffered some physical trauma, but after a few operations and therapy that was mostly beind me. Not having all my memories did make having conversation with people in Forks very difficult, it took lots and lots of practice. At first I had felt confused a lot, not being able to remember what had happened the past year. It was like moving to Forks all over again. No friends, not knowing where everything was, what to do in my spare time.

Soon I learned I did have friends, Jessica, Mike, Ben and Angela. Jessica was ok to hang out with but I couldn't picture myself being good friends with her, perhaps I had changed. Mike was extremely irritating, he had made it seem like we were more than friends. Lucky for me Angela and Ben had immediately confessed that was not the case and ever since Mike seemed upset with them.

Angela had turned out to be a true friend. She had come over bringing homework, keeping me up to date with everything that happened. The strangest thing was that whenever I asked if there were more people I was friends with she would always tell me that I did keep a lot to myself and didn't hang out much outside school. Her boyfriend Ben sometimes came along with her and we would sit together and play silly board games or just watch a movie. They were good company and my father had approved of all the visits they made.

Now I had another friend, Alice. Looking at my new friend she seemed to be almost ready to start dancing around the classroom, a huge smile was on her face. I noticed she was extremely good looking, not the type of person I had ever been friends with in Phoenix. She didn't look like she spend hours on make up or hair, but still she looked flawless. Nothing like the mess I was in at the moment. As if Alice could hear my thoughts she looked sideways and frowned.

"Bella, you did get the message that today is school picture day. As a friend I can't let you take your picture looking like you have just battled a blizzard to get to school. You did dress ok, the jeans are nice, but perhaps you could wear another top? I've got some clothes in my car you would fit." At these words the bell rang, first period had finished and I started collecting my books.

After I grabbed my books and stuffed them in my bag I noticed Alice standing at the door waiting for me, she was standing next to Angela who was talking with her. They both looked up at me and I felt like they were plotting a plan against me. With no further notice they walked up to me, grabbed my hand and started walking towards the ladies room. Dragging me along with them.

Angela went in first and I followed as Alice seemed to have disappeared only to show up a few minutes later with a big bag.

I let my eyes fall on the bag and frowned at Alice. Right she calls that some clothes, it looked like she had her entire wardrobe in the thing. Angela had started to apply some mascara and changed her small earrings for a long and sparkling pair that made her petite face look even more elegant. Not knowing what to do I just stood there, feeling ambushed by both of them but also touched by their attempt to make me feel more confident about having my picture taken.

Alice started going through the bag, that indeed seemed to hold more clothes than my wardrobe at home. She would pick up a piece of clothing, frown as if she were concentrating and would quickly set it aside until she had found a wrap around soft green blouse and was holding it up against me with a smile. "That's perfect for you" she exclaimed with a squeal. Angela looked at it and nodded with enthusiasm so I started to wriggle out of my turtleneck and pulled it over my head. The cold bathroom made me wish I had worn more than I slight T-shirt under it this morning. Alice handed me the blouse and I slid my first arm in what seemed to be the right side. But as I did so I realised this was a blouse that should come with instructions.

"Only you could not know how to get dressed in a wrap around" I shot my friends a dirty look and sighed as Angela helped me figure out what part to wrap around and where to tie the knot. In the end we managed to get the knot at my side making it look like a bow. I looked in the mirror and decided it did look good on me. With my hands I pulled my hair forward over my shoulder trying to hide the small scar at the back of my neck from the accident. The green made my hair look a shade warmer and added a sparkle to my eyes.

"How did you know Alice? I would have never thought of choosing this color for myself" the words had slipped out of my mouth before I realised how happy I sounded. Alice started laughing and packed up all her stuff as Angela had already finished and was waiting for us to join her. I went to join them and we walked to the cafeteria.

At the far end of the cafeteria everyone had to get in line to get there picture taken. I saw some guys look at me and Jessica gave me smiling thumbs up before making waving movement over her body. Taking it as a compliment I smiled back at her and followed Angela to get in line to have my picture taken.

Alice was already there and she had joined a tall blond boy that like her looked to be absolutely flawless. He had a pale skin like hers but the same brilliant gold eyes that made his face stand out in the crowd. As I joined them together with Angela she introduced us to him, Angela already knew who he was but like all other people I couldn't remember him. His name was Jasper and he was Alice her boyfriend. After our introduction he wrapped an arm around her shoulder as if trying to draw strength from her. She just looked up at him and nodded as if to tell him it was ok.

Had they both known me? Was that why he was so insecure, did I upset him by not remembering him? Angela and I moved slowly towards the front of the line. As soon as it was my turn to get in front of the camera, my foot got caught on the photographers bag. Tripping forward the photographer smiled and joked at taking an action-picture. It made some people behind me in line laugh.. Great motivation to get up and smile.

As the storm inside me started to build up a strange feeling run through my body. It first felt like something tickled me, making me smile but immediately was followed by a calming sensation. Holding on to that calm sensation I sat down and smiled at the photographer. He quickly took some pictures so I could leave.

Angela was still standing there waiting for me. She was texting with someone. Angela and I grabbed some food and sat down at a table. She started talking about a movie her boyfriend Ben wanted to see, asking if I felt like joining them. Like every other weekend she would try to get me out of the house but it was a lost cause. Besides I knew Ben had wanted to see the movie and make it a date with his girlfriend.

Just as I was going to tell her she should go see the movie alone with him my thoughts were interrupted by Alice. "Would you mind me coming over tonight?" I looked up at her and saw that she was looking at me with big eyes, almost begging me. How could I say no to that!

"Ehm… sure. Will you be staying for dinner? Charlie has to work tonight so it would be nice to have some company" From the corner of my eye i could see a smiling Angela who had already started texting Ben that it was a date after all.

"My mother is cooking us a family dinner, so maybe I could come over later on? I'll go through our dvd collection and bring some good oldies" Alice answered me, together we decided 8 would be good and perhaps she could spend the night, so we could catch up seeing as it felt like we were old friends that seemed like a good plan and so I agreed to her sleep over plans. Charlie would be happy to know, tonight while he was at work, I wouldn't be home alone.

The rest of the day went by quicker then any other day had for the past three months. As I got in my truck late that afternoon it had already started to get dark outside and I noticed that besides my truck the parking lot was almost empty already.

A shudder ran over my body as I felt that slight panic of being alone in a secluded dark area. Why hadn't I left immediately after school? Instead of using the internet at the school library to research my paper.

For a moment I had a weird feeling of being watched making me want to go home even more so I turned the key and tried to start the truck. Nothing happened. I slumped forward and let my head rest on the steering wheel and tried to smother my laughs. This truck just had to do the exact opposite of what I wanted. I relaxed for a bit. Letting my silly thoughts and silent laughter die away. Tapping on my window made me sit up so abruptly I could feel the muscles in my neck complain. I looked sideways and gasped.

My eyes looked straight into a pair of golden eyes, but unlike Alice or Jasper. These eyes seemed to have a pull on me and I couldn't force myself to look away.


	5. Chapter 5

EPOV

It had been two weeks now since Alice had brought me home, being home with my family was difficult but it was a little bit better then wandering around in the thick forests of Alaska on my own.

My intention after leaving all my loved ones behond had been to go and visit the Denali family, but Tanya had made it impossible for me to stay with them. She kept trying to persuade me that it was the best thing to leave Bella because she was human and I should be with a vampire. Or as I could hear her think, Tanya wanted me to be with her and for a vampire with a decades old soul, she had the most immature and nasty thoughts about us together.

Here at home I was with my family and it was better. They loved me as brothers and sisters and didn't mention Bella unless it was needed. Now I had chosen to stay with them at our house in Forks, everyone was happier. Esme had always loved the large house surrounded by the forests, beautifully designed gardens and the small river.

We had all felt at peace here for such a long time, it was difficult for me to feel that same way again. Every room in the house made me think of Bella, remember how things had been before I had ruined it all. At the same time, it was the closest I could come to being with her. My room even after being vacated for such a long time, in it was still the faintest hint of her sweet floral scent. When I first entered my room, it had grounded me, as if to make sure I wouldn't leave again.

Jasper and Alice had enrolled back in Forks High School, explaining their absence with the story of having been in London for a student exchange program and providing the administration some very convincing transcripts from a school in London. Courtesy of Rosalie who had outdone herself creating them.

After being brought home by my little pixie sister, Alice had showed me unwillingly what had happened. The visions had been like a slideshow of a horror movie.

_Bella looking frightened as she got upstairs and turned towards something I couldn't see in her room. The expression on her face terrified with the knowledge that she was not alone….The next vision showed Bella running through the Forks forest trying to find her way through the thick green. Small cuts were on her face and arms where branches and shrubs had hurt her delicate skin. Eyes wide, with a scared expression, searching for a way to escape, all the while knowing that it was useless to run away from her attacker… _

_Another image showed Bella falling down after she had tripped over a branch and being pulled up by her hair…the hand was pale and immeditaly I recognised the skin to be that of a vampire. A second later Bella was flipped over, no longer faced down but now looking straight at her attacker. Victoria!_

It had taken Rosalie, Emmet and Jasper to hold me down and keep me in place as I could see in Alice her mind that vicious monster. Victoria had gotten away and even after trying to track her for a few weeks, I had no leads. All the time she had been here. Then the last vision made me hurt the most.

_Bella was at the La Pushbeach, near the cliffs. Barely standing but facing Victoria, she no longer looked frightened but had a calm in her I had seen before. A calm that told me, all that hurt her was now locked away, she stood there proud and silent awaiting her death, thinking that she could protect me. As Victoria moved to make her final attack, from the side 3 wolves came to my loves rescue. They came to fight Victoria, clearly having no experience and handling on instinct._

_Victoria moved around quickly but Bella couldn't move out of the way and ended up getting a blow to the head from one of the wolves... stumbling backwards. Her feet tried to find solid ground but nothing could be found, there was nothing there to hold on to. Bella's eyes, her beautiful dark eyes went wide with fear as she started falling backwards off a cliff. The strong current pulled her under and I could see her body go limp as it sunk under water... just before she disappeared softly but clearly she gasped my name. My name and I wasn't there to do anything for her._

My growling and resistance had made the house tremble, until I realised that the visions were no longer waiting to happen but had already taken place. These weren't visions but the result of my decision to abandon her.

Defeat had taken control of my body. My lovely Bella..... I had given up all of our happiness for her to be safe. But instead she had suffered so much pain. If I had been stronger and stayed, we could have kept her safe. Now Rosalie and Emmet were holding on to me, trying to comfort me. Jasper had gone to Alice, trying to comfort her because she had shown me those painfull images and blamed herself for hurting me. The guilt in her mind was overwhelming.

I couldn't think. I could only feel my dead heart, already broken in a thousand pieces, break even more. Rosalie was trying to tell me something, leaning in closely, cradling me to her. Behind her Emmet sat and held on to us both, his large arms wrapped around both Rosalie and my body.

This is how we sat, brothers and sisters. Holding each other, loving each other, hurting each other. This was also how Carlisle found us. After receiving Alice her phonecall, he had finished work and come home early. Thanks to Carlisle I had returned to my frozen state of being.

He had walked in the door and immediately his calm voice washed through my head. In his mind there was surprise at seeing us all like this, on the floor. Surprise very quickly was followed byfirst concern and almost instantly love..... Love followed by joy as he thought that me being back home would maybe make Bella recover sooner.

My eyes had shot up to his and I had flown to me feet, rushing over to him in one swift moment.

" She's alive Carlisle, how is that possible?" No human could survive such an accident, especially not a human who had been tortured first physically by an insane vampire.

"She's alive, that is all that matters. Welcome home son" his words touched me deeply, after running away and causing my family so much pain, he still thought of me as his son. Stepping closer he pulled me into his arms and gave me a very tight hug, even for vampires. Letting go of me he leaned back and looked me in the eyes. I could see the concern.

_"Are you sure you want to know everything about her injuries and recovery?" _He asked me in his mind, concern still in his eyes. All I could do was nod a simple yes, hoping that was enough confirmation.

_"In that case we should sit down in my study, a lot has happened and it might be difficult for you to hear all of it. Let's give your brothers and sisters some time with each other. The drama in this room, it's suffocating Jasper" _Carlisle didn't wait for my answer but simply turned and started heading for the stairs, towards hiw study. I followed and a few seconds later I heard the backdoor slam shut, Jasper and Alice had gone hunting together. Emmet en Rosalie had stayed in the living room, for once cuddling and holding each other with a gentle touch.

Carlisle sat me down in his office and for the next hours had explained in detail all the injuries Bella had suffered from an shortly after we had left Forks. The public story was that she had gone hiking and suffered from an animal attack. We both knew that it wasn't an animal attack; Victoria had found Bella and taken her deep into the woods and set her loose to hunt, as if she was a toy.

Toying with her for fun…Enjoying the pain she caused …..Letting her loose, chasing and haunting her until Bella had reached the La Push cliffs. There Victoria had wanted to finish it but had been surprised by the wolves. Generations before we had come to an agreement with the Quileutes, we could remain in Forks and they would not hunt us.

Victoria however was not part of us and as she had been ready to kill Bella the wolves had shown up and taken her apart. In the fight Bella had fallen down from the cliff, already unconscious from the injuries Victoria had inflicted upon her. Charlie and Billy had been in the bay fishing, they had witnessed the fight. Billy and Harry trying their best at distracting Charlie couldn't keep him from seeing his daughter fall and after that had no choice but to move closer by.

It was Harry that saved Bella from the cold water, he had never needed to be the wolf that his genes could make him but still possessed enough strength to dive in and hold on to Bella as he waited for help to come.

Now with a strange twist of faith, Charlie after witnessing what had happened knew all and Bella knew nothing. What had surprised Carlisle the most was the easy acceptance by Charlie about our existence. His words had been simple when asked about him having any objections. "You kept her safe while she was here, I trust you to do that again." He had not asked for details but shown great faith in Carlisle by asking him to be Bella's doctor. Not once had he shown doubt about his daughters safety.

There was no way I could turn back time and right my wrongs but at least I could keep my love safe for the rest of her life. I would join Jasper and Alice at Forks High School and watch her. This time I wouldn't let her fall in love with me, she had no knowledge of me and I could make sure she didn't get to know me again. That way at least this time, it would only be me that suffered.


	6. Chapter 6

**Disclaimer**

**The inspiration for this story is being found at work, yes at my work we talk Twilight :P**

**Only during coffeebreak.... loads of coffee is loads of inspiration. **

**Loads of coffee is also loads of energy to spend time writing after I get back home. It's a win-win situation!  
**

**If you feel you want to contribute PM or Review. Drinking tea, soda or water is also allowed. **

**Do you love Jacob? Let me know.  
**

**He's having major trouble getting in this story..... So I might just ignore him for a little while and **

**welcome all other Cullens to the story instead!**

**Stephenie Meyer owns Twilight and all it's characters**

EPOV

I sat in my car listening to music and watched her leave the school library. At the start of the day I had first spend some time with Jasper at the office, making sure my schedule was as different from Bella's schedule as possible. I had done the talking, anticipating any objection the teachers could have and Jasper had mellowed things out literally by sending calm, happy emotions in the room. The only exception would be Biology, but that wouldn't be a very big problem since she now had Angela as her lab-partner and Jasper would be mine. All day I had spend following Bella through the minds of other students.

It was at times like this, having to listen to all the immature thoughts highschool boys possesed wasn't that bad. Without seeing her in person I could still keep an 'eye' on Bella. Making sure she was safe and happy. Also it helped me stay out of her way.

It had been really difficult, but Alice sticking close to Bella all day had helped me. Jasper had stayed with me during most of the day and because he had enrolled together with me, we had some classes together. No one seemed to notice or object to the fact, Jasper had taken the exact classes last year also and Alice was now taking a very different selection of classes.

After school had finished Alice had gone home with Jasper, but as I had gotten to my car. In the parking lot was that old truck, Bella's truck. For some reason after knowing she was still here. I couldn't make myself leave either.

So now I was sitting in my car, watching her leave the school library. She still looked like my Bella but after talking with Carlisle I knew on the inside she wasn't and that he had done a lot of work to make her whole again. Several broken bones and internal bleeding could be fixed by skilled hands. The black holes in her head he could not explain.

The words I had spoken back in the woods only 3 months ago seemed to find its way back to my head. _It will be as if I never existed._

How cruel it seemed now that in fact, my promise to her had become reality. As far as she was concerned, it was like i had never existed.

Carlisle had told me everything after he had come home from the hospital. Esme had called to tell him I was home again, the lost son found by his pixie sister.

Her injuries had been bad and she had suffered from hypothermia as Harry had held on to her and Billy and Charlie had pulled her out of the water into the boat. Thanks to Charlie who had broken all the speed records driving her to the hospital she had survived.

At the hospital Billy had asked for Carlisle, not knowing we had all left Forks. Refusing any other doctor to treat Bella's injuries he had thrown such a tantrum, a 5 year old would have been proud of him.

The hospital not knowing what to do did contact Carlisle and as soon as they had mentioned Billy's name, Carlisle had known something was wrong and immediately returned. Telling the hospital he was in the area visiting friends whom he had said good-bye to when we had moved away from Forks.

Offcourse it did help that Alice had already seen the events take place in her vision and had sent Carlisle on his ways hours earlier. After just 1 hour Carlisle had reached the hospital taking care of Bella as if she were his own daughter, in a way that was how he felt. All my family had moved back to the house in Forks, afraid of the worst possible happening. Lucky for Bella Carlisle was the most experienced doctor to probably be alive.

The only thing Carlisle couldn't explain was why Bella had lost all memories of the past 9 months. There was no head trauma, just minor scrapes and cuts on her head.

All this time I had been running away from the most important thing in my life, tearing our family apart and leaving my love unprotected. Unprotected to the very thing I was.

I couldn't begin to think what would have happened if Carlisle hadn't been able to safe her, luckily he never thought about the subject when he was around me but in the back of my mind the question kept coming to me like a neon sign flashing along the motorway.

Would he have turned her if needed, our family loved her and Alice still was determined it would happen. Forcing myself to let go of the subject for now I looked back towards the beautiful dark haired girl walking to her truck.

She walked slowly as I watched her from my car, carefully trying to miss the larger puddles of water. A frown on her face as if she was thinking about something. Her memories might have gotten lost her mind hadn't changed that much, I still couldn't read her thoughts. Before I realised it a disappointed growl rumbled from my chest taking me back with surprise.

Bella got in the truck and looked around as if she was looking for something. My eyesight being much better and able to see perfect in the dim light of the afternoon sun also, even at this distance I could see her face.

She looked frightened, her eyes even bigger than usual and her skin slightly paler. It felt like for a moment as if our eyes connected but I knew that could not be possible.

The distance from my car to her truck, not to mention the tinted windows I had on my car so I could still drive even when it was sunny outside made it impossible for her to see me.

I let out a frustrated growl, angry at myself for wanting her to notice me and sad because she couldn't notice me at the same time. To her this car was nothing special. It was like any other car owned by a student at school and I had parked far away from her truck, so she probably wouldn't even notice it was her.

The frightened look on her face made me clutch the keys in my car ready to drive of the moment I lost control and would do what I wanted most. I wanted to jump out of the car and run to her. But that wouldn't help because she didn't know me and I would just scare her more. As I was reasoning with myself, willing myself to stay in the car I caught another glance at her face. At that moment I saw her body slump forward and her body shake as if she would loose control any moment.

Nothing could have stopped me after that, I almost ripped the door of my car as I got out and within a second I was standing next to her car. I took a deep breath and paused for a second, act normal I told myself.

Yeah right, a vampire with an obsession for his ex-girlfriend who he almost destroyed....acting normal? Great thinking Edward. I felt the phone in my pocket buzz, knowing who it would be I ignored the phone and let it go.

Slowly I took a step forward, making sure I was in control of myself first. Slowly for a vampire but maybe a little bit to quick for a human I reached out my hand and tapped on her window making Bella jump in her seat. She whipped her head around and looked at me.

For the first time in a very long time I felt whole again, as our eyes connected I could feel her heart race. I opened the door to her truck and leaned slightly closer not loosing eye contact with her. "Bella, are you all right?"


	7. Chapter 7

BPOV

I was stunned at the sight of this boy who had shown up at the side of my truck but nothing could have prepared me for the soft velvet sound of his voice when he spoke to me. " Bella, Are you allright?" Not being able to talk I nodded slowly, wishing I could find something to say.

He stood there looking at me, with some effort I managed to close my eyes so I could be free from whatever this was that was happening. When I opened my eyes again he had moved slightly closer and I could see the perfect flawless face close to mine.

"Are you sure you're all right, my sister would kill me if I left you here not feeling safe to drive home" His golden eyes showed his concern and his face seemed tense, as if he was holding his breath.

"Do I know you?" the words had slipped out without me knowing why I had said them. I had short term memory loss, so probably I did know him. His answer surprised me even more.

"Yes you do know me...." I wanted to tell him I couldn't remember but before I could open my mouth he had stepped back and continued talking.

" You know me....but you don't like me, we don't get a long" He stood there waiting for my response but I couldn't make up my mind what to say first so he continued. His voice still soft like velvet but this time a sharper edge on his words as if it cost him a lot of effort to say them

"I'm just being nice because you are friends with my sister Alice" His eyes looked cold as he said the last words, all the concern gone, replaced by…anger it seemed.

I flinched at his words and wanted to say something, explain I couldn't remember…couldn't imagine not liking him. But before I could he leaned over and reached for the keys. He turned the key of my truck and this time the engine roared to life.

"Drive home safely" and at that he turned around and disappeared into the now dark parking lot. Watching him disappear I couldn't help but feel confused at the feelings because of the emotions going through my body. No other person I had met since the accident had reacted like this.... almost like he had regretted talking to me just now.

Not sure what had just happened I tried to go over the conversation, or more over the guy who had just talked to me. His mood had gone from concerned to almost hatefull in a few minutes. Did I really annoy people that much with my stupid blank mind? I couldn't really believe that but didn't have a clue whatelse could have made him angry.

With a sigh I pulled out of my parking spot and on the main road. As I left I could see another car turn on his lights and drive off. Did he wait for me to leave? That was even more weird. Driving home I remembered Alice was coming over after dinner so I stopped at the store, got some snacks and made my way to the frozen food section to choose a quick dinner. Today would have to be pizza for dinner I decided, not feeling like cooking for just me.

When I got home my dad was just leaving. " Your late Bells, everything OK at school today?" after the accident Charlie had been very worried about me. He stood next to his cruiser ready to go to work. Dressed for work in his police jacket and already a thermos with coffee in his hand to get him through the first few hours at work.

"Sure Charlie I'm fine, I met Alice Cullen at school today. Do you remember her, I understand we were friends in the past. She's coming over later tonight to hang out..... You don't need to worry about me, if something is wrong I can call you at the station" I added with a smile to reassure him he didn't have to stay home for me.

For a moment he stood there thinking about the information I had given him. "Alice? Sure she is Dr Cullens daughter, nice girl."

His eyes looked surprised but he tried to hide something else also. "You girls have a nice evening, don't stay up too late" He walked over to me and gave me a quick hug before getting in his cruiser and driving off to work.

EPOV

How could I have been so stupid and broken my promises already, it had taken me only 1 day to be completely reckless. As I walked in the front door I was forcefully brought to a halt by Alice.

_"How could you do that to her Edward! I saw everything in my vision but couldn't reach you in time to stop you and after that tried calling you"_

Her mental attack on me was brutal, yelling her thoughts at me she continued blocking the door, making me stand still in front of my own living room. Then after a few minutes she realised that I myself had been doing the same and she flung her arms around me.

_"I'm sorry. I didn't realise it was so tough on you also."_ She stepped back and let me pass without putting up a fight.

Esme was in the kitchen baking something that looked like cookies. I stopped and pulled up an eyebrow in a crooked frown. "Vampires don't eat, or have you forgotten" I halve mocked her while smiling at her. She looked so happy being busy in the kitchen.

Out of all of us Esme was the most human, she loved us all with all her heart, and then some more. She never got angry when I told them that I had to leave Bella and none of us could stay in touch with her.

Silently she had started packing all our belongings and the only random thought she allowed was one of worry. No anger or doubt just honest concern about my well-being and the effect my choice would have it turned out to be the wrong choice. Sadly now I knew it had been the wrong choice.

_" Oh god didn't Alice tell him she is going over to see Bella?"_ Esme looked at me not knowing what to expect but I heard movement behind me so I turned around to see Alice skipping into the kitchen, a full bag with clothes in 1 hand a giant stack of DVD's in the other.

"You're going to visit Bella?" I couldn't help but sound a little bit angry at her as she collected her stuff.

"Yes I'm going to visit Bella, Carlisle met with Charlie yesterday and he told me Carlisle that he is worried about Bella. She hardly goes out and he worries she is lonely when he works nights at the station. So after meeting with her at school today I offered to come over tonight, Carlisle said it was a good idea for Bella. Besides it will keep you away, seeing as you need help to stick to your own stalker plans"

Before I could reply and comment on the stalker remark she had already left the kitchen so I grabbed a chair and sat down at the table. Esme still stood there looking at me. _"Should I ask Carlisle to talk to Alice about seeing Bella?"_

"It's fine Esme, there is no stopping Alice, she is after all a force of nature. I'm sure Bella and Charlie will love your homemade biscuits. Besides I can't blame Alice, I didn't do that good with my own plan. It took me 1 day in school to meet her again, and the circumstances weren't that good either. "

I tried my best to give a flashing smile at Esme, knowing she missed Bella like a daughter. A daughter I had taken away from the most loving person in the world because of my own failure to be strong enough to battle my fears and keep faith in my own strength to resist her delicate scent. Thoughtless I ran my hands through my hair, knowing it was a very human thing to do but taking great comfort in it nevertheless.

Esme stood looking at me with worried eyes, I could easily read what she was thinking but that didn't stop her. She pulled a chair back and sat opposite me at the table as she had finished cleaning the work areas in the kitchen. Her hands were folded and lying in her lap. Before speaking she took a big breath as if oi steady her nerves. Her mind was jumbled, so I sat and waited for her to speak.

"Edward you are the first son I had when I entered this family.... Perhaps I came to this family later than you but still I think of you as my first son. For decades I was worried about how you would manage with all of us together and you being alone" Esme looked up and I could see in her eyes how much she loved me, a mothers love.

"Last year when Bella first was brought to this house I could see your love for her and it was so strong. After that first meeting it made me love her instantly. Like you I can't stop loving Bella and I know that you can't do that either. Have you thought about your intentions to stay away from her. Perhaps trying to stay away from her will make her safe for the moment, but don't forget she is your mate. You might believe that we have no soul but after seeing you and Bella together I know your souls connected. Have you considered that even with her memories lost it is possible for her soul to recognise yours?"

She grabbed my hand as if trying to comfort me as she looked me in the eyes with a loving smile. I felt my body going rigid and tried to hold back the anger as the truth of her words hit me.

_"And your soul to feel lost without hers"_ she added silently to her words.

"This afternoon when I had gone to Bella in my stupid overprotective rampage she hadn't recognised me. Instead of being a friend to her I had done the opposite out of my own fear and left her feeling confused by being mean to her and telling the biggest lie possible"

I tried to talk slowly, thinking back about my actions this afternoon.

"The words.... the lie I had told Bella made so angry. I had felt my eyes go dark when talking to her and I couldn't help but glare as these words had flown from my mouth with a harsh voice."

Telling Esme what had happened this afternoon made me rethink my actions. I had done nothing but add insult and pain to her confusion. It was difficult for me to come to terms that trying to make her believe in a lie had perhaps only made her hurt more on the inside.

Looking at Esme I could feel her love radiate towards me, they showed nothing but support.

I got up from the table and giving Esme a quick hug to acknowledge how much I appreciated her help I grabbed my keys and started heading for the door. As I passed the counter my eyes noticed the neat package, I grabbed the biscuits, Alice had forgotten them. Or hadn't she?

Walking out of the house towards my car I realised that running there would probably be faster. I slid the keys in my pocket and started of, leaving imprints where I had pushed myself away with force into a full speed vampire sprint.

The green forests of Forks had always been great to run in, so many shades of green flashed past me, standing still as I moved at full speeds. After a few minutes I had reached the last hundreds meters until coming to Bella's house. To be safe I slowed down my pace to a jog, just in case there would be people out this evening.

As I approached her house from the yard I stopped at the sight in front of me. Bella was standing in front of the window; her eyes closed… her lips perched up in a soft smile. It was breathtaking how beautiful she looked.

She was moving her arms in a flowing movement around her body, the slow rhythmic rise and fall of her chest. Every breath she took I could see her upper body slowly rising and falling as she exhaled again. This was by far the most coordinated I had ever seen her and i couldn't help smiling at the thought of her less coordinated moves.

Knowing she wouldn't see me from her room, not with her eyes closed and the last of the sunlight disappearing fast. I stood there for a while.

"She looks happy like that doesn't she?" At my side Alice had turned up holding out her hands. "The cookies please?" I hesitated for a moment, thinking they were my only excuse to see her but was shortly interrupted by the laughing of my sister.

So maybe this wasn't my excuse, i'd get another one. A half smile reached my face, making it grin crooked. I turned towards Alice and handed her the little parcel Esmee had made. "Your sure?" I asked her and she replied with a nod.

Taking one last look at Bella I sighed then I turned around and disappeared in the forest, leaving Alice and Bella to have a girlsnight.


	8. Chapter 8

BPOV

After having dinner and putting a load of washing in the machine I had gone to my room to relax for a little. School had been fun, thanks to Alice and Angela making me look good for school pictures. It had gone by in a flash and now I needed to relax a little bit before Alice came over. Something told me my newly reacquainted friend would be unstoppable tonight.

Coming into my room I opened the window letting fresh air come in, outside the faint breeze made the wind catcher tingle. The soft noise made me smile as I moved my chair aside creating some room in front of the window. Part of recovering had been finding a sport I could do without hurting myself. It had taken a while until Angela had suggested taking on Tai Chi, I had been surprised she had considered a fight sport.

Lucky for me, it had been no such thing. Our teacher focused her lessons on inner and outer balance. The movements at first had left me feeling clumsy and a little bit frustrated, at one point I had actually managed to hit Angela in the face.

Now I had gotten the hang of it and I felt confident enough to try and practice the basic movements at home.

Closing my eyes I stood in front of my open window, the last sun warming my skin. I gently focused on my breathing, letting the rise and fall of my breathing create the now known rhythm. As I felt the first waves of tension sweep away from my body I started with the first movement by raising my arms up and breathing in. Exhaling I lowered my arms and tried clearing my mind.

Somehow I couldn't push away the golden eyes I had seen in the parking lot. They seemed to be there no matter what I tried Instead of taking a step back and starting over again I continued. Knowing I couldn't push away the picture of them I did the exact opposite and let my whole being drift away in the imaginable depth.

As time passed I felt my body drift from movement to movement, an elegant and flowing movement. Lost in my thoughts I could feel my mind relax and all the confusion and anger from the day slipped away. It felt like inside me a whole I hadn't even realised was there had started to fill. Somehow his eyes or maybe just Edward himself had triggered something deep inside me I couldn't name. It felt good, that was a feeling I could give a name.

Holding on to the good feeling I continued into a last upward stretch letting all my muscles work. The exercise had started to warm my body in a good way. Letting go of my final stretch i sat down on my bed looking at the sun going under. Casting long shadows in our backyard, already making it impossible to clearly see. Enjoying the feeling of the last rays of sun caressing my face.

After a while I could no longer feel the warm afternoon sun glow on my face so I knew it must be later in the evening. Reluctant to let go of the peaceful state of mind I opened my eyes and took a deep breath. The clock on my desk told me it was 7:15, Alice would be at my house around 8 so that left me some time to finish the chores I had started earlier in the evening.

Moving the load from the washing machine to the dryer I heard a knock on the front door. Before I could shout at whoever it was he door was opened and I heard the soprano voice of Alice call my name.

I could have known she would be here early. As I pushed the last few items in the dryer and started the timer the door to the laundry room opened and Alice came bouncing in.

Bella, are you ready for a full night of fun? Her golden eyes sparkled at thought of the fun she had planned for us and I couldn't help but join in with her enthusiasm. She looked absolutely excited to be here.

We headed over to the living room were I stopped at the sight of the coffee table. On it was a big pile of DVD's, what seemed a giant beauty case, popcorn, chocolate and many other snacks. Next to the couch there was an overnight bag, at least she hadn't packed halve her wardrobe for one night.

I walked over to the coffee table and started flicking through the pile of DVD's. They were mostly romantic comedy movies, with the exception of Romancing the Stone. I could remember watching it with my mom. As I picked it up and waved it Alice she flashed me a smile. "The leading goes a long way with her heels, I can relate not wanting to give them up" Her explanation seemed completely illogical, but then again a lot about Alice was.

As I plopped down on the couch she skipped over to the television and effortless chose the right remote for the DVD player. Looking at her move freely in my living room I realised she had been here before, perhaps frequent. The fact my mind was a blank canvas was ok most of the time but the sight of my friend in my house and not being able to put it together and remember the good times we had caught me by surprise. Trying my best to push the tears away I focused on the few things I had been able to puzzle together, things I hadn't even talked about with Charlie.

Up in my room, under my bed I had found a diary, it didn't seem like I wrote in it a lot and i wasn't sure when i had written in them. But what I did write were some letters, reading them had been horrible.

Each letter I wrote to an unknown person, telling him or her how much I loved them. Sometimes they had been to a lover, a boy. From the words I wrote I understood my friends and Charlie knew very little about how deeply I felt about him. Perhaps I had been a crazy lovesick girl and had a crush on someone at school. Angela had looked away, as I had very casual tried to milk her for answers, if I had indeed had a crush she either didn't know or was very good at hiding.

"Bella?" I looked up to see Alice standing in front of me, with a worried look she stood there looking at me before she threw herself on the couch next to me and flung her arms around my shoulders. Her embrace was sudden and took me by surprise, never knew a girl so small would have such a tight grip in her. "What's wrong Bella, you can tell me. I can see your sad, I'm your friend and want to help you but you have to talk to me. It's clear by the look in your eyes whatever it is, it is making you sad…I hate to see you sad"

She was looking at me with big eyes, concern showing with a mixture of something else….fear? At the same time her eyes reminded me of the eyes I had seen this afternoon. Forgetting about the anger and sadness I had just felt so strongly I did the exact opposite of what I wanted to do.

I took a big breath trying to calm myself and looked at Alice. " I'm fine Alice, just realised by the way you were taking the lead just now… well you've obviously been here before and I can't remember. I hope you're not mad at me?" It was the best I could do at the moment, no need to break down and cry my heart out at what was supposed to be a fun evening.

The look on Alice her face told me she wasn't mad at all, in fact she still looked hyped to be here and so I turned to the movie she had put on. After the first 5 minutes I recognised the movie to be one of Renee's favourites. Kathleen Turner and a young Michael Douglas, for a while my mom had been madly in love with Michael Douglas.

As a kid I had found it a bit weird that my mother would swoon over a movie star, now I could understand her thoughts a little bit better. But still, Michael Douglas wasn't my first choice. My mind drifted off to the golden eyes I'd seen this afternoon, they could give any movie star a run for his money.

Looking sideways I caught Alice talking along with the leading lady Joan, and at the scene where Joan and Jake had a fight in the jungle and he ended up chopping the heels of her heels, it seemed she let out a small growl. I guess loving fashion as much as she did, mutilating a pair of great heels seemed a true crime to her. Should i mention meeting Edward to Alice? She seemed really into the movie so i decided to keep the unexpected meeting a secret for now. Alice at that point noticed me looking at her and stuck out her tongue making a funny face.

Laughing at her i relaxed and sat back, enjoying the rest of the movie. At some point i fell asleep and the last thing i could think of was thinking about gold, liquid golden eyes.


	9. Chapter 9

APOV

As soon as Bella had fallen asleep I knew she would be fine. Her body was relaxed and a soft smile on her face made her look very peaceful. Such a contrast to the girl I had seen all day long, first at school and later at home.

The movie was another 10 minutes and after it had finished I turned of the TV and DVD player. Edward had spend countless hours every night watching her sleep. Looking at the helpless girl sitting next to me, I could understand why he did it. I

t was wonderful to see the calm and peaceful state of mind, I could only start to imagine how nice it would be to fall asleep knowing in your mind all the things you couldn't wrap your mind around yourself during the day were being taken care of for you.

Vampires never slept, all our mental conflicts we had to struggle through on our own. Also I couldn't ever remember what it was to sleep, this means I can't miss it... still watching Bella sleep. It made me long to feel that way too. For maybe 1 night lay my eyes to rest, curled up next to Jasper and fall asleep with his arms wrapped around me. The thought itself made me smile.

Bella moved over, her head tipping backwards in a crooked way, ouch that was going to hurt her all day tomorrow. Already I could see her complain about it in my vision.

Quickly I ran upstairs and checked her room, folding back the blankets on her bed and finding her PJ's. I couldn't help but frown when I picked them up, black sweats and a black tanktop. Not exactly the thing I would like to wear if I could sleep.

When I returned downstairs and got back to Bella, I found her curled up on her side with her head still tipped off the armrest. Carefully I picked her up making sure not to wake her up and brought her upstairs. After removing her shoes, jeans and warm sweater I put her in bed, feeling sure she would be ok sleeping in her T-shirt for once instead of those awful black sweats. As soon as Bella was in the bed she curled up again and I reached over to pull the blankets back over her.

As I pulled the blankets over her I couldn't help but notice a few pink long scars on the outside of her knee. Very gentle I ran my fingers over them, they felt warm to my skin and very strange. Not at all like the vampire skin I was used to touching. Was she in any pain from them? Perhaps Carlisle could prescribe a high vitamin E cream, or get Esme to make one for Bella to use to help the scarring fade away sooner. After tucking her in to make sure she wasn't cold, I returned downstairs and cleaned up the mess.

Just as I got downstairs and had gone through to the kitchen to finish cleaning the sound of a car made me pause. Charlie.

Putting my most pleasant smile on my face I turned to greet him when he entered the house. "Good evening Charlie, how was work?"

His expression was first one of surprise, then of shock. "Work was quiet. Where is Bella?" his voice sounded neutral but his eyes shot around the room looking for her. Charlie stepped forward pulling the door shut behind him but not moving forward.

"Bella fell asleep during the last movie so I woke her up and helped her get upstairs, I went down stairs to clean up." There that sounded like a good and very human explanation. As I stood there smiling at him I knew he didn't buy it, my words were empty to him because he already knew the meaning.

His eyebrows pulled up and in 1 smooth move his face made a frown at me as he firmly planted his feet slightly apart on the floor. " You are telling me, the vampire best friend of my daughter wants to clean up this house and my daughter who i've been worried for ever since you all left her.... she went to bed willingly and is now asleep?

Somehow his words shocked me, offcourse I knew that he had found out about our truth but to hear him say out loud that I'm a vampire, almost like he wanted to convince himself was a shock to me.

Knowing this was a breaking point in our relationship, not only mine with Bella but for every family member I decided to take the lead.

" I'm sure that must sound weird Charlie, but yes I did want to clean up downstairs. Bella fell asleep, I carried her upstairs and tucked her into bed. She needs some good sleep. As a favour so she could relax tomorrow I wanted to help.... helping by cleaning up, is that so bad?" Saying the last words I pouted at him and made sure my eyes were just a little bit bigger than usual, giving him the cutest look I could give without scaring him off or dazzling him by accident.

Charlie huffed at me.. and walked over to the couch grabbing some of the leftover crisps. As he sat down he waved around his hand. " By all means, bring it on.. show me how the vampires clean" He looked me in the eye and before he could blink I had started to rush around.

Picking up all the mess we had made tonight, clearing out everything else also I came across that had no purpose anymore. With vampire speed I finished in just a few seconds, throwing away all the rubbish, wiped the coffee-table and making sure the bowl of crisps was restocked for Charlie on the table again. Everything looked picture perfect.

With a triumphant smile I sat down next to Charlie, turning towards him. His eyes couldn't hide he was impressed and even though I knew what he was going to say, the words made me smile.

"It's sure great to have you back Alice Cullen" From Charlie... these words were as close as being told that I was forgiven for everything that had happened. Up to now I hadn't known, but a weight I hadn't even noticed fell of my shoulders.

Grabbing hold of Charlie's hand and squeezing it softly, figuring that my cold touch wouldn't surprise him since he already knew what I was, I turned towards him. "Thank you Charlie" He just nodded in reply and sat back to watch the sports news on TV again.

After that we just sat not knowing what to say, but a happy quiet silence filled the room. For the first time since coming home I was sure, that everything was going to be alright.

Thinking about that a vision came to my mind and I couldn't wait for it to happen. All it would take was some carefully planned match-making!


	10. Chapter 10

**Disclaimer**

**Last disclaimer stated that the inspiration for this story is being found at work, but that is**

**only semi-true. The whole truth and nothing but the truth is**

**that**

**Stephenie Meyer owns Twilight and all it's characters**

**and inspiration comes from reading her lovely books :)**

EPOV

Disappearing back into the forest I felt relieve at knowing Alice was spending the night with Bella. That would keep me away from her. Running back to the house I met up with Jasper. With Alice staying over at Bella's house, he needed some companionship.

"_Feel like going for a quick hunt?"_

Before I could reply he playfully pushed me aside and sped of into the forest. I let him get a few seconds head start, then rushed after him. My body couldn't make adrenaline anymore, but still the thrill of running was empowering. More so, since I knew very soon we would be hunting.

After an hour we got to a secluded area and slowed down. Jasper was great to hunt with. He calculated the entire chase, from beginning to end in his end. Straight down to the anticipation of capturing and killing his prey. I really enjoyed his meticulous strategies.

"_About 20 miles from here, it's a small heard. Maybe 4 adults, 1 young. They are grazing in a small clearing. If we split up and come round we can easily grab them all 4"_

His thought were precise and with authority. Turning around I smiled at him and nodded.

We split up and continued through the moonlit forest. Coming round the animals I could see he had been right. They were 4 adults and 1 young mule deer. Large and healthy.

At the thought of sinking my teeth into their warm jugular, the venom in my mouth started to pool already.

Preparing to attack I crouched low to the ground, from the corner of my eye I could see Jasper do the same. He seemed to have lost his thoughts to his instincts, focussing only on the kill ahead of him.

Making no sound at all I leaped at the largest mule deer. It was well over 120 cm's high, large for it's species. With ease I snapped it's neck and sank my teeth into his neck, tapping into his jugular. All around me seized to exist as I clenched my thirst on the animals blood. The rush of his warm blood running down my throat and the way it felt for his warmth to warm my body. My body seemed to be humming with energy.

Straightening my body I dropped the completely drained carcass. Not feeling the need to drain a second deer I just stood and watched Jasper feed. It only took him a few more minutes to finish his second deer.

"_The young and his mother got away, at least we won't unbalance population, right?"_

His thoughts were made as a funny remark as we both knew the population of mule deer was large in this area and of no large concern to environmentalist.

Tidying away the remains of our feast we worked in silence. It gave me time to build up confidence to bring up the subject of Bella.

"Jasper can I ask you an honest question about Bella?"

My words came out more hesitant then I had intended. Was I really ready to have this conversation..... Jasper in return nodded taking a relaxed stance. _"Sure fire away"_

"When we left Forks, did you blame yourself for attacking Bella" I could see my words surprised him a little bit, these were not the words he was expecting me to say.

"_Yes at first it did but later I realised all of us have made mistakes, mine was just more unfortunate. Why do you ask?" _In his mind he answered me and I knew he was honest. His silent reply was giving me the quiet night as a podium to speak on.

"I was relieved"

There I had said it out loud.

Jasper looked at me. His face now showing shock and disbelieve.

"_He was relieved?" _His thoughts were confused, trying to work out what I could be telling him I could feel his confusion rolling of him..._"I thought he was angry at me"_

Speaking out loud he turned towards me. "Why would you feel relieved at me attacking the person you love? I don't understand why you would say that Edward." His words were slow and with concern as he couldn't understand.

"When I first met Bella, her blood sang to me. It was the most intoxicating and delicate fragrance I had ever come across in my life. And at first it took me all the power I had to not kill her. Yet all of you seemed to be able to resist her easily. In time it got better for me, but seeing you all handle things so easily, handle being around Bella so easily. It reminded me every day how much of a monster I really am"

My words flooded out in the open air, anger building up inside of my body as each and every word brought back my self-hatred and guilt. With clenched fists I stood there, waiting for Jaspers reply. Since he was still thinking about what to say I continued my confessions, it was like nothing could stop the words from being freed.

"Each day I spend together with Bella, my love for her grew. And with that love the fear grew, anticipating the day that my love for her would no longer be strong enough to hold down the monster. The vicious cold killer that in the back of my mind was always begging me to taste her. At the birthday party, when she cut her finger. My first thought for a millisecond was to grab her and sink my teeth into her. Your reaction stopped me and instead I protected her. Yet if you hadn't acted upon my instincts, I'm not sure if I wouldn't have." I could still see he didn't fully understand.

"You saved me from killing her, you saved Bella's life. You saved me from my greatest fear." Looking in his eyes I tried to hide from him how much I loathed myself for ever thinking of killing Bella.

Jaspers thoughts had stopped and he was now focussing on my emotions, reading them, knowing how angry I was. "You have been angry at yourself all the time for being afraid.....that is why you wanted to leave. You were afraid for her life."

His realisation of my intentions dawned and sympathy showed in his eyes.

"You were right to be afraid for her life, but that doesn't mean staying away from her is right either." Jasper spoke the words with both authority and conviction, showing his believe in his own words.

"Your fears...your doubts. They come with loving another person."

Love. The word was so small, yet it held such great force and brought so much warmth to my body. Could Jasper be right? Could my love for Bella be the cause for the fear in my mind and feelings I had.

"Loving Alice, finding that love for her. Was the beginning of everything else. You should give yourself that chance..... " Jaspers face showed me he was honest about his feelings for Alice.

He winked at me and added in his mind _"When your ready"_

I nodded to acknowledge his silent remark, repeating it to myself. When your ready...

Anticipating my next question Jasper playfully gave me a push.

"Don't worry, you'll feel love...and it will consume you whole leaving no room for anything else. Then you know...your ready"

At these words he dashed of into the thick scrubs of the Forks forest. We still had about 80 miles to run before returning to the house, enough for a small competition to lighten our moods. I stretched my legs and followed, thinking only of the one word stuck in my mind.

Love....


	11. Chapter 11

BPOV

Light in my room, did I forget to turn the lights off before going to bed?

Still sleepy I rolled over on my side pulling the blanket over my head. Perhaps I did leave the lights on, thinking about last night. All I could remember was the first hour of the movie, some blurry scenes and no ending. Just as my mind started dreaming away again, pulling me back in the warm comfy zone of sleep, something laughed. Wait something laughed?

Someone laughed... someone Alice! With a shriek a sat up and realised it wasn't the lights that were turned on, the curtains were open and the sun was shining through the window.

Sitting next to my bed was Alice. She was already dressed in a cute outfit, sleek denim jeans and a flowing top with a waterfall neckline, falling from one shoulder showing off her flawless skin. Her dark spiky hair was already styled perfect making me slump back and want to pull the blankets back over my head again.

"Bella, do you want breakfast? Or do you want to shower first? I picked out your outfit already and don't worry it's not showing a lot of skin and you can still wear jeans. Also I cleared everything with Charlie and we can have a girls day out also, it's sort of sunny today but I still would love to go the mall together." My crazy little friend was talking a mile a minute in her sing song voice, smiling and jumping in her seat. My poor desk chair that admittedly had seen better days was squeaking at every bounce she made in it.

Did I want to have breakfast?......With the blankets still pulled over my head I thought about eating breakfast. No I didn't really feel like having anything to eat.

Shower it is in that case. Sitting up I swung my legs out of bed, noticing they were bare. I was only wearing my T-shirt. With a frown I looked at my legs, did Alice notice the scars on them or was she too occupied with bouncing in my poor chair to notice? Quickly I got up and grabbed the clothes Alice had selected for me. As fast as I could in my drunken morning-mode I stumbled from my room, across the hall into the bathroom.

When I got to the bathroom I stopped in front of the mirror to look at myself. For the first time in weeks I didn't have bags under my eyes and dark circles due to lack of sleep. Perhaps old action romance movies were the trick to a good nights sleep? With a sigh I held up the clothes Alice had picked out for me.... inspecting them they didn't even seem vague familiar. "Alice!"

From outside of the bathroom I could hear her say something to Charlie and then the both of them laughing.

Not feeling in the mood for a conversation on boundaries at this time in the morning I threw the clothes on the towel stand and got in the shower. The warm water was comforting and made me forgive Alice for being bossy.. just for a little while. After an extra long scrub with my favourite shampoo I felt ready to start the day and got out of the shower. Alice had mentioned shopping, that would be interesting. After spending years of shopping with Renee, I had greatly learned to dislike it.

But to Alice who was the most fashionable person I had ever been friends with, it probably meant as much as a quest for the Holy Grail. It would be funny to see how she handled my lack of fashion sense while trying to shop for me at the same getting dressed I managed to bump my toe on the bathroom cabinet. Hopping on 1 foot while trying to pull my hair back I came out of the bathroom.

Alice was sitting at the top of the stairs looking at me with a funny face. " What is so funny Alice?" looking down at my shirt to check if it was inside out or backwards but I couldn't see anything wrong.

"Only you could try and fix your hair while injuring yourself at the same time... then instead of standing still you talk and fix your hair at the same time... while hopping on 1 foot!" Her eyes were twinkling and she had a wicked smile on her face, letting me know she was teasing me.

She did have a point offcourse. Multitasking was supposed to be one of the great skills women have, but somehow I couldn't walk and talk at the same time. I stopped and smiled a sly smile back at her.

"Feeling confident today Alice... besides I'm in a hurry for your shopping adventure"

Alice got up so fast I hardly noticed it and flung herself around my neck. Words flowing from her mouth so fast I could hardly make out what she wanted to say... something about being happy and shopping. Then she turned around and started running down the stairs.

Not wanting to use all my good luck at the start of the day i followed her slowly.

She already stood there waiting for me at the door, ready to go. With a sigh I knew... this was going to be a very long day.

APOV

As soon as Bella went into the shower I got on the phone with Rosalie. Letting it ring just once she picked up and waited for me to start talking. "The shopping trip is on! I had to be discreet, remembering to not be overexcited and let Bella overhear my conversation by accident. I'm taking Bella to the mall, she really needs some help to see herself clearly again."

Saying the words I couldn't help but look sad, ever since yesterday i'd seen Bella hide her body. Afraid the scars would scare me away. In fact they didn't, it was a sign of how brave she really had been.

Rosalie's voice made me focus on our conversation again. " Are you sure Bella won't mind me coming along? She and I... well we never got along." The always confident Rosalie now felt unsure about meeting the human she'd once made life so difficult for...

"I'm sure she won't mind, just try and bond with her. She really needs friends, friends who she can trust. When all that has happened starts coming back to her, she'll need people to talk too that won't freak out. Us being vampires, should be a guarantee that won't happen." My own logic seemed to make sense yesterday, now I wasn't so sure anymore.

It was then I heard Bella yell at me from the bathroom, Charlie who was in his bedroom stuck his head out of the door. Both Charlie and Rosalie at the same time asking: "What's going on?"

I couldn't help but suppress a giggle. " New clothes" I replied as if that told it all. Both Rosalie and Charlie laughed at the same time, me joining them. In the bathroom I could hear Bella complain and get in the shower.

" So you'll meet me at the mall around 11?" Rosalie agreed and we quickly hung up. Giving me just enough time to turn around to see Charlie looking at me. " You're taking Bella shopping? Good luck with that, since the accident she hasn't been wanting to try on anything new" At the words accident his eyes flinched and I could see the sadness in his face. He gave me an encouraging nod "If you need any money for Bella let me know... perhaps you can get her to life a little again"

His words touched me, in a way.. underneath the silent exterior he was a very kind and loving man. Also he'd learned our secret in a very unfortunate way and still allowed me to be in his house, to accept me back as a friend for his daughter.

My cold heart knew, this was a special person and I quickly walked over to him grabbing his hand. " Don't worry Charlie, we all want to spend money on Bella and will look out for her today, make sure nothing happens. Esme feels as protective of her as if she... " My words got stuck in the back of my throat as I realised what I was about to say Charlie. I was going to say daughter, but that felt wrong somehow.

Charlie surprised me even more by finishing the sentence with an eyebrow pulled up. " As if she was her daughter?" I looked down, feeling insecure about my own words. Somehow not sure if I had offended him, but the silent pat on my hand reassured me he was not offended and I looked up to see him standing there with a sad eyes but a warm smile.

"After the way you left, I'm not sure if that is the right way to feel about Bella, but the fact that you still feel that way makes me happy you are trying to be her friend. Right now she needs friends that love her." His words hit me hard but I knew he was right and saying them in a kind way, we had left.... leaving a mess.. and now all we could try was help.

Charlie had gone downstairs and I sat down at the top. Waiting for Bella to come out of the bathroom. I could hear the shower had stopped and but the movements in the bathroom, it seemed as if she was trying to get dressed and had stumbled into something.

Shortly after the door opened and out came Bella, dangerously uncoordinated.

" What is so funny Alice?" Bella stopped and checked her clothes, obviously not realising how funny she looked when trying to multitask. I couldn't help but tease her a little.

"Only you could try and fix your hair while injuring yourself at the same time... then instead of standing still you talk and fix your hair at the same time... while hopping on 1 foot!" For a second I held my breath when I could see my remark made her draw back but then in her eyes the old spark came to life.

"Feeling confident today Alice... besides I'm in a hurry for your shopping adventure"

Her words made me feel overjoys and a little too quick I got up and jumped towards her pulling her in an excited hug. Her sweet fragrance made me snap out of it and quickly I let go, turned around and dashed down the stairs. Grabbing my keys I stood by the door waiting for her to follow. Lucky for me she walked slow, giving me time to compose myself again, knowing that after this shopping trip I needed to hunt.

As Bella reached me I was sure my eyes had gone back to their usual gold again and I smiled my brightest smile possible without seeming to unnatural. "Ready to spend some money?" Bella sighed... nodded and followed out the front door.


	12. Chapter 12

BPOV

The drive with Alice to the mall was a quiet and relaxing hour for me. She had borrowed her fathers car, a very shiny black Mercedes that I had often spotted in the parking lot at the hospital.

I sat back and relaxed, enjoying the songs from the radio station Alice had selected. She looked very trendy, clothed in the latest fashion but for some reason she seemed really into 80's music. Right now she was singing along with "Stop" a song I only knew from watching Bridget Jones Diary with my mother. She however knew every word and was singing along with passion and a perfect voice at one point even sounding better than the original.

Alice seemed in control of the car, and with this car it was difficult to tell but I was pretty sure that speed-limits weren't on Alice her mind. Not wanting to complain, I just sat back in the comfortable passenger seat.

After an hour we reached the mall, parking at the front door I couldn't help wonder how someone could always and without effort seem to go through life this easy. Grabbing my bag I got out of the car and joined Alice at the front of the car. Together we walked towards the nearest entrance. Standing at the door were a beautiful blond and two guys. Taking another, closer look, I recognised one as Jasper.

Alice ran to him, jumping into his already stretched out arms. As he pressed his lips on her lips while slowly lowering her to the pavement I felt an aching. Would I ever experience such a mutual accepting love?

The blond came over to my side and hooked her arm through mine. Her action surprised me a little bit but why I couldn't say. So far all the things Alice had done, wasn't what I would expect of any of my friends at school. Why wouldn't her friends be like her.

"I'm Bella" I told her while we started walking. She laughed, a delicate laugh that sounded like bells, and looked at me sideways with a grin. " I'm Rosalie, Jasper is my brother." Her reply was both an introduction and explanation and enough for me as we continued walking.

"The other guy is our brother Edward, he can be a little bit difficult. Just ignore him today if he acts weird, usually he hates shopping but Jasper needed some support today" My thoughts went back to the parking lot. Was it only yesterday he had come to my car at school? If that was his usual behaviour... I wasn't sure to feel relieve at the knowledge it wasn't my actions or words that had made him behave that way... or disappointment at the knowledge he would always act that way.

" I'll try and remember" was all I could manage to answer to her honest opinion about her brother. For some reason my response made Rosalie laugh so I stopped to look at her. Raising an eyebrow while squinting at her I looked at her." What is so funny about my words, please be so kind to share whatever it is I said that humours you" My words came out a little bit to harsh, but I couldn't stop the hurt I felt at being laughed at.

Rosalie seemed surprised at my reaction and quickly stopped laughing. " Bella, I'm so sorry. It was just the choice of words and also a slight surprise to hear you talk about remembering Edward. There was a time when you remembered everything you could about him." Her eyes were soft and her perfect voice showed how sorry she was at making me feel hurt. But her words hit me hard.

My mind spun into overtime, had Rosalie really involuntarily confirmed my fear of having a crush on my best friends brother? This meant, my letters to the mystery boy in my diary, in which I had written all about feeling rejected, hurt and alone.. they all were true.

And worse, the object of my infatuation was only walking a few meters behind me.

Realisation dawned on me and I couldn't help but feel trapped, caught like a bird in a cage. The hurt feeling were now replaced by a different kind of hurt at the knowledge that the man I had cried myself asleep over according to this diary was within my presence. Even now he hadn't even acknowledge my presence. Panic was taking over quickly now and I had trouble breathing. For some reason my breathing got irregular, out of control, no matter how hard I tried to to stay calm.

A cold soft hand pressed against my face helped me bring back the sudden rush of panic and from behind I could feel a pair of arms warp around me. Held tight by 2 people, we just stood there.

"Bella" The person closest to me spoke in a soft calm voice.

"Bella, please look at me" Again the same voice spoke to me, this time pleading for my attention. The softness in her voice was mixed with concern this time, just barely noticeable.

"Are you alright, or do we need to take you to Carlisle?" From behind, the words were whispered into my ear. I could feel the arms around my waist loosen and Alice moved around to face me. Both girls were standing there, eyes pleading for me to respond.

"I'm fine, I'll be fine" The words that had been my mantra for the pas 3 months slipped out of my mouth easily. Like they had many times before....

Willing. Wanting to convince the people around me that there was nothing to worry about and needing to convince myself to feel fine also.

Rosalie wiped my hair out of my face and tucked a strand behind my ear. Hey eyes met my mine and it warmed me to see she looked at me not with pity but concern, almost a motherly affection radiating from her bright eyes. "Do you want to talk about what happened while we have breakfast. I'm sure Alice won't mind a head start and I'm sure you didn't get a chance to have breakfast. By the time we're ready to shop, Alice will have bought enough clothes for the both of us." This last remark about Alice her eagerness to go shopping earned her a playful punch from Alice, making me laugh a little bit.

"Sure why not have breakfast first, just the two of us?" I could handle being alone with Rosalie, but I wasn't sure if I could handle having Jasper and Alice or Edward join us.

My question was answered by Alice playfully sticking out her tongue before giving me a quick hug.

"That's a great idea Rose" her nickname for Rosalie seemed very appropriate and added even more to her beauty. " Why didn't I think of you and Bella having breakfast myself."

The two girls seemed to share an inside joke before Alice finally took off, hand in hand with Jasper. The object of my miniature breakdown seemed to have disappeared into thin air.

The last time Charlie had taken me here we had lunch at a little place just inside the mall. It wasn't far from where we were now so I suggested going there, not sure what kind of restaurants Rosalie would usually go to. But she seemed happy to join me there and after choosing a table at the window the waitress brought us our menu's. It was almost noon and I hadn't eaten anything yet, still I didn't feel hungry. Rosalie turned out to be really pushy, like her sister, and forced me to order some slices of whole grain toast, fresh orange juice and a pot of tea.

By the time I was done ordering she turned serious, yet kind and interested without making me feel like I was being forced to talk. It was as if the floodgates had been opened and there was no way to put the words back into my head again.

All the doubts and mixed feelings that I had begun to feel since returning home from the hospital seemed to find a way to my mouth.

"School is worst." For the first time I had someone to talk to about school, who wasn't in school but still knew what it was like to be at Forks High School. " Everyone at Forks knows me, they know who I am and they know something happened to me."

Her face made a sad smile, acknowledging she could remember how small the high school community was.

"They talked about me while I was in hospital. They also talked about my accident while I was in the hospital. A few of my old friends came to visit me, but since I couldn't remember they gave up on me. Other people would make up stories about what happened. Lauren even made up a story about how some of the boys at the reservation had occult gatherings in the woods, supposedly the day of my attack, they offered me as a gift to their gods" At the mentioning of Lauren's name I could see her eyes flicker.

She laughed at the idea of me being sacrificed, this time I could join her. The idea was very far-stretched. " You have to give the girl credit for having a vivid imagination" Rosalie barely managed to say the whole sentence in between laughs. Only causing me to laugh more.

I knew Rosalie was right but that didn't stop me from finishing. " The worst part is, all the people can speculate as much as they want. No one really knows what happened. Except for me, and I can't remember. It's really frustrating." When saying the last words, I knew it was an understatement. It was much more then frustrating me that there seemed to be black holes in my mind. Waiting for the tension to leave my body. I sat back and took another bite of toast before sipping my orange juice.

"Bella, can I be honest with you?" Rosalie looked at me, this time it seemed she was sure about her words. I nodded to encourage her and she continued. "Before we all left Forks, we knew each other. And I just want you to know...." She hesitated for a moment as if she was trying to find the courage to speak or couldn't find the right words to say. I just smiled at her softly and leaned in closer, she was the first person to tell me about the 9 months gap i had been experiencing.

" When we first got to know each other. Back then we started off on the wrong foot. After that, we were civil with each other but somehow, the way we started. It prohibited us from being friends." Her words sounded very little, almost as if she was ashamed of what she told me.

I nodded thinking about her words and Rosalie seemed to take me being silent as something bad because she became very serious.

"Do you think, this time... we could be friends?" Her voice sounded very fragile as if she felt insecure at asking me for friendship, yet after the hour we had spend talking together. How could I deny her my friendship? I got up from my seat and threw some money on the table. Rosalie looked at me as I moved around the table to sit next to her. Hooking my arm around hers, just like she had done with me this morning, I smiled at her.

"Rosalie, we are friends already. You've been wonderful this morning listening to me and have shown me how lucky I am to have you around. Whatever was said in the past, well we get a second chance now. And my heart tells me, we should be friends. Now lets go see, what Alice has bought for us." With a relieve she replied my smile, relieve flooding into her eyes.

"Thank you Bella" Her voice sounded so happy I couldn't help but feel warmed by it all the way to my heart. " No worries, that's what friends are for" was all I could manage in reply and at that we stood up and left to find Alice.


	13. Chapter 13

**Last update has been a week, sorry for the gap. I was on holiday with my mom,**

**some much needed mother/daughter bonding. I'll be good and update**

**every other day again from now on. **

**And a big thank you to Stephenie Meyer for creating these lovely characters.... **

**they brighten my day :)  
**

EPOV

Standing with Jasper and Rosalie at the entrance of the mall I wasn't sure why we had to wait.

All I could read from Rosalie's mind was that Alice had called this morning to say, we needed to be here for Bella. It was a very Alice message, cryptic...giving us no clue what could be expected. At the same time, if we ignored the message. We would have one very angry pixie vampire on our hands and none of us looked forward to that.

Last night Jasper and I hadn't talked anymore after returning back to the house. He understood that our conversation needed to stay private for now, at least until I could figure out what my intentions were. Instead we had played chess, Jasper beating me 3 out of 5 games. Superior tactical skills versus mind reading was a very close call when playing a strategic game. Jasper anticipating my mind reading would sometimes consciously lead his thoughts from his actions, and with that me away from his true goal, giving him a slight edge and chance to win.

From a distance I heard the mental voice belonging to Alice enter my mind. " _We should be there in about 2 minutes_."

True to her words, 2 minutes later she pulled into a parking spot right in front of us. I could see from this distance her eyes were darker than usual. She quickly jumped from the car, shooting a pleading glance at Rose before rushing over to Jasper.

Rosalie at the same time surprised me by walking over to Bella and linking her arm through hers.

_"Shut it Edward, I've learned from my mistakes"_ Her voice was like acid, telling me to back off in her mind as she flashed a smile at Bella while introducing herself.

Jasper had turned to hug Alice, and now I understood why Alice had asked for Jasper to come. She hadn't hunted for the last week and being at school all day and around Bella all evening and night, it was taking a great deal of difficulty.

_"Edward I need to hunt, we'll let Rosalie and Bella get lost together and then that will give me a chance for a quick hunt"_ Alice silently told me, her eyes looking at me with a pleading look. Realisation came to me, she had seen the conversation last night. The conversation Jasper and I had.

Just before I could answer someone else interrupted me.

_"Something is wrong, she's collapsing.....Please do something"_ Rosalie's thought were rushed and anxious.

I turned to see Bella, slumped against Rosalie but her hart rate was picking up very quickly. Alice quickly ran over to both of them, wrapping her arms around Bella. My sisters stood there, holding her. Comforting her with their cold touch and I could feel Jasper send comforting, calming waves towards all 3 of them. Each for their own reason needing the calm comforting support he offered.

I had been wrong just a few minutes ago. Alice hadn't asked for Jasper to be here for herself. She had asked all three of us to come and it was clear why Alice had wanted us three here. Something had triggered a memory or feeling Bella had lost during the attack.

This gave the opportunity for Rosalie to bond with her, the motherly instincts she could never use kicked in and Rosalie knew she could take care of this girl.

Jasper could influence her emotions, giving her comfort when needed most. Giving him comfort at the same time, knowing he could help the girl he had hurt.

And me... well I was just a trigger, my work was done. Feeling helpless and used at the same time, too afraid to go over to the three girls standing there in the middle of the entrance. Instead I turned and started walking to the car, this was too much too fast. Behind me I could hear Alice. _"Thank you Edward, for allowing this change"_

APOV

Focussing on Jasper had helped me stay calm. I knew as soon as Bella recovered from her panic attack. She and Rose would be fine together. In fact they would be more than fine, they'd have a great time. Spending the rest of the morning talking about high-school, opening up to each other and really bonding.

"Bella" Rosalie tried softly to bring back her attention.

"Bella, please look at me" This time she spoke with slightly more authority.

I started counting down, in just 17 seconds she would start to relax. When her breathing became regular again I loosened my grip on Bella. Looking over her head I could see Rose standing there, her face soft and her lips perched in a small warm smile. Stepping back I quickly mouthed to her. "I need to hunt, now." She gave one quick nod, making sure Bella did not notice.

"Are you alright, or do we need to take you to Carlisle?" Moving round I asked Bella just to be safe, already knowing her answer to my question.

"I'm fine, I'll be fine" The words came out like a mantra, monotone and repetitive. As if she had said them many times before. Her eyes were empty as she spoke them. And it made me hurt a little bit to be reminded how much she had changed. Rosalie wiped her hair back, taking back the attention.

"Do you want to talk about what happened while we have breakfast?" Rosalie still held her hand on Bella's shoulder, her voice reminded me a little bit of the way Esme could talk to any of us. "I'm sure Alice won't mind a head start and I'm sure you didn't get a chance to have breakfast. By the time we're ready to shop, Alice will have bought enough clothes for the both of us."

Rosalie knew that would give me plenty of time to hunt and it was exactly the words I was waiting for. Playing along to make sure Bella wouldn't refuse, I punched Rose in the shoulder. Making Bella laugh and agree to having breakfast together with just the two of them

"That's a great idea Rose.... Why didn't I think of you and Bella having breakfast together myself" As much as possible, I emphasised on the I think.. in the sentence. Rosalie could barely hold in her laughter and I winked at her before turning and meeting with Jasper who was still waiting at safe distance.

EPOV

Reaching the car I quickly went to sit inside and turned up the volume, the sound of a song playing on the radio swallowed me whole. Leaning back I let the sounds of the music weave through my mind, trying to push away the mental drama still going on between Bella, my sisters and Jasper. A small part of me was really jealous, they all seemed to have no trouble welcoming Bella back in my life. Yet I still needed to properly introduce myself to her, and she needed to introduce herself to me. It was as if, she wasn't effected by my presence at all, and at at the same time, my body and soul begged for her to notice her.

_"Bella is safe, she's having breakfast with Rosalie"_ Alice her words interrupted me.

"Now get out of the car.... I'm supposed to get a head start on shopping but instead I'm going for a quick hunt." When I looked up Alice and Jasper had just reached the car.

"Rosalie suggested she and Bella have breakfast while I start on shopping. But since I need to go hunt, I need you two guys to cover for me and buy some things." Pausing very shortly Alice looked at both Jasper and me "I've already compiled a list of absolute necessities that you need to buy." Did my vampire hearing suffer some unknown trauma, did Alice just say that she couldn't go shopping and she wanted me and Jasper to go instead of her?

Apparently my ears had worked since I could hear Jaspers thought repeat them, feeling not to happy about the suggestion. Mentally Alice started to go over the list she had compiled while planning this trip. As she flitted through each item, showing the shop and an image of where it would in the shop. I just sat there trying to remember, technically being a vampire also meant we had great memory, but in this case..... forgetting an item would be lethal.

"Uhm.. Alice. You want me to go into a mall without you?" Jaspers question interrupted Alice's thinking and her endless slideshow of shoes, skirts, tops, dresses and even handbags.

"It is crowded in there and with just Edward, I'm not sure if it would be a good idea. Neither one of us have been feeling too comfortable about our self-control lately"

_"Edward, help me out. This could be the only excuse we have to not go shopping...alone!"_ His thoughts begged me to support him on the subject, carefully hiding the amount of self-doubt he was experiencing at the moment.

Alice frowned and concentrated. Looking from Jasper, to me, and back to Jasper again.

"I'm sure you will have no trouble. In fact, I can see you two having fun together" Her frown had disappeared, being replaced by a very smug smile. "Now Edward, let me borrow your car, there are only 47 minutes left. And you two guys need all the time you can get!" Grabbing the keys from my hand she quickly got in the driver seat, starting the car and racing of with a little wave.

Jasper and I just stood there. Watching her leave with regret.

Turning around we looked at the mall together.

"Ready?" Jasper asked me, a hint of sarcasm in his voice.

"As ready as a guy can ever get to go shopping" Not waiting for Jasper I charged towards the entrance.

"Let's get this over with as quick as humanly allowed."


	14. Chapter 14

EPOV

It turned out, shopping was a lot more difficult than anticipated. The main problem we encountered was going into a fashion store with only female employees. Both Jasper and I attracted quite a lot of attention.

After the first 2 stores Alice had called, she wouldn't be able to come back so we needed to finish what we had started for her.

Standing in front of a store Alice had shown me we debated what our next tactic would be. The last two stores we had visited had been mixed fashion, both women and mens wear. And we had managed to be helped by the male employees, saying we were shopping for our girlfriends. This shop however was only women wear and already the girls in the store had spotted us standing still, their thoughts gushing at the 2 handsome men outside.

_"__We could pretend to be a couple." _Jasper thought to himself, clearly starting to feel irritated and desperate to be left alone while collecting the items Alice had put on her shopping list.

With one eyebrow raised I turned towards him. "I don't think that will make them leave us alone, and besides...... Somehow Emmet will find out and remind us for at least a few decades." The jokes would be endless and I really wasn't ready for being Emmets moral punching bag.

"I think your're right. Plan B in that case, I'm ready to have some fun" Jasper said with a mischievous smile. "Let's give them a day they won't ever forget" Already I could see the plan he had very tactically laid out in his mind take form. He was right this could work and be entertaining at the same time.

As soon as we got in the store, the girl standing closest by the door rushed forward. "Hi there, I'm Amber. What can I do for you today" As she said the last line she tried to wink at me, letting know she made herself available to me. _"Stay focused, they are customers that need my professional service. But oh wow they are just so good to look at"_

Jasper snickered behind me as he sensed her emotional battle and I had to try my best to keep a straight face as I replied to her. "Well I'm buying some clothes for me sister" That was the truth so no harm done, yet.

"I was thinking perhaps you could help me pick out something nice, maybe a dress and some accessories." Already Alice had shown me exactly the dress, cardigan, skirt and t-shirts she needed me to buy here. The dress was modelled on a doll near to where we were standing.

"Something like that perhaps" I pointed over at it, giving her wink back and turning very quickly to signal Jasper he was on for the game. The other girls had started to move closer like predators closing in on their prey. And Amber had already started walking towards to the display and we both followed her.

As we walked Jasper started to send some mixed feelings of awe and envy towards the other girls working in the shop. Making sure to make eye contact with them while doing so I knew from their incoherent thoughts he was making a very impressive first impression.

"Perhaps one of your colleagues would be so helpful to model the dress for us, this doll is not at all my sisters size, and I'm afraid it might be too long or short for her... you know how that can ruin a dress" Jaspers voice was seductive, making sure his southern drawl came out slightly to add effect. He had picked up the dress, checking very quickly if it would be the right size.

For a moment Amber just stood there, dazzled by his voice. _"Wow that voice. Did he really ask for me to model the dress or is this that a pick up line, does he want to see me in a sexy dress?"_ She was eyeing the dress trying to make up her mind.

"I'll do it" another girl snatched it from Jaspers hand. "Is there anything else you would like to see with the dress?" Her face looked angelic but her voice was rude like her actions. Probably fuelled by the emotions Jasper had just send her.

Going for item number 2 on the list in this shop I turned towards Amber again. She looked a little bit sad for not taking the chance to model the dress.

"Yes there is. Amber could you help me. My sister mentioned some other items from your store she would like us to collect for her. Perhaps you know what my sister means, a short sleeved black jacket. Short model with a small belt , tailored around the waist?" The girl just nodded and disappeared to the back of the store, returning with the exact item I had described to her.

"Do you want to see it together with the dress, they are the same color black and same material. It could be a very cute combination, especially if your sister would want to wear it to school... You know make it look more casual instead of a party dress." Amber held out the jacket towards the girl that was flirting with Jasper.

"How about you try it on and show it with the dress, your friend could surprise us by showing the dress with something else?" Leaving both girl standing there I started walking towards the dressing room.

"This is a lot more fun then trying to get rid of them" Taking a seat next to me on the bright red sofa Jasper flashed a brilliant smile at both the girls as they went into the dressing room. It wouldn't take them long to change into the dress. Both of them feeling anxious to return to us.

Indeed it did look a lot better on Amber, she wasn't very tall and the dress made it just below mid-thigh. Still short, but in a pretty and girly way.

The other girl was much taller and the dress barely made it below her thigh. Fine for some people but I wasn't sure how Alice would feel looking like she was better dressed to go out and stand on the corner of the street. As Jasper told her it didn't suite her and we would just wait for Amber, she angrily slammed the door and disappeared.

Amber stepped out towards me, twirling around. Her eyes a bright sparkle. "Sorry,couldn't help myself... figured sending her some adoration wouldn't harm her."

"You look amazing....The dress is perfect thanks to you" Was that too much, I could hear her heart speed up and I quickly looked over to Jasper who had a huge grin on his face. Elbowing him in the side, to signal he needed to put a brake on the poor girls emotions. So far she had been very kind and professional.

"I think we'll take it, if you'd be so kind to collect the dress and jacket. We'll wait for you at the counter." Jasper had already started to walk away, collecting the cashmere cardigan and T-shirts we were supposed to buy here also. Last things were a bright scarf in blues and greens and a denim miniskirt. When I reached the front counter Amber was already there, talking with Jasper. Her eyes bright and happy. At least she had really liked us coming in the store today. Her thoughts showed that this was her last day and selling all these items to us would give her a nice little bonus.

"Is this all" She looked at the last items I had just added to the pile of clothing both Jasper and I had collected. "Your sister is a lucky girl, having her big brothers buy soo much and such nice clothes for her" She started ringing op the total amount and neatly folding all items.

"Amber, would you be so kind to put the black dress twice on this bill. It looks great on you and you've been very helpful today. I want to give you something special. You should keep the dress and we'll pay for it" Smiling at her, making sure to dazzle her so she wouldn't refuse as I talked to her.

The poor girl blushed, opened her mouth..closed it again.. then opened it again only being able to say a small thank you.

Handing her my credit card, she charged it and handed it back to me. "That really is too kind, thank you"

Taking the bags in my hand I gave her a last wink and followed Jasper towards the door.

As I did a delicate scent overpowered me and I froze in the spot.

Bella.

Only her scent was this powerful and sweet, as I turned sideways. I could see her standing there. Red blotches in her face, eyes puffy and fresh tears on her face.

She had overheard my conversation, my flirting with the girl from the shop.

"Jerk" The 4 letters coming from her mouth were spat at me. "You were right yesterday, we could never be friends." Not waiting my response she turned around and disappeared down the hall towards Victoria Secret where I could see Rosalie emerge from the door.

Glaring at me as she wrapped her arm around Bella.

"I think, this will make your plans to not be friends with her a lot easier, sorry Edward" Jasper stood next to me. He was right, so why did getting what I want feel so wrong?


	15. Chapter 15

BPOV

Could this day get any worse? After getting up early this morning, crippling myself for the day while getting dressed and agreeing to a shopping trip with Alice. I honestly thought that was the end of all things bad for at least this weekend.

It turned out that I was wrong. Alice had invited her siblings to join us for the day and offcourse he had been there. Luckily her older sister Rosalie had turned out to be wonderful, offering her support and friendship. We had spend some time having breakfast, or rather she had forced me to eat while she just sat and listened.

Alice had called us at 12 just as we were leaving the little cafe, saying she was really sorry but that she wouldn't join us because she felt sick and had gone home early. Since Rosalie and I were already here, she had insisted the two of us stay and make the most of it. So far it had been good fun, to my surprise she was really easy to shop with. Nothing like my mother who could never make a choice or would be distracted by the salesgirl and end up making me try on hideous outfits.

I had felt ridiculous walking into a luxury lingerie shop next to a girl who could easily be a super model. The moment had passed quickly as soon as she had kindly taken the lead, intimidating the ladies working in the store, allowing us to look around privately. I had to admit, lace and silk had never been of any interest to me. But now I had bought a few items, they would stand a good chance of becoming my favourites.

As Rosalie had insisted on buying something special for Emmet, I had excused myself and decided to go to the next-door shop. The window had looked inviting, with a few items that looked both safe and fashionable at the same time. Walking over to the store I couldn't believe my eyes.

There he stood. Leaning over the counter, close to the salesgirl. Saying something to her that made here laugh in a flirty way and he replied by saying something that made here blush. He was just too perfect, too handsome and most of all too sure of himself.

I could see he had bought some ladies clothes, perhaps for Alice as a favour because she was sick? To my surprise and absolute horror I continued to watch him flirt with the girl as he handed her his creditcard. Brushing his fingers over her hand as she handed it back to him. What was wrong with this guy, he had met me twice in the last 24 hours. Neither times had he introduced himself to me or been friendly. More the opposite, like he was trying to make a point to show his dislike of me.

Hurt washed over me and I was about to turn and go back to the shop next-door when Edward started towards the door. As soon as he saw me, he came to a sudden stop. The expression on his face was a mix of surprise and something else.... regret. Yes he definitely was fine with flirting with any other girl he apparently came across, but me he didn't want to see.

Before I knew what happened my mouth opened and I couldn't help the word coming out.

"Jerk" I was amazed at how the word easily came out of mouth and how good it felt. "You were right yesterday.... we could never be friends." Not wanting to wait for his response I quickly turned around, thanking whatever divine creature there was for not letting me trip, and rushed back to the shop next-door just as Rosalie came out of the door.

Glaring over my shoulder she wrapped an arm around me. "Seems like Edward and Jasper stayed behind, too bad they couldn't behave. Let's go home Bella" As we headed towards the exit of the mall I didn't dare glance back over my shoulder. Yet something told me Edward watched us leave.

Getting to a very ostentatious looking car, Rosalie stopped to grab her keys. "This is yours?" I couldn't help but be in awe, cars meant nothing to me. But this car just shouted Look at me! In every way possible.

"Sure, I like cars, so why not drive in a car that matches my high standards of quality and look good at the same time." Rosalie winked knowingly at me while she put the bags in the back of the car. "We all have our own car, it's the luxury of all being adopted after having inherited our parents money. Carlisle has very wisely handled our funds for the past years, so we now can buy what we want"

Her words seemed very logical and I couldn't help but having mixed feelings about being friends with people that obviously had more money than they could spend. Both Charlie and Renee had always provided for me generously, but in no ways ever would they be able to afford these types of luxury. And thinking about it.... I had never wanted that.

"That must be very nice for you, Charlie got me a truck when I moved here, but lately it has had trouble starting" I laughed at the thought of comparing my red truck with her red sport car.

"I know, it is the most loud vehicle I've ever come across." She joined in laughter as she started the car. "To be honest, it could run a lot better if you want me to take a look at it? You can borrow one of our cars while I take a look at it."

Her offer made me pause for a second."You know stuff about cars...?" I couldn't hide my surprise. This new friend of mine, with her perfect looks and wavy blond hair, was a grease monkey?

"Sure, I love all cars, even old cars. Yours does qualify as old" At her last words we both started laughing again and her way of joking around the obvious ancient age of my truck made me decide to take her up on her offer.

"How soon could you begin?" Biting my lip trying to figure out a way to break the news to Charlie that my truck would be fixed and get out of being driven to school because I could borrow another car.

"How about I have a quick look at it this afternoon when we get to you house, then I can bring it over to my house and if needed order the parts I'll need." She smiled at me, eyes shining like a kid talking about her favourite toy. Yes this girl was really crazy about cars.

Knowing we still had an hour drive ahead of us I settled back in the comfortable seat, leaving Rosalie to focus on driving the car. This day had been very interesting.

So far within the short time I had gotten to know the Cullens all of it had felt right, with the exception of Edward. He was a mystery to me, a very irritating and arrogant mystery.

Closing my eyes a conversation flooded into my head.

"_That's Edward and Emmet Cullen, and Rosalie and Jasper Hale. The one who left was Alice Cullen. They all live together with Dr. Cullen and his wife" Jessica was sitting with me and Angela in the cafeteria, her voice low as if she was telling me secret. _

_I glanced sideways at the beautiful boy in particular observing the group of beautiful people at the table across the cafeteria. _

"_They are... very nice looking." I struggled to tell Jessica. "Yes" she quickly replied, leaning closer as she did. " They are all together though. Emmet and Rosalie, and Jasper and Alice, I mean. And they live together." Her words made it sound like this family was a subject much talked about, and to be honest even in Phoenix foster-care sibblings dating and living together would cause gossip._

_"Wich are the Cullens? I asked. "They don't look related..." Jessice was quick to interrupt me, anxious to tell me more about them.  
"Oh, they're not." As I looked at them she continues talking. "They're all adopted. The Hales are brothers and sister, twins and they're foster children."_

The memory started to slip away from me and as it did I braced myself mentally, not wanting to let go. For a second it was gone then another flash hit me,

"_Have they always lived in Forks?" I asked Jessica, not remembering seeing them during my summer visits to Charlie. "No" she said in a voice that implied it should be obvious, even to a new arrival like me. "They just moved down two years ago from somewhere in Alaska." As I continued to examine them, the youngest one of the Cullens, looked up and met my gaze, this time with curiosity in his expression. _

"_Wich one is the boy with the reddish brown hair?" I asked Jessica. From the corner of my eye I peeked at him and he was still staring at me. He had a slightly frustrated expression._

"_That's Edward. He's gorgeous, of course, but don't waste your time. He doesn't date. Apparently none of the girls here are good-looking enough for him" _

Again the memory started to slip away from me, but this time I couldn't fight it. The car had stopped moving and I could feel the door on the passengers side opened.

"Bella, can you hear me. Please answer me." The voice was close to me and I turned sideways, opening my eyes to Rosalie's face close to mine. Her eyes were dark and her face looked tense. Opening my mouth to answer her I could feel something warm and rusty on my lip. Tasting it with my tongue nausea overcame me and very quickly I realised what had happened.

"I passed out." bringing my hand to my nose I could feel the warm sticky flow of blood coming from my nose. The taste of blood on my lips was making me feel dizzy. Fumbling with my other hand to loosen my seat belt I felt relieve as my fingers felt the release button, so I could get out of the car, it came loose with a silent click. Sliding out of the seat and getting out of the car already I could feel myself starting to get faint over the smell of the blood. All I could manage was a few steps away from the car, Rosalie first stepped forward to help me but as soon as her eyes were locked on my face, I could see her face tighten even more.

"I'll clean up really quick. As long as I don't see my own blood, it should be OK. Just give me a few seconds. You don't need to help me, if you want you can wait in the car"

Rosalie stepped back giving me some space, obviously like me she wasn't very good at handling blood.

The bleeding had stopped so all I needed to do was clean my nose with some tissues, a crumbled package was in my bag so I swiftly proceeded to wipe my nose. Making sure to not look at the blood stained tissues.

"Bella, I've got some bottled water for you, if youwant to rinse your mouth....." Rosalie had returned to my side, handing me the bottle that I gladly took from her. After rinsing my mouth and splashing some of the water in my face I felt sure, my face was blood free.

"All clean and good to go" Turning around to face Rosalie I made sure to fix a smile on my face. It didn't really work as she still had a concerned look on her face. She just nodded and headed round to her side of the car, getting in the drivers seat. Quickly I got into the passenger seat. As soon as I got in the car she started it and pulled back on the road, this time at a slower speed.

"Has this happened before Bella?" Her voice was soft, eyes still on the road. It would be easy for me to lie to her and say it was the first time. But I couldn't and just looked down at my hands, fumbling with my fingers.

"I thought so... Have you told anyone you get these blackouts and nosebleeds. Does Carlisle know, he is your doctor." Again her voice was soft and she did not look at me. All I could do was shake my head, from the corner of her eye she could see my negative response.

"Will you tell him about them?" The thought of going into the hospital again to be tested frightened me and if possible I would prefer to not undergo anymore tests for a while.

"No" Her answer sounded final. "But I want you to promise me this, if it happens again. You let me know. Can you promise me that?" She glanced at me, slowing down slightly as we were in Forks, only 2 blocks away from my home.

"Yes" I nodded my head to add strength to my statement.

The last few minutes of the drive to my house we were silent. As she pulled into the driveway next to my truck I could see Charlie's cruiser parked in the street. "Thank you for keeping my secret, did you still want to come inside and look at my truck? You can meet my dad" My words made her laugh a little, returning the beauty to her face again.

Getting out of the car she walked over to my truck and gently stroked the hood. It was funny to watch this perfect girl so lovingly look at my not so perfect truck. Quickly I grabbed my shopping bags from the back of the car and headed for the door where Charlie had come outside to great me.

When he saw me coming closer, dragging at least 10 bags with me, he raised an eyebrow and smirked at me. "Did Alice also buy you a new wardrobe to fit all these clothes in?" Taking some of the bags from me he gave me a short kiss on the top of my head. The action was so unlike Charlie, it made me stop and look at him.

"What...?" He laughed at me. "Can't a dad be happy his daughter is happy?" His words were light and playful as he turned around to Rosalie. "Is that the other Cullen girl?"

As if Rosalie could hear him, she looked up and started heading towards the front door also.

"Nice to meet you again Chief Swan. I'm Rosalie, Carlisle's oldest daughter. I took Bella shopping this afternoon and promised to look at her truck" Since Charlie was holding my bags she didn't offer him her hand, instead she flashed a dazzling smile at him. For a moment Charlie just stood there, a blank expression on his face.

Then he recovered. "Good to see you again Rosalie, it's nice of you to look after my daughter and spoil her like this. If you want to look at the truck. Jacob Black used to take care of it, but he's been gone for a while..... I think it could need some love, will your brothers help you?" His words sounded strained as he mentioned Jacob.

"Actually dad, Rosalie is the mechanic in the family. And while she works on the truck, she's offered to lend me a car from the Cullen's." Whoops, so much for sugar-coating the offer. Charlie wasn't very big on charity or accepting expensive gifts or great help from others. Something that had rubbed of on me. To my surprise he didn't object at all and just granted his permission. Before he could change his mind I ran inside and collected the keys, handing them over to Rosalie.

With smile she handed me her carkeys, leaving me standing with there with eyes wide open, stunned at the thought of having to drive her car. "Ehm.. don't you have another car I can drive? You won't have a car and yours is.... well yours is just like you " Already I could see myself scratch the bright red paint on the expensive car or even worse. Charlie was now laughing at my expense, so I glared at him to let him know he as not helpful.

"Bella, you will be fine. It has insurance and besides you are used to driving slow with that truck of yours. So you should have no trouble with my car. Now I'll take your truck to my house and start working on it, that way you will have it back really soon. If you feel like coming over later tonight your welcome, if not, knowing Alice I'll see you later this week" With a small hug and a smile she said good-bye to me then got into my truck and started it. Luckily this time, it did start at the first try and soon she was out of our driveway and heading down the street.

For the last time I looked from the keys in my hand to the car still sitting in the driveway, happy there was no reason to leave the house tonight. I turned and went inside, carefully placing the keys on the hall side table before taking one last look and closing the front door.


	16. Chapter 16

**Next few chapters will be from Edwards point of view. He needs to work hard, teenage girls are just so easy confused.....**

**Have fun reading!**

**Oh and who hasn't seen the Eclipse movie trailer yet..... it is great.... :D**

**Stephenie Meyer owns Twilight and all it's characters**

EPOV

Watching Bella and Rosalie leave had been the final straw for me. Since we were the last Cullen's in the mall, both Jasper and I decided we should go home also. He was right offcourse, after letting Bella catch me flirting in the mall, I'd only messed up things between me and Bella more.

Not for the first time I wished reading her mind was as easy as reading any other mind I'd come across. Perhaps that would tell me what she had really seen and most of all how she had interpreted that. But by her words, I was pretty sure.... she'd seen enough to feel hurt.

Leaving Jasper at the house with Alice and Esme, I went outside to clear my head. The weather was getting colder, any day now we would have snow. Thinking back to the last time we had snow and how that had brought Bella and me closer, it made me smile.  
Perhaps faith would be on my side again and give me another chance with my love. Esme's words came back to me, could she be right and was my soul lost without Bella?

And did she feel the same way, could that be why she had reacted like she had this afternoon? A strange feeling started to build inside of me, almost triumphant, she had acted like she was hurt or maybe jealous. Leaning back on my elbows, I thought about that. If she was jealous.... did she want me to give her the same attention.

For an hour I just sat outside our house at the river, trying to decide what to do, when a familiar sound interrupted my quiet thinking. Bella's truck was driving up the driveway towards our house. It was making more noise as usual, as if it was being pushed to it's limits. With a fluid movement I got up and rounded the house, just in time to see Rosalie drive up to the house in Bella's battered old truck. That would explain why the thing sounded like it was being abused, it was.

_"She's letting me fix her truck"_ Even her thoughts sounded smug as she stopped the thing in front of the garage and jumped out of the cab. "Don't worry I left her my car, that way you won't have to pick her up with Alice and Jasper when you drive to school."

"You did what?" Her last statement left me both stunned and scared. "Who are you, and what have you done with my sister Rosalie?" The words were meant as a joke but partly true as Rosalie had from the beginning objected against Bella and me being together. Her new found generosity surprised me, a lot.

Popping the hood of the old truck and started examining the engine she just ignored me for a few minutes before turning towards me. "I've been given a second chance to become friends with Bella. Perhaps if I had done that the first time, things wouldn't have become so messed up to start with..." At this she looked down to the engine again, running her hands along the different parts absent-minded. It was her way of showing, she regretted the things that had happened and I knew it was a very big step for her. "Besides we've tried allowing her to live a human life. But the girl is just incapable of keeping herself safe from all mythical creatures." With a hint of a smile she looked up at me, trying to lighten her words.

"So you borrowed her your car... the car that none of us are allowed to drive in while you look at her truck?" I was still puzzled about her actions.

"Yes, my car is safe enough for her. It runs perfect, she won't have to be afraid it breaks down. Also it is modelled with airbags, not that she will need them. Bella knows how to drive a car." Her words sounded defensive as she turned away from me towards the garage. _"And that way you won't smell her blood in it" _The last thoughts were added involuntary, and as soon as she had thought them she regretted them but it was too late. They were enough to make me rush around her and pin her against the wall of the garage.

"Her blood?" I growled at her, pinning her high up against the wall. At seeing her shocked face I forced myself to loosen my hold on her. I looked her in the eye. "What aren't you telling me Rose?" This time my words came out in a forced calm, not wanting to fight with my sister.

_"I promised not to tell"_ The words sounded pleading as her golden eyes connected with mine. Releasing her from my hold, she crouched low at the floor but straightened her back when she controlled her instincts and looked my in the face.

"Thank you Edward for letting me go, I didn't want to fight you. What you did just now, i'll forgive you because you did that because you are worried." Her words carefully concealed her rage. She paused after these words, making sure to let me know how much effort it took her to control her anger. I nodded to let her know she could continue speaking, I was in control now.

" Please understand, I can't explain... After today, Bella is my friend. And I made her a promise that I would not tell anyone without her permission. But I'm worried also. And not sure how I can keep that from you.... because you read my thoughts." Her mind added a feeling of guilt and betrayal to her words._ "Could you just forget what you hear by accident, until I come to you and talk about it?"_

My sister stood in front of me, her body tense as she waited for an answer. Looking straight into her eyes, I stepped back from her. "Yes"

Knowing it was the only right thing to do. "I'll wait for you to tell me, but if you endanger Bella by holding this secret from me. I'm not sure what will happen when the others find out." At these words Rosalie just nodded, she had thought about that also. We all loved Bella, and none of us wanted to risk loosing her again.

If the secret she was keeping from me, really was that important then it would be difficult. Even when the people around me tried to hide their thoughts, I would still catch flashes every now and again. The only person that could effectively block her thoughts from me was Alice. And Bella....

The rest of the afternoon I spend at the river. When it started to get dark I headed to her house. Slipping into her bedroom though the window I found she was still downstairs watching TV with Charlie. The room smelled a lot like her, fresh as she had been here this afternoon. In the corner next to the wardrobe there were designer bags with clothes still waiting to be unpacked. I smiled at the thought of Alice knowing this, she'd insist on hanging everything away, making sure it didn't wrinkle any further. Bella on the other hand had left them unlooked at, not worried about wrinkles. At least that hadn't changed much.

Sitting down in the corner of her room in her old chair I looked at the room. It hadn't changed much since the last time I had been here.

Someone had added another bookshelf above her desk, giving room for more books. Each book looked like she had read it a few times already, so maybe they weren't new but send here by her mom when she was recovering. On her desk was a laptop, sleek and compact. I knew Carlisle had given it to her when she was in the hospital, to write and read whenever she felt like it. He had told her it was a loan, but he had no intention on letting her return it. The thought of that discussion, brought a smile to my face. Bella insisting she couldn't accept such an expensive gift and Carlisle trying his best at persuading her she did. In the end they had agreed she could give it back when she no longer needed it.

On the wall above her bed was the same old message board, except now it only had a few pictures and some post-its on it. Going over to it, I let my fingers run over the empty spaces were our pictures had been. Downstairs the TV had been turned off and just in time I caught Charlie telling Bella to have a good night. Her soft footsteps were already coming up the stairs, leaving me only seconds to leave her room.

With one leap I was at her window and lowered myself down softly, making sure to make no sound. Landing on my feet I stood and waited, listening to Bella enter her room, stumble around a little bit and returning after a short moment at the bathroom. After about 30 minutes she had settled in bed and by the slow breathing, I could tell she was falling asleep. Climbing back up into her room I couldn't believe what I was doing.

Her scent washed over me, this time so much more sweeter because she was in the room with me. She had closed the door and was faced towards the window as if she had been watching her window. The blankets were pulled up under her chin, clutched into her hands and her face in a frown. Making sure not to wake her up I sat on the edge of her bed, running my fingers over her delicate skin. The warm skin felt like velvet to my cold touch.

When my hand rested on her cheek, Bella sighed and relaxed her face against the palm of my hand. My body burned at that moment with love as the small and very familiar action sparked hope in my cold heart, a spark of hope that the love I had smothered months a go, was still there. Spending the night at Bella's house, watching her sleep, it reminded me of the first weeks I had known her. Except now she didn't talk in her sleep anymore. She was silent as she slept. Her face still, cheek pressed into my palm as if she found comfort in my cool touch.

When the sun had come up, her breathing soon started to speed up. Not wanting to scare her I had left her room. Waiting outside the house for her to wake up, just minutes after leaving, she started to stir and got out of bed.

The rest of the day I spend in my room, listening to music. Not wanting to come across Rosalie and overhear her thoughts. She was still downstairs working on the truck in the garage with Emmet. He was a little disappointed everyone else had seen Bella again, but was sure that it would only be a matter of time before he got his chance. My brother was very optimistic about my getting back together with Bella, feeling confident I'd soon stop acting stupid as he liked to call it.

Carlisle and Esme had gone hunting together with Alice and Jasper. Leaving the house almost empty and very peaceful.

In the evening I returned to Bella's house and watched her as she said good-bye to Angela. After that she spend some time upstairs in her room, writing at her desk in a journal. That was new also, she had never kept a journal. At 10 o'clock Charlie came upstairs to tell her something had come up at work, he was leaving and worried about her being alone, but Bella told him it would be OK. She would be OK, I'd make sure of that.

After what seemed for a very long time she finally decided to go to bed and finally I could slip up in her room. My body longed to be near her and as I entered the room, her scent overwhelmed me, making me pause at the window for a moment. Her scent washed over me, burning my throat like no other human had ever done. Allowing myself to get used to her scent I stood there for a moment.

Slowly walking over to her I noticed the journal was still on the desk and glanced at the first page. The date made me freeze, it was a week after I had left. Her handwriting was messy, as if the writing had been a difficult task for her.

Sinking down in the chair in the dark corner next to her window with the journal I started to read in it. The words cut through me like a knife. She hadn't used my name, or any of the others. But all the entries were letters, full of pain and sorrow. Letters meant for us.

We had given her nothing to hold on to and she had created this journal as a way of talking about us, talking to us.

Going through each page, the mood of the entries shifted. The sorrow, pain and hurt words in the first pages were still there but there was an unwritten fear in them. Suddenly the entries had stopped. I recognised the date to be close to the day Victoria had taken her. Flipping through the pages I sought to find what she was writing tonight, at the last page there was an entry.

It wasn't a letter or journal like I'd expected. Instead our names were there,each was written in capital letters and she had connected everyone's name to at least 1 person, except for mine.

Carlisle and Esme, parents.

Rosalie and Jasper, twins.

Rosalie and Emmet, dating.

Jasper and Alice, dating.

Edward and ????? my name was only connected to question marks.

Underneath our names she had written a few names, Angela and Ben and another name, one that made me let out a soft hiss. Victoria. Why had she added that name?

Underneath the names there was another entry titled memories, but it only held a date 2 weeks ago and yesterdays date. By the ink color I could tell, she had added that date today. A few words were written around the dates but none of it was complete and made any sense to me so I set the journal back on the desk where I had found it.

Unlike the beginning of the evening, this time she was restless. Still not speaking but her beautiful face looked stressed, constantly frowning and tossing her head from side to side. I wanted to lay down next to her and hold her tight, but was afraid I would wake her. The rest of the night I just sat and watched her sleep until Charlie came home. Afraid he would check on her and catch me in his daughters room, I got up to leave for home.

" _Edward" _ her thoughts felt like a blow the head and I spun around to find her still asleep but curled up on her side. Arms clutching around her body and silent tears had started to run down her face now. She was dreaming, very vividly. My ability to hear peoples thoughts had always been likes eavesdropping, silent and without effort I could hear peoples thoughts. When Bella had called my name in her dream, it had been as if she had spoken out loud and with force. Stunned I moved back to the side of her bed. Waiting for it to happen again. Nothing happened and I felt frustrated as Charlie would be upstairs in a few minutes, planning to check on Bella before going to bed.

Frustrated I ran my hands through my hair before getting up again and walking back to her window again. Every second counted as I heard Charlie come up the stairs and forced myself to leave. Leaping from the window and landing on the ball of my feet, as soon as my feet connected with the ground, inside the door to Bella's room opened.

Starting tomorrow I would make sure Bella would know, these questions marks in her journal did not belong with my name. My name, my life could only ever be connected with hers. There was no possibility I'd ever belong to anyone else.

Not sure if I would be able to leave a second time this night after my final decision was made, I didn't return after Charlie left and just stood outside for the rest of the night. Wishing, waiting for another sign from Bella.

It was like this Alice found me.

"_I should have warned you this would happen, are you ok?" _ She approached me swiftly from the back coming to an abrupt stop when she came up next to me. _"It will happen again, just not tonight so there is no need to stay here." _

A smirk made it to my face, Alice was telling me to come home with her. "Walk me home?" Turning towards the dark forest that started at the edge of the Swan garden I set a slow pace, taking my time to get home.

"She kept a journal after we left, did you know that?"

"Yes" Her reply was short as Alice continued walking next to me. "I read some of it last Friday, first I talked a little with Charlie after helping Bella get into bed. He told me where to find the journal, thinking it might help us understand Bella. That was why I didn't go hunting Friday night like I had planned. It was really difficult to go through all these entries, she was so lost and hurt without us Edward" Her voice sounded little, like Rosalie had this afternoon. She too blamed herself for what happened to Bella.

"I know Alice, part of me is happy she can't remember what we did to her." Looking up at the black night, there was no stars and no moon, just like how I had felt after leaving her.

"Bella always insisted I wasn't a soulless monster, but leaving her like I did..... it's the closest I've ever felt at being a monster. Reading how she felt without me, it was terrible. It taught me that being apart..... it doesn't work for either of us." After these words I needed to pause, compose my thoughts and since we were close to the house, Alice stopped. Looking at me, waiting patiently for me to continue.

"You know this already, if it wouldn't have been for you. By now I'd have become a permanent feature in that clearing up north. I never thanked you for that Alice." Wrapping my hand around hers, I managed to bring a small, pained smile to my face as I remembered how my life had been just a week a go.

"_What about your other fear, the one you spoke about with Jasper, have you resolved that?" _She looked at me expectantly and sadness overcame me for a moment.

I still couldn't trust myself to be around Bella completely, but at this moment in time. It was a small prize to pay, my decision had been made.

Knowing she had already seen my decision and the possible outcome, the fact she had come to collect me, left me confused.

"_You made the right choice, trust me I'm the psychic." _ Her arms flung around me to give me a big hug. A bright smile was on her face and I couldn't help but smile myself. Both of us were still smiling as we reached the house.

"Don't the two of you look extremely happy" Emmet was sitting on the couch watching a sports game, with Rosalie stretched out next to him. Sitting up to see for herself as we entered the living room she smiled at our happy faces. "He's right, the two of you look extremely happy."

Alice turned towards the both of them before I could stop her "Edward and Bella are getting back together!" She practically shouted with a triumphant smile. I just kept walking towards my room, shutting out their excited voices and allowing only room for one. My name, spoken by my angel.


	17. Chapter 17

** Thank you to all the people who have added this story as a favourite. And an even very bigger thank you to the people that took the time to review. It's really nice to know what you think!**

**Next chapter is almost finished, I'll post it later this weekend.  
**

**Disclaimer:**

**Stephenie Meyer owns Twilight and all it's characters**

EPOV

_"The hand was clutched tightly around a set of keys, the chain was just slightly to large for the fist to hold so a small keychain dangled between the fingers. It was an elegant R, made out of white gold with deep blue diamonds."_

With a frown I looked over at Alice. The keychain belonged to Rosalie, why would she be having a vision about our sister. Walking over to her i opened my mouth to start asking her but she held up her hand to signal I had to wait with my questions as the rest of her vision was still on it's way.

_"Slowly the hand reached forward, reaching up to the ignition of the car..... Whoever it was took a deep breath before carefully turning the key as if the person was afraid to snap the key. With a soft purr the car started and the person that had started the car sighed deep, exhaling the oxygen she was holding in. Grabbing the steering wheel with both hand, tight.  
As if to brace herself or gain manicured nails on small delicate hands, not at all like Rosalie's. Then she adjusted the mirrors and glanced in the rearview mirror.... Bella, her eyes connected briefly with her mirror image before she looked away and put the car in reverse. For the last time she checked the street and carefully backed out of the driveway, turning down the street towards school."_

Alice grinned triumphant and glanced at me "See your question was answered, by having patience." At that she got up from the porch and collected her schoolbag from me.

"Bella has decided to drive Rosalie's car to school and is on her way.. finally" Her thoughts showed me that for a while Bella had considered catching a ride with Angela or Alice but in the end, after Charlie had told her he'd love to drive a car like that, she had felt guilty and gotten the keys.

Typical Bella to have a moral dilemma driving an expensive car belonging to someone else. At least this afternoon one of us could ride with her, for moral support. Or perhaps she'd get so used to driving a flashy sport car, we could persuade her to keep it. Emmet would gladly buy his wife a new car, hell... I would even buy her a new car if it meant Bella wouldn't drive in that old truck anymore. "Not going to happen Edward" Alice interrupted me, waving for me to get into the car so we could leave.

Driving to school with Jasper and Alice, we all were silent. When we got to school I could see the bright red car. Bella had parked at the far end of the parking lot and was still sitting in the car. "Should I park next to her?" My words made Jasper and Alice laugh.

"Duh... offcourse you should park next to her, she is waiting for her friends" Alice punched me in the shoulder, making fun of my uncertainty. As soon as I parked next to the car however, she jumped from the car, pulled out Jasper by his arms and started dragging him towards the main building.

_"Sorry about that.... I guess Alice meant she was waiting for her boyfriend, go get her loverboy" _With a very big wink Jasper apologised, then threw his arm around Alice and I watched the two of them disappear. For a second I thought about staying in the car, just like Bella......when a text interrupted me.

**Don't be silly.**

**You had no problem stalking her for past 2 nights.  
She is your life, you can do this now go and say HI to her. ****  
NOW!**

Little pixie meddling sister grumbled to myself as I read the text message. She was right, but sometimes hearing the truth was though. As I placed my phone back on the dashboard, it buzzed as soon as I let go.

**NOW!**

Ok, I get the message Alice. In the safe surrounding of my car I took one last gulp of air, ready to face Bella. When I looked sideways she was still sitting in the car, her face was turned slightly away from me and when I listened closely I could hear music. The tune was familiar, getting out of the car with my schoolbag, I walked around the car she was sitting in towars her door. Remembering friday evening I frowned, not wanting to scare her again. This time I very gently knocked on her window and waited for her to open the door, but she didn't look up at me.

On closer inspection, I could see she had her eyes closed and her lips were slightly apart. Carefully I opened the door and the faint smell of blood was the first thing that hit me. Bella's blood was the loveliest fragrance I had ever come across, but still the fear that something had happened to her was stronger.

Worried I touched her face. She gasped at my touch and her eyes flung open. It was at that moment I recognised the tune she was listening to.... it was familiar because it was mine, on her earphones she was listening to my lullaby.

"Edward" her words were a soft whisper as she looked up at my face. "What time is it, am I late for class?" This time her words sounded irritated.  
She leaned sideways, stretching her arm to the backseat and grabbed her schoolbag. As she turned back to me she brought her hand to her nose in surprise. With a frustrated frown she looked at the few drops of blood on her fingers and started to go through her schoolbag to retrieve a paper tissue. All this time I just stood there and waited when it occurred to me, this was the third time we hade met this week. And for her, I was a stranger and still needed to introduce myself.

"Hello... my name is Edward Cullen" I tried to make my voice sound as appealing as possible and my face as charming as possible, making the crooked grin I knew she really liked. At my words she looked up, stunned I was speaking to her. "I didn't have a chance to introduce myself last Saturday. You are Bella Swan, my sisters are friends with you. It's nice to finally meet you" I added while offering my hand to her. This time she did respond by pushing my hand away.

"I know who I am thank you, and yes I'm friends with your sisters. Don't bother...At the mall I got a chance to see you in action and with the things I know about you... don't waste your time by trying to make me the flavour of the day." Angrily she pushed past me and slammed the door closed. Her eyes sparkled at the excitement of standing up to me, I kind of liked it.

With her hand she pushed her hair back, fixing it in a sloppy ponytail. Without a further look she started walking towards the school.... I walked next to her in silence. Hadn't Alice said that she could see me and Bella get back together, what was going on? I couldn't help but think what I had done that would offend her so much.

"You don't have to walk me to class Edward, that won't change my mind about what you are." Her face was stubborn as she talked to me, not even glancing sideways to acknowledge the fact she was talking to me.

"And what is it you think I am" Now my curiosity was starting to build, what was she referring to.

She continued walking towards her first class, that also happened to be Alice, Jasper and my first class. As we entered the classroom I could already see my brother and sister in their seats. Both of them had a very amused look on their face.

_"3...2.....1"_ Alice was counting down and as I turned to see what she was doing, Bella sat down next to Alice.

Looking up at me she had a very big smile on her face. "You Edward Cullen think you are too good for the girls here, in Phoenix we had a name for that, you are a player. And I don't like players" As soon as the words had left her mouth both Alice and Jasper cracked up and started laughing. Bella herself calmly unpacked her books, pen and paper and ignored all of us.

Baffled by her statement I just stood there and looked at her._"You heard the lady, she doesn't like players. Isn't that too bad Edward."_ Jasper clearly thought this situation was funny, but I couldn't exactly find humour in her words. Me.....too good for the girls here? What had I done to give her that idea. _"Your mouth is still open, close it and sit down because she is starting to feel uncomfortable at you staring like that at her"_ Jasper reminded me, he was right I was in a full classroom and with a shake of my head moved over to my seat and sat down next to Jasper.

The rest of the period was very slow, the teacher called on me twice and I picked the answer out of his head not even bothering to pretend to hide the fact I knew everything there was to know on the subject.  
In front of me Bella was taking notes,ignoring me. A few times she asked Alice something about the subject but that was it. At the end of class our teacher rounded up his lecture about great poets through time. Then he assigned some group projects to us at the end of class, suggesting the groups should be mixed. It was a writing assignment where a man and women's perspective on 2 great love stories and it's characters needed to be outlined and motivated.

"Bella" I whispered at her softly tapping on her shoulder after the teacher had handed out our assignments. This was my chance to spend more time with her.

She turned around to face me. "What is it Edward, Edward Cullen. " Her eyes showed she was making fun of me and her voice was sweet like an angel.

" Bella, Bella Swan... would you partner with me for this assignment. It would be a purely academic agreement." I could play games if she wanted to.

For a moment she thought about it, and when I opened my mouth to speak she brought her finger to her lips silencing me. "Purely academic......" Her eyes challenged my words. "Alright, it's a deal" She smiled and offered her hand to me. When I reached out to grab it her eyes widened as the touch made both our skins tingle. For a second I held her hand, unaware of all the people around me. Then I could hear Bella clear her throat and let go.

"How about we start this evening at my house? Rosalie will be far along with your truck so you can take a look at it." All she could do was nod and after that Alice pulled her to her feet, class had ended and we were the last students left behind. I got up not waiting for her answer and left the classroom with a grin rivaling the Cheshire Cat. Tonight I would see Bella, nothing could go wrong.


	18. Chapter 18

BPOV

English literature had always been one of my favourite classes but this morning the class had been a challenge. After first finding the courage to very carefully drive to school in Rosalie's car. I was surprised when Edward had parked his car next to mine and knocked on my door. Clearly Alice had told him to be nice to me.... but after seeing him in action at the mall this saturday, his flirting had no effect on me. Or at least that is what I wanted him to think.

To be honest he was the most perfect guy I had ever seen. His hair was a thick bronze colour, slightly tousled as if I had just finished running my fingers through his hair. Already I could imagine how that would feel. When he had introduced himself to me, his face had looked open, friendly and the crooked smile on his lips made my heart beat faster.

The only way I had known to arm myself against the feelings his close presence caused me was by ignoring him and forcing myself to be angry at him.

When he had followed me to class, very quickly I had figured out he had the same English literature class. It had been a relieve to find out, Alice had chosen a seat for us in front of Jasper and Edward. At least I wouldn't have to look at his back the entire hour.

Trying to pay attention I continued making notes, Alice just sat next to me. It appeared she wasn't taking any notes but when I glanced over to check her notes looked like she had written down every word the teacher had said. How did she manage that? Frustrated I quickly checked a few things, comparing her notes with mine. Sneaking a peek at my watch I was happy to see, class would end in a few minutes. Just as I was feeling a little bit more relaxed a soft tap on my shoulder made me spin around.

"Bella" His voice sounded soft. The way he spoke my name gave me a chill, almost as if his velvet voice gently touched the bare skin behind my ear. It was the most enthralling sound I had ever heard. I needed to arm myself before his voice would captivate me fully, not give him control over me so I opted for a defensive conversation.

" What is it Edward, Edward Cullen" Pronouncing his name carefully like he himself had done just 2 hours a go. I could feel excitement starting to bubble inside me as I realised he looked at me hesitant, not expecting my response.

"Bella, Bella Swan" He mimicked the way I had spoken his name, leaving a short pause after his words. The deliberate pause made me hold my breath, anxious to hear what it was he had to say.

"Would you partner with me for this assignment? It would be a purely academic agreement." With a crooked grin he finally finished his sentence. His eyes seemed endless golden orbs as he looked at me intently, as if he could force me to willingly accept his offer by looking at me.

I tried to remember what the assignment was about, something about writing from both a women's and men's perspective on some subject. His eyes were distracting me. "Purely academic" Was all I managed to mumble.

Thinking about his offer I could see he wanted to continue talking and in a reflex I brought my finger to my lips, a signal my mom used to use when she needed me to be silent. He surprised me by remaining silent, his eyes still fixed on my face as if he too was anxious to hear my reply.

" Allright, it's a deal" Smiling I offered him my hand. He grabbed it, wrapping his fingers around my much smaller hand. They were cold as ice and at the same time made my skin tingle. Shocked by his touch my eyes flew up to meet his, they locked onto each other ,aking me forget we were in class. For a moment he held on to my hand and as our skins touched and his hand was securely wrapped around mine, a feeling of being trapped started to make me feel very uneasy. Softly I cleared my throat, not being able to speak. The moment was gone as if the spell had been broken.

He let go and dropped his hand to his side. "How about we start this evening at my house? Rosalie will be far along with your truck so you can take a look at it." His voice assaulted my already mushy brain and all I could do was nod and watch him leave.

"Bella, i'm so happy. You have a study date with Edward!" Alice practically shouted in my ear, bringing me back to earth again. A study date, was that really what this was. No it wasn't, it couldn't.

"No, No, No.. Alice please don't say that. We are writing this paper together, he agreed to the terms. Purely academic. Didn't you hear us." Next to me my friend started laughing, and the realisation hit me. She was right, he had tricked me into meeting with him alone within 2 hours of me telling him I wasn't interested in him. The fact I was actually interested in him, didn't really count.

Angry at myself for being so stupid I got up and started collecting my books, cramming them into my backpack with as much force possible. Next class would start soon and the two of us headed towards the language building. When we got there the final bell rang while we entered the classroom, because we were last in the room, the only available seats were all the way at the back. Perfect for not paying attention.

Alice sat down at the window, leaving the isle seat for me. Again she pulled out a notebook and pen. Sitting perfectly still as the lecture began, it seemed like she wasn't even listening to the lecture but still her notes looked perfect. Leaning back in my seat I closed my eyes for a second to think. What had I done, could I really be around him the entire evening and hide how I felt about him?

"_As I walked down the aisle to introduce myself to the teacher, Next to the centre aisle, I recognised him by his unusual hair. I was watching him as I passed him, just as I did. He suddenly went rigid in his seat." _ The brief image of me at school, probably the first day as I was heading towards the teacher to get my slip signed, it was a surprise. Catching my breath with a sharp intake of breath, I felt Alice her hand on my arm. Through the soft fabric of my long sleeved T-shirt I could still feel how cold it was.

"Miss Cullen and Miss Swan, are you alright in the back?" Our teacher called out to the back, checking with us, concerned something was wrong. All eyes in class were focussed on me. The unneeded attention made my face flush with embarrassment.

"No... I mean yes. Everything is alright." Looking down at the desk I answered softly, loosing all the confidence from this morning. The rest of class passed slowly, like English Literature this class was 2 hours also. Back to back quality time with my least favourite subject. It was impossible to focus on the explanation about the difference between preterite and imperfect preterite and silently I hoped Angela or Alice would be able to help me study for the upcoming test.

Just before the end of class Alice started packing her things, as well as grabbing all of mine. At the exact moment the bell rang she got out of her seat in a fluid move, pulling me to my feet also. "Let's go" She smiled at me, not waiting for my answer as she pushed me out of the class door in front of her. In one hand she had both our schoolbags, the other was carefully wrapped around my upper arm.

"Alice, how good is your Spanish? I didn't get any good notes and the test is next week." Looking over to my friend for help I found her smiling. "Don't worry about the test, it is going to be easy and Jasper will help you study. He lived down south for a while and speaks Spanish fluently." Trying to keep up with her quick pace I almost tripped and she surprised me by steadying me with just one hand.

"Why the hurry Alice, where are we going? Can we slow down a little bit?" I didn't want to complain but didn't like the feeling of being rushed somewhere without knowing why.

"There is no rush, sorry." Slowing down abruptly she almost stood still without releasing her hold on my arm, forcing me to slow down also. "Just anxious to see Jasper again and I thought you needed a break from all the gawking after Spanish class." She was right offcourse, usually I was last to enter the cafeteria. All eyes would be on me, still after the few weeks I was back at school again, people would still look at me like I was a freak.

Entering the cafeteria we were the first ones there, quickly I grabbed a tray and piled some food on it. A cheese sandwich, apple and can of soda. Before I could stop Alice, she paid for it and grabbed the tray with one hand, still holding our bags in the other.

"Has anyone ever told you, you are a very bossy person?" With one eyebrow raised and a mocking smile on my face I followed her to a table at the far side of the cafeteria.

"As a matter of fact, someone did, just this very morning." Her lips curled up into a smile as she looked over her shoulder, placing the tray with food on the table at the same time. With a very elegant move she sat down and folded her feet underneath her, positioning herself towards the other seat, next to her. Following her lead, I sat down and grabbed the apple.

Rolling it in between my hands I looked at it, it was red on one side and slightly green on the other. For a moment I thought about what side to start, always wondering how 2 seemingly different looking pieces of fruit could have the same taste. Taking a bite from the red side first, it was sour probably like the other side also. Slowly I chewed and swallowed the piece and turned the apple to take a bite from the green side. Sour also.

With a sigh I put the apple back down and opted for the soda instead, at least that would be sweet.

By now the cafeteria was flooded with students, all of them sat down with their own groups. Angela and Ben were in line together and when she spotted me I waved at her, signalling her to come sit with me and Alice but she nodded towards Ben who was talking to Mike and Eric in front of him, they would probably sit with them, like I would have if alice wouldn't have dragged me here so quickly. I could sense the moment she saw Jasper, her very still body suddenly perked up and she turned to meet his eyes. He looked at her, lovingly while walking towards the table. The sight of them made me cringe, had I ever felt like that with.... was it Edward. It wasn't difficult to imagine falling in love with him, perhaps that was what had happened. The entries in the journal clearly showed it had ended bad.

Last night I had tried piecing some of the memories together, but none of them showed me being romantically involved with anyone. So far there were only 3 memories in the past 3 months, 2 of the Cullen's and 1 memory that was blurry and scary. I wasn't sure if that had really happened, perhaps that was a nightmare as the feeling had only made me feel very scared. They had all come to me in the last 2 days, at this rate there was some hope of recovering. Scared it was just an occurrence, I hadn't told anyone yet. Afraid to bring their and my hope up for nothing. They had only told me something about the Cullen's. Like me they were relatively new to the school, outsiders. I didn't understand how a group of student like them, smart and with flawless features could remain outsiders but they had. Perhaps that was why they had befriended me, I was an outsiders also.

Walking behind Jasper was Edward, next to him was Lauren. Her hand wrapped around his fore arm, she was talking to him animated. He replied something and she laughed back at him in a flirty way. His face was neutral, showing no emotion, but still it was the most beautiful face I had ever seen. Edward seemed slightly irritated by the girl clinging to his arm but made no effort to get rid of her. Instead he walked up to the table and sat down, pulling his arm free from her clutches. Lauren looked at me with an evil glare before turning to face Edward again. "If you give me that call, that would be great." Flashing the biggest and most fake smile I had ever seen at Edward she looked at him expectantly...he didn't reply and after waiting for a few seconds she left the table.

"And what call would that be, mister loverboy?" Jasper wiggled his eyebrows at Edward who in return just shook his shoulders and looked the other way. "I have no idea, don't even think my phone holds her number. I've spend a considerable amount of effort to keep my phone number private."

His remark made me snort, almost choking in my soda. "Careful Bella, fluids are only supposed to go down one way." Alice joked making me laugh, causing even more choking. My face flushed as I struggled to regain normal breathing. From across the table Edward was looking at me with an extremely focused expression, when he noticed I had caught him, he pushed back his chair got up and rushed away.

Alice stopped laughing and rushed after him, leaving me with Jasper at the table. "ok.." Not knowing what to say to Alice's boyfriend I looked at him awkwardly. "Alice told me you lived in the south, did you spend a lot time there?" At least this would give me the chance to ask him to tutor me.  
Jasper smiled at me "The south?... Yes, you could say I spend a lot of time there. Why do you ask?" His eyes had a sparkle to them, as if he was enjoying an inside joke. "Could you help me study for next weeks Spanish test? Alice told me you would?" To my relieve he sat back and nodded.

"Great, thank you so much. I'll have Alice set something up an evening this week." Happy he hadn't refused to tutor me I smiled back at him. After this I felt awkward. Where had Edward and Alice disappeared to. He had looked really upset when he left. Could I have done something wrong? Going over the past minutes I couldn't think what I had done to upset him and it was making me feel very uncomfortable. Before being able to apologise to Jasper for chasing away both Edward and Alice a sudden feeling of calm washed over me.

I cuold see Jasper was getting uncomfortable also, turning in his seat while scanning the cafetaria with his eyes. "Edward and Alice sure are taking a long time. If you'll excuse me, I'll go check where they are." Looking at me with an apologetic look, Jasper got up and disappeared also. Leaving me at the table, alone. So far, nothing today had gone by like expected, and it was only lunchtime. I couldn't help but wonder what else would happen.


	19. Chapter 19

**For all you Edward and Bella fans, the start of something warm and fluffy is on the way! **

**Also Jacob has officially lost all chances of being a main character in this story. **

**Since Rosalie has offered her mechanic skills.... there really is no use for him or is there?  
**

**Disclaimer:**

**Stephenie Meyer owns Twilight and all it's characters**

EPOV

"_He would keep his number private" _

The words shocked me as they assaulted my mind. At the same time Bella snorted while rolling her eyes and taking a sip from her soda. Three things that didn't work together and she started choking, trying to regain control. Alice in turn started laughing, causing Bella to laugh also making it worse. The words had been as clear as if she had spoken out loud, like bells chiming in my head and I wanted more.

"_I'll calm her down, don't worry." _Jasper let me know, sending Bella some calm feelings, helping her regain control of her breathing. As he did so, I continued to focus on Bella.

Again there was absolutely nothing, had I just imagined her words? Frustrated I leaned forward, trying to close the gap between us hoping that would make a difference.

Nothing, still nothing. Only static.

Below my left hand I could feel the edge of the seat I was sitting on starting to crumble as I clutched it even tighter out of frustration. The soft flaky material made me come back to my senses. Mutilating school property would only draw unwanted intention to me. I needed to get out of here, clear my head. Forcing my rigid body to let go of the seat I was gripping tightly, it took a lot of willpower to get up. The movement was much to quick and Jasper and Alice looked at me with a frown. Both not understanding what had happened to me. _"Edward slow down! Try to act human for all of us."_ Alice could barely warn me as at the same time Jasper tried to calm me down using his power on me.

Slowing down my movements, checking in minds around me if anyone had noticed at the same time, I found nothing and walked away. As soon as I got outside of the cafeteria where there were no people, my control disappeared. Stretching my legs, I let go and ran off with vampire speed. Within a few seconds the school buildings flashed by and were replaced by the green lush forest that was behind the school property. Returning my pace to a slow pace, I found the clearing I found myself in helped calm my mood.

"_Edward, wait up for me"_ Alice was closing in on me from behind. I stopped to allow her to catch up. Turning around I could see her approach.

"Why did you rush away like that, it was barely slow enough to pass for being human." Speaking out loud this time, her voice sounded angry, as if she really didn't understand why I had left. As she stopped in front of me she crossed her arm and glared at me. "I'm sorry for not warning you about the way Bella would act this morning, but did you honestly think she would just leap into your arms as soon as you paid any attention to her?"

"That's not why I left Alice. I needed to get away because something happened that cuaght me by surprise. When Bella almost choked on her soda, at the same time some of her thoughts slipped into my mind, I could hear her thoughts " As I spoke the words I could see her stunned expression.

"_You think.... your sure?" _Looking at me with surprise for a moment before turning towards the forest we had come from. Jasper was on his way also.

"I'm sure... and I'm not sure at the same time. All the time Bella and I were together, there was never so much as a glimpse of her thoughts. Now for the third time in 3 days, something came through." I wasn't exactly sure how to explain what I had experienced to Alice or Jasper.

"It feels like someone pushes the words inside your head, instead of grabbing them from another persons mind." Alice spoke out loud this time because of Jasper. He had joined us, standing behind Alice, his arms around her as he rested his head on hers.

I nodded at her explanation, that was indeed the best way to explain what had happened. But if that was what had happened, how was that possible and why only 1 or 2 words each time it had. We stood there wrapped in silence, none of us knowing what to say or do next.

"Perhaps Carlisle can help figure this out." Jasper reasoned, feeling my tense mood. "For now, let's go back to school. Lunch break should be almost finished and there is no need to draw further attention to us." His hand was extended towards mine, putting my hand in it, instantly I could feel his calm and collected mood wash over me. The power to influence emotions, multiplied by his skin touching mine. Perhaps that was why Alice couldn't keep away from him for a very long time, she was addicted.

The thought made me laugh, relaxing as we walked back to class. Alice had gym with Bella so she headed in the other direction as soon as we got to campus. Jasper and I shared a science class, something we both enjoyed very much. Class seemed to pass quickly, we had a lab project that allowed us to play around a little. Adding different substances to the assigned project making it just a little bit stronger and colourful. At the sight of the vibrant color in our test tube, the teacher started to panic. _ "Should I send him off the scale, perhaps he'll pull the fire alarm?" _ Jasper joked. It was only 20 more minutes until the end of class.

Feeling reckless. I grinned at him. As soon as I did, Jasper grinned back at me and the mood shifted around us. Our teacher opened the door and started yelling at the students to leave, hitting the fire alarm near the door. One by one the students started leaving, some worried but most of them were thinking how exciting this was. Grabbing the books on our table so we wouldn't have to return, I was the last to leave the classroom.

At the emergency meeting point, already our head of department had started to take attendance. Jasper was standing there and I joined him. At the other side of the crowd, Alice and Bella were standing in their sweats. They seemed to be having some sort of conversation, just as I was about to walk over to them, a hand stopped me.

"Edward... I was so scared." The voice sounded fake and too close by. Lauren had found me again, her thoughts assaulted mine with desperate and vulgar ideas. Pushing her hand away from my arm i turned my back to her. This wasn't smart as immediately her eyes found my backside and started ogling. Were these jeans really that tight? This would be the last time I'd wear them. From across the crowd Alice looked up, furious at the knowledge that the designer jeans I was wearing was going to be thrown out. I did not care, because i did not want to know these things about myself.

Relieve flooded through me when the head of department announced that student in their last class of the day were allowed to go home early, there was only 10 more minutes left anyway. Within minutes I was in my car waiting for Jasper.

Sitting alone in the safe haven of my Volvo, I let the day run by. It had been interesting, not what I had expected at all. Alice was right. Just because I had decided to be together with Bella, that didn't mean it would happen today.

It had hurt me to hear her speak honestly and with fire in her voice her opinion of me. There was some work to be done, but the start was there, Bella would come to visit our house tonight. Remember her smile this morning as she had agreed to be my partner for the project. It was a smile that had made me want to kiss her. Both hesitant and challenging at the same time, with fire in her eyes. It had taken a lot of effort to walk away.

Taking my phone from my jeans pocket a flipped it open and dialled the home number. Esme picked up at the second ring. "It's me Edward.." Pausing for a moment to let her answer. " I just wanted to let you know, Bella will come over later this afternoon. She'll be alone but perhaps you can cook her some food, she used to really love your cooking." At the other side of the phone Esme enthusiastically started planning a dinner for Bella. I knew the news would make her happy. "Is Carlisle at home?" I waited for her answer then hung up. From a distance I could see Jasper and Alice coming up to the car. They got in, greeting me as they did. Bella had gotten in Rosalie's M3.

"Don't you think you should drive with her Alice?" As I observed Bella, she really did look uncomfortable in that car. With a fake pout Alice got out of the car and headed to the passenger seat of the sports car. As soon as she was in the other car I left.

Jasper tuned the radio to some awful country station. Humming along to an old tune. In return I did my best to drive home as fast as possible. When we got there I couldn't help but laugh at the sight of Rosalie and Emmet working on the old truck. Perhaps Rosalie wasn't as far along with fixing it as I had thought. At the moment almost all parts were spread out in the garage. Rosalie had put Emmet's hand to work, making him clean each usable item. Apparently she was intent on rebuilding the entire engine.

Emmet nodded at me to greet me, Rosalie ignored me and continued working under the hood. I couldn't figure out what she would be working on, since most of the parts weren't there anymore but I didn't dare ask.

Bella and Alice would follow a few hours later, giving me enough time to talk to Carlisle about what had happened at school today. Going up to his study, he was sitting behind the desk, on the phone but he waved me in. Settling in the chair opposite him, he wrapped up the conversation and hung up.

"_What can I do for you Edward" _ His thoughts showed concern, wondering what had happened and why I had asked to meet him. Most of all Carlisle was my father, but at this moment he was in full doctor mode, ready to investigate whatever medical issue he came across.

"There isn't anything wrong, at least I don't think so..." Leaning forward in the chair I brought a hand to my head, rubbing my forehead in anguish. "I think something is happening with me, or with Bella. Either way, something is going on."

Carlisle relaxed and leaned back in his chair, folding his hands in front of him on the desk. He sat back, waiting for me to continue, allowing me to formulate my words carefully.

"At school, during lunch... somehow I could hear some of Bella's thoughts. It was very brief and afterwards I tried again, but it was impossible. The moment passed so quickly, for a moment I thought it was my imagination. "

Frowning at my words he got up from his chair, walking over to his bookcase. _"Could you have imagined it?" _His face had a very carefull expression as he turned back to face me again.

"No" I shook my head, adding strength to my statement. "It happened on 2 other occasions, both this weekend." Relieve flooded through me as Carlisle responded with a vibrant smile. _"Twice this weekend, care to share what happened." _ He got excited at the thought of a mystery waiting to be solved. Quickly I explained both incidents. His expression could barely hide the amusement he felt at hearing what had happened at the mall.

"_So if i understand correctly, the first time she was angry, the second time she was crying, possibly dreaming and scared or sad, this afternoon she was jealous according to Jasper?" _Sitting down again across of me, he thought about what I had told him.

"Could the attack, perhaps the time she spent in the cold water have caused damage to her brain, perhaps changing how they work?" This was my concern and also the only rational theory I had come up with all day.

_"__That would be very unlikely, we examined her very thoroughly because of the amnesia. We couldn't find anything wrong, her brain is very healthy. In fact, she shouldn't be suffering any amnesia at all."_ His answer cut through me, bringing all hopes down as he had not given me the confirmation I had so silently prayed for all day. If nothing was wrong with Bella, the joy of her being healthy was washed away by uncertainty.

At the same time I felt hope starting to build. What if this occurrence could progress into something regular. That would greatly improve my chances of getting back together with Bella. Could I use her private thoughts to my advantage.

Uneasy by my silence Carlisle got up and walked around the desk, placing a hand on my shoulder he looked down at me. _"I can go over her medical files again, perhaps call Charlie to persuade him Bella need a follow up medical examination. When something like this happens again let me know,I'll go to the hospital now and get all her files from my office." _Not waiting for my answer he left the room.

My thoughts were interrupted by a loud shriek and Bella's angry voice, followed up by Emmets laughter. Curious to find out what was going on I went downstairs. As I descended the stairs and went outside, the laughter had stilled and I could hear Rosalie suffer in silence.

_"__How could you Edward! Telling her, I'd be far a long in fixing her truck. You owe me for sucking it in.."_ As she heard me approach I was greeted with a glare that would easily scare away an army. The scene outside of our house looked rather funny to me.

Standing with some part of the truck in her hands Bella stood with an angry flushed face biting her lip. Emmet was holding Rosalie by her arm, trying to fight back a grin as he thought it was very funny. I stood and watched at the 3 of them, not wanting to come closer but already they had all noticed me.

Bella looked up at me, holding the part out in front of her. "This is far a long with fixing my truck?" Her words were spoken calm but her eyes told me she was extremely angry. Forgetting she had been angry at Rosalie for taking apart the truck just a few minutes ago. She now started walking towards me. Rosalie put her hands on her hips, ready to see me suffer and Emmet relaxed his hold on her. Now wrapping his arm lossely around her shoulder, he too turned to face Bella and me.

"You could have at least prepared me, there is such a thing is cellphones." Angrily she shoved the part into my chest, I recognised it to be a cylinder head and sighed at the realisation that Rosalie was intent on rebuilding the entire engine.

"Bella, please.." Ducking so my eyes would meet hers. "I'm sorry for not warning you. At least if it is any consolation, Rosalie really knows what she is doing." Trying to soften my voice, making her as calm as possible I could feel the pressure against my chest lessen.

Carefully I put my hand over hers, prying her fingers loose from the cylinder. She didn't refuse my action and silently I handed out the part to Emmet. He rushed forward and took it from me with a wink, returning it to it's original place in Rosalie's work area.

"I'm sorry. The sight of my trusted truck, pulled to pieces. I guess it was a bit of a shock." With a sad smile Bella looked up at me, anger no longer in her eyes. This was the Bella I knew, the Bella I missed. My heart ached to wrap my arms around her and pull her closer to me. Burry my nose in her hair and inhale that delicate fragrance mixed with a touch of strawberries. But the fact remained that even though I knew her inside out, she had no recollection of our time together. With a sigh I stepped back.

"It's ok. I can understand. How about we bring your schoolbag inside and I'll give you a tour of the house?" Flashing her a timid smile I stepped back towards the house, waiting for her to follow me.

"Can I follow you in a minute? I would like to apologise for yelling at Rosalie, she's working so hard on my truck. Just a little bit harden than I had expected." Bella started moving backwards as she spoke to me, biting her lip as if she was waiting for me to grant her permission. I nodded in reply so she turned away from me and headed of to the workspace at the far end of the house. Her schoolbag still sitting on the lawn where she had dropped it earlier on.

Picking it up I slung it on my back. Hoping the moment we had just now, could be repeated later tonight. I stood and waited for her to return,not just now but in the future no matter how long it would take. I would wait for her to return both body and soul to me.


	20. Chapter 20

**I'm surprised at how many reviews and favorites the last 2 chapters have earned this story, thank you all! ****This is the follow up to last chapter, hope you enjoy Bella's point of view just as much :)  
Since I have no idea how much time i'll have to write in the next few days,****  
this was originally planned to be posted on Thursday..but i didn't want to keep you all waiting and posted it tonight.**

**Disclaimer:**

**Stephenie Meyer owns Twilight and all it's characters**

BPOV

Holding my breath I struggled to stay calm. It would only take seconds to close the gap between my lips and his. Inviting my to come closer, his lips were slightly parted and as he spoke to me his breath brushed my lips. Sending shivers down my spine.

Just seconds ago I had been furious at him and now my body willed my brain to surrender myself to him. Holding on to my anger, was very difficult.

He spoke to me and his words flowed from his mouth in a soft melodic voice, low and sweet, enticing me even further. Seeking release I glanced away from his lips, only to settle on his eyes. The same golden orbs that he had released on me this morning. Except now they were gentle, making them even more appealing to me. I could feel my anger disappear, replaced by a light-headed feeling that was familiar and exhilarating at the same time.

Cool strong fingers covered my hand that was still pressing whatever part of the truck I had picked up, against his chest. Not having the strength to resist his touch, I carefully let him pry loose my fingers on at the time. When he had retrieved the part from my hand, Emmet showed up and quickly took it from him.

Finding my voice I managed to croak an apology "I'm sorry. The sight of my trusted truck, pulled to pieces. I guess it was a bit of a shock." My behaviour really had been bad, especially after all the work Rose and Emmet had done for me. Still looking him in the eyes, I could see something else in them now. Standing there, looking at me, for a second it looked like he would step closer and pull me in his arms. But instead he stepped back and sighed.

"It's ok. I can understand. How about we bring your schoolbag inside and I'll give you a tour of the house?" Creating even more distance between us he barely managed to pull a smile on his face, obviously I'd misinterpreted his actions. Immediately hurt washed over me, offcourse he wouldn't be interested in me. There was plenty pretty girls at school, throwing themselves at his feet. Like Lauren for example, and none of them were good enough for him.

"Can I follow you in a minute? I would like to apologise for yelling at Rosalie, she's working so hard on my truck. Just a little bit harden than I had expected." I really needed to clear my head before going inside with him. Moving backwards I prayed nothing was behind me. Turning my back to him as soon as he let me know it was ok to follow him later. Thankful he could no longer see my face I could feel tears well in my eyes.

At the far end of the house, were large double doors leading into a garage. Emmet was working on something outside and I was sure Rosalie would be there also. Walking across the lawn, for the first time I realised this was a very big house. From the outside it looked to be three stories high, around the front was a large porch. Painted in a light colour, it looked very warm and welcoming.

The smaller building at the far end I was approaching could easily fit my own house, at least 3 times. As I reached Emmet he dropped the tools in his hand and closed the gap between is in 2 long strides. Without any warning he picked me up and enveloped me in a tight hug. Lucky for me Rosalie yelled at him from the back of the garage so he quickly put me down again. "Great to see you again Bella, I'm Emmet Cullen." His voice boomed into my ears with enthusiasm.

"I knew that already, good to see you Emmet." His happy and carefree attitude made me forget about my own sad feelings for a moment. As I spoke to him, his eyes shot wide. "You remember, that is awesome, we should tell the rest." He had misunderstood my statement so I quickly corrected him to hide the fact that indeed I had remembered.

"Rosalie told me about you, it's hard to imagine another Emmet cleaning parts to my truck. Besides you fit the description. " Smiling at him I could see he was a little disappointed at first but hid it very well.

Rosalie had joined us now, dressed in designer jeans and a white T-shirt. I found it amazing, she could work in these clothes and not ruin them. As she stopped next to Emmet very quickly she stood on her toes and kissed him on the lips before facing me.

"I'm so sorry about yelling at you Rose..." Using the nickname Alice used for her also, I hoped to let her understand I really meant it. To my relieve her face showed no anger at all, instead she smiled and waved at the parts lined out on the floor and workbench.

"You're were right it's a mess, but it is your mess. And after I'm done cleaning all of it and replacing the parts that are in bad shape. You're truck will be as good as new. It should take me about 5 more days, I've already ordered 2 parts that should be here by Wednesday." Her smile was relaxed, as if she was putting an Ikea flatpack together.

"Hey I'm helping also" Emmet managed to add with a pout making both me and Rosalie laugh. Somehow this giant man with all his muscles was as cute and cuddly as a teddy bear. "I know honey, I couldn't do it without you." Pulling his face down my the collar of his shirt, she very quickly kissed him on the lips before letting him go and grabbing my hand.

"Come on, I'll show you what my honey bear has done." As she pulled inside the garage the first thing I could notice was the fact it had at least 4 cars still in it. She hadn't been kidding when she told me, it was no problem for me to borrow a car. In the far end stood 2 silver cars parked next to each. One I recognised to be Edwards Volvo, the other was sleek and low. Like a car you would expect to see in a James Bond movie. Next to that was a deep purple sports car, from the magazines at home I recognised it to be a Porsche. Last in line was a big Jeep, almost high enough to fit the sport car underneath.

Parked in-between my truck and the giant Jeep stood 2 flashy motorcycles.

My truck looked a little out of place but as I walked towards it was surprised by the fact it no longer looked rusty and faded. "You've given it a complete make-over" I was stunned at the sight of the now cherry red color. Carefully I walked around it, letting my fingers trace the shape of the bonnet and fenders. It was still my truck, but only shiny and new. Made beautiful by Rosalie and Emmet.

"Do you like it?" I looked up to Rosalie stand there, next to the open drivers door. Waiting for me to say something.

"Like it?.... Like isn't strong enough a word. I love it, can't believe it. You're a miracle worker!" For a split second, I felt like Alice. Bubbly and excited. Except this wasn't shoe's or a new handbag. It was a truck, my truck. Reaching the door I glanced inside to see that where my dashboard had suffered from a gaping hole, now was a state of the art sound system.

"It plays CD, mp3 and has Bluetooth. The manual is in the glove compartment." Emmet had snuck up behind us and sounded very pleased with himself. "I went and bought it for you myself, installed it this morning." He proudly let me know.

"Thank you so much." Turning around I gave first him and after that Rosalie a quick hug. Both their faces lit up and for once, I wouldn't object to receiving a gift still I found it difficult to accept the sound system.

"You hardly know me... you have to let me repay you for the sound system." My words however were waved away by Emmet. Very gently he tapped me on the nose, making me laugh.

"Correction, you may hardly know us, but we know you. And this is my welcome back present to you." Not letting me answer he turned around to walk back to the work surface where most of the parts of my truck were carefully displayed. The discussion was closed.

"Is he for real?" Glancing over at Rosalie I could see she was laughing at my shocked expression. Did this family really not care what they spend their money on, thinking back to our shopping trip. Rosalie had insisted on buying most items for me also, now Emmet bought me this. Alice had already sneaked in a present or two.

"Bella, we all are happy you are back on your feet again. Like I said, before you were a friend to the family. And this is our way of welcoming you back. " With a warm smile that reached right up to her eyes she looked at me. "Now you should go meet grumpward inside, before he looses his patience and comes to collect you."

"Grumpward" Puzzled I looked at her.

"Yes, a grumpy Edward, also now as grumpward." Her voice was laced by sarcasm and from the other side of the garage I could hear Emmet's laugh boom again. He clearly thought the nickname was hilarious.

"Ehm right, you know him best I suppose. I'll try and stop by before I go home." Taking one last look at my now cherry red truck, I left the garage. Straightening my shoulders and pushing my chin up high. I walked to the front door.

At the door Edward was waiting for me. Had he waited there for me all the time, I had spend a considerable time admiring my truck and talking with Emmet and Rosalie. Coming up the porch steps to the front door. I was greeted by a warm and very smile, his face relaxed and inviting.

Why did he do that to me. It was unfair of him to be both extremely handsome and charming at the same time. Holding on the mental picture of a grumpward, I walked past him through the frontdoor. The hallway was very large and spacious, with several doors leading away to other rooms. At the side was a large open staircase, decorated with framed photographs and artwork.

"Welcome to my home" His voice whispered from behind. I'll give you a quick tour of the downstairs area." Leading ahead he showed me both the first and second door opened op to a large sitting room that had top to bottom windows. The glass made it look very open, almost like being outside. Standing in the room, it was immense, running all the way along the back of the house. The sitting room was divided in a lounge area where a massive flat screen dominated the space. At the far end of the room was a more formal looking sitting area. On a small table in front of the window stood a very delicate looking chess-set, framed by 2 comfortable leather seats.

"It's amazing" Was all I managed to say softly. And it was really amazing, but at the same time comfortable. Like coming home.

"I'm glad you like it." Edward seemed very pleased. "Did you want to see the rest of the house also?" When I turned around he was already standing at the door. Taking one last look I followed him back into the hallway. He started going up the stairs.

"The first floor holds another sitting room, Carlisle's study and the kitchen. After that the next 2 floors are used as bedrooms." He explained to me as we slowly walked upstairs, pointing out Carlisle's study and the second sitting room as we passed them. We ended our little tour in the kitchen.

Again this was at the back of the house, the windows still top to bottom glass. Allowing you to stand in your kitchen cooking, while enjoying the spectacular views of the surrounding river and forest. The kitchen itself looked brand-new and top of the range. However above all it looked unused. I wasn't sure how that could be possible with a house full of people.

"Could we sit here and study, the view is spectacular and your kitchen table seems big enough to hold all our books?" Ignoring the strange feeling that there was something wrong in this kitchen I decided to make the most of it. Sitting down at the table so I could see both the door and the forest outside, I started to unpack my bag.

The assignment was folded in my English book. As I reached out to grab it, Edward sat next to me and did the same. The assignment wasn't very exciting. We had to choose 2 books out of a selection of 5. Each book had a romantic storyline or character in it. Both of us had to answer a list of questions on both books. Outlining our personal opinion on the main characters around whom the romantic storyline was written. All the books on the list were at home on my bookshelves. However I was anxious to find out if Edward had ever read any of them.

"Did you have time to check the books on the list?" Looking over at Edward, he sat there arms resting in the table looking at me with the same concentrated look he had this afternoon during lunch. "Or are you too busy staring at me?" Angry at his lack of reply I snapped at him.

"Yes." He grinned back at me.

"Yes you have checked the books, or yes you are busy staring at me?" His answer frustrated me even more and he seemed to find it very amusing.

"Yes I've checked the books, they all seem the same. You can choose the first." His face relaxed, no longer concentrated as he grinned at me.

"Fine, I'd like to choose Wuthering Heights." The book had been my first choice on the list and I was happy he let me choose first. My second choice was Romeo and Juliet, and I would fight him to use both books for the assignment. I leaned back, waiting for his response to my choice. Ready to defend my decision. But he didn't mock me instead he smiled that adorable crooked grin at me, leaving me speechless.

"Good choice. I choose.. Romeo and Juliet." He leaned back also. Putting his arms behind his head, for a moment distracting me by the movement of his muscles underneath his shirt as the fabric stretched over his chest.

"You... want to use Romeo and Juliet?" I couldn't hide the surprise in my words, leaning forward, resting my hands flat on the table. "Have you ever read it, do you even know what it is about?"

"Do you think of me to be such an uneducated man?" Slowly he brought his head closer to me, his lips now almost touched my ear. I could feel his breath on my skin, making it impossible to think of anything but him.

"If I profane with my unworthiest hand. This holy shrine, the gentle fine is this." Pausing he flipped my hand and placed his hand over mine and slowly circled his thumb over the palm of my hand. "My lips, two blushing pilgrims, ready stand. To smooth that rough touch with a tender kiss."

Letting go of my hand he sat back again. Waiting for me to respond, but it was impossible. His voice was unlike any voice I had ever heard before, assaulting my mind in the most delicate way. And the words he had spoken, quoted straight from Romeo and Juliet. No actor could ever have spoken them in such a seductive way.

"Did that answer your question?" Edward asked me, amused by my reaction. I looked over to see him smiling a very smug smile. When I looked at him, something was different. His eyes, they looked darker, more intense. And immediately that made me think of this morning in class, I had remember my first day at school. And in that memory Edward had looked me, not like he did now, but similar to Friday evening in the parking lot. His eyes they had been furious almost hostile.

Confused I got up. "Yes... question answered. So if you can start on Romeo and Juliet, I'll work on the other book." Grabbing my stuff I started to push everything into my school bag.

"I'm sorry, this had been a busy day for me. I can feel a headache starting, really bad one. So I should probably head home now." Edward got up also, picking up my now stuffed school bag.

"Are you sure you want to drive home, I can have Emmet follow us in the Volvo and drive you home myself." His offer was sincere but exactly the opposite of what I needed now.

"No I'm fine, it's only a short drive." Taking the bag from him I headed for the stairs, descending them as fast as possible, careful to not miss a step. When I got downstairs and outside, Emmet and Rosalie were in front of the garage. I quickly waved at them as i opened the car door. Fumbling with my keys to start,. I felt relieve when it did. As I pulled out of my parking spot, down the drive way. I could see Edward. Standing in front of the house, hands pushed down in his jeans pocket. A concentrated frown on his face again as he saw me leave.


	21. Chapter 21

**BPOV**

The drive to my house was short using the advantage of driving in Rosalie's car. And when I got there, to my relieve the driveway was empty. Parking close to the house I got out, not bothering to take my school bag with me. The headache was increasing rapidly, making me wish I had stayed at the Cullens house or let Edward drive me home like he had suggested.

Pressing the button on the keys to lock the car I half ran up to my front door. With a sigh.

I opened it and went inside, not bothering to turn on the lights as I went in. As soon as I got inside, I slumped against the door, slowly sliding down.

The darkness consumed me and no longer could I keep my eyes open. Closing them I surrendered and curled up on my side with my arms clutched around my body. Holding myself together as I waited for the light to return.

"_The first thing I noticed when entering my room was the temperature, it felt extremely cold in here. Trying to flick the light-switch with my right-hand I looked over at the window. It was fully opened. Through the dim light, I could see my curtains were half opened, as if trying to hide the fact that my window was opened. I couldn't remember leaving my window open, had Charlie opened it before he went to work?  
_

_Finally finding the light-switch I flicked the switch and waitied for a moment to allow my eyes to get used to the bright light. When I could see clearly, what I could see made me feel sick. Someone had been in my room.  
The pile of clothes I had washed and folded earlier, leaving them on my bed to be put away in my wardrobe later on. They were now in the middle of the room._

_No longer clean but covered in a dark red substance, the rusty smell assaulted my nose. Blood....._

_Someone had been in here and covered my things in blood. Looking around I could see the pictures on my message board had been damaged also. Walking closer I raised on hand to touch my favourite picture of Charlie. His face was scratched out and smears of blood were on the picture also. Feeling sick I buckled and landed on my knees, grabbing hold of the rich purple comforter on my bed, I pulled it close to me."_

Slowly reality started taking over again, but I didn't want to get my memories lost again. Whatever had happened to me, it was bad. And still I wanted to know more, rather knowing bad things than knowing nothing at all.

Sitting up against the wall with my back I buried my head in my hands. Forcing my eyes shut, I tried to hold on to the last thing I remembered. It didn't work so instead, I crawled over to the stairs. Pulling myself up by the banister. Taking one step at the time I forced my feet to take my body upstairs. As soon as I had made it in my room, I walked over to my bed. The comforter was now green, with large leaves on them. Not purple like it should be, like it is in my memory.

Running my hand over the comforter I looked over to the message board. It had holes, missing pictures. Or missing memories... where once had been family and friends now nothing was left. Angry at myself for not being able to make my brain work I punched the bed, it felt good. So I hit it again, and again and again.... until there was no power left and my muscles ached.

Tired I put my head down, still sitting on the floor, leaning my shoulder against the side of the bed as I rested my head on the now crumpled comforter. When I closed my eyes, it was like needles prickling against the back of them and I felt myself being pulled back again..but this time it wasn't ready for it.

"_There was no one to turn to, no one I could share this with. I was alone. My family, the ones that would know what to do, they had left me. Charlie couldn't know. He would ask questions, unwanted questions, questions I couldn't answer. And start a search to find out whomever was doing this, but already the theme of violence and blood... I had no doubt what was behind this. And it scared me so much, there was nu words to express the feelings that were raging through my body. I was trembling so hard on the inside and outside, it felt like being pulled apart._

_Scrambling to my feet I managed to make it to the other side of my bed. Falling to my knees I grabbed the clothes together folding them tight together in a sweater. I heaved at the smell of the blood, but managed to keep myself from running to the bathroom._

_Charlie, oh god, Charlie. Panic started to take control of my body as I realised that he would be home in 30 minutes. Leaning to the bed I put my head back, breathing in some fresh air, filling my lungs. After I had controlled some of the shaking I managed to stand up without looking to much at the blood smeared clothes I was holding in my arms._

_Stumbling to the door, I was glad I hadn't closed it fully. Allowing me to push it open with 1 foot, carefully I walked down the stairs. Passing through the living room, onto the kitchen and outside into the back garden. In the back of the garden was an old oil drum. _

_With a triumphant feeling I threw the clothes in the empty oil drum. Next to it was a jerry can of fuel, Charlie used to start a fire when he burned the leaves he collected around the house. Rushing inside as fast as my trembling body could carry me, I went back into the kitchen. Reaching on the top of the fridge, there was a small ashtray with a collection of matchbooks from restaurants and trucks tops Charlie would have lunch at while at work. Clutching my hand tightly around the first matchbook I felt, I turned to speed back to the oil drum. _

_Lighting a match, I dropped on the already soaked pile of bloody clothes. Immediately they lit up in a massive pile of flames. As the flames burned the clothes I fell to my knees again. Exhausted by the emotional strain I watched the clothes burn to ashes._

_A smile around my face.... imagining the flames would one day burn not only the clothes but whomever had forced me to set them to fire. Yes. She would burn also."_

Startled I sat straight up. The smell of blood was in my room. Had it not been a dream?

Afraid to find out I pulled the comforter around me. Wait it wasn't purple like in my memory. With a sigh I calmed down, finding comfort in the knowledge that some of the things in my dream, or should I say nightmare, they weren't the same.

It was the same calm green colour, green like the lush forests outside. With a big pattern of leaves on it. My mom had bought it after I had returned from the hospital. She had insisted on making sure that I would be comfortable when resting in my room.

Nothing was wrong. Peeking over my bed to the other side, I could see the same rug as this morning. Nothing was wrong, nothing like this could ever happen in reality.

The smell of blood wasn't in my room, it was caused by myself. I had another nosebleed.

Reaching up to my face, there was blood running from my nose. The smell was making me feel nauseous and it was worse than the last time. Looking over at my night stand, the clock told me it was 8:45. I had been out of it, for at least 2 hours.

Worried by the 2 hour black out. I got on my feet, feeling woozy because I stood up too fast and could still taste the blood in my mouth. Charlie was working a late shift again, so I had the house to myself. Feeling tired after the exciting weekend and busy day at school I decided to call it an early night. First I would have a long shower, wash away the blood in my face, shampoo my hair and relax my muscles. Maybe after that I would call Rosalie, she had made me promise, the next time I had a nosebleed or blackout. I would tell her.

Grabbing some of the silk pyjama's Rosalie had insisted on buying me, I went to the bathroom. Stripping from my clothes, I noticed a considerable amount of blood was in the sleeve of my sweater. Chucking it in the laundry basket, I hoped Charlie wouldn't notice. At the moment I didn't feel like explaining to him something I didn't fully understand either.

Running the shower to let the water warm up, I pushed the sweater even deeper down, that way he wouldn't see it.

Getting in the shower, I first let the water run of my body. Enjoying the warmth, like a comforting shield wrapping around me. The water closing off all things in the outside world, making me feel safe as it ran past my face forcing me to close my eyes and relax. After a while I quickly shampooed my hair and finished by scrubbing my face an extra time. By the time I got out of the shower, I felt clean and calm again.

Wrapping the towel around my body I brushed my teeth and towel dried my hair, not bothering to blow dry it since I would be going to bed in the minute. Finishing by pulling my new pyjama's on, I turned to the mirror. Looking at the color and fabric, suddenly I remembered something.

In my dream, the clothes had been in the middle of my room. They had been on my carpet.. and the carpet was still there but now on that exact same spot was a small colourfull rug. My hands started to clam up at the realisation, something else had changed in my room besides the comforter.

Rushing to my room I flung the door open.

Standing in the doorway, my eyes scanned the room. There it was at the opposite side of my bed, a small round carpet. Walking around my bed I slowly sat down on my knees and put my right-hand down. Gripping the edge of the small rug as tight as my body nerves allowed me. Closing my eyes I took a big breath to steady myself.

With one sweep I pulled away the rug and opened my eyes.

There it was, the evidence. Right in the middle of the large cream coloured carpet, hidden by the rug. Several rusty stains, scrubbed multiple times but still there. Staring at the stains I felt the room around me start to turn. My dream or nightmare.. it had happened for real. This was my reality, these memories and the feelings I had felt in them. All of it... it made no sense and yet it had happened.

Throwing the rug back in place I crawled on my bed, pulled up my knees under my chin and wrapped my arms around my legs. Rocking back and forth, tears started streaming down my face as all I could ask myself was one thing. What happened to me?

It was very late at night when I woke up again, to my surprise no longer on top of my blankets but under them. Warm and comfortable. I could feel my eyes were still puffy, probably from the crying. Above all I was very thirsty and decided to go downstairs to the kitchen, grab a glass of water and something to eat.

Yesterday before going to study with Edward on our assignment, I had felt nervous and hadn't had any dinner. Flicking on my reading light I warily looked around my room. What else would I remember, what else would change the safe and happy atmosphere this room had held for me. The rug was in it's place again, but after seeing what was underneath it.. my stomach started to turn again.

Pushing away the dark memories that had completely drained me yesterday evening I got out of bed and went downstairs. The clock on the microwave in the kitchen told me it was 2 o'clock at night. The moonlight flooded in through the window so I didn't bother turning on the light. From the fridge I collected some leftover chicken and lettuce ready to make a nice sandwich for myself. As I closed the fridge, there was a note stuck to the front.

Grabbing it I reopened the fridge, using the extra light to read it.

** Bella,**

** I tried calling.**  
** There is an emergency up north, large animals upsetting hikers.  
The county has called in our help, so I'll be gone until tomorrow afternoon, at least.  
Will try and call you in the morning, Billy went with me.**

** Take care,**

** Charlie**

Typical Charlie message, short and to the point. But large animals upsetting hikers, that had happened before, with some of the larger national park being close to us. The only thing that didn't make sense is, why would he bring Billy with him. Not that I minded, Billy was a friend of Charlie's. It would be very unlikely I'd need to speak to him before Charlie got back.

Not knowing what to do about the fact that Charlie would be gone until tomorrow afternoon, I shrugged and stuck the note back on the fridge. In a way it was nice to know, that he wouldn't be here in the morning, asking me how I'd slept. It would mean, there would be no lying to him.

After finishing the chicken sandwich and putting the plate in the sink to wash up in the morning, I went upstairs again. This time the room didn't feel as cold and unwelcome anymore. I looked around, what other secrets could be kept from me in this room. Nothing seemed to be out of the ordinary, but after last evening I couldn't trust my feelings anymore. The journal on the corner of my desk caught my eye. Walking over to it I hesitated for a moment. Was this a memory worth keeping? Running my fingers over the spine of the journal as I picked it up with my other hand.. I thought about it.

Yes, the bad things. They were worth remembering also, don't people say. What doesn't kill you, makes you stronger? And in a way I had been stronger by getting rid of the clothes and burning them, cleansing myself of the threat and it's negative feelings.

I grabbed a pen and went to sit down in the chair next to the window. Opening my curtains completely so the moonlight was shining in. The full moon giving me plenty of light to write.

Choosing a few blank pages I started with the date and time. Laughing a little at the insane time of night, now forever remembered in my journal.

After that I started writing all I could remember about what had happened last night, trying to recollect every small detail that had been shown to me. It took me almost an hour to finish writing and by the end my hand was cramped up, forcing me to stop. Reading back, I was sure most details were there. I had chosen a random spot in the journal, on purpose making sure the entries wouldn't follow each other. Since I was pretty sure, they weren't exactly chronological anyway. Why go through the trouble of trying to fit them behind each other in the same journal.

Opening my journal to the previous entry I had made, all the way at the back. It was more a summary instead of entry, based on the first memory I had about the Cullen's and what Angela had told me while I was recovering. Flipping through the pages, I was almost at the back of the journal, before turning the last page my hand stopped in mid-air. Frozen I looked at the page.

Confused I put my index finger on the three words, tracing the elegant letters one by one.

The only person who had been in my room was Alice. Looking at the alarm on my night stand, it said 3:15 in the morning. Much to early to call and yell at her, or perhaps the subtle tactic would be a better way to handle Alice and give me a better chance of finding out why she had written this in my journal.

Had she read all of it? Rather an achievement since it was all in my handwriting.

Closing the journal, I went over to the desk and put it in the top drawer. Out of sight of any curious eyes. Returning to my bed, I collapsed on it. Punching my pillow slightly, making sure I was comfortable. After pulling the blanket back over my body, I closed my eyes and soon fell asleep for the third time this night.


	22. Chapter 22

**EPOV**

Pushing my hands down in my jeans pockets as deep as I could without ripping through the fabric I forced myself to stand watch Bella drive away. Until now I hadn't paid much attention to the way she was acting, taking in consideration she did not know me or my family anymore. But the events of this evening left me puzzled and it took every last ounce of self-control I had to keep me here. Fighting myself from following her, knowing I could easily stay unseen by remaining in the forest along the road as I followed her home, it was extremely difficult.

As soon as the car was out of sight I turned around to walk back inside. A smile on my face as I recollected the evening. If all our study sessions could be like this... OK maybe be like this without the emotional beginning and abrupt ending... Our study sessions would be more than bearable for me.

It had been fun to see Bella's expression as I revealed to her my choice for this assignment. Offcourse it had helped to know about the fact that she felt that Romeo was one of the most romantic heroes in English literature. With a sad sigh I recollected the afternoon on her birthday. Sprawled on her couch in the living room we had watched the fifties version of the movie. All the way through the movie I had whispered Romeo's lines in her ear, enjoying the way she let her emotions take control of her. Ending up with tears in her eyes as Julia awakened, only to find her love dead at her side.

In a matter of hours that sure love we had felt for each other had been ripped away by reality. Reality that I was endangering her life by allowing her to be close to me and my family.

Still... even with that knowledge. Now the second time over, after all we knew could happen. All of us had welcomed her back into our lifes. Alice had resumed her role of being Bella's friend and Rosalie had surprised me by doing the same, offering friendship to Bella this time. Emmet and Jasper, they had been easily accepted by her because she knew they were dating her friends.

So where did that leave me? I wasn't her boyfriend anymore. Could I be just a friend, at least until she remembered me and more importantly who I was. A killer, cold and indestructible ... not meant to be in her fragile human life. Every minute she spend close to me, I was in fear of loosing control of myself. And the thought of exposing her to that risk, without having given her a chance to stay away from me... That thought caused an internal battle, debating my selfish vampire nature, telling me to take what I wanted. And at the moment I wanted to be around Bella. Frustrated I ran my hands through my hair.

"_Edward, can I have a word with you?"_ Carlisle was standing at the top of the stairs, telephone in one hand. _"Emmet and Jasper are already upstairs."_ He looked at me with a very serious face as he nodded his head towards the door to his study. Inviting me to join them.

Within seconds I was upstairs, finding both my brothers already in the study. Emmet was standing in front of the window and Jasper had taken a seat on the edge of the desk. They both looked a little bit uncomfortable, Carlisle had waited to tell us what was going on all at the same time.

"That was Charlie Swan on the phone." Carlisle started and immediately I felt a tight feeling around my chest, was this about Bella? Had Charlie called to ask us to stay away from his daughter, he knew who and most important what we were.

"He called on behalf of his friend Billy Black, the son of Ephraim Black." These words made Emmet frown and Jasper sit on the edge of the desk, tense as they both remembered the wolves and the treaty. At the same time I felt relieve knowing this had nothing to do with Bella.

"His son has been missing for over 2 months now, and they have a good lead on where he is right now. They need our help." Carlisle voice held authority and pride as he spoke the last sentence. He felt it was great gesture of trust for Billy Black to ask us for help.

"Why would Charlie want our help to locate a teenage kid?" Emmet asked in disbelieve, not so excited at the thought of doing social work for the Quileutes tribe. But I could read Carlisle's mind and knew he thought they were holding back some important information from us.

"I don't know, but they have asked if we can leave tomorrow morning, very early. Charlie is staying at Billy's tonight, and he wants us to call him as soon as we make up our minds." Carlisle was giving us men a deadline, allowing each one of us to think about it. We had never, not in any town we had lived in participated in any social activities, gatherings or search parties. Trying to stay as low-key as possible, not drawing any unwanted attention to our family.

"Perhaps Charlie thinks... we could be of use to him. He does know we are vampires. Our senses are much better, we are meant to track and kill our prey." Jasper spoke slowly, trying to sound as logical as possible not trying to emphasise the fact he had just talked about humans being prey. At the same time his mind was still puzzling with other possible explanations.

Emmet's thoughts shifted to the fun prospect of tracking a human, as always finding the adventure and excitement in something we usually didn't do. "Could we dress like mountain rangers, and would Charlie give us walkie-talkies to communicate with him? That could be so awesome." His eyes were shining at the prospect of pretending to be a ranger and using a new toy. It made both Carlisle and Jasper grin.

"Perhaps he would, you should ask him Emmet." In a playful way, Jasper punched him in the shoulder. Emmet saw this as an invitation to start a friendly wrestling match, grabbing Jasper by his waist and crashing him to the floor.

This would keep them entertained for a few hours and I could hear Carlisle fear he would loose some of his precious furniture as Emmet and Jasper continued wrestling. "Perhaps this is best taken outside." Carlisle asked them polite and in reply Emmet looked up, allowing Jasper to break free and run outside. Emmet stood there for a moment, allowing Jasper to catch a head start in the forest.

"Do you want to join us Edward, Carlisle." He asked us with a grin.

Shaking my head I turned down his offer and stepped back a few steps towards the door.

"No thanks. Let me know what you decide to do tomorrow, I'm going out for a few hours." Ignoring the knowing looks both my brother and Carlisle gave me I walked out of the door. Just as I walked out the door Emmet needed to have the last word. _"Say hi to Bella if you manage to find the nerve and wake her up" _

He was right, I did plan on visiting Bella. Later this night when she was asleep and I could observe her from close-by, not being afraid she would suddenly move or unknowingly tempt me to touch her. First I needed to hunt.

As I passed the mirror in the hall downstairs I stopped and stared at my own image. Thick bronze hair that stood in all directions after running my hair through it violently. Pale skin, smooth and if I would touch it, it would be cold. The face looked unhappy, lips pulled down with disgust when my eyes connected with themselves in the mirror. They had been light at the start of the evening but now they were pitch black.

Growling at myself with disgust because I knew what the reason was for their dark color. I quickly left the house through the backdoor. Our house was only divided from the forest by a river and today I didn't bother asking if any of my family wanted to join me.

I wanted to be alone.

Leaping over the river I landed on the other side of the river with a soft thud. For a moment I stopped and closed my eyes. Letting go of my restraints and allowing my natural instincts to take control of me. Something inviting tickled my nose and I inhaled again, deeper this time. The smell of deer was faint, probably a couple of miles from here and within seconds the trees were flashing by me as I pushed myself to close the distance. Seeking release from the desires I felt.

Coming to the clearing there were 2 deer, small and compact for their species. It didn't bother me, they were alive and I could hear their hearts pumping, pushing the blood through their warm fragile bodies. Approaching them from the side, the anticipation of feeding made me smile. They still hadn't noticed me and carefully I calculated what would be the quickest way to attack them.

The deer to the left was slightly smaller, younger and probably easier spooked. Making my final decision I dropped into a crouch and leaped at the deer. As soon as my hands touched the neck I quickly snapped it and turned to the other animal. Grabbing it with ease I let my teeth sink into the jugular.

Crouching down next to the body I tilted my head back in satisfaction as the warm blood filled me. Within a few seconds the animal was drained and I dropped it to the ground, turning to the other deer. Already it had cooled down considerable but I didn't let that stop me and finished it very quickly also.

Closing my eyes I sat there for a little while, nothing around me but the slumbering sounds of a sleeping forest. It was comforting to find silence in my mind for the first time this day. Moments like these were rare and usually very short. Most of the times we would hunt in couples, having back up in case of emergency. The emergency being that we would come across some hikers that had gone off the tracks. It had happened on a few occasions.

By now it was dark and above me the moon was large and bright, only 1 more night before becoming a full moon. My vampire eyes gave me excellent night vision but at nights like these, it really wasn't needed. The clearing was illuminated by the moon light and as I looked around it's beauty overwhelmed me. It was similar to the meadow I had taken Bella this summer, except this clearing had no flowers. Instead it had green moss, covering the ground like a soft green velvet. Already I could imagine is lying together, her thick brown hair in beautiful harmony with the natural velvet that covered the ground.

Instantly I regretted killing the 2 deer here, it had taken away the innocence from this place. Getting up I grabbed both the deer and lifted them from the ground. I wouldn't bury them here, instead I took them with me and buried them somewhere else. That way giving back some if it's innocence to this newfound hide-away.

Feeling sure I was no longer thirsty I went to Bella's house. The house was silent. To be sure I paused, listening outside her house, I could hear her slow and even breathing. She was asleep. Smiling at the prospect of seeing my angel fast asleep, I jumped up to her window and carefully opened it.

Before me on her bed I could see Bella, curled up at the head of her bed. She was on her side, knees pulled up under her chin and with her arms securely wrapped around her legs. When I got closer I could see she had dry tears on her cheeks and goose bumps on her skin.

The sight of Bella, cold and lonely in her own bed, made me forget I didn't trust myself to be close to her. Carefully I picked her up, cradling her body close to me. She felt light like a feather and through her pyjamas I could feel her warm skin. It made me want to push the fabric out of the way and run my fingers along her warm skin. Pushing these unwanted feelings aside I folded back her comforter and blanker.

I sat on the bed and laid her down, pulling the blanket over her to protect her from my cold body. After that, very carefully I put my arms around her again, pressing my lips to her forehead and placing a soft kiss on her forehead. Afraid to wake her up, I let go.

"Edward" This time she had spoken out loud, it was more like a sigh, very soft and fragile. But it didn't matter, my name from her mouth sounded like heaven. From the bed I could see her desk and on the corner was her journal. Thinking about the entry she had written I suddenly knew what to do.

Getting up I walked over to the desk and pulled the chair back. Opening the journal to the page where my name so painfully was connected to a collection of question marks, I flipped one page back. Picking up the pen that was left aside the journal, very carefully I wrote _Edward and Bella_

There was no going back now, I'd opened the heart shaped box that held all my secrets. Sooner or later she would read it and start thinking about the meaning and when she would ask me...

The buzzing of my cellphone interrupted me. Picking it up the screen told me I had one new text message from Carlisle. Sliding open my phone I quickly read the message, he was asking me to come back home as soon as possible. With a wicked grin I put the phone back in my pocket. As fast as possible? That could be really fast if you were a vampire.

I took one last look at my love and leaped out of the window. Running towards home, anxious to hear what they had decided.


	23. Chapter 23

**EPOV **

Carlisle had insisted we take Emmet's jeep for our trip up north. Trying to maintain the last of our human facade.

After returning to the house early this morning they had all been waiting for me. Before I could leave with them Alice had pulled me aside.

"_Edward please, please be very careful and take good care of Jasper?" _Her eyes added strength to her pleading mind. _"For some reason, Jasper, Emmet, Carlisle and now you also disappeared from the immediate future. This has never happened and it's scaring me." _ The knowledge of our immediate future disappearing from her visions, wasn't exactly reassuring. It had never happened before and I could see it had Alice spooked.

"Don't worry Alice, I'll make sure we stick together. We'll come home, all of us." Placing a brotherly kiss on her head I tried to comfort her. It didn't work but I could tell she relaxed a little bit. "Have you told Jasper?"

My question was answered by her silence._ "He'd refuse to go.. and feel very guilty for letting you guys handle this situation alone. Carlisle thinks this is a great chance to gain mutual trust, and he is right." _Forcing a weak smile she stepped back and smiled at me.

After that I had quickly gone inside and changed into a pair of dark jeans, woolen sweater with a clean T-shirt and some sturdy looking hiking boots. Not that I needed the attire but it would help hide the fact who I was. A vampire, tracking a teenage boy, using his natural killer instinct. Had the other guys really thought this through?

Meeting them at the jeep, Emmet was already in the drivers seat. Ready to go, excited to have some action. Jasper was seated in the back, very still. He was going over the possible scenario's we could come across today. His main concern being, any one of us losing control or exposing ourselves by accident.

I got in the back and looked at him. He looked back at me. _"What did Alice want from you?" _ Happy I was the only one that could read minds I decided to lie to him. Forcing a relaxed feeling through my body so he wouldn't notice as I shrugged. "She asked me to keep an eye on you, I asked her to keep an eye on Bella in return. It seems we are both on loverswatch." Trying to joke around, I could see Jasper didn't doubt my words. He just laughed and remembered how he and Alice had said good-bye to each other, a couple of times.

"Are you guys ready to role?" Dramatising his words as usual, Emmet turned back to face us. Flashing a huge grin at us, showing of his white teeth... we were used to it but the look would scare humans easily.

"Sure we're ready, just make sure to tone down the enthusiasm once we get there Emmet. You wouldn't want to scare away the humans." Jasper drawled in reply making me close my eyes and shake my head. What had I allowed myself to get pulled into, a road trip with Jasper and Emmet in one car and after that hiking with humans.

Carlisle finally got in the car, he had talked with Charlie again. The conversation had been very short but to the point. They would meet us there, Charlie had contacted the National Park Services and they would allow us to use the Glacier Public Service Center as a meeting point. It was at least a 5 hour drive, maybe 4 because Emmet was driving. That meant we wouldn't be there until 10 o'clock at the earliest.

Charlie and Billy already were on the road, something that considering Emmet was following them in his own car, wasn't such a bad thing. He had explained to Carlisle that there were some more volunteers there, but no local authority.

Leaning back I closed my eyes and tried to ignore the mixed thoughts I received from the others in the car. Next to me Jasper was suffering from the same problem, feeling hyper and excited because of Emmet and at the same time having his own concern and curiosity amplified by Carlisle and myself.

Leaning forward I reached for the stereo and turned it on. Carlisle looked over his shoulder at me and winked, knowing us guys in the back needed some help _"Let me find us something that will make the next 5 hours a little bit easier." _

It didn't take him very long to find a radio station that was playing the top 100 best rock songs. Emmet and yelled "Awesome" at the same time, loosing all attention to driving his Jeep as he cranked up the volume and started singing along to Welcome to the Jungle.

Both Jasper and Carlisle focused on the songs playing on the radio also, making us one collective singing the same songs and feeling the same emotions while singing them thanks to Jasper. It was as close as possible to feeling relaxed I could possible get being in a small room with 3 other vampires.

"_Smart thinking Edward, thanks." _ Jasper let me know as the guitar solo was in full swing, he was playing air guitar to the music with a wicked smile on his face.

After that time passed by quickly, we listened to several older and some newer songs. A couple of time Carlisle had to grab hold of the steering wheel as Emmet would get enthusiastic and at one point even rolled down his window and stuck his head out, yelling along with Thunderstruck while pumping his fists in the air. Lucky for us a car crash wouldn't kill us and his impression of Brian Johnson was impressive.

In just another hour we would be at the meeting point, by now Alice and Bella would be at school. Would Bella notice I wasn't there? Grabbing my phone I started to type a text message, she was still programmed as no1 in my favourites list.

**Do you miss me? **Within seconds there was a reply.

**Who is this? **She hadn't signed the text either.

**If you miss me, you would know who this is. **Jasper leaned over to see what I was doing.

**Edward? **My heart jumped as she replied.

**Yes, good to know you miss me **My face broke into a very big grin. Jasper raised an eyebrow at me, not understanding what I was doing.

**No... just hadn't noticed your smug face. **My face lost the very big grin and I gritted my teeth as I could hear Jasper snicker at her response. At least she had noticed my face. That was something.

**Smug face, did you pay that much attention? **See how she would handle the roles being reversed.

**It's difficult to ignore when I can't go around school without seeing you. **Touche, she had a point. I did make sure to be everywhere. But I only did that because I wanted to see her.

**How did you get my number **Ah that was a good question, what should I tell her? Jasper leaned in reading the text. "J_ust tell her the truth she gave it to you." _ He had a point.

**You gave it to me, remember? **It took a little bit longer for the next text came in, making me afraid I had upset of hurt her.

**Haha funny, aren't you smart....it's not going to work **She took my reply as a joke, not understanding it was the truth.

**What do you mean it's not going to work? **Curious to find out what she was referring to I waited.

**You know what I mean **I could think of many things....

**No sorry, I don't please enlighten me**

Waiting for her to reply... I sat with my phone in my hand but nothing happened. Twirling it between my fingers I waited for an answer until I noticed Emmet was slowing down. Frustrated I snapped the phone shut and threw it aside.

Outside the visitor centre parking lot was still empty. No one else had arrived yet, I wasn't surprised with Emmet's mad driving skills, we had made it here before Charlie. Waiting in the car, Carlisle turned the music down and turned towards Jasper and me.

"I think it's best to assume we'll be asked to split up in pairs. If that happens I need Emmet to come with me and Edward to go with Jasper." He looked at me very intent and added silently _"If something goes down, call me immediately and try and stay in my head for as long as possible." _

Before getting another chance to talk to us, Charlie pulled up in his cruiser. In the front was Billy Black sitting next to him, in the back I recognised Harry Clearwater. We all got out of the Jeep to greet them.

Billy's thoughts were anxious but that was to be expected. He had been told the stories of the Cold ones and here we were, outnumbering them in a secluded area. Carlisle walked in front and offered him his hand.

To my surprise Billy grabbed it and smiled a sad smile. "Thank you for coming to our help, you're the last person and the only person at the same time that could help us." His words were very cryptic. In response Jasper stepped to Carlisle's side, assuming the position of second leader.

Uncomfortable Billy looked at Harry. "You know Harry already, he was there the day at the cliffs. Next to him is Embry, he is a close friend of Jacob and eager to find him."

"Nice to meet you Embry" Carlisle smiled at him and we all nodded to show our support and appreciation towards him.

"What is it exactly you need us for?" I knew this was the question that had been on his mind ever since the phone call yesterday. In fact it still puzzled me why he had agreed in driving here without knowing what we would be doing exactly.

Charlie stepped up with a map and unfolded it on the hood of the car. "Jacob went missing right after...." He paused as he struggled to find the words.

"Well you know, right after." His face was tight and his eyes struggled to hide what he was feeling.

"We found his car here." Pointing at a smaller campground at least 50 miles south from here.

"Last week a ranger found his backpack here at an emergency shelter." Again he pointed at the map, this time about 30 miles up north from here.

"We think he hiked up north. However the backpack looked like it had been there for a while, so we aren't sure where he is at the moment. There weren't any signs of a struggle, suggesting he left it there with the intention to retrieve it at a later time." He looked up at each one of us.

"I suggest we spread out in teams and each hike towards the areas where we know he has been. I'm hoping you will catch his scent and we can track him." The plan was simple and could work.

Jasper stepped forward "If you don't mind me asking, why don't you ask the wolfpack to try and track him. They know his scent and they can travel fast through the rough terrain." At the question I could see Harry and Billy's hurt expression.

"When the red haired one attacked Bella, she injured Sam during the fight. His wounds weren't lethal, but they didn't want to close and in hours he died" The statement was made by Billy, his face looking old as he felt the sorrow and grieve again at loosing the leader of the pack.

"Paul refuses to go look for Jacob, especially now you have agreed on helping us. And the only other wolf is Jared but without a leader of the pack he is heavily influenced by Paul. So we asked you to help us find Jacob." He paused for a moment and as he did I could read his mind, not being able to hide my surprise I finished his sentence.

"Paul and Jared looked for him last month and couldn't find him. And there is another wolf, he's here. " I spoke out loud, finishing what was still on Billy's mind. All vampire eyes instantly settled on the young man standing aside Harry. He stepped back from us, his eyes wide with suprise as I could hear him chant to himself._ "Stay calm, stay calm."_

At the same time all human eyes settled on me. Not understanding what had happened they looked at me with fear. Understanding their fear I put my hands up, palms reaching out towards them and smiled in an apologetic way. Trying to make my face seem as honest and friendly as possible.

"I can read people's minds." Going for the short explanation I quickly added "Just me." To make sure they understood I was the only one that could read their minds. Harry and Billy could only think how this was an added power, increasing the threat of our kind but at the same time feeling relieve at my honesty and the knowledge that today I was on their side.

"_I always thought it was weird how perceptive he is around me." _Charlie scoffed, not giving much thought about what I had told him.

"_Could it be like being in the pack, they hear each others thoughts." _Embry found my ability intriguing, somehow having experienced something similar before when he had been in the wolfpack. "It's true, I've fased into a wolf a couple times. But that was with Sam closeby. You don't understand... the first few times. It is difficult, and without him to help me... there is no calm collective there to support me, to help me pull myself together." His words sounded sad at the mentioning of his former leader.  
"Paul and Jared they don't want me to be here. But Jacob is my friend and Billy and Harry are part of the council, if they trust you...my place is here." Embry looked at Carlisle first, acknowledging him as our leader. After that he stepped back again.

We all stood there looking at each other, silent and waiting for someone to speak first. If this was our team, it would be interesting to see how we could work together. Two old Indians, one Chief of Police, One young wolf and four vampires. Between all of us, I doubted who was the most crazy to be here.

"Ehm.. Right. Now introductions have been made. I think it is best to split up in 3 teams." Charlie was frowned at by Billy and Harry.  
"Aha... How about split up in 2 teams?" This time he checked with Billy and Harry first, they didn't make any objections so he quickly divided us into groups.

Harry would come with Carlisle and Emmet.

Charlie and Embry would come with Jasper and me.

Billy would be our commandpost, safely posted at the car staying in touch with us through radio.

We all picked up our gear and split up in groups, Harry, Carlisle and Emmet heading south towards the area where the car had been and Jasper, Embry, Charlie and myself headed up north towards where the back pack had been found. As I looked over my shoulder I could see Billy was in the car, looking tense at the knowledge this could be the last chance at finding his son.

He caught me looking and for a moment his face warmed, sending me a thumbs up to wish me good luck. "Please bring my boy home." His desperate words followed a few minutes later when he was no longer in sight. We would do just that, I'd make sure we would.

After several hours and a few stops, Jasper and Charlie had split up from me and Embry.

So far we hadn't picked up any scent that smelled human and Jasper had insisted we could search the woods more effective if we did have 3 teams. Charlie had been happy to go with Jasper and Embry had stayed with me.

I could tell by Charlie's thoughts he would have rather gone with me, but sensed that out of Jasper and myself. I would intimidate the boy the least. We were going up a rocky path, getting to higher grounds. At the top, we would meet with Charlie and Jasper who had taken the short track.

After a short climb Embry started walking next to me. _"So this mindreading thing, you weren't kidding?"_ He tested me.

"No" Answering him I continued walking.

_"Cool."_ Not knowing what else to say he continued walking next to me. _"It would be like not having any privacy from others. That must suck sometimes?" _

"Yes it does." I looked at him, not slowing down.

_"Can you block out thoughts?"_ He looked at me, not slowing down either.

"Sometimes."

_"Could you teach me how?"_

I stopped and looked at him. "Why would you want to know how to do that?"

Embry stopped also and looked back at me _"When we fase, all of us, we can hear each others thoughts, hearing everything, it's another reason why I stay human."_

To my surprise I felt sympathy for the boy standing in front of me. "First let's find your friend, after that we can talk about this again."

_"Great." _ He thanked me silently, finding comfort in the easy way of conversation and I smiled as he happily thought to himself

_"Paul and Jared, they are completely wrong about them." _Quickly understanding by my amused expression, I could hear that to.

We continued our hike, alternating between climbing and walking. As we got closer to the top he stopped. _"Something isn't right, it smells like Paul or Jared have been here recently." _He turned to face me, anger across his face at the thought of them sneaking around his back.

Before I could answer him someone else caught my attention. Jasper was calling for me. My instincts took over and I rushed forward, amazed to find out Embry was keeping up more or less. As I closed in to Jasper I could smell blood and something else. The same smell that Embry had commented on, except now it was much stronger.

Rounding the corner I could see Jasper, his face white as snow and eyes black as coal. His lips turned up in a feral way as he was crouched in front of Charlie's still body. He was struggling with his blood lust while at the same time trying to protect Charlie.


	24. Chapter 24

EPOV

Jasper was struggling with his blood lust while at the same time trying to protect Charlie. Not understanding what had happened I slowly raised my hands and closed in on him.

_"Mine"  
_ The possessive attitude towards Charlie surprised me as I tried to read Jasper's mind. His eyes shot round, glancing behind me. I knew I should be paying attention to my surroundings but I was too focused on my brother.

As I got closer to Jasper a warm wall hit me. The force of the blow send me flying through the air with such speed, I crushed through the first few trees I slammed into.

Landing on my feet, I crouched ready to protect myself and looked up. Like Jasper now in a protective stance, baring my teeth and letting out a low his. We had been betrayed.

To my surprise Embry was standing in front of Jasper, frantically stripping his clothes of as his body was trembling._ "Please Edward,I can help him." _

Help him.. the words registered slowly as I barely escaped another attack, spinning out of the way just before the animal touched me I looked at it.

His eyes were enraged and his thick fur was covered in mood and blood, this wasn't Paul or Jared. This animal had been out here for a very long time. Realisation dawned.

Jacob was attacking us.

Swiftly moving around him, closer to Embry and next to Jasper.

He still had one hand clutched around Charlie Swan's arm. It was so tight, it looked like he had snapped the arm by accident. As I covered my hand with his I could feel his body freeze.

"Jasper let go, you did great." I tried to comfort him and to my relieve he loosened his bone crushing grip, letting the arm fall to the ground. The scent of blood coming from the crumbled body behind us made my nostrils flare and I struggled for a second with my own bloodlust. Jasper surprised me by putting his now free hand on my wrist, steadying me. Looking into his mind I could tell he was focused on Alice hugging Bella. Connecting the happiness of both Alice and Bella to Charlie's survival. His control based on his greatest strength, the love for his wife and urge to protect our family. It comforted me to know and gave me strength.

Before I got a chance to tell him. A loud cracking sound made us both look up and in front of us we could see another wolf. Smaller and leaner than the other one, Embry had phased. The kid was blocking Jacob's path to us and instantly I knew what he wanted to do. This battle was not going to be easy. The kid was suicidal for thinking he could take on Jacob.

The largest of the wolfs charged at us, his eyes blinded by rage. Embry howled at him in a provocative way. _"Give me a chance to reason with him." _Again his mind pleaded, scared we would attack and kill his friend. I knew it would be very difficult to get through to Jacob's mind. Scared for his life I straightened up and slowly moved closer towards the two wolfs.

As they danced around each other I tried reading Jacob's mind. He was incoherent, aggressive and most of all focussed on how to get to Jasper and me.

"Jasper can you try and influence Jacob." I whispered under my breath, hoping only he would hear my words.

"_That mountain of a wolf is the lost kid." _Jasper looked at me, his black eyes now showing betrayal. _"At least now we know why they needed us to go look for him. Didn't Embry say something about feeling calm and collected?" _

With one very quick nod of my head I confirmed. Keeping an eye on the fight in front of us.

A crushing blow deafened the clearing when Jacob and Embry collided in the air, as they fell to the ground, Jacob pinned Embry to the ground. _"Kill... traitor...can't trust.." _His words were difficult to understand as he had been running as a wolf for a while.

But these conflicted words made me jump at Jacob, tackling him as I smashed into his large body. Taking him down and freeing Embry at the same time. He responded by clawing straight through my clothes, scraping a big chunk of skin from my arm.

I pushed him down against the floor. "Jacob listen to Embry, look at Charlie." I yelled at him, hoping he would hear my words and understand them. _"Charlie...Bella." _

He had heard me and now his mind showed a picture of Bella as she fell backwards, knocked down by a wolf he recognised to be Paul. Struggling to brake free from me, I tightened my restraint on his shoulder and jaw, pushing him even further in the ground.

Embry joined me by putting his weight on his lower body. As he did, receiving numerous kicks to his stomach. The smell of blood made my nostrils flare, this needed to be ended very quick.

"Jasper" I hadn't intended to sound so desperate as I tried to get Jasper to help us. Another tremor rolled through the wolfs body underneath me, showing me that he had great difficulty being in such close proximity with me.

"_I'm trying my best." _Jasper left Charlie's side and stepped closer, making sure not to get too close understanding a third threat wouldn't help calm the now howling and seizing wolf down. He was focusing on Alice, how she gave him strength and conviction to be good. Using the image of his loved one he sent those feeling of being loved to Jacob. Remembering what Embry had told me he added calm and confident to that, trying to push aside the hostile rage that he received back.

"Jacob, you need to listen to Embry. Use his mind to see for yourself Bella is safe at home in Forks. But think how she will feel if she looses her father." This time I whispered the words at him. Hoping that the softer use of my voice wouldn't upset him further.

It worked, the struggling got less and his breathing became less enraged.

Slowly his eyes started to droop, his pulse got slower. _"I'm putting him to sleep." _Jasper let me know and I smiled at him. Embry understood what was happening and released his hold on Jacob, stepping back as he knew it would only be seconds until the boy would return from the savage beast we had encountered just minutes ago.

Before us the wolf trembled and slowly shimmered back to it's human form. I let go also, standing up as I looked down. Nothing about the form in front of me reminded me of the happy kid I had remember seeing at the dance just 7 months ago. His hair was cut of in a sloppy way, uneven and chunky. Even when he was asleep he seemed tense, his jaw clenched and fists balled up.

Grabbing my phone I dialled Carlisle's number. "We found him. We're coming back to the car. Charlie needs medical attention, it's bad." Not waiting for his answer I hung up and rushed over to Charlie. The man was barely conscious. Very quickly I examined his injuries. He would need surgery on his arm where Jasper had held him and the smell of unexposed blood under the skin of his abdomen made me think he had some internal bleeding.

"Chief Swan." Looking at him to see if he heard me. "I'm going to pick you up now and bring you to the car, Carlisle is meeting us there." Letting him know what would happen I put my arm under his body and picked him, cradling him close to me, making sure that as I would run.. his body would be stable.

Looking over to my brother Jasper had slung Jacob over his shoulder, still influencing him, making sure he would stay asleep. He had a frown on his face. _"You owe me for taking the mutt, Alice will burn these clothes when I get home."_

Embry was already leading the way. This time not holding back and taking the fastest route possible. We followed him, soon arriving back at the cruiser.

Carlisle and Emmet were already there and Harry was sitting on the ground, his head between his knees. I frowned at him as I carefully put Charlie on the blanket that was spread out on the ground for him. Carlisle started examining his injuries, like me noticing the bruised and swollen abdomen.

With one eyebrow raised I looked at Harry. _"We ran here at vampire speed, dude almost hurled in my neck." _Emmet found the situation hilarious.

Embry come out of the forest, he had turned back to his human form and was very pleased of achieving this on his own. He took two big steps towards the car and grabbed a pair of jeans and shirt from the trunk, quickly getting dressed. Clearly feeling more confident after we had seen him in his wolf form Embry shook stood close to us, looking at Charlie with a hurt expression.

"How is he?" Both he and Jasper asked at the same time, they looked at each other. Comradery showing as they knew, there were no boundaries left between him and us after fighting together.

Carlisle straightened up and took a breath. "From what I can tell without any medical instruments here. My main concern is that I believe he has a ruptured spleen. We need to bring him to the nearest hospital immediately for medical attention. He's bleeding into his abdominal cavity, without surgery he could die" Addressing the last words to both Billy and Harry to emphasise the urgency of the situation.

Not waiting for permission he cradled Charlie's body in his arms and very carefully walked to the Jeep, Emmet opened the backdoor for him. Together they secured Charlie in the Jeep. Checking to see if he was comfortable.

They both got in the front. Emmet started the car and very carefully turned the Jeep and pulled out of the parking lot.

For a moment, Jasper, Embry, Harry, Billy and I stood there. Not knowing what to do next. Jacob was in the back of the cruiser taking up most of the space, still sleeping. Embry had covered him with a blanket. Looking at him I knew, we had a small problem getting home. What if Jacob would wake up in the back and loose it, there was no way a 6 feet wolf would fit in the back.

"Jasper you need to ride home with Billy and Harry in the cruiser, make sure they get home safe." It was the only solution but I could tell neither Jasper, Billy or Harry really liked the idea.

"The other solution is, you run home with the guy over your shoulder." Grinning at the mental image, I could see all of them didn't think that was a better option. Jasper reluctantly got in the back, barely having enough room to sit down. A disgusted frown on his face as he was skin to skin with the wolf. Quickly he rolled down the window, not that it would help a lot. He glared at me as Harry slowly pulled out of the parking lot.

Turning to Embry I laughed at his excited face. _"Are we running home?"_

"It seems like it." Smiling at his eager question I waited for him to phase.

Picking up his jeans and shirt, folding them together, watching how the kid started to tremble and exploded into a wolf again. This time it seemed easier on him. Turning to me he shook his body, stretching his back like an athlete warming up before a competition.

"_Ready?" _Before I could answer he started away from me with impressive speed.

The trip here had taken us over 4 hours, even with Emmet's driving skills. Our run back only took a quarter of that time. I was amazed at the speed Embry could achieve and maintain over the long distance. Taking a peek into his mind, I could tell he really enjoyed himself. Like myself he found running free was a great way to clear your mind.

Once we got closer to Forks he slowed down. _"I'm gonna bend right now, go home. Give my thanks to your brothers and father....and could you say Hi to Bella for me." _Leaving me he took a different path and disappeared into the forest.

Bella. She had to be told about her father and needed a place to stay tonight. Coming to an abrupt halt, I reached for my phone and turned it back on.

The screen flashed at me. One new text message.

Opening the message it was from Bella. The single line made me crumble my phone into dust. Angry I threw the remains of my phone away and wished I'd never turned it on.

I started walking at the slow human pace that normally would irritate me. It would give me time, time was all I had and right now I needed lots of it.

Letting my mind go over the words again and again and again, the world seemed to fade away in the background. Walking home on instinct.

I didn't notice what time it was.  
I didn't notice Esme was cooking food in the kitchen.  
I didn't notice Rosalie was no longer working on the truck outside.  
I didn't notice Alice her mind trying to warn me.

The thing I did notice was her scent, as I walked in my room. There she was talking with Rosalie in my room, on a bed that hadn't been there this morning. They both looked up at me. Rosalie with a curious expression and Bella with no expression at all.

Freezing at the sight of them for a moment I looked back at them, not sure what my expression was before I turned around. This time, I did notice all the things I hadn't before. But even with her words in min, I couldn't leave and found myself fall to my knees when I reached the edge of our garden. Digging my fingers into the dirt as I let out an anguished cry. Hating myself for being to weak to leave.  
I turned around and went back to the house, climbing the tree outside my room. Knowing in the dark Bella could not see me but in return being able to see her.

I sat and watched, my love. Knowing that no matter what would happen I would watch her my entire life from the shadows because my heart could never let her go.


	25. Chapter 25

This is it people, enjoy because my notebook is empty :)  
I'll need another sleepless night to write the next chapter.

At first this was one chapter together with the previous one,  
but it's too long so I split it in 2 seperate chapters.  
Hope you don't mind and enjoy reading it.

**Disclaimer: Stephenie Meyer owns Twilight and all it's characters**

BPOV

I woke up late, feeling like a truck had run over my body. No surprise since I'd spend a couple of hours awake in the middle of the night. With some effort I made it downstairs, dressed in a pair of comfortable jeans and turtleneck sweater. Not feeling in the mood to oblige to Alice's demands, to try and dress fashionable.

Walking into the kitchen, the note on the fridge reminded me to call Charlie later on today and check if he would come home this afternoon. If not, perhaps Angela would want to invite me over for dinner. It had been a while since I'd seen her parents and little brothers.

Grabbing an apple and some orange juice for breakfast I sat down at the kitchen table. Outside the sky was all grey and cloudy, probably bringing us snow later today. After spending a considerable time having breakfast with Charlie, he had taught me how to tell by the sky and clouds, if the weather would be cold, dry or wet. This, according to Charlie, were snow clouds. And who was I to doubt the weather forecasting skills of Forks Police Chief?

With a sigh I got up and put my glass in the sink, next to the plate I had used last night. Not having the energy to rinse them, I looked around to find my school bag. It took me a few minutes to figure out, I'd left it in the car yesterday. So instead I collected the few books that I would need today and went to the car.

The drive to school took less time today, feeling more comfortable driving the car today. It took less effort to drive and I made it to school in good time. As I pulled into the parking lot, at the far end I could see Angela get out of her car. With a smile I parked next to her and waved. As I got out to greet her she waved at me also, waiting next to her car for me to join her.

"What did you do with your truck, and why are you driving in Rosalie Hale's sport car?" Her eyes almost popped as she looked at me, obviously she hadn't seen it yesterday.

"I forgot to tell you. Last Saturday, Alice took me shopping, but she was sick and so I ended up with Rosalie instead. She was very nice, we got to talking about cars.. and she offered to fix my truck" Smiling at Angela, I could see she was a little bit confused.

"You and Rosalie, went shopping together, and you got along? Wow, that's like being in the Twilight-Zone." Her words made me feel very uncomfortable. Rosalie had told me, she hadn't been my friend and after yesterday afternoon, it was difficult to imagine that because I really felt sure we were friends. But now the only person that had been my friend and honestly told me everything she could. She told me this friendship was strange.

"Is it really such a surprise?" Trying to hide my disappointment, I asked her. Looking down at the strap of my schoolbag as I added "Rosalie really has been very nice to me." Should I tell her about my mini breakdown at the mall... before I could decide, Angela answered my question.

"Yes it is a surprise, but only because she and Emmet were always so close. They never tried to be friends with anyone else. I'm sure she is really fun to hang out with." Angela added quickly. "It's ease to judge people if you don't really know them."

This time her voice sounded a lot more relaxed. " I'm sure she is a good friend, besides she letting you drive her 60.000 dollar car, she must really trust you."

Almost giving myself a whiplash I looked up at Angela. "How much?" I almost yelled at her. " Are you sure?" My friend stood there laughing at me. She couldn't be right, had I been driving around in a car that could pay of most of Charlie's mortgage.

"Last year whenever she would drive it to school, all the guys would talk about it. They are sure it should cost at least that." Angela laughed as she put her arm through mine and turned to walk towards the first class we shared together. It was History. Still thinking about the car, I didn't pay attention to where I was going and Angela very swiftly guided me to my assigned seat in the back. As I sat down I could hear a bubbly voice next to me speak with Angela. "What's up with Bella?"

"Oh, I told her the retail price of Rosalie's car" Was the only reply Angela could make before both she and Alice couldn't help themselves and started laughing very loud. At hearing their happy laughter and seeing both of them laugh, it was hard to ignore and I joined them. For a few minutes all we could do was laugh, tears were in my eyes by the time our teacher had entered the classroom. Calling our names, asking us to grab our books and pay attention. Angela managed to hold back her laughter and I held my breath as much as possible, trying to hold back.

The first hour we had a lecture, the second hour we could work on assignment for next week. At first I had found the back to back classes very weird, but now I was used to it and found it very useful. Still being able to recollect the subjects that had been discussed a few minutes earlier, it made it easier to finish my work.

My phone buzzed in my backpack and I grabbed it expecting it to be Charlie. Instead I had a text message.

**Do you miss me?**

That was weird, the number was unknown and the message wasn't signed. Curious to find out who it could be I replied.

**Who is this?**

Keeping my phone in my hand I waited to find out if the mystery person would reply.

**If you miss me, you would know who this is.**

Looking around the classroom I tried to see if there were any missing students. The only person I could think of was Edward.

**Edward?**

I could feel my cheeks flush, what if I was wrong? Or more important, what if I was right?

**Yes, good to know you miss me**

So it was Edward.. and wait. I hadn't written I miss him. Frustrated I let out a growl. That manipulative, ridiculously good looking boy was so irritating. I quickly replied to his assumption, correcting him.

**No... just hadn't noticed your smug face.**

That would shut his big mouth, wipe that smug smile of his face.

**Smug face, did you pay that much attention?**

Again he twisted my words, was he making fun of me?

**It's difficult to ignore when I can't go around school without seeing you.**

There that was very clear, telling him that me noticing him wasn't a compliment. Leaning closer to Alice I softly whispered "Why did you give Edward my phone number?"

She looked at me with a twinkle in her eyes. "I didn't."

But if she hadn't, how did he get my number. Grabbing my phone I typed another text.

**How did you get my number**

Within a few seconds he replied

**You gave it to me, remember?**

Rolling my eyes I read the text, did he think this was charming me. Well he was wrong.

**Haha funny, aren't you smart....it's not going to work**

Putting my phone back in my backpack I tried to concentrate on the assignment we had been told to finish by the end of class. Just as I picked up my pen, there was a buzzing sound from my bag.

**What do you mean it's not going to work?**

Oh come on, did I really have to tell him.

**You know what I mean**

His only reply was.

**No sorry, I don't please enlighten me**

No, that could never be enlightened as he liked to call it by text message. Angry I threw my phone back in my bag. Biting on the nail of my thumb I read what I had written in my notebook. Unable to concentrate I leaned over to Alice, passing her a small note. My zombie behaviour this morning had prevented me from asking her if she had written in my journal.

She took it and looked at it. Ignoring the looks our teacher was giving us she turned her head and smiled, the same twinkle I had seen earlier still in her eyes. "I didn't." After looking at me stunned expression she turned to collect her books and schoolbag as she stood up. The bell signalling class was finished as she got up.

Stunned I stayed behind, if she hadn't written in my diary. Who had? The rest of the morning I didn't see her again, or Jasper. It looked like they had gone home. Or perhaps Jasper hadn't been at school either.

I spend lunch sitting with Angela, Ben and Jessica. Glancing over to the table at the far end of the cafeteria a few times, not understanding why Alice didn't let me know where she was. In the two days we had spend together at school, she had become my closest friend and I missed sitting with her, Jasper and yes, even Edward. It took a lot of control to not pick up the phone and text him back.

"So Bella, you and Rosalie are tight buddies now ?" Mike was angled towards me looking expectantly at me. Next to him Tyler, Eric and Ben were looking at me also.

"I'm sorry Mike, what did you say?" Not paying attention to him, I didn't understand what he had said.

"Since you and Cullen are no longer together, I assumed you are friends with Rosalie Hale now." Mike looked at me, over his shoulder I could see Ben look at me expectantly. "Your'e driving her car, that must be awesome."

"Ehm sure, it's ok." How could I explain it frightened me to death to drive in that car with all the fancy buttons, custom made leather interior, six speed manual transmission and a speedometer that showed up to three times the speed my truck could ever manage.

"It's ok?? Bella how can you say that!" Mike yelled at me as he grabbed my hand and I leaned back trying to avoid his spit. "That car is a dream, I'd die to drive in it just once." Well if he wanted to die, all he needed to do was take the keys and drive it to Rose, she'd have his head for driving in her car... and I'd never have to be bothered by him again. Pulling my hand from his I got up from the table.

"I'll keep that in mind Mike." Not waiting for his answer I looked over at Angela who could no longer contain her laughter. She got up also and we fled from the cafeteria.

"Tomorrow you're giving me a ride Angela." If this was the way teenage boys reacted to that car, I wouldn't drive it to school anymore.

"Sure thing Bella, just text me what time you want to be picked up tonight." Each going our separate ways to class she waved at me and walked away from me.

As I did Mike's words repeated in my head. Since you and Cullen are no longer together. The only free Cullen was Edward. Edward had acted weird around me almost every time I had seen him.

The words in my diary flashed at me Edward and Bella. I stopped and couldn't believe how stupid I had been. All the signals had been clear, I had even questioned the thought myself a couple of times. Edward was my ex-boyfriend. All the time, he had known and not told me anything.

Probably thinking it was funny. Betrayal coursed through my body, everyone had known and let me make a fool of myself. Angry I grabbed my phone and typed a text to Edward.

**I know what you are, leave me alone**

That would make him back of, give me time to think. I would need to talk to Alice and Rosalie also, in person because no matter how Edward felt about me. I still needed them to be my friend. The rest of the day went by in slow motion. Lack of sleep was taking it's heavy toll on me, making me struggle to stay awake and at the same time I kept checking my phone but there was no reply. By the time the last class was over I welcomed the sound of the bell, signalling I was free to go home. Getting up I first went over to my locker and dropped of some books. As I got there Alice was waiting for me with Esme.

"Bella!" From across the hallway Alice called, ignoring all the people that were now looking at her. Pushing past some students I got to her as fast as possible, worried by the way both she and Esme were waiting for me.

"Bella, I'm sorry for not staying at school. There was a family emergency, we all had to be home to take care of it." Her eyes were sad as she spoke to me and from the corner of my eyes I could see Esme look at me with a sad expression also.

"Is everyone ok? Did anything happen to your brothers or sisters... to Carlisle." Suddenly the thought of one of my new friends getting hurt caused me to panic. Looking over to Esme she shook her head and stepped forward. Placing her hand on my arm she looked at me.

Sensing something was wrong I pulled away from them. "If you are all fine, why are you here?" A horrible feeling deep down started to take hold of me.

"Remember how your father had to go up north for his work?" Esme looked at me waiting for me to acknowledge her statement. It remember me, I should have called him.

"Yes, I was supposed to call him this afternoon. The note said there was a problem with large animals and he wasn't sure if he would be back on time this afternoon."

"Emmet and Carlisle. They both have their hunting permit and joined your father this morning. After a few hours, they tracked the animal that was causing trouble." Esme's voice was calm. Too calm.

"When they got close to it, cornering it up in the mountains. The animal probably got scared and tried defending itself, it attacked them." Esme's looked at me, in her eyes I could see regret . Her beautiful face lost in sorrow.

"No...." Putting the pieces together, I could feel my knees give way and Alice her hands shot out at me, holding me up. "Charlie, is he..." Not being able to finish, I looked at Esme. Alice her hands were securely wrapped around my arms, holding me up and comforting me at the same time.

"Carlisle and Emmet were there, they rushed him back to the hospital. He's not in a critical condition but has to stay in the hospital up north for a few days. He is being operated now, they allowed Carlisle to operate on him there and I'm sure he is doing all he can to have your dad transferred to Forks Hospital. I'm so sorry Bella." Esme finished what she was trying to explain to me, as she did her voice sounded confident in the knowledge her husband was working his best on my father. And she should be, he had saved my life also.

"Carlisle can fix Charlie." My words sounded shaky, but the hope they gave me was all I had right now.

"Yes he can. And until he can come home, we think it would be best if you would come and stay with us. At least tonight so you won't be alone at the house, worrying about your father." Alice wrapped her arms around me and pulled me close. She had been silent all the time. Looking at my tiny friend and her loving mother. They weren't giving me a choice, i had to go with them.

"OK, I'll come home with you." Allowing the last of my resistance to crumble I wiped the tears away from my eyes and smiled at Esme.

"Yay." Alice seemed to have come back to life again and bounced next to me. "We've got all your stuff in the car already, do you want me to drive Rose her car home?" Glad to at least won't have to suffer another anxious car ride I gladly handed over the carkeys. Alice snatched them from me and disappeared outside.

"Do you want to stop by your home first sweetheart, Alice packed your bag but perhaps there is something you need to do or look after before you come to our house?" Esme had wrapped her arm around my shoulder, pulling me close to her as we walked outside. Her gesture was warm and comforting. But at the same time felt weird. Like Alice her touch was cold.

"No, there is nothing to do at home. I'm sure Alice has packed enough things for one evening. She's very efficient." The last was an understatement and my careful words made Esme's eyes light up. "Yes you could say she is efficient, that is a very nice way of describing her."

Together we walked outside were we could see Alice leave the parking lot, the top of the car down and music playing loud on the radio. All the guys were staring at her and the car as she sped away. Shaking my head at her behaviour, I was happy Esme was driving me in Carlisle's safe and understated black Mercedes.

Getting into the car I closed my eyes and rested my head against the headrest as she started the car. Unlike Alice she didn't turn on the radio and I enjoyed the complete silence.

"Esme?" My voice sounded far away.

"Yes sweetheart." The way she said sweetheart made me feel warm on the inside. I could tell by her tone of voice, she meant what she said. Perhaps after adopting 5 teenagers, taking me home for the night didn't seem as so much trouble for her.

"Where will I sleep?" It felt weird asking her this, but it was the only thing I was worried about. Alice and Rosalie hadn't been mysterious about the fact they were a couple with Jasper and Emmet. Edward had said it himself, they shared a bedroom.

"Oh, don't worry about that. We'll work something out. Move around the boys to get you a comfortable place to sleep." She replied with a soft chuckle as she turned into their driveway.

Rosalie and Alice were already waiting outside for me. "Bella, we're giving you Edwards room. Rosalie just finished it for you." Grunting inwardly I let them pull me inside. Great after asking him to leave me alone, I was now invading his personal space.

Alice took my hand and started to show me around upstairs. At the far end of the hallway was Edwards room, it felt weird to be in his room.

"Rose, would you mind staying with me?" I looked at my friend, remembering how good a listener she had been last Saturday. Hoping she would I sat down on the edge of the bed.

Her beautiful face warmed but the light didn't seem to reach her eyes. "Sure."

Closing the door behind her Alice quickly left the room and Rosalie walked over to the bed. Sitting down on the end also, turning to look at me. "What is it you would like to talk to me about?"

Relieved she understood why I had asked her to stay I took a deep breath.

"It's Edward. I know what he is."

Nervous I looked at Rosalie. In return Rosalie was looking at me with big eyes, seeming stunned by my words.

"Edward... we dated. I understand now why he was acting so weird, it must be tough to be around your ex-girlfriend." Not really understanding why this afternoon I had been angry at him, and now... was I defending him? Mentally I slapped myself. Find that angry feeling that had made me tell him to leave me alone.

Across me on the bed Rosalie still hadn't moved.

I could feel her cold stare burn my skin, making my face flushed. Fiddling with my sleeve I looked down, trying to feel less uncomfortable. It wasn't working.

"You remembered that Edward is your ex-boyfriend? That is what you want to talk to me about?" The words came out very slowly, her voice full of relieve. She leaned back and let out a nervous chuckle.

"Yes" Not understanding what had first caused her so much stress and after that hade made the stress disappear so quickly. "I've made such a fool of myself." This time my voice cracked as I spoke.

"After coming home from the hospital, I didn't remember anything. Then Renee found a diary, she gave it to me. But when I started reading it, it was horrible. The things I wrote were horrible." Letting my tears flow freely, I knew if I didn't stop talking soon... there would be no stopping. My tears made Rosalie's laughter stop and she scooted closer to me.

"Oh Bella. I'm so sorry, if we had known. Alice or myself, we could have told you." This time she grabbed my arm and pulled me into a tight hug.

"It's just.. you don't understand. I loved him so much Rosalie. How could I have ever lost all my memories of him?" Sobbing in her shoulder I let her hold me. Finding comfort in her cold strange hug. I looked up at her, tears making my visions blurry but at the moment didn't really matter to me.

The past few days had been terrible. Thinking back, first Edward had hurt me by ignoring me, after that he had hurt me by flirting with a stranger, then he had flirted with me, tricked me into studying with him, confused me to the point where I had the most awful nightmare I could remember ever having and now today the text messages. And all of this, shouldn't have mattered to me if deep down I wouldn't still have feelings for him.

Remembering what it said in the diary about him my heart broke a little more. He had left me, saying I couldn't come with him because he didn't want me anymore.

"He must have been happy to come back and find out I had lost my memories of him. At least he wouldn't have to deal with a lovesick loser following him around." To my surprise Rosalie grabbed my shoulders, I winched at the pain as she gripped me a little bit too tight.

"Bella Swan, don't you say that." Her eyes looked black, furious as she spoke to me.

"My brother, with all his flaws.. has one thing good in him. That is his love for you. It took me a while to figure that out." Her voice sounded tormented as she gave me time to process her words before she continued.

Before any one of us could say anything the door flew open and I looked up to see Edward in the doorway. His entire body tensed up at the sight of Rosalie and me. Or at least I hoped it was the both of us, not just me.

His expression was hostile almost making me want to crawl away and hide from him. Rosalie opened her mouth to say something but as quick as he had appeared, even faster did he make it out of the door. For a moment I thought I'd imagined all of it. But I knew I was wrong because the door was open and it should be closed.

Rosalie let go of my shoulders, stood up and looked from me to the door, back to me again. Like she was deciding if she would stay with me or follow her brother. After several minutes there was a soft knock on the door, Alice peeked her head through. To my surprise Rosalie rushed over to meet her, pushing Alice back in the hallway and closing the door behind them. After a few seconds Alice came walking in, elegantly sitting on the bed next to me, folding her legs underneath her body as she turned to face me.

"Bella. I'm so sorry. Rosalie told me what you remember and how Edward just came walking into the room. She's gone to try and talk with him. Don't worry she will find him and reason with him." Her usually bubbly voice sounded tormented.

"You left me, you all left me." Out of nowhere I remembered the feeling of being lost without them. Another headache starting to build at the back of my head as I tried to remember something more. I needed to know, now. Feeling like I was crumbling apart again, I wrapped my arms around me and took a shaky breath.

Alice was sitting close enough to hug me but instead she reached out to my face. Her cold touch feeling like ice on my flushed skin.

"Bella, I'm so sorry for not being able to answer all your questions. I know what you will ask me but please, please understand." Her large golden eyes were now begging me.

" Yes we did leave you behind, I can't tell you why we left. Just know some things happened, things you can't remember. And until you do remember, I can't tell you why we left. But us leaving it was a family decision and Edward.... He hoped it would hurt less....so he lied to you the evening we left."

Her words gave me hope. "He lied to me?"

With sad eyes she looked at me " Yes, he told you he didn't want you but that's not true."

As Alice her words slowly sank into my mind I tried to understand what she had said. Only two things registered, most important Edward didn't want to leave me. And if that was true perhaps that means he still wants me now, loves me also.

Second of all. There was something unspoken between the lines, something she couldn't tell me. A secret. And that secret had everything to do with my memories. Slowly I nodded and in return she smiled a sad smile at me.

"I'll give you some time to think." Excusing herself from me, she skipped out if the room and closed the door behind her. I welcomed the silence and curled up on my side, too exhausted to care this was Edwards room, or Edwards bed. For the first time since loosing my memory and coming home I had a taste of what I was missing and it felt like that missing part of me, could never be replaced.

* * *

EPOV

"You're acting like a stalker Edward."  
The very rude but true words made me look down from the conversation that was taking place in my room. Rosalie was standing below the tree I was sittin_g _in.

"Want to go for a quick run in the woods?"

Her face was angled up towards me so I could see she had a friendly smile on her face but in her eyes I could see it wasn't a question. This was a demand. Knowing not to refuse anything to my sister when she had that look in her eyes, I took one last glance at my room, Bella was still there with Alice.

I pushed myself of the branch I was sitting on and let myself fall the ground, landing on my feet with a silent thud. Roaslie had already started to move back into the forest, not bothering to wait for me.

Thanks to my vampire vision I had no trouble following her, I could see her blond hair shimmer in the moonlight. Within a few seconds I caught up with her.

She slowed down her pace and smiled at me. "Let's stop here, we're far enough from everyone else to talk." Speaking to me she did her best to hide what it was she wanted to talk to me about....making me curious what was going on.

I slowed down to a walk, joining her in leisurely stroll in the woods. If it hadn't been close to midnight and if we wouldn't be miles away from the nearest hikingtrail, this would seem almost normal. Except this was Rosalie with me and neither of us were normal.

Knowing that the only reason she ever came to talk to me was if she had trouble with Emmet I stopped. "What is going on Rosalie, is everything ok with you and Emmet?" Perhaps they had a falling out over what happened today.

Rosalie turned towards me and grabbed my hand. Very uncharacteristic for her. In her mind I could see her en Emmet.. the picture was very graphic...too graphic. Eeeww ok so no problem with her and the big guy.

"What I wanted was to talk to you." She paused, still thinking of Emmet and her making out in the garage. Hiding her thoughts from me and I found myself curious to know what she would say. Looking at her, I waited. Allowing her to enjoy our little talk.

"About you and Bella."

This surprised me, almost stunned me. Before I could object or question her she looked me in the eyes and again surprised me. They were kind, unlike the Rosalie glare she had perfected in the past half year whenever Bella was around me.

"_Please hear me out." _This time she didn't speak but begged me with her mind, yes begging was something Rosalie wouldn't do in public.

Folding my arms I stood and waited, giving her a chance to tell whatever it was she needed to tell me.

Rosalie took a deep breath and started talking to me.

" When you came into your room, I was in the middle of a very painful conversation with Bella. At first I was shocked when she told me I know what Edward is. .. but soon I realised she wasn't revering to you being a vampire. She figured out, you are her ex-boyfriend."

Thinking about the text message she had send me this afternoon I felt both relieve and disappointment. "Rosalie, she send me a text saying I know what you are, please leave me alone. She wants me to leave her alone." I couldn't help but feel devastated again as I remembered the words.

"She is a human teenage girl that felt angry and confused this afternoon. You know how they are, at that age humans change their mind a thousand times a day. The only thing that won't change, is the way she feels about you. Even with her memories lost about your relationship together, she feels drawn to you. There is a connection between the two of you that goes deeper than a human crush. You and her, you've bonded on an emotional level, the way vampire's would with their mate. You're a vampire, that would explain why that happened. Don't deny you have these feelings also." The last words made my heart ache, yes I still had these feelings. Rosalie continued talking, carefully watching my eyes as she did.

"She doesn't understand and to make things worse. She did remember some things about you, the wrong things. Plus everyone kept the fact you two dated a secret, for the obvious reasons. You know your history together and I can really understand why you have made an effort to try and stay away from her. "

Already knowing what would come next I folded my arms across my chest, waiting for her to finish. Rosalie had never tried to hide the dislike she felt towards Bella and my relationship with Bella. So far I found her words very mild.

"It took me some time to realise. But this evening when Bella told me how she feels, I can relate to the way she feels. When Carlisle changed me and I started to wake up. I heard you talk about me and knew I had been changed to become your mate. For a moment the prospect of getting my happily ever after made me feel loved. It really excited me. But you turned me down, didn't want me. That really hurt me and for decades made me bitter, I'm over that now offcourse." She smirked at me with a twinkle in her eye.

"Offcourse" I added. Not being able to hold back my laughter at her joke. We both laughed a little while until she became serious again.

"What I'm trying to say Edward. You are pushing her away because you think you are a monster and think she should get the choice to be with you, knowing who and what you are. But right now she feels drawn to you and besides feeling confused and sad about loosing her memories. She now also feels pain without knowing what she is hurting for. It must be terrible for her and you are the only one that can stop it. You have to go tell her you love her, be together with her." As she finished the last words she smiled at me, her eyes showing she meant everything she had told me.

The last sentence left me stunned. I sank to the ground landing on me knees and buried my face in my hands. Right now I felt like my whole world had been turned upside down. The same Rosalie that had once told me it was wrong to be with Bella, was now telling me it was the right thing to do.

A very hesitant touch of her hand on my shoulder made me look up and for the first time ever I could see her resemblance to Esme, her warm heart carefully showing through the cold ice queen facade she carried with so much pride.

My hand went up and covered her fingers, giving them a soft squeeze to acknowledge I understood. Very quickly she pulled her hand back, stepping away from me. _"Right that's enough brother sister bonding for one night." _She let me know silently.

"Go get your girl Edward!" She laughed excited for me, as she pulled me up by my shoulder. Giving me a push towards the house.

Not waiting for her I went back, entering through the glass doors in my room. There were no curtains in my room and it amused me to see Alice had managed to fit a king-size bed in the tiny space. Bella was sprawled on the bed, fast asleep. She was still wearing her shoes, jeans and bulky sweater. Softly I removed her shoes and pulled the blankets over her legs. I wanted to lay down next to her also and wrap my arms around her, but decided we first needed to talk. Instead I sat on the couch and watched her sleep. Hoping that our talk tomorrow would go as great as everyone expected it would.


	26. Chapter 26

**Stephenie Meyer owns Twilight and all it's characters**

And she has given us such a great place to hide away :)  
Sorry for the late follow up chapter, hope you enjoy it.**  
**

EPOV

After talking with Rosalie I had returned to watch Bella sleep. Usually watching her sleep gave me a great feeling of comfort, now I was waiting for my love to wake up and I felt like time seemed to be standing still. Almost like there was no end to this night. I had tried reading but couldn't find the peace to finish reading past the first page and so I was now sitting there, just watching her sleep.

"_Seems like you're not that important to him after all" _  
The words made me jump to my feet.

_"Doesn't it hurt to know you are going to die for someone who has left you already."_  
I had only heard that cold psychotic voice a couple of times before but recognised it immediately. Not understanding where it was coming from, I crouched down in a protective stance.

"_Don't worry.." _  
The voice purred in my mind.

_"Why would I get rid of my new little toy without having some more fun."  
_Her voice seemed to be shouting in my head, loud and violent, pushing out all other minds in the house. Not understanding what was happening I fel to my knees, clutching my head. It hurt, a feeling I had never experienced before. Like something was pushing the words in my head and my brain was trying to resist them.

"_That's right.. I'll be back."_  
This time it sounded like the words came from behind me and I spun around, jumping to my feet in a swift moment, ready to attack. But I found I was growling at nothing, it was empty except for Bella.

Her eyes were open and staring at me in shock. "Edward." Softly she whispered my name, her voice trembling. The sound made my cold heart swell with love, resisting the urge to sweep her in my arms and hold her close to me. I stood in the middle of room watching her, watch me.

"Bella" Not being able to say anything I managed to breath her name back to her. As I did, her face flushed and the knowledge me saying her name did that to her made me rejoice inwardly. Slowly I stepped closer to the bed.

"Would you like a pillow, or perhaps I should move to the couch." Suddenly very awake she started to get up, pushing back the blankets and grabbing a pillow. Clutching it close to her she tried to get out of bed, but her legs tangled in the sheet and instead she fell forward.

In a natural reflex my hands shot out forward, catching her. "Silly Bella, I don't need.... anything." I managed to bite back my words at the last moment, wanting to tell her I don't need sleep perhaps wouldn't be such a great thing at the moment. She looked at me with an angry look and in return I was trying to hide my smile as her actions were just too adorable. Still clumsy and caring, even in the middle of the night. Getting up I pulled her in my arms and sat down on the bed, resting my back against the headboard.

For a moment I thought she would struggle but then she relaxed her body.

"Edward." She pushed herself up on one arm so she could look in my face. Lying on her side, even through her jeans I could feel the warmth of her body against the inside of my legs. My body noticed she was still in-between my legs and I hoped she would stop moving, soon. I could feel the hunger in the back of my throat reacting to her scent and my body respond in a way that was new to me. Focussing on Bella, I tried to push away both feelings.

"Do you have multiple personality disorder?" Her big warm eyes looked at me, a frown on her face showing she was confused.

Her question threw me of balance, not expecting this. For a moment I tried to think what to say, opening my mouth, closing it again.

"No, not that I'm aware of." As I answered her question, her body trembled slightly.

"What's wrong." Looking down at her face I spoke softly, leaning even closer to find out what was bothering her. In response she looked away to hide her flushed face.

"Nothing, nothing at all." Loosening herself from my arms she grabbed the pillow again and got up from the bed. This time staying on two feet. She walked over to the couch and threw the pillow down.

"Bella, wouldn't.." Before I could finish she cut me of.

"Good night Edward." Her eyes were firm, showing me her mind were made up. Turning her back to me she lay down on the couch and curled up again.

* * *

BPOV

My back turned to Edward I curled up on the couch. Hoping he wouldn't argue me over the bed. Opening my eyes to find Edward standing in the middle of the room, I realised it had been his presence that had helped me escape out of my nightmarish sleep.

The cold voice was still in the back of my head, but they were no match for his soft velvet voice. I had felt the current run through my body as he had softly spoken to me, cradled in-between his legs. My mind had allowed my imagination to run wild. He had noticed, showing me affection as he had asked me what was wrong. Making my inside melt at his soft and caring words.

Trying to fall back asleep I ignored the rapid beating of my heart, thankful he had let go of me so he couldn't hear that. Taking long calming breaths I could feel the pounding of my heart slow down, until I found myself relaxed. Closing my eyes I allowed myself to fall asleep again, sure that when morning would come, Edward would still be here.

"_My hands were reaching out in the darkness, trying to find the light switch. Feeling my way around, I knocked something of my nightstand. It shattered and as I stepped forward, glass cut my foot. The pain shot through my foot like a hot knife. Panicking I realised my own clumsiness might cause me to die before I could... what could I do. There was no way to outrun her. _

_Finally I made it to the door, my hand hovering over the place were I knew the light-switch would be. A cold familiar voice came from behind me. _

_You took away James, now I'll make him feel how it is to have your loved one taken away. Suddenly the light switched on and I turned around, ready to face my death. But the room was empty, shaking heavily my knees gave in and my weak body collapsed the door. Sliding down as I started crying silent tears."_

With a shock I woke up again. I was on Edwards bed, wait hadn't I just left this bed or was that a dream also?  
Thinking about it for a moment, I couldn't remember what was real or wasn't tonight. What I did know was how the feeling of my denim jeans was uncomfortable. Wriggling my body I started to get out of them, it took some effort but in the end I managed to take them off and dropped them on the floor next to the bed.

The cool air in the room gave me goose bumps and I quickly turned over wrapping the warm blankets around my body. It was then I could see someone standing in the corner of the room. Illuminated by the moonlight, he looked like an angel.

"Edward."

My voice barely capable at making any normal sound, I quickly turned back on my other side again. In my rush to turn back, I slightly overdid and flipped myself of the bed.

Still holding on the blankets, pulling them from the bed with me.

How had I not noticed him standing there in the corner of the room. As I tried to steady my breathing I carefully wiggled my toes and moved my legs. Nothing seemed wrong, this time it was just my ego that had been bruised.

"Bella" His voice sounded close to me, the same soft velvet voice that hade me melt earlier this evening. Peeking up from under the sheet I was hiding under, I could see he was standing on the opposite side of the bed. His face pulled in a crooked grin and his eyes clearly amused. "Do you need help?"

Pulling the sheet back over my head again I begged this was a dream and Edward Cullen had not seen me nosedive of his bed for the second time this evening. Pinching my arm I waited for a moment and took another peek. This time he wasn't there.

Relieve flooded my body and I stuck out my head further to find he had now moved to sit on my side of the bed. He was leaning forward, resting his hands on his knees as he angled his face towards mine.

"Are you sure you don't need help?" This time he chuckled and the sound made my heart skip a beat. Oh I was in desperate need of help alright, just not in the way he was offering.

His arms picked my up by my waist as if I was a little child and he carefully set me down on the bed next to him.

All too aware of the fact I had just taken off my jeans and was now sitting next to him with my legs bare. I tried to pull the sheet up and covered my legs. But he stopped me.

"Don't be shy, you're beautiful." His hand was on my hand, just above my knee. I felt his cold touch burn my skin and it made me shiver in a way that was both comforting and exciting.

He let go and looked at me. "I'm sorry, you must be cold."

Happy he had interpreted my shiver as something other than it was I nodded at him. Pulling the blankets around me tightly I sat and watched his face. Soaking in every little detail I hadn't noticed in the past few days.

"You're beautiful also." Whoops, why didn't I think before I opened my mouth. My cheeks felt warm as I flushed at my own silly words. He just laughed his crooked grin again and shook his head. Making my mouth go dry.

"I mean.. in a manly way.. you're very nice to look at ." Stuttering to fix what I had said earlier, I knew my words were only making it worse and felt even worse. Looking down I tried to steady my breath. Hoping he understood I needed a moment.

"Bella." His hand cupped my cheek, softly caressing my skin. It took all my strength to not lean into his touch and close my eyes. Instead I stared at my hands that clutched the sheet tight to my body.

"Please look at me. I need you to see my eyes, so you know my words are true." His face was now closer, a cold whisper against the flushed skin of my face. Slowly he put his hand under my chin and lifted my face.

His face was very close to mine. I couldn't remember ever being this close to Edward before and the knowledge made me feel both sad and glad at the same time. As my eyes connected with his, everything around me seemed to fade away. They were a rich golden brown unlike anything I had ever seen in my life, but at the same time it felt like when our eyes connected.. this was how we were supposed to look at each other. Had we always looked at each other like this? Unable to look away, I let out a sigh instead and relaxed.

Knowing he had my attention he took a deep breath and leaned back slightly. He held his breath for a moment before slowly exhaling.

"After seeing you in the parking lot last week, I've made a mess of things. I tried to stay away from you, when that didn't work I tried to keep you close to me so I could keep an eye on you. I tried to give you freedom, to give you a chance to be friends with my sisters. To give you a chance to remember yourself how you feel about me. But the truth is, all the things I tried... they all were a failure. Because every time I would see you my cold heart breaks a little bit more, my soul darkens an even deeper shade of black and my natural instincts take control of me. You Bella Swan are impossible to stay away from."

His voice was low and husky as he spoke to me. Most of his words didn't make any sense to me but the intensity of his words made my eyes tear up. Biting my lip I tried to hold back the tears as I forced myself to look away. Outside the sun called to us, bringing a new day as the shades of yellow and orange warmed the room.

"Yes that's right Bella..... Look outside, that is you. You are my day and light, you are the only warmth in my cold world, without you at my side there is no reason to live through this endless life." As he wrapped his arms around me I buried my head in his shoulder, afraid to show him how his words touched me.

"How can you say that, I'm broken." My voice croaked as I finally managed to speak out loud.  
"You deserve someone smart and beautiful, bright and funny. Someone that knows who she is." Silently sobbing he just held me, playing with a loose strand of my hair.

He pulled me onto his lap and I found comfort in his cold embrace. Trying to lean in even closer I moved around, pushing my body closer to his.

"Bella" His strained voice sounded like a warning as he held me still. When I looked up at his face, I could see his eyes no longer showed the calm loving gaze but held a raw hunger. "I know who you are, and I only want you." Feeling the intensity of his eyes locked on my face, there was no doubt in his words.

His words repeated in my head over and over again. He knows who I am and he only wants me.

Could it be this simple. A part of my mind and body seemed to need him close and at the same time... another part of my mind seemed to warn me about him. Something was different, could it have to do with us breaking up in the past. I knew nothing about him, about the relationship we had, and the reason why it ended.

"Edward, I need time." I couldn't look him in the face as I softly spoke the words, afraid they would chase him away. Instead he just loosened his arms around me and got up. Placing a soft kiss on the top of my head as he let his fingers run through my hair.

"Don't worry, time is on my side." His voice sounded sure as he left the room, softly closing the door behind him. For a moment I couldn't move, still feeling the effect of his voice and the words they had spoken.

* * *

EPOV

Leaving my room I felt like walking on air. Bella still wanted me and if I had seen correct in her eyes loved me. All she wanted was time and that was something I could give her in abundance. It hadn't been a surprise to find Alice outside my room, waiting to go in and get Bella ready for school. She had seen what sould happen and had waited outside, excited for both me and Bella.

Smiling I walked down the stairs and stopped in front of Carlisle's office. There was one other thing that needed be solved, as soon as possible. And I hoped Carlisle could help me. From his thoughts, I knew he was in there, going over some paperwork for the hospital.

Knocking on the door as I opened the door, he looked up and put his papers down.

"_Good morning Edward, come sit and talk with me."_ He put down his papers and relaxed, waiting for me to join him. _"Charlie Swan had a great surgery, we were able to stop the bleeding. If the first 48 hours of observation show good results they are transferring him to Forks end of this week. He'll be able to go home somewhere next week ." _

"I was never in doubt he wouldn't make it Carlisle. You're a great surgeon and Charlie is a very strong man." Sitting down in the chair in front of the window, I needed to see the suns. Reminding me of this morning, how warm and comfortable I'd felt with Bella.

"_Thank you...Now what is it you came here to ask me, I know that frown." _Never wasting time with small talk, Carlisle turned to face me.

I took a deep breath and looked at him. Knowing he was old, even for a vampire, and had seen many things. "This morning in my room, I heard someone in my mind."

"_Doesn't that happen on a daily basis with everyone you meet?" _Confused Carlisle looked at me.

"You're right it does. Except this time, it felt like the person was using my gift to talk to me directly. And it felt threatening." Not knowing how else to describe the way I had experienced what had happened this morning I paused, leaning forward and pressing my fingers against my forehead. "It hurt a little bit."

"_You experienced pain while you heard the other persons mind? Are you ok now? That has never happened before, has it?" _Worried words flooded my mind.

Smiling at Carlisle I shook my head. "No this has never happened before, that is why I came to you."

For a moment we just sat in silence, both of us thinking about a possible explanation. All I knew is that whenever I replayed the events from this morning, the voice in my head was familiar. I had only heard it once before and vampires don't forget. But at the same time, it should be impossible... in theory.

"The voice was familiar, it took me a few minutes to connect it with someone but I'm sure it is Victoria."

"_That's impossible, she's dead." _Carlisle got up and leaned over the table, looking me in the eye. Adding strength to his words. But no matter how sure he was, the feeling I knew the voice and recognised it to be Victoria, that feeling wouldn't leave me.

"Then if Victoria is dead, how could I hear her voice in my head this morning?" Speaking out loud, inside I felt fear consume me. Knowing that there was an unknown threat and neither of us was sure how serious it was.

"When the wolfs took apart Victoria, how do we know she was killed? Could she have pulled herself together and regenerated, saved herself?"

Waiting for him to answer, I looked outside again. Not being able to look into his face and see his honest and loving face as he tried to go through the possibilities. Knowing that I had put my family through a lot of trouble already and the thought of adding more trouble made me feel guilty.

"_They promised me, they burnt the pieces on the cliffs. There is no chance she is alive. I went to see myself, seeking permission from Billy Black first, owing him for receiving safe passage on the reservation. A debt that was repaid yesterday." _Understanding better why we had gone out to look for Jacob, I nodded at Carlisle. As I sat and waited, his mind was going over what he had seen at the cliffs that day and I could tell he believed this was the truth.

He had gone to see the fire himself, seeking permission from Billy Black to cross the line between our land and Quileutes. It had been very difficult for him but in the end, Billy had granted permission as a favour in honour of Charlie. Sitting down across from me he crossed his arms and leaned back. Waiting for my response, his eyes showed concern and his face was tense.

I knew the only response that I wanted to give, would only be another question that couldn't be answered. A crazy consideration but my last resort.

"Carlisle. In that case there is only one option left. Can a vampire turn into a ghost?"


	27. Chapter 27

BPOV

Pulling the dress down further as I stood in front of the mirror, it stayed there for about 5 seconds before sliding back up to where it was supposed to be. With a frown I looked at the way it barely came down to mid thigh, did Alice honestly think this was a school outfit?

Biting on my lip I looked at the door, afraid to get out.

"Bella, stop worrying. You look great, I'm sure." Alice yelled at me from the other side, easy for her to say. She had waltzed into my room looking like a photo model from the cover of a magazine, in an outfit I was sure I had actually seen on the cover of a magazine last week.

Frustrated I pulled the dress down again another time and stepped to the door, opening it slowly. As I did, it got pulled out of my hands and I looked into Alice her excited face.

Almost jumping in front of me she clapped in her hands as she inspected me.

"Perfect! I knew it, we should show you to Esme and Rose before we leave. Oh and just wait until Edward sees you at school."

Looking at her with shocked eyes, I tried to stop my face from flushing. "Edward, why... no he can't see me like this." The thought of the gorgeous man that had just confessed this morning what he felt about me, seeing me in this outfit. It made me consider calling Angela to beg her to bring jeans and a sweatshirt from my house.

"The point is for Edward to see you like this." Alice started to explain but stopped as she saw my flushed face and discomfort. "But it so happens, this outfit can handle a short jacket. Wait here."

Not sure were she expected me to go to, I sat down on the bed and waited for her to return. Quicker than I had expected she was back and handed me a dark blue jacket and matching dark blue legging. Looking at the it, I hoped she wanted me to wear that instead of the almost see through legging I was wearing now.

"They are great together and the dark blue is a good color with the light grey of your dress. Quickly go get changed, and when you are done wear these shoes and bracelets with them. I'll meet you downstairs in a few minutes." Flashing a triumphant smile at me Alice left again.

Happy to at least feel like I look covered, I quickly grabbed the items Alice had left me and changed. Looking at myself in the mirror, this was better but still very much outside my comfort zone. Slowly I put the shoes on, at least they were ballerina's no danger there. Pushing my hair back I took one last look at the room, remembering how safe I had felt here this morning in Edwards arms. A smile reached me face and holding on to that feeling, I turned around to slowly walk down the stairs. As I came down, Alice and Esme were waiting for me. Both of them smiling in a way that made me feel nervous, almost like there was a secret and they both knew but I didn't.

"What's going on?" I stopped on the last step, feeling more powerful as my current location allowed me to look down on Alice. But she skipped up to my side and put her arm through mine. Making us even again.

"I just told Esme about you and Edward." Tilting her head sideways to me she flashed a quick smile before pulling me downstairs. For a moment I felt panic build up inside but the way both Esme and Alice were staring at me, all smiles. It made me calm down.

Pushing my shoulders back I managed to smile back at them and let Alice lead me to the kitchen. At the same table I had sat with Edward earlier this week, there was what seemed like a breakfast buffet. There was a choice of toast, eggs, bacon, fresh fruit, various types of bread and even a stack of pancakes.

The only person at the table was Carlisle who was reading the newspaper and was holding a coffee mug in his hand. When we entered the kitchen, he put down his paper and looked at us. Alice sat me down at the table and left again. Making me feel very awkward. Something about the scene in the kitchen didn't seem right.

"How is Charlie?" Scared that Alice had left me alone with Carlisle because something was wrong. I felt guilty for not asking sooner or calling Renee to tell her what had happened.

"Your father's surgery went very good, there were no complications and I'm sure he'll recover completely. He just needs to rest and be monitored for 48 hours, if there is no new bleeding he can be transferred to Forks hospital and come home soon after."

As Carlisle finished talking from behind me I felt a hand gently squeeze my shoulder and I looked up to see Esme standing close to me. In her other hand she was holding a glass of fresh orange juice. Carefully I took it from her and placed it on the table, turning it round and round, trying to keep busy.

"Can I go see him today?" Remembering they had told me yesterday he had been taken to a hospital close to where Charlie had gotten injured, I hoped it wouldn't be too far away.

"Perhaps I can arrange something with school sweety, Carlisle is going to work today but if you want any one of us can drive you to Seattle to go visit him." Esmee looked first at me and then to Carlisle who in return pulled her close and kissed her on the cheek. It was a very small gesture but showed so much love between them, for a moment I felt like invading their privacy.

"That's a good idea, someone should take Bella to see her father. Now if you'll excuse me, I need to leave for work. It was good seeing you in a different place for once Bella. Have a nice day." He smiled at me as he got up from the table and then left the kitchen.

As he did my eyes wandered back to all the food on the table. "So who else is having breakfast with us?" Not wanting to start without the others, and absolutely sure I couldn't eat everything on this table. I looked at Esme who was stilling across me from the table.

"You can have what you like, the guys had breakfast earlier and both Rosalie and Alice don't eat breakfast. I just wanted to welcome you by cooking everything you like. We hardly ever have guests, and especially not a guest we all love so much."

Not wanting to disappoint Esme I collected some of everything on my place and started eating. To my surprise each type of food I tried, it was great. "Esme this is fantastic, you should open your own restaurant!" I couldn't help talking with my mouth full as the food was just to good. When I was finished eating, I noticed she was laughing at me and I sheepishly laughed back at her.

Getting up from the table I picked up my plate and glass, but Esme stopped me and took them from me. "Today, you are still my guest. Let me take care of you." Almost on cue, Alice came back into the kitchen and took my hand. Pulling me away from the breakfast table and towards the hallway. I could barely manage to thank Esme for the breakfast, again.

"Alice I don't understand why you don't have some of that lovely breakfast, Esme is the best cook in the word." My statement just made her giggle. When we got outside I found out that Jasper and Edward had left already.

Alice was driving me to school in another car. The amount of cars this family had seemed endless. This was a low and sleek model, and it looked much too fast for us to drive to school in. "We have it on loan, to try it. Don't you love it!" As she got in and waited for me to join her, she ran her fingers along the contour of the dashboard. Excitement seemed to be rolling of her and for a moment I wished my truck was finished so I could drive myself to school.

Getting in the car I slung my schoolbag into the back seat and buckled the seatbelt. As soon as the little thing clicked into place Alice put her foot on the gas pedal and the car leaped forward, pushing me back into my seat. Closing my eyes I ignored her laughter at my expense. Underneath and around me I could feel the car wind down the long driveway at impressive speed and as soon as the twisting and turning ended I opened my eyes. We were on the road towards Forks, trees flashing past us in an alarming green blur.

Too soon we pulled into the carpark at school and not to my surprise we were one of the first ones there. Gasping for fresh air I opened the car door and stuck my head out towards the fresh air. The cold wind felt like ice on my cheeks, but helped me clear my head. "Alice, next time we drive to school...can I drive?" I managed to growl at her as I grabbed my schoolbag and got out of the car.

My feet touched solid ground and as they did, I could feel how dizzy I was. Holding on to the car door to stay straight up I knew this wasn't just motion sickness.

"Do you feel sick?" Alice was standing next to me now, a worried expression in her eyes.

She had her phone in one hand, ready to dial probably Carlisle.

"No, I'm fine just give me a second to find me feet. You know how I am, clumsy." Faking a smile at her I slowly inhaled and exhaled, making sure to get as much oxygen as I could. When I felt sure I could walk without tripping over my own feet I let go of the door and slung my schoolbag over my shoulder. Pushing the door close behind me, Alice followed me towards the school buildings.

"I'm just going to the bathrooms first, i'll meet you in class." Not wanting Alice to come with me I quickly went into the ladies room that was a few doors down from our first class. She didn't follow me and I was happy for that. Dropping my bag on the floor I went over to the sink and opened the tap. The sound of water running calmed me down and when I looked into the mirror it amazed me that Alice had let me go in here alone.

My face was colourless and even my lips looked pale. I put my hands under the cold water and splashed some in my face. Grabbing some paper towels from the dispenser near the door, I brought them to my face. Carefully patting my face dry, when I removed them there was blood on them. Shocked I turned towards the mirror and brought my hand back up to my face again, slowly touching the small space between my upper lip and nose. There was a small drip of blood coming from my nose again.

Sitting down I brought my head forward and pushed the tissue back up to my face again. As I did from the back of my mind the voice came again and no matter how hard I tried to push them back, it wouldn't stay away.

* * *

APOV

Standing in the hallway I couldn't believe what had just happened, Bella Swan had given me the slip. Disappearing into the bathroom right from under my nose. That same nose told me something was wrong. All morning my visions kept changing, and each time I tried to focus on Bella or visiting her dad, they would slip away. It had made me decide to stay close to her, sure that if I would tell anyone else.. for example Edward. He would follow her all day and be worried, scaring her for probably no reason. Now I wasn't too sure anymore.

Outside I waited for a few minutes, ignoring the strange looks from other students as I seemed to be guarding the bathroom door. The hall flooded with students just before first class and soon after died out. After about 10 minutes Bella still hadn't returned and both the first and second bell had rung, signalling the classes had started.

The hallway was now empty and the feeling something was wrong got stronger and stronger. Not being able to respect Bella's wishes any longer I followed her into the ladies bathroom. When I entered all I could hear was the sound of water running from the tap. Scanning the room I found Bella, sitting on the floor next to the sink, her head between her knees.

What stopped me was the smell of blood, my nostrils flared as I smelled the delicate flowery scent of her blood. Grounding me to my spot, not sure if I could come closer without showing her who I was. I hadn't hunted since the weekend and after almost a week, the smell of her blood was enticing enough to make me throat burn. Looking at my reflection in the mirror I could see me eyes darken.

Staring at my mirror image I remembered how much Bella was a part of my family. It helped a little bit and I was sure I could control myself, already my eyes were returning to their lighter colour and the burn in my throat seemed to fade away.

"Bella, can you hear me?" Softly I called her name, hoping she would look up and start moving but nothing happened. Coming closer I dropped to my knees, sitting next to her and concentrated on her heartbeat. It was slow and steady, almost like she would be sleeping.

Carefully I tilted her head so I could see her face and found her eyes were closed, from her left nostril was an almost dried out drizzle of blood. Had she passed out from the sight of her own blood? I remembered how Edward had carried her to the school nurse last term when they had been blood-typing in Biology. The silly human couldn't stand blood, insisting the smell made her feel sick.

I got up to grab some more paper towels and held them under the cold water. Closing the tap after I was done. Gently I place the towel on her face. As soon as the cold wet paper touched her forehead, her eyes flew open. Her pupils were diluted and for a moment Bella looked like she would scream.

"Shhh it's ok, you fainted because of your nosebleed." Trying to calm her as I spoke. Bella looked at me first shock showing on her face, then a frown.

"I fainted because of a nosebleed?" Putting her hand up to her nose she checked if I was telling the truth. Showing Bella the dry blood on the paper towel she had dropped, I hoped she would understand what had happened.

"You told me you needed to go use the bathroom, disappeared and left me waiting for about 10 minutes. When you didn't return I came in and found you here on the floor."

Bella still hadn't moved and it was now that I realised she looked extremely pale, almost grey. Her lips had no colour either and her eyes still looked out of focus, almost as if she was really tired.

"Can you get up?" Looking her in the eyes, she blinked a couple of times and nodded.

Standing up myself I gave her my hand, she thankfully grabbed it and put her legs under her. I pulled her up to her feet and was relieved to see that she could stand without my helping her. Not sure how I would explain to her or anyone else how I would be able to carry her out of this bathroom and to the nurses office.

"I'm sorry." Bella's small and tired voice made me throw my arms around her, forgetting that just a few minutes a go I had been scared of loosing my control around her.

"Don't be sorry, it could happen to anyone." Releasing her from my hold I looked her in the eyes, this time.. to my relieve they seemed focussed and the skin under her eyes seemed to return to their normal colour again.

"Besides I can't stop thinking this is somehow also my fault. You got out of that car looking really green. Next time I'll drive slower." In front of Bella managed to pick up her schoolbag from the ground and was heading to the door. As she did, a vision of her bumping into the door with her foot made me jump past her and open the door.

That made me think, why if I would have a vision of her injuring herself in such a small way... how come I hadn't seen her pass out in the bathroom over a simple nosebleed.

"Bella, how about I take you to the nurses office and get you out of school for the day. We can drive to Seattle, go shopping for a few hours and visit your dad when it is visiting hour?" Hoping she wouldn't object too much I quickly grabbed my phone and texted my plan to Carlisle. Within a few seconds he replied he'd back me up and call ahead to the office, requesting for Bella to be let out of school early to go see her dad.

I checked behind me and Bella was still following me, not saying anything but looking a lot healthier. At least there was no risk of her passing out anymore or falling flat on her face, the only problem I could see for the rest of the day was getting her into the shop I planned to take her.

"Well what do you say, are you willing to play hooky with me?" As I flashed my most devious smile at her she replied with her own. "Sure why not, I've missed plenty of school already this year and to be honest after missing first class already, it doesn't feel that bad."

Catching up with me she winked and turned right towards the administration building where also our school nurse had a room. Doing so she managed to almost stumble over her own feet. Causing me to roll my eyes and Bella to sober up and concentrate on what she was doing, walking on flat surface without falling.

At the administration office I sat Bella down on the chairs near the door, in sight of the desk but not close enough to talk to the lady behind it. She looked at me with a puzzled expression, making me shake my head for a moment. "Sit still, I'll do the talking."

Not waiting for her answer I left her and walked to the desk.

"Ms Cullen what can I do for you today?" The lady smiled at me with her usual curious smile.

"As you know, Charlie Swan had this terrible accident yesterday and is in hospital near Seattle." I looked at her with the most remorseful expression I could manage without scaring her too much.

"I did hear about that, such an awful thing to happen. And to think, that poor girl is still recovering from her ordeal. Your mother and father are so nice to take her in." Leaning forward to me. Just as I knew she would, the chance of talking about one of the few exciting things that happened to people in Forks would excite her and make her more willing to oblige. Hoping I would give her new information to gossip about with the other ladies from administration.

"Yes they are, Bella was so upset yesterday. She didn't sleep at all. And just now in the bathroom she fainted. I'm not sure she can handle a day at school with all the stress she is under. Luckily Carlisle called me, they have told him that Chief Swan can have visitors this afternoon. " Putting my hand on hers I leaned closer, smiling a sad smile and looking her in the eyes.

"Do you think Bella could take the day of so she can see her father, take some of the stress away by showing her that her dad is going to fully recover?" I already knew the answer so I waited for her to think about it as she grabbed the schedule and started to see what classes we would miss.

"Well you both seem to be doing fine in all your classes and you're right. It would be so much better for that poor girl. I'll excuse both of you for the day. Just be sure to get all your assignments and I expect you both back at school tomorrow." Giving me a signed note saying we were both excused she quickly returned back to work again.

Holding the slip in one hand and waving it at Bella as I turned around. She got to her feet and opened the door. Both of us walked out of the door, heading straight towards the parking lot. "You're amazing Alice. I never thought you would able to get us excused for the entire day."

She had no idea how easy it had been. And no idea that there was one little thing left to do before we could leave. It could never be simple in our family.

EPOV

The conversation with Carlisle this morning still had me thinking. I believed a vampire lost his soul and an already lost soul could not return as a spirit or ghost. Neither one of us had ever experience such a thing as a ghost. But seeing that if anyone would have told me before Carlisle turned me that vampires existed, I would have laughed at them and declare them insane..... It never was a bad idea to keep an open mind.

Before we had moved to Forks, the idea of werewolves or shapeshifters had seemed extremely silly. Now we had a treaty with them. So why wouldn't a ghost belong to this reality.

My only problem was, what if they did. Could they be a risk. And if they did, how come I could never hear them, until now. What was so different about this situation. The only thing I could come up with was the fact that Victoria's only goal in life had been to torture and kill Bella. That chance had been ripped away from her, literally by the wolves. And now she was seeking revenge, perhaps on both Bella and me.

_"__Ms Cullen what can I do for you today?" _The familiar name made me forget about the issues I was thinking about and made me concentrate on the conversation. Knowing that for the next 10 minutes my teacher didn't plan to ask any questions on the subject he was lecturing about, following his very strict lessonplan.

_"__As you know, Charlie Swan had this terrible accident yesterday and is in hospital near Seattle." _Alice was talking to one of the ladies at administration. Telling him about Charlie. What was my sister up to? Jasper frowned at me, sensing something was intriguing me.

_"__I did hear about that, such an awful thing to happen. And to think, that poor girl is still recovering from her ordeal. Your mother and father are so nice to take her in."_

Yes, sure she would have heard all about that. The rumours had spread through Forks almost faster than I could have run from one side to the other. And she had no idea how nice Carlisle and Esme really were, or that the poor girl was part of our family and belonged with us, with me. In her mind I could see her look at Bella and thinking how much she pitied the girl for having divorced parents and going through so much pain and sorrow in the past months.

_"__Yes they are, Bella was so upset yesterday. She didn't sleep at all. And just now in the bathroom she fainted. I'm not sure she can handle a day at school with all the stress she is under. Luckily Carlisle called me, they have told him that Chief Swan can have visitors this afternoon. " _I knew from listening to Alice her thoughts, she was telling the truth. Bella had fainted, here at school. Grabbing the edge of the table I felt frustration and anger rise inside of me. How many more times wouldn't I be there for my love, would I allow her to get hurt or hurt herself.

_"__Do you think Bella could take the day of so she can see her father, take some of the stress away by showing her that her dad is going to fully recover?" _Yes I agreed with Alice. Bella should get the day of school and get the chance to go see her father. But I didn't agree on Alice's plan to go shopping also. What was she thinking, Bella hated shopping and needed to rest. Gripping tighter I could feel the my fingers slowly sinking in the wood.

Next to me Jasper noticed what I was doing and shot me a warning glare, followed by a flood of calm feeling. Relaxing my hands I straightened up, still concentrating on the conversation.

_"__Well you both seem to be doing fine in all your classes and you're right. It would be so much better for that poor girl. I'll excuse both of you for the day. Just be sure to get all your assignments and I expect you both back at school tomorrow." _ In her mind I could read that she regretted not getting anymore information. Also she considered how strange Alice had been in control of the entire conversation, making her doubt if she had done the right thing.

That made me laugh, the poor women hadn't stand a chance against Alice. But I would.

Raising my hand I looked at the teacher, staring him straight in the eyes.

He stopped in the middle of his sentence and looked at me. "Yes, mr Cullen. What would you like to ask?" I could tell he was taken back by the look in my eyes and used that to my advantage.

"Sir, I forgot. I have a dentist appointment in 25 minutes, would you mind excusing me?" Not allowing any negotiation from his side I already got up and collected my books.

"Ehm, sure. Yes I suppose I'll have to" His words came out in a stutter and he stepped aside to let me pass. He wasn't used to this kind of behaviour from me and it scared him. I could smell the fear coming from his body and for a moment I regretted doing this. But the next moment I could hear Alice her triumphant thoughts as she turned to face Bella and walked out of the door. As I walked out of the door also, I forgot all about being human and rushed to meet them before they could leave.

* * *

BPOV

Sitting in the administration office on the uncomfortable chairs I could see my friend in action, and she was amazing. Wen Alice finally turned around waving the slip that excused us for the rest of the day. I could hardly hide my smile.

Quickly I got up and opened the door. Letting both me and Alice outside of the building.

"You're amazing Alice. I never thought you would able to get us excused for the entire day." She just replied with a smile, but as she did her jaw became set and her eyes fierce.

I was just about to ask her what was wrong when we reached her car. There leaning against the hood, legs firmly planted on the ground and arms folded over his chest, was Edward. And Edward did not look happy. In fact his face mirrored that of Alice, jaw set tight and eyes fierce. I could tell by the way his shoulders and neck were tensed up, he was clearly holding back and the restraint made him look so much more raw, I couldn't help but feel attracted to him.

Next to me Alice either seemed to miss the fact her brother was angry or didn't care as she charged towards Edward and pushed her finger in his chest. "You no good eaves dropping brother. Why do I bother making great plans when all you do, is ruin them."

To my surprise Edward threw his head back and laughed, a tortured and low laughter. When he was done he straightened up and looked down at his sister. "I ruin things, how about you are holding back critical information about the person I love and instead of taking her to Carlisle so he can check to see if she is OK, you want to take her shopping."

"I love Bella to and since you snoop around and listen in on everything I say and do, all the time. There is no keeping secrets from you. And yes I'm taking Bella shopping, we will have a great time together." To my surprise Alice was now on her toes, her face almost in Edwards face as she talked to him in a way I could have never thought she was capable of. Not at all intimidated by her brother at all. For a moment I thought they would start a fight but nothing happened. Both of them seemed to freeze up and not say a word, or move not even blink.

The silence was making me feel uneasy and I was just about to intervene when Edward started talking again. " We both know Bella hates shopping. So I excused myself from class and I'll do the right thing by taking her to see Carlisle." His voice was no longer angry, but very calm and insistent.

"No." The word had come out my mouth before I could think. Surprising not only Alice and Edward, but myself also. "I don't want to go see Carlisle, I'm fine. Just tired and stressed, like Alice said."

Edward pushed past Alice and came walking up to me. As he stepped in front of me all the anger seemed to have left his body and in his face all I could read was concern.

"Bella" His soft velvet voice made me shiver. "I think Carlisle should check you out, see if there is nothing wrong with you. Fainting isn't normal for someone as young as you are." I knew he was only trying to be concerned and show me how true his words had been this morning. But the thought of undergoing tests at the hospital, just because I was trying to prove I was normal. It made me snap and decide Alice should get her way.

"No you are wrong. I want to go with Alice, have fun and go shopping. If I don't feel better tomorrow, I'll go and talk with Carlisle and get myself tested." Pushing past him I stomped to the car and got in. Leaving both Alice and Edward looking at me. Impatient I opened the door and yelled at Alice, making her laugh and Edward say something that sounded like impossible under his breath as he growled at me.

"Edward Cullen, don't you follow us." Alice called at him before she sat down next to me in the car. Looking at me with a spark in her eye she laughed, showing her perfect white teeth. With a flick of her wrist she started the car and drove away, leaving an extremely grumpy Edward behind in the parking lot.


	28. Chapter 28

BPOV

Looking in the mirror of the car, I could see Edward getting smaller and smaller as Alice drove away. His face looked angry but his eyes had looked hurt as we drove away, obviously having trouble letting go of us.

I grabbed my phone and held it in my hand, should I text him? Flipping it from one hand to the other as my eyes were still locked on his body. Now so far away it was difficult to tell it was him, if it weren't for the characteristic bronze hair. As Alice rounded the corner, it was impossible to see him anymore.

**I'm sorry **

Not knowing what else to say I send the short message and put my phone back into my pocket again. Next to me Alice was driving with a big smile on her face.

"What's so funny?" Turning towards her so I could face her. She looked at me also. Still a big smile on her face. "I'm sure once Edward is going to see your dress, he'll forgive you for choosing my side this afternoon."

"Ehm Alice. Remember you made me wear a dress today also, and I don't think he noticed. Besides what dress are you talking about? " Silently hoping she wasn't really thinking about dragging me all around the mall this afternoon. Even after I had said I would like to go shopping, it had just been a safety measure to ensure I wouldn't have to go see Carlisle at the hospital.

"The dress you are wearing at the party I'm hosting at our house for Christmas. It's going to be amazing."

"When you say amazing, are you talking about the dress or the party?" Not sure what to think about my friends enthusiasm I looked outside, we were still in Forks. Still offering a possibility to escape.

"Both offcourse" Alice exclaimed with another smile. Yes offcourse that would be her answer. Oh well it could be worse, she could insist all of us go to the winter dance at school just before Christmas holiday started next week.

"Alice, how come you always talk like you know what is going to happen and what other people will do. It's kind of weird how often you do that." And how often she was right I silently added to myself. I was joking a little bit as I asked her but she looked at me in a conspiring way.

"It's a gift. Sometimes I forget you forgot, but don't worry... it won't be long before you remember. I'm sure." As she winked at me I thought about her words. Could she be telling the truth and did she really have a gift. For a short moment I considered her and thought about the words she and Edward spoke to each other earlier.

"Alice, about what you said earlier.. I don't understand why you would say that? You said he listens in on everything you say and do, all the time. But he seems to never be around and yet he always is." Waiting for her to answer I stared at the trees passing by, this time at a much slower rate allowing me to enjoy the scenery. With her not driving like a mad woman, I found the car was rather nice and enjoyed the drive.

Alice was concentrating on what I first asumed was the road, but by the way she wasn't responding to me, I looked at her.

Her beautiful carefree face had lost it's smile and instead there was a frown on her face and she seemed to barely pay attention to me or the road we were driving on. "Alice did you hear me?"  
Afraid she somehow didn't hear me or wasn't paying attention to the driving, I tried to get her to snap out of it. Without looking at me she answered.

"I'm sorry Bella. But I can't answer your questions about Edward, no matter what I answer the outcome is the same. And the outcome isn't good, in fact each scenario makes me regret I ever took you with me. Can you forget the subject and wait until we are home, perhaps you can ask Edward?" Her voice had a mix of regret and pain in them, clearly she had thought about her answer all the time she had been silent.

"Is this about the secrets you told me, the secrets I knew and according to you will know again?" Letting my head fall back against the seat I regretted even asking her because I already knew the answer. For a moment I wished there was a way I could force my brain to work right again. It felt like I was going crazy, the more I learned from the Cullen's the less I seemed to know. In a way it felt like falling down the rabbit hole, each time something made sense... two other things would come along my way to confuse me again.

"So, you want to tell me. But you can't tell me and because of that you won't tell me. Did I understand correctly?" Not being able to hide the bitterness in my voice I closed my eyes. That left me with only one other option, ask Edward.

From besides me Alice laughed her pixie laugh obviously feeling better, making me feel better also. "You got it right, but if it is any consideration.. I don't like it either." Her confession did help and the bitterness was replaced by an even bigger burning curiosity that I realised had started to build ever since last week Friday when I had seen Alice and Edward for the first time.

I opened one eyes and peeked at her, she was looking at me and laughed. "Good now we have sorted that out. Let's talk about our plans. We should be in Seattle within 2 more hours, first we can start at the dress shop, it's a little boutique and they have all the new designers with ne of a kind pieces. I'm positive the dress is there."

Happy to know at least it would be only one shop I faked a smile back at Alice, not wanting to disappoint her. "That sounds great, and after that we can go see my dad?"

Hoping our hunt for my perfect dress wouldn't take too much time, I really looked forward to seeing my dad. It had been almost 2 days since I had last seen him and it felt like a lifetime.

"And when we are done visiting him, can we go straight home?" I had wanted to add, so I can see Edward but managed to cut of my sentence at the right moment. Still thinking about Alice her weird comments about him and the way he had acted very possessive about me. Was that what she had meant, did he act like that around her also? Could he be a controlling and possessive person.. somehow it didn't add up with the soft and gentle way he had held me close to him this morning. But on the other hand, there was a reason why we had broken up. For the first time today the thought crossed my mind that just him saying he knew me wasn't enough. I wanted to know him also before we could be together.

Resting my head again the headrest again I listened to the song on the radio. It was some love song about eternal love and Alice sang along with it, passionately like it was written for her and Jasper only. From my pocket I could feel my phone buzz. The screen flashed, telling me one new message from Edward.

**Don't be sorry. I'm the one that should apologise. **

All my doubts about him being possessive and controlling seemed to fade away. He was apologising for trying to intervene. Quickly I typed a message back and hit the send button.

**Apology accepted, will I see you tonight at your house?**

Not sure if it sounded desperate or weird, I just hoped he would be home when Alice and me got home this evening. Last night, I had stolen his room and bed without asking, tonight I wanted to make sure he had a place to sleep. The couch was big enough for me, and with some pillows and a blanket I'd be very comfortable there.

**Yes, i'll be waiting for you.**

Quickly I replied to his text as his words made my heart pick up it's pace, he would be waiting for me.

**Great, i'll see you there!**

The thought of seeing him made me flush and I couldn't help but smile. Alice noticed and looked at me, shaking her head. "You really are adorable, is that Edward you are texting with?"

Not offended by her calling me adorable I confirmed her question by nodding at her, not being able to hide my smile as in my hand, the phone buzzed again.

**Good. It's a date**

A date with Edward Cullen. Staring at the last text he had send back to me I could feel my throat go dry. This morning he had told me for as long as I needed him he would wait, somewhere in side of me a little voice told me I would always need him and with a content sigh I put my phone back in my pocket.

"Edward says he'll be home when we get back giving me a chance to talk with him." I deliberately left behind the information about him confirming it as a date. Afraid Alice would make me buy another outfit just for the occasion.

"Ooh you have a date with Edward." Alice squealed next to me, suddenly extremely excited. "Don't worry, he'll plan something very small and sweet. I can already see him planning it." She hummed in herself to an unknown song as her fingers tapped on the steering wheel. Shaking my head I tried to push away the feeling she really did know what was going on and had a gift like she called it herself.

It took only another half our for us to reach the shop Alice had been ranting about. She was right, it was small and looked very inviting. The window looked like a shop from another century, with coloured glass and the name of the ship written in elegant script along the top.

As we entered a woman in her fifties approached us. "Ms Alice, such a delight to see you again. How may I be of service to you today?"

To my surprise Alice hardly paid any attention to her and started walking along the long wall of dresses. "I'm sure you have a dress here somewhere for my friend, can you please leave us to select our dresses. I'll call you when we need any service."

Amazed at the easy way she had dismissed the older sales lady I followed Alice. She was letting her hand run along the dresses, carefully picking out a dress sometimes. Not even bothering to open the clothing bag that made it difficult to judge what the dress really looked like before putting it back on the rack again.

In the end she had selected 3 dresses. She turned and waved at me to signal I should follow her. When we got to the dressing room I was surprised to find out, it was almost as big as my own bedroom at home. Mirrors were angled around the room, and in the middle was a white chaise lounge. After hanging 2 of the bags on the smaller wall, Alice went and sat down on the chaise lounge. Her eyes sparkling with anticipation. Over the side she had draped the other clothes bag, slowly caressing it with her left hand.

"You should try on both of these dressing and tell me what you think." Her words made me realise there was no negotiation possible.

With a sigh I freed the first dress from the bag. It was a soft and silky fabric, starting with a trimmed body that was a midnight blue that very gradually waved out into a full length skirt that was black at the bottom. The way the pattern was weaved through the fabric made it impossible to tell where the midnight blue transitioned into a darker blue and ended in black.

When I tried it on, to my surprise it was a perfect fit. Not only the trimmed body was the right size, the length was also just right. Making me look at the dress in awe.

"It's perfect." Was all I managed to gasp.

Carefully I took it of, afraid to damage the delicate fabric, and put it back in the cover. Alice collected it and handed me the other dress. She had already taken it from the bag and looked excited for me to try it on.

The other dress was shorter, more comfortable to wear. The pale peach colour was unlike anything I would ever pick for myself, making my skin look more pale than usual and my eyes and hair darker. As I turned around to see what Alice thought about it, I stopped to see she had put on a matching dress, the same length and material. Except hers was an emerald green. It looked stunning on her, almost as if the color had been chosen especially for her.

Standing close to me she wrapped her arm around my waist and looked at our reflection in the mirror with an approving smile.

"I think we should get the red one for Rosalie, just for fun." Her excitement seemed to be endless and as she turned around I looked at my reflection again. Still having flushed cheeks, her excitement was catching and made my eyes sparkle also. For a moment I didn't even recognise myself, what had happened to the dull Bella that had looked back at me last week when I stood in front of the mirror.

Reluctant I started to take of the dress and pulled my legging and light grey dress again. After wearing the other 2 dresses, this outfit didn't seem so bad anymore. Before I could turn around and collect both dresses, knowing that I would have to ask Renee to send me money so I could pay back Charlie for them. They had disappeared.

"Alice" yelling at my friend, I followed her out the dressing room. Only to find she already had them packed on boxes that were being brought to the car. She was standing at the door waiting for me.

"Alice are you crazy, you can't buy me both of these dresses. They probably cost a fortune. You have to let me pay you for them." Trying to whisper at her, it was very difficult to also sound angry. Because that really was how I felt. "Can you please tell me how much they cost?"

"Bella. This is my shop, I can decide what the dresses cost and for you they are free." As she answered my face went blank, did she just say she owned this shop...Following her outside I repeated her words.

"You own a shop?" This probably was a joke, how many high school girls owned a designer fashion boutique. But Alice didn't deny it, instead she just pushed her sunglasses back into place and got in the car.

"Yes I own a shop, it's just an investment. And a very good one. Now let's go visit your dad." Not waiting for my answer she started the car and I got in it, eager to see Charlie.

"How can you own a shop when you are only 17?" Trying to remember what the law on owning a business were in this state I waited for Alice to answer. She just laughed and continued driving.

"Let's just say, sometimes you get passed down some things that have been in the family for a very long time. In my case, there are lots of things passed down through the years. Don't worry about it." Her explanation wasn't really enlightening in any way, instead it felt like another piece of the puzzle had been added without me knowing where it went.

Not wanting to spoil the fun mood of the afternoon I didn't ask any further and relaxed my eyes. It was only a very short drive to the hospital and as we pulled into the parking lot, Alice slowly drove up to the front and parked right at the front. Just like she had done last Saturday at the mall.

Getting out of the car I looked at the large building in front of me. It made me remember how for the third time in a week someone had suggested I should get myself checked out. The feeling of running out time seemed to overwhelm me. Pushing it back, afraid to think about the consequences I turned to see Alice standing next to me.

"Ready?" Not sure what I could expect, I was suddenly very happy to have my friend with me. Together we walked to the entrance and checked the map for directions.

Carlisle had called Alice in the car on our way to Seattle, letting us know what floor and room Charlie was staying at.

Following Alice to the elevator I could see how tense she looked also. Not sure why being in the hospital would make her act this way since her own father was a doctor, I hoped she didn't regret coming here.

As we walked towards the room at the end of the hallway we passed only one other room with a patient, all the other rooms had either closed door or seemed to be empty. When we got to the end of the hallway, the door was open. Alice waited at the door and looked at me, understanding how difficult this was for me. She allowed me to go in first.

In the bed near the window was Charlie, he looked to be asleep and carefully I approached him.

"Dad, it's me Bella." Softly I called to him, feeling the need to call him dad instead of Charlie. He opened his eyes and looked at me. A surprised smile on his face as he saw me and Alice.

Grabbing the remote hanging from the side of the bed he pushed some buttons, making the bed move him up in a more or less sitting position. Besides the tubes and monitor he was and the small bandage above his eye, he looked fine.

"You were supposed to shoot the thing, not wrestle it." Trying to break the ice I joked, placing a soft kiss on his cheek. He responded by grunting a strange chuckle back at me.

"Believe me, it's better I missed." Not sure what he meant by the words, his remark made me laugh. Nerves making the sound louder than I wanted and Alice joined me. Masking how silent the room seemed to be.

"How are you?" Charlie looked at me, wanting to know how I was instead of worrying about himself. The gesture caused a few tears to well up in my eyes and I quickly wiped them away. "I'm fine, staying with the Cullen's until you come home." Hoping he wouldn't mind me staying at their house.

" The Cullen's huh? It's nice of them to invite you into their home, they are good people." Somehow his words seemed to hold some double standard I didn't understand and as he spoke the last words he looked at Alice.

We sat for a little while, Alice produced a new fishing magazine from her purse and gave it to Charlie. Happy he started flipping through the pages. After about an hour he seemed to be tired and I managed to convince the control to lower the bed in a flat position again.

As I did Charlie looked at me. The tiredness had taken control of him.

"I love you Bella." His voice was a little bit slurred and his smile was soft.

"I love you too dad." Grabbing his hand I squeezed it softly, trying to show him how much I meant it.

"Thank Edward for me when you get home." He mumbled the last words before his eyes shut and he fell asleep. Astonished I looked at Alice. "Did he really ask me to thank Edward?"

She looked back at me and nodded. "I think he did." Both of us looked at Charlie and laughed at the same time. As we walked out the room Alice her phone buzzed and she excused herself, saying it was Jasper. Quickly she walked away from me to the end of the hall, turning out of sight.

Deciding to wait for her on this floor I went to the waiting room, it was in the middle of the hallway and didn't look very inviting but it did have a coffee machine. Placing a cup in the holder I pressed some buttons, hoping it would produce a decent cup of coffee.

When the machine was finished I reached forward to pick it up but was startled by a hot hand on my shoulder, turning me around.

In front of me was a tall man, I didn't even come to his shoulder and he was very build. Making it impossible to look past his wide chest as he stood so close to me, it felt like he was invading my personal space.

"I'm so happy to see you." His low husky voice gave me chills and before I could reply his arms gripped me in a tight hug, making it impossible to breath.

"I thought she would never leave you alone so I could take you with me." His statement about wanting to take me with him made me wish I had gone with Alice. Twisting in his arms I tried to break free, he let go and stepped back.

"Stay away from me, I'll call security." Wishing my bag was close so I could grab the pepper spray that Charlie always forced me to take with me. I scanned the room and calculated the distance. Trying to move past him, the man blocked my path. Making me fear him even more.

"Stop acting this way. This isn't funny." His voice was rough now, as he tried to get closer again.

"No you're right, this isn't funny. I'll scream." Hearing my weak and pathetic words, I wished I had the power to scream.

"Bella, please don't you recognise me." His low voice sounded frantic now, almost desperate.

"No I don't know who you are, you creep. Leave me alone." Taking one step back I tried to see his face but he was looking down at me and his face was mostly hidden by his long black hair, what I could see of his face gave me chills. The shadows made his eyes seem black and his jaw and mouth were set in a tense and angry look. Anger seemed to be radiating from his eyes and I knew he was too old to be a student at my school.

"You have to remember me Bella" He growled at me, grabbing me at my shoulders. Trying to escape I backed away from him but within two steps my back was against the wall.

His enormous hands gripped tighter, warm like hot coal burning on my skin. With a sudden force he pinned me up against the wall and I barely managed to hold back my screaming at the pain he was inflicting on me.

"We used to be such good friends but they took that from me, from us. I loved you then and I love you still." The sick words made me shudder with fear as nothing of those feelings he described seemed to be real. His obsessive tone scared me even more. I still didn't know who he was but in no way this brute declaration could be compared to the honest loving words Edward had spoken this morning.

"If you really believe you love me, please let go of me. You're hurting me." Begging him to let go of me what the only thing I could do. Lowering me to the floor he didn't loosen his grip. Stepping even closer to me I could feel how his large hands moved from my shoulder s to my arms, wrapping his large hands all around my upper arms, fingers overlapping as he held me.

My face was so close to his chest that I could smell his scent, earthy like he spend lots of time outdoors. Somehow it did smell familiar and for a moment I considered how perhaps we did know each other. But the threatening presence in front of me caused me to feel scared instead of being able to concentrate.

Throwing my head in my neck so I could look him in the face as I put my hands against his chest to block him him. The action was more a gesture since there was no chance I'd be able to push him away from me.

"Please let me go. I can't breathe." Hoping he understood how serious I was. Under my hands, his body trembled and for a moment I was afraid he would attack me.

"What have those leeches done to you? I'll make them pay for this." Without warning he let go and stepped away from me. Turning his back to me as he visibly struggled with his breathing. I didn't understand what he had meant, but felt relieve at the distance between us.

I looked around but couldn't see anything in the waiting room that could serve as a weapon. And the only way out was past him. Holding my breath I remained in the same place. Afraid to move. Neither of us did.

Somewhere in the room a clock ticked, the sound loud in the deathly silence that surrounded me. Concentrating on the sound I used it to calm down. In front of me the man seemed to be doing the same.

"This isn't over, you will remember Bella. All of it, and when you do.." He paused for a moment as he turned around and leaned closer. His still angry face only centimetres away from mine.

"When you remember, you will know how much danger you are placing yourself and Charlie in when you continue to see the leech.. the Cullen's. They hurt you before, they will hurt you again."

Without warning he left the room, not making a sound. Exciting in the same ghostly silence he had come up behind me. Walking to the nearest chair I sat down and put my arms around myself, holding on tight as the threatening words lingered in my head.


	29. Chapter 29

BPOV

Alice parked the car and was welcomed by Jasper. As he wrapped his arms around her and kissed her passionately. It felt like I was intruding on something private. Quickly I turned and headed outside the garage. Walking over the lawn, the serene surroundings helped me loose the last bit of anxiety from my run in at the hospital.

After he had left and I had made sure to regain control of my breathing I had gone back to Charlie. Watching him sleep had been heartbreaking and made me understand better how he had felt when the situation had been reversed. Sitting at his bed, I had held his hand waiting for Alice to return. When she did, her nose had wrinkled as soon as she entered the room, asking who else had been here.

It had taken some time to tell her what had happened and her fierce response made me decide not to confide to her how much pain my shoulder was in. Thinking she might call security, make me file a report against him. Something that perhaps would have been the right thing to do but felt wrong at the same time.

Just before we wanted to leave, Charlie had woken up. I'd spend another 20 minutes talking to him but the medication obviously made him drowsy. After a very incoherent conversation where he again had asked me to thank Edward and also Jasper, he'd fallen back to sleep again and we'd left.

The drive back had been comfortable and 20 minutes from the hospital, I'd fallen asleep. Alice had woken me up when we were close to her house and now we were here, I remembered the text message from this afternoon. It's a date.

Smiling I looked at the front of the house and headed straight to the door. When I got to the front door, it was open. Somewhere in the house, a record was playing.

A piano concert that was powerful and also gentle at the same time. It was a piece I had never heard before and it called to me. Following the sound I went down the hall. The sound led me to the one room I hadn't seen yet. Stopping in front of it I paused, afraid I would interrupt someone. But the music was so beautiful it was impossible to turn my back on,so instead I placed my hand on the door.

The door was slightly open and carefully I pushed against it, letting it swing open completely. Before me was a large open space, there were candles all around the room giving the room a warm and gentle glow. In the middle was a grand piano and sitting with his back towards me was Edward.

He seemed to be completely unaware of my presence as his fingers flew over the keys, flowing free and fluent. I couldn't believe the music that had drawn me to this place was his. Afraid to interrupt him I stayed in the hallway, listening to the breathtaking music.

As he came to the end of the complex piece of music I closed my eyes, letting the last note run through me. Holding on to that tranquil feeling it had given me.

"Bella." The voice calling my name in a soft and seductive way made me gasp, opening my eyes to meet Edwards. He was standing in front of me, seeming to have moved from his seat behind the piano in a flash.

Taking me by the hand he carefully walked me into the room, leading me to the seat in front of the piano. Sitting down he pulled me down next to him and smiled.

"Sit with me?" Again his voice was soft and seductive but it wasn't his voice that made me sit down. Instead his eyes seemed to have captured me, taking me hostage in the endless golden depths that called to me.

Sitting down I kept my eyes on his, holding my breath. Afraid that if I would make any noise at all the spell would be broken.

Edward placed his hands back on the keys, not taking his eyes from mine either as he did. For a second the silence consumed me, then his hands began moving and his agile fingers seemed to blindly find each note. Within the first few notes I recognised the song.

Carlisle had given it to me when I first started having nightmares, allowing me to softly play it in my hospital room. It had been the only thing that could find me comfort. He had joked, saying it was my special lullaby.

The CD didn't do it justice. Edwards playing seemed to lift the piece to a higher level making me wish this was the first time I had heard the piece. Listening to every note I regretted knowing when the last chord would be played. As it approached towards the end there was a subtle change and instead of the piece ending, there was another sonnet intricately weaved into this this one.

"I changed the end slightly, just for you." Edward whispered to me as he saw my eyes wide with surprise at the realisation the song was different. Finally finishing the piece he gave me a croaked grin, making my heart stop for a second.

"You wrote this?" Unable to hide my shock at this revelation. I sat and watched his croaked grin change into a huge smile.

"Yes, you inspired this song when we first met." His honest and modest response made me love him even more. There was no remorse and no sadness behind his words, just his way of letting me know that our history hadn't been erased with me loosing my memories. And I regretted missing the history he so vividly could remember.

"Can you tell me about the time we first met?" Hoping his words could help me remember. I looked at him, waiting, hoping for an answer.

To my surprise he frowned and looked away.

"Do you really want to know about the first time we met?" His voice sounded strained, as if he memory didn't hold such great feelings for him.

"Yes." Not sure why I needed to know, but the feeling was there and impossible to ignore.

"You moved to Forks, the entire school population was talking about you all day. By now you must understand, none of us mixed with the other students. We keep to ourselves. That day when we entered the cafeteria, you were at a table with Jessica and Angela. By the way Jessica kept looking at us and the awkward glances you were giving us, I knew she was telling you about us. For a moment our eyes connected and I knew you were different." The way he said the word different made me cringe. It sounded like he felt the awkwardness of that realisation again and it effected me also.

"What happened next?" Wishing he would continue, even with the realisation this story wasn't like I had hoped it would be.

"You were in my biology class. Something about you, I felt so drawn to you. You can't imagine how I felt. Class seemed to last an eternity, when it finally ended....' His back still towards me, his shoulders hunched as he shook his head in silence.

"When it finally ended, I ran." Finally finishing the sentence, his words cut through me.

"What do you mean, you ran?" My voice was now shaking, feeling fragile and broken as the perfect bubble had burst. Knowing that the memory I had of my first day at school was real. A shudder ran through me as I remembered the pitch black eyes and the murderous look he had given me as I had walked down the aisle towards our teacher. The way his tight and tense body had been angled away from me as if he had been appalled by me.

"You hated me." The words barely managed to leave my mouth. It was one of the few memories I did manage to recover and the fact that I could remember it so vividly hurt me. Pulling back I felt the need to leave this room, as soon as possible. But in a movement so fast it was almost unnoticeable Edward turned towards me and put his hand on my wrist, willing me to stay with him his long fingers closed around my wrist. Reminding for a moment what had happened earlier at the hospital.

"No I never hated you." His words sounded rough and full of remorse.

"I wanted you so bad... unlike anything I had ever experienced in my entire lifetime and I was afraid I wouldn't be able to control myself. So I went to Carlisle and told him I was leaving, trading my car for his and driving up north. The next morning I was in Alaska."

"What's in Alaska?" I forced myself to ask him, coaching him into telling more as he obviously wanted to tell me by the way he was gripping my wrist, holding me in place. His touch was cold and surprisingly calming. Making me lean closer to him, eager to hear more from him.

"We have some friends there, I stayed with them for a few days. Enjoying the mountains, the outdoors and the wildlife.... With some difficulty I managed to convince myself it was weak to run away, weak to be afraid of you a little girl and I returned. Feeling stronger about myself I talked to you in class, trying to make you forget my behaviour the first day at school." As he spoke of me wanting to forget he paused, closing his eyes again just barely allowing me to glimpse the pained expression he was trying to hide.

"It all changed, you changed me. The day when Tyler almost crushed you with his van. At that moment all I could think was how I wanted you to be safe so I could have you. My reaction to that event caused me to fight with my brothers and sisters. They wanted me to stay away from you, to not bring you into our life. But it was too late."

Opening his eyes at me the pain was gone, replaced by a tender look. "You had altered me beyond the point of return. I loved you and couldn't stay away from you any longer."

His last words made me melt. He loved me and couldn't stay away from me. Allowing myself to look into his eyes, there was something else. Something he was still keeping from me.

"From that point on, we were together?" Asking him for a final answer, I hoped he would answer. Instead he shook his head. Trying to file away the information that apparently I had almost died twice this year. Something Charlie hadn't confided in me.

"No. There was still one more thing that happened. Something you found out that changed everything, that opened all doors into my life, into our lifes." Looking me in the eyes I understood how desperately he needed me to understand the importance of that revelation.

The knowledge that somewhere in my mind seemed to be the key that would unlock all doors made me frown and bite my lip. Not for the first time I felt torn between the feeling to start screaming or crying, the need to kick and fight or run and hide.. all at the same time.

"So until I remember, we can't be together?" Whispering the words, I prayed he wouldn't answer. Wishing he would just put his arms around me and tell me that no matter what, we should be together.

"Because, what if I never remember?" Telling him my biggest fear made me feel vulnerable and the silence that followed made me know, it was a mistake speaking my fears out loud.

"What if you don't like what you remember?" Turning my fear around, I realised that like me he was scared also. Moving closer to him I brought my hand to his face. As the tip of my fingers touched his skin, Edward seemed to freeze completely. The cold flawless skin made me pull back my fingers.

"I think... not being with you is worse than anything that could ever happen to me. Ever since last Friday, you are all I want." As his hand caught mine and our fingers intertwined I knew, his last defence was falling.

"Tell me." No longer pleading or asking but demanding answers. I sat and waited for his response. For a moment it was very silent and neither of us moved, around us the candles flickered making the warm glow in the room the only thing around us that changed.

Edward got up and walked towards the hallway, at the door he stopped and looked over his shoulder. "If that is your wish, follow me." Knowing this was my chance I got up as fast as possible. Almost tripping over my own feet as I stood and turned at the same time. Stumbling towards the door he opened his arms for me, welcoming me close to his body.

Sighing as he wrapped his arms around me he pulled me close. It felt like coming home.

As he let go and stepped back I pouted at him. Making him grin that croaked grin again I loved so much. Leading me to the living room he opened the door, leading me out in the veranda.

Outside twilight had begun. Without thinking I opened my mouth.

"You're favourite time of day." Not sure where the information had come from, his soft kiss on my hair made me sure it was right.

"Bella, do you trust me?" His words seemed strange to me. But the cautious look in his eyes told me, he was serious.

"Yes I trust you." Not sure why he asked me, I knew it was the truth.

"I want you to climb on my back and close your eyes." Turning his back to me he crouched slightly, giving me easy access to climb on his back. Hesitantly I looked at his shoulders before carefully placing first my right hand and after that my left hand on his shoulders.

"Are you sure, I'm not such a lightweight like your sister." My remark made him laugh and he quickly moved his hands back, scooping them behind my knees and pulling me on his back effortlessly. The very swift move surprised me and I could just manage to stay quiet. Afraid to fall backwards I locked my arms around his neck tighter and leaned closer to him. I could feel his body underneath mine and it was impossible to not notice how lean and strong it was.

"Now, close your eyes and promise to not open them until I say you can." Standing with me on his back, Edward waited as we were facing towards the river and forest. The view was spectacular and with a small feeling of disappointment I obliged to his demands.

"Not sure why, but ok. I promise to close my eyes." I closed my eyes and burying my face into his shoulder I inhaled and was captured by his sweet scent. Not knowing what would happen I waited and only by the slight rocking of his body and the cold wind brushing past me, I could tell we were moving.

Underneath me, his muscles moved and it amazed me how easy he seemed to be carrying me on his back. It seemed completely natural to be this close to him and I forgot all about closing my eyes.

Opening them I expected to see he was carrying my somewhere inside the house or perhaps the garden but all I could see was a blur, shocked at the green and brown blur that surrounded me I closed my eyes and bit my tongue. Afraid that I would scream.

Clinging even closer to his body I silently begged for whatever was happening to stop and concentrated on breathing.

"Bella, you can let go now." His soft velvet voice brought me back to him.

"I can't." Afraid to open my eyes again I stayed in the same position, arms locked around his neck in a death grip.

"I told you to keep your eyes closed." His laughter made me flush as I understood he knew I cheated. Carefully I loosened my arms and allowed him to put my feet on the ground.

Carefully I opened my eyes and found he had turned around and wrapped his arms around me.

Stepping back I pulled loose, and panic started to consumed me as I realised we had travelled far away from the house in just a few minutes. In front of me Edward stood, his hair blown into a mess by the force of the wind that had brushed past me. He didn't move, didn't even seem to be breathing as his eyes cautiously looked at me. His pale flawless features seemed to be frozen as he cautiously watched me.

Suddenly understanding that something was completely wrong I backed away from him. As the events of last days and the strange memories I did have seemed to melt together in a threatening mess, all I wanted to do was run. But his eyes, tortured and black held me prisoner and instead I froze in place.

Gathering all the strength I had, I pushed myself to speak out loud. My voice sounded far away and broken as fear consumed me.

"What are you?"


	30. Chapter 30

**The next two days I don't have to work!  
That makes up for a ruined weekend and leaving you with a cliffy.  
For all the people that review anonymous,and I can't thank personaley:  
Thanks so much for your positive feedback and support.**

**Hope you all enjoy this chapter :)  
**

**Disclaimer:**

**Stephenie Meyer owns Twilight and all it's characters**

EPOV

Watching my love frozen in front of me looking like a prey locked in a predators gaze, made me instantly regret what I had done. As she struggled backwards all I could do was stand and stare. Afraid any movement or sound would send her running away from me.

Her eyes were wide with a sudden awareness that I had expected to see from the first day we had met in out biology class, but had never seen before. An awareness that I was different and dangerous.

"What are you?" The fragile words made me sink to my feet in surrender. My plan had backfired on me. Instead of making the last walls between us crumble, we were now further apart again. I felt the last rays of sun on my skin and knew that within minutes darkness would start to set around us, filling my mind with even more regret. Bella was frightened by my actions, by me. And soon darkness would add to that fear.

Looking up at her, I was surprised to see she still hadn't moved. Her body was still tense, ready to run away from me but her face was starting to relax, her eyes now curious as they scanned my body.

"I'm sorry for bringing you here." Not knowing what to say, an apology was the best way to start. My voice was barely a whisper in the small clearing I had brought her to, echoing through the forest for only my ears to hear.

Bella didn't move or say anything and I was afraid that she hadn't heard me. Just as I was going to repeat my words she took a step closer.

"Don't." Not sure what she meant I kept my eyes on her face, still afraid to move.

The distance between us was back to a few steps and it took all my strength to not close the gap and hold her in my arms to tell her, there was nothing to be scared of.

"Where are we?" Stepping even closer to me she seemed to pushing past her fear, curiosity taking control of her fears.

"The meadow, our meadow." Hoping she would understand this had been an important place for both of us. Perhaps the knowledge she was in a place where she had been before with me would make her trust me.

"How did we get here?" Again she took another step closer to me and my heart rejoiced at the knowledge that perhaps all wasn't lost.

"I ran here." Trying the tell her the truth without telling her too much. I could see my answer made her stand still again.

"How is that possible, we must be miles away from your house." A frown was visible on her face as she looked around her. Knowing that the darkness and silence meant she was indeed far from our house. Bella's eyes settled back on mine again, connecting me to her, holding me in place this time.

"I'm very fast." Laughing nervously, I hoped she understood it was the truth. To me relieve she nodded and stepped even closer. Now standing in front of me. All I needed to do was reach out to her, but my arms couldn't move as I waited for her to come to me.

"Obviously?" A nervous laughter followed mine. Slowly she raised her hand and touched my face. Hesitantly letting her fingers explore my skin. Her warm touch made me sigh and close my eyes.

We stayed like that for a while. Both of us afraid.

Finally Bella broke the silence. " I think I don't care what you are."

Her words made my eyes open wide and look at her face. It was no longer scared, instead she was looking at me affectionate. Her hands still on either side of my face, as if she was trying to hold on to my soul.

"You don't care?" Repeating her words to her, I was trying to tell if she was telling the truth. At the same time my mind was flooded with relieve at the realisation I hadn't lost her. At least not tonight.

"I trust you more." Pulling her hands away from my face, she gently placed them on my shoulders and slowly sat down in front of me. All the time I kept my eyes on her, afraid to break whatever spell had given her the confidence to join me.

When she was finally sitting in front of me I couldn't control myself any longer. Carefully I put my right hand on her face and my left hand on her shoulder, pulling her closer to me.

To my surprise she didn't object and leaned in, our faces almost touching.

"There are no flowers like in my dreams." Her warm breath in my face made me aware of how close she was, all I needed to do was lean and place my cool cold lips on hers.

"You have dreams about this place?" Managing to resist the urge to kiss her I instead moved around creating some distance. Bella however responded by leaning closer and resting her head against my chest, now leaning into me with her back as she looked up to the stars.

"Yes, but it is always sunny this is the first time I can see stars here." Gazing up at the stars I could see them reflect in her big dark eyes as I looked down to her face. Enjoying this moment of being close to her, again. "And I'm never alone."

"You're not alone now either." My remark made her smile and I couldn't help but smile also. Hoping that like me, for the first time in what seemed ages the feeling of being alone had been replaced by the joy of holding my love close to me.

"They weren't dreams were they?" Bella asked me, turning her face towards me.

"No, they are real."

The silence that followed made me uncomfortable. Regretting that I couldn't read her mind like all the other people in my world. Carefully I picked up her hand and placed a soft kiss on it. "Tell me what you're thinking?"

"I'm thinking about us. How different we seem to be." Intertwining our fingers, she lifted her hand and I followed. Holding up our hands she examined them. In the pale moonlight my skin seemed even less human, almost like marble against her pale human skin.

"Last night, when I woke up and saw you. For a moment I couldn't believe my eyes, I felt like seeing an angel."

Her reference to an angel made my heart sink.

"I'm no angel, far from it." From deep down in my chest I growled the last words. The sound was more menacing than I had intended them to be and I could feel Bella lean away from my chest, more cautious again.

Letting go of her I allowed her to turn around and look me in the face again. Caressing my lips and letting her light fingertips run over my cheekbones to my jaw.

"You look like an angel to me." Her soft whisper sounded desperate and in her eyes I could see a longing that I had felt often myself. She seemed to be holding her breath, like I was mine. Afraid to breath in her sweet delicate fragrance as our bodies moved even closer to each other.

The warmth of her lips felt like coming home and as carefully as possible I explored them, afraid to bruise them in my need to satisfy the hunger I felt to be close to her. Without giving her access to my mouth I explored every millimetre of her mouth, claiming her like unmarked territory. When I finally released her from our kiss, Bella put her arm around my neck and ran her fingers through my hair. The familiar sensation of her gentle tugging my hair made me throw my head back as I tried to smother a growl.

"Did you just growl?" Her voice was both surprised and amused at the same time. I looked at her and grinned, not wanting to hide any longer from her after that spectacular kiss.

"Maybe I did?" I knew she was excited by the way her heart seemed to spiral out of control and the fact my grin only added to that made me feel very confident.

"What else can you do?" Teasing she traced my lips with her fingers before she got up.

Not sure where she was going I caught her wrist and pulled her back down again. Crushing her against my chest with one arm as I put my other hand up behind her head and let my fingers run through her hair.

"A lot more." Placing a quick kiss on her lips before I got up to my feet. Around us the forest had gone completely silent but from far I could hear footsteps, a pair of footsteps that didn't belong to humans. There were too many of them and too heavy. Afraid it would be the wolves and not sure how they would react if they would find me here with Bella, I needed to get her home.

"It's late and we still have a date planned." Pulling her up to her feet by her arms I let my hands run down her arms to her hands. She looked around and nodded.

"Your're right it is late. How are we getting home?" Looking up at me with hopeful eyes, even without reading her mind I could tell she was hoping to walk home.

"The same way we got here, I carry you on my back and run." Laughing at the sight of her disappointed face I leaned closer.

"You hiked here once, it took us at least 3 hours." Shocked at the realisation how far away we really were Bella looked at me. Before she could say anything I turned around and crouched.

"Are you sure, like I said earlier. I'm kind of heavy." Slowly I could feel her put her hands on my shoulders. With some help she managed to climb on my back again, gripping tight around my neck.

"Don't worry about that. I'm kind of strong also." Not waiting for her answer I started running, taking a different route this time. Slightly longer with more obstacles, enjoying that I was able to show of just a little bit since she already knew I could run faster than average human.

This time we had to cross the river.

The moonlight made the water sparkle and as soon as Bella noticed it, I could feel her legs and arms tighten around my body. Not hesitating for a moment I ran up to one of the large boulders on the edge of the water and pushed myself in the air.

* * *

BPOV

The fast approaching water made me grip Edwards body even tighter. Looking at the river that separated the forest from the beautiful Cullen garden, I estimated it to be at least 20 meters wide.

Underneath me I could feel Edwards body pick up speed slightly, going even faster. With deadly precision he ran up the edge of the river and placed his feet on the large boulders. Pushing us in the air as he jumped.

For a moment I closed my eyes and braced myself for the cold splash of the water. But nothing happened. Opening my eyes I was just in time to see the other side of the river come closer.

Edward landed smooth as a cat falling to his paws. Slowing down to a full stop within a few steps. Looking over my shoulder I could see the other side of the river and couldn't believe we... or more Edward had just jumped that stretch without hesitation.

Letting go of his neck I unwrapped my legs from his waist also, trying to find solid ground. Instead I landed flat on my back, looking up at an amused looking Edward. He clearly found my clumsiness adorable, something I shouldn't be surprised about as he had known me for a while and still wanted to be around me.

"I think, I've just become a very big fan of hiking." Trying to sound disgruntled and failing miserable in the attempt, both myself and Edward started laughing.

He surprised me by slowly pulling me to my feet. Concern in his eyes as he carefully assessed my body.

"Was it really that bad." His remorseful expression stopped me from getting angry and instead.. I stepped closer and shook my head. To be honest the running had been better this time, giving me a feeling of being free as the forest had flashed passed me in an alarming speed. It had just been the jump over the river that had made me loose my balance.

"No, I think with some practice. I could get used to travelling like that. But at the same time I have found a new appreciation for walking on my own two feet." Feeling sure my feet worked again I started walking to the house, happy to feel Edward slip his hand in mine and joining me.

The beauty of the garden was overwhelming. Unlike the cool and white shades that their house was decorated in, the garden was even now in wintertime a lush green landscape with some creative centrepieces. But nothing could outshine the beauty of the man next to me. Looking at him from the side, the angle made him look like a being from another world. It reminded me of his confession in the meadow just before we left. Curious to find out more about his secrets I took a deep breath and started talking.

"Earlier you said you were king of strong also, could you show me." Looking up at him from under my lashes, afraid my question would offend him. I could see him pause and look around. His eyes settled on the little gravel area that had a stone bench in the middle, sheltered by a trellis offering support to some clmibing roses, even without the flowers it looked stunning.

Not letting go of my hand he walked towards it and sat me down on the bench. Kneeling in front of me so our eyes were almost the same level. Picking up a stone the size of a dice he opened my hand flat and put in my palm. "See this stone, it's solid right?"

As he let go of it I weighed it in my hand, it wasn't heavy but solid, rock solid. "Yes why?" Not clear what he was trying to show me I looked at him. His face was tense and his jaw was clenched, as if he was fighting an internal battle.

Picking the stone up from my hand he put it in the palm of his hand and closed it. The grinding sound only lasted for a second, bringing his fist up high in between our faces so it was at eye level. He opened it and showed me the palm of his hand. Where I had expected the little stone to be was just dust.

Gasping I put my fingers in the soft dusty remains. Looking up to see him still looking at me, waiting for me to say something. But I couldn't. The idea he could seemingly effortless crush stone in the palm of his hand, it was unreal.

"That is part of why I have to be very careful around you." This time his voice was strained. Shaking the dust of his palm he got up and turned his back to me, pushing his hands in his pockets. As if he was restraining himself.

"What is the other part?" My question lingered in the silence that surrounded us. After a while I knew Edward wouldn't answer and I regretted asking him. Getting up I looked at him, stepping closer and putting my hand on his back. He didn't respond.

"When you send me that message this afternoon, was this your plan for our date. Because I have to say, it is the weirdest date I've ever been on." Not that I had a lot of dates to compare this one with, but still the evening was too weird to be considered a regular date. Or perhaps in his world, for Edward this was a regular evening. I'd been given a glimpse of him, but the wall was back in place, not letting me into his world again.

Except this time I couldn't help but wonder if it was my fault. Turning away from him I followed the small path we had been on earlier. Biting my lip I continued walking to the house, alone. When I got up to the steps that led up to the patio I could feel his hands holding me back and I turned to face him.

"This was not my plan, I had planned to take you out on a real date in Port Angeles. Dinner, movie all the normal things people do when they go on a date." Again his face was sad and I couldn't help but feel like comforting him.

"Normal things." Repeating the words and thinking about them, what was normal? Did I want normal.

Looking at Edward I decided that if normal would mean giving him up, I didn't want normal. The decision felt natural and confirmed to me that this was what I wanted. Remembering our kiss earlier this evening my heart thudded in an uneven desperate way, I wanted Edward.

" The private piano concert was breathtaking and we can still have dinner and watch a movie here at your house, can't we?" Getting on my toes I quickly gave him a kiss on his lips and turned to walk up the steps. Leading me to the patio and back door to the kitchen.

When I got at the top of the stairs, Edward was already standing there. Leaning casually against the door, a croaked grin on his face. The move was a surprise but also made butterflies stir in my stomach at the thought this man that seemed capable of so many incredible things would choose to be with me.

"Anxious are we?" Pushing past him with a sly smile, I heard him whisper back with his velvet voice from behind me, leaning close to my ear as he reached over me to push the door open. "Very much."

* * *

EPOV

Seeing Bella climb the stairs to my house I couldn't help but notice the slight sway of her hips and how the fabric of her loose dress waved around her body. In the moonlight, the pale grey colour made her look like she herself wasn't part of this world. A faery or angel herself.

The quick kiss on my lips had made me realise, I didn't have any fear of loosing her. Like the Bella I knew she was, she was accepting all of me. Even now when I was showing her little by little who I was.

Jumping up to the patio, within a few steps I was at the door. Listening to her footsteps in the stairs, knowing i'd easily beaten her to the door. Casually I leaned against the door, not being able to hold back my triumphant feeling when she turned to face me.

From where I was standing it was easy for me to hear her heart accelerate when her eyes found me. To my surprise she continued her slow walk and brushed past me, almost making me think she deliberately wanted to touch my body with hers.

"Anxious are we?" Her teasing words made me lean close to her body, enjoying the scent of her body mixed with the fresh clean scent of the forest. Hunger filled me as I leaned in and reached to push open the door for her. "Very much."


	31. Chapter 31

**One of my most trusted readers and reviewers mentioned, I left the previous posted**  
**Chapter 31 at a rather large cliffy.. something I do without thinking a lot.**  
**So just so you can all relax, here is the rest of the chapter. It's kind of long now... sorry ;)**

**Disclaimer:**

**Stephenie Meyer owns Twilight and all it's characters**

EPOV

The frantic beating of her heart to my words told me, she could hear the hunger in my voice. Slowly I brushed my cheek and nose through the crook of her neck, inhaling her scent and making her flush a delicate pink. Stepping back to allow us both to regain control I let her enter the kitchen before me.

Bella seemed to feel at home in our kitchen as she walked in front of, me turning on the lights as she entered the room. When she walked to the fridge, I quickly stopped her from opening it. Afraid there wouldn't be any food in it.

"Let me cook for you?" It was my last resort to keep her away from the fridge, and also the most stupid choice I could have made. Never ever in my life had I cooked anything, vampires just had it easy when it came to dinner.

Bella blushed as she stepped away from me, staring at me with her big eyes. It took a lot of effort to break away from her gaze. When she was at a safe distance from the fridge I opened it to see a package of red and green lettuce, some onions, carrots, cucumber and tomato with a post-it from Alice stuck to it with directions.

_**How to make a salad...**_

Smiling at the childish step by step directions Alice had made for me I read the note. It started by telling me how to wash and dry the lettuce, followed by clear instructions how to cut and slice the vegetables and add them to the mixed lettuce selection. Making sure to remember to thank my sister I looked down on the second shelf to see a scary looking plastic bag with another post-it on it. Picking up the bag I read the note, this one didn't have a lot directions it just said.

_**Grill this in a non stick pan....**_

Looking at the bag I decided to trust my sister and got everything out of the fridge. After a quick search I found a non stick pan in the first cupboard I opened, it was the only item on the shelve, obviously put there by Alice.

Grabbing it, I looked over at Bella who was watching me with a worried smile. Trying to comfort her I winked back at her and put the pan on the fire. Letting it get warm enough until the thermo-spot heat indicator showed it was ready to use.

Opening the plastic bag I was treated to a stench that was incomparable to anything else I'd ever remembered smelling. Trying to hide my disgust I let all of it slide in the pan and threw away the bag.

How could humans eat this? Not wasting any time I followed all the directions and finished as soon as possible. As the meat started to grill on either sides I recognised it to be chicken. At least Bella liked chicken, opening the first cupboard in reach I found a plate with cutlery waiting for me.

The thought occurred to me Alice had put a lot of effort in preparing this dinner. Thankful for my sisters gift I put all the food on the plate and brought it to Bella. Placing the full plate of food and cutlery in front of her.

Sitting down across from her she looked at me, to her plate and back to me again.

"You don't eat do you?" Her words sounded somewhat accusing, as if she was angry to have dinner on her own.

"No I have a special diet." Absolutely sure that telling a girl over dinner that I preferred fresh blood over salad any day of the week would ruin her appetite. I sat back and watched her huff at my answer, pick up her fork and spear a piece of chicken.

BPOV

After feeling his cool breath in my neck and the teasing words whispered in my ears, I didn't feel like having dinner at all. But since this was officially our first date, dinner before the movie seemed appropriate. Quickly I flicked on the lights and walked to the fridge, hoping there would be something I could fix us for dinner without too much trouble. Leaving plenty of time to watch that movie together.

Edward however had different plans, blocking my access to he fridge he lowered his face and caught my eyes with his.

"Let me cook for you?"

His liquid gold eyes captured me and as they did, I was sure that I could never deny him anything ever when he looked at me like that. Stepping away from the fridge I gave in. Going to the table and sitting down.

It felt weird to sit and watch him cook. He looked awkward, picking up the food and looking at some items as if it was the first time ever seeing them. In the end he did manage to complete a lovely salad with some grilled chicken that smelled great.

Setting down the one plate in front of me, he sat down across the table from me.

Trying to hide my discomfort I waited for him to speak. Instead it stayed silent as he sat across from me.

"You don't eat do you?" This time he did move, leaning back in his chair. Very quickly i flicked through the lunches at school and knew I was right. I had never seen any of the Cullen's eat anything.

"No I have a special diet." The way he looked at me as he said those words made me shudder, almost as if it sounded like a warning.

Not caring about his warning, I picked up my fork and tasted some of the chicken. It was good and I quickly finished my food, surprised by the fact that someone who doesn't eat could actually prepare great food.

The rest of evening passed by slow. Edward let me choose a movie and together we watched it in the living room. All the time he kept a safe distance from me. And each scene of the movie seemed to take longer and longer as I couldn't concentrate on the movie. From the corner of my eye I watched Edward instead.

By the time the movie was at it's end, I felt like all the ups and downs from this evening hadn't really happened. The playful teasing in the kitchen and the intimate kiss we had shared at the meadow seemed impossible.

Closing my eyes I remembered the events of the evening. Not sure what had made the most impression on me. Both the piano playing and the time spend in the meadow had been very intimate, almost as if he had shown me another side of Edward that I could have never thought up myself. That had touched me. It had touched me more than his abilities had scared me.

"Bella, are you ready to go to sleep?" When I opened my eyes, Edward was standing in front of me. The tv was already turned of and the timer on the DVD player showed it was past 11 in the evening.

Rubbing my eyes I suppressed a yawn and let Edward pull me to my feet and lead me upstairs. It appeared to be we were the only people in the house as he led me past the other bedrooms to his.

As I walked in he stayed at the door, watching me grab something to wear while I was sleeping from the overnight bag that Alice had packed for me. Feeling his eyes burning on me as I flashed him an apologetic smile and rushed to the bathroom. Quickly I washed my face and brushed my teeth.

After changing into my pyjama I rushed back to his bedroom to find Edward sitting on the couch. He was holding a pillow in his hands and seemed to be looking at something outside. When he noticed me in the room he looked up but instead of smiling at me like I hoped he would. He got up and rushed to me.

"What happened to you?" I could tell he was holding back, afraid to scare me but his pitch black eyes showed the anger he was holding back as he put his hands on my shoulder.

Looking down I could see the faint blue of a bruise starting to show both on my shoulder and my upper arm. Not sure what to tell him I avoided his face and looked down at the floor.

"Did I do this to you?" His hands left my body and I could feel him stepping back, adding physical distance to the emotional gap I had felt for the past 2 hours.

"No, wait." Looking up I stepped forward, wanting to follow him. Instead I tripped and fell forward, in his arms. "Someone else did this, it's not important...." Afraid to tell him he was important I stopped my sentence. "Please don't leave me?"

Tracing the pattern on my shoulder, he fit his hand to it. The bruise was slightly bigger and he frowned at the sight. Gently he put his hands on my shoulder and arm, his touch felt cool and comfortable.

"Bella, I can't stay with you tonight." His words cut through me, hurting me in a way I hadn't expected. Stepping away from him I looked away, afraid to show my face to him. Without thinking I walked over to the bed and pulled back the blankets. Inside my mind rejection was taking control of me.

Edward followed me, pulling the blankets over me. Tucking me in, like you would a little girl. Angry I closed my eyes, not wanting to see that angels face that would leave me alone. When his cool lips brushed my flushed cheeks I could hear him take a deep breath, Something I had caught him doing a couple of times tonight.

Drifting away from him, I could hear the humming of the same familiar song, almost like a lullaby. Sending me to sleep, no matter how hard I tried to stay awake. Darkness gently took over, and the last thought I had was of Edward, my love.

* * *

EPOV

Humming Bella's own lullaby to her, I was glad to see her fall asleep so quickly. As soon as she was fast asleep I left her room and went downstairs to find Alice waiting for me.

She was sitting on the floor in the middle of the living room, looking outside with a concentrated frown on her face.

"_I'm sorry for letting Jacob Black hurt her like that. Somehow I can't see the wolves, it's very inconvenient. And because of that, it's the second time someone got hurt."_

Her sad confession made me sit down next to her and grab her hand. Gently squeezing it to let her know, I still supported her and trusted her. "There was nothing you could have done to change what happened to Charlie. I was there, it was a mess. But still, we made it out and he'll recover completely."

Understanding the guilt she felt at seeing a loved one, even the family of a loved one hurt. I felt sad for my sister.

"_Jasper called me on the phone, and I wasn't allowed to use it on the ward. So I went downstairs and outside, thinking that because I didn't see anything happening things would be fine. I should have looked harder, tried more... and seen that in fact I couldn't see anything because my vision was blocked. When I finally got back, he'd been in Charlie's room and followed Bell. According to her, Jacob wanted her to go with him."_

Her shoulder trembled slightly as she dry sobbed at the vision of Charlie in the bed and Bella holding his hand. The emotions on Bella's face showing how heartbroken she was.

In her vision I could also see the scene re-enact that had just played in own bedroom. Me finding out Bella had been hurt badly by someone. The moment of self-doubt and the anger that bubbled up inside of me when she confessed it had been someone else who hurt me.

That was why she had been waiting here to talk with me, to offer a listening ear to my sorrow. While at the same time, she obviously felt very sad herself. The endless amount of support she was giving me warmed my heart.

"Thanks for the food." Deciding to change the conversation to something positive I smiled at her. To my relieve she smiled back.

"_The moment I saw you and Bella at the meadow, I knew you'd never have time to go out for dinner. After that I could see you try to explain why there was no food in the fridge. You suck at lying, no pun intended." _Clearly she had found some of her bubbly old Alice back as she smiled at me with a sly smile.

"None taken. You are the best sister in the world." From somewhere upstairs I could hear Rosalie sneer at my words, in fact I could picture her rolling my eyes at my words.

"Have you had any visions showing what will happen if I tell Bella the truth?" Hoping my sister could help me decide how to finish what I started tonight. I waited for her answer but she just looked outside.

_After a while she looked at me with an apologetic smile and shook her head. "No i'm sorry. All I can see is her knowing already but how she finds out, it's hazy almost like it's not yet decided. Weird because you have decided to tell her and she has decided to find out. You two seem to be on the same mission."_ Trying to joke about the big secret that was still between me and Bella, or more standing between Bella and my entire family. I knew Alice was worried about not being able to see clearly.

"So about Jacob Black, did Bella know who he is?" Not sure why, but this felt important to me and I hoped Alice could answer my questions.

"_No she didn't and he really freaked her out by saying she should come with him. He has this weird misconception that we are keeping her here against her own free will. Also Charlie was kind of loopy because of his meds and asked Bella to thank you , twice in fact. She didn't really understand why, but she'll ask you tomorrow." _Getting up she looked down at me.

"_Just wanted to give you some time to make up a convincing lie or decide how you will tell her the truth.' _Not waiting for my answer she walked out of the room, going upstairs to join Jasper.

Her words gave me a lot to think about. Jacob was a family friend and a part of me understood how he wanted to see Bella. The other part of me, the greater part remembered the ravaging beast that had almost killed Charlie Swan and had injured his best friend without thinking.

I shuddered at the thought of him being in such close proximity to Belle. And judging by the bruises on her arm and shoulder, he had no control over his strength, making him dangerous both as a wolf and human. Closing my eyes I thanked whatever was looking out for Bella this afternoon that Jacob hadn't changed into a wolf in front of her and hurt her in the progress.

My body hurt at the thought of loosing her, trying to persuade myself the risk hadn't been there this afternoon. In the back of my mind a small voice teased me, reminded me. This was my fault, I'd denied her chance to become like me and have the peace of mind she would be safe forever.

The word forever played in my mind as I sat there in the living room. Waiting for the night to pass and the light to come back in my life, giving me another day to spend with Bella.

* * *

BPOV

"_I couldn't see anything around me but the smell of damp earth and trees told me I was in the woods. Feeling around me, my fingers found dirt and could feel how cold and wet the earth was. It had been raining all day, it shouldn't be a surprise._

_Sitting up my head ached and I could feel my muscles were stiff. Slowly my eyes were adjusting to the darkness and around me I could start to make out shapes of trees and bushes. _

_Nothing seemed familiar. How did I get here, without shoes and just wearing my sweats. Chilled to the bone I rubbed my arms with my hands. Knowing that no one would find me, this deep down in the forest I tried to remember what Charlie had told me about hiking in the forest. But soon realised that wouldn't help either because I didn't know what direction my house would be in._

_Getting up from the ground, I decided to start walking anyway, hopeful to find a hiking trail that would lead me to a sign indicating where I was. As I started walking slowly, trying not to trip on everything or hurt my feet too bad. _

_It was difficult to find my way and took me hours, completely distracted me from everything around me. When I finally did find a hiking trail the sun had started to set and I couldn't believe my eyes. There a few feet ahead of me was someone. Forgetting that I didn't have my shoes on I ran towards the person, it looked like a women._

_Crying out in relieve I reached her and put my hand on her shoulder. As I did, she turned around pulling the hood from her head. Long red hair cascaded free from her hood and her eyes were a vibrant red._

_Tripping backwards I wanted to run but couldn't, ending up on the ground. Still crawling back. Fear consumed me as she followed me, the wicked smile on her face telling me she enjoyed this game, all night long she probably had been watching me._

_Bending down she picked me up by my sweatshirt and pulled me close. Her face close to mine as she smelled me. "So good, I can understand why James didn't want to stay away from you." Letting go of me, I fell back on the ground. She stood over me, tall and fierce. Like a lioness ready to kill her prey. _

_Closing my eyes I waited. _

"_Not yet, but I'm sure you will enjoy the anticipation of my next visit." Her menacing voice was a chilling promise._

_When I opened my eyes, she was gone. Where she had been was my phone, crawling towards it. Grabbing my lifeline I took a deep breath, regretting what I was about to do but dialling the number anyway._

_It rang a few times before I heard my friends voice on the other end._

"_Bella?" Her voice was till sleepy, probably because she would still be asleep. Crying at the relieve that she had picked up her phone I started talking. _

"_Angela, you need to come get me." _

With a shock I sat up, immediately awake. The last sentence in my dream stuck in my mind _"Angela, you need to come get me." _

Grabbing my phone it showed it was only 4:30 in the morning. Too early to call my friend. Falling back in the pillows I closed my eyes and let out a deep breath. Whatever secret Edward and the other Cullen's were keeping from me. She knew more.

All I knew so far was what I had pieced together yesterday. I needed to talk about this with someone and if my nightmare was real, like my dream of the meadow had been real. The only friend I could turn to was Angela.

From the night stand I grabbed the book I needed to read for the assignment Edward and I needed to finish together. Somehow the love story in both books seemed not so impressive anymore now I had found my own Romeo, completely enthralled into my own lovestory.

Closing my eyes I remembered the thrill of being carried through the woods again, perhaps soon he'd take me to the meadow again. Remembering how good it had been to feel his arms around my body with my head against his chest. It had been so calm and quiet, too quiet.

Placing my hand over my own heart I knew what had been missing, laying with my head against his chest. There had been no heart beating. Nothing to listen to. My mind told me that was impossible and yet on the other side, the knowledge was there.

No longer being able to lay back and relax I got out of bed and grabbed a towel from my bag and my toiletries, I headed to the bathroom. In there I closed the door and turned on the shower until the entire room steamed up.

Stepping underneath the hot water I let it wash away all the concerns I had about what I needed to find out. After a while I gave up, the warm water supply in this house seemed endless.. there was no use standing here any longer.

Wrapping the towel tight around my body I wiped away the damp from the mirror and looked at my reflection. Edward had been right, my shoulder showed a giant bruise, with long fingers tracing all around my arm, reminding me how his hands had easily overlapped around my arm and squeezed so tight it had bruised my arm.

Lifting my arm, it didn't feel as bad as it looked. With relieve I started brushing my hair back into a high ponytail, pulling it away from my neck. Securing it tight I took one last look at myself and went back to the bedroom.

Sitting on the bed were Alice and Rosalie, both showing a fake pout on their face.

"You were going to sneak out before breakfast." Alice accused me as Rosalie winked at me, showing me they were here to help me on my mission.

"Ehm yeah.. there is something I need to talk about with Angela." Not wanting to keep secrets from my 2 friends, I walked to my bag. On top of it were a pair of dark designer jeans and a bright coloured blouse, that obviously didn't belong to me.

"I suppose you want me to wear this?" Turning to both Alice and Rosalie, I mocked both of them. Knowing they only wanted to help. Rosalie got up and walked over to stand next to me. Lifting the blouse and jeans, she pointed at a small gift bag from the lingerie shop we had been last Saturday. "Don't forget the underwear, we'll be downstairs fixing breakfast before the guys get downstairs also."

Winking at me she left the room, followed by Alice. Carefully I folded back the paper in the gift bag, revealing what Rosalie had chosen for me to wear. Flushing a deep red color, I couldn't believe she had tricked me into wearing this.

Knowing both Alice and Rosalie wouldn't shy away from checking my clothes, even if it was just to playfully make fun of me. I picked up the little set and got dressed. It wasn't as bad as I had thought but still I was happy, today there was no gym.

Feeling fierce I grabbed my own old pair of sneakers and put these on. Both Rosalie and Alice had said nothing about shoes. Happy I put my phone in my pocket and collected the other items I would need for school in my bag, taking them downstairs with me.

The house was still very silent, perhaps the guys were still asleep. Where had Edward been sleeping anyway, he'd insisted I'd take the bed and couldn't stay with me, so he'd left. Something else I would have to ask him.

When I got to the kitchen, Rosalie was already at the kitchen table with a cup in her hand. Like Carlisle the other morning and I smiled at myself, knowing him joining me at the kitchen table had just been a gesture to make me feel more comfortable.

Alice was sitting on the kitchen counter, balancing on the edge with her legs crossed. An almost impossible position, but after last night..... nothing seemed to impossible in this household.

"Ehm guys, you don't need to keep me company. I know you don't eat, or at least I think you don't eat." Letting my eyes go from each face, neither of them tried to hide their relieve at not having to pretend to have breakfast with me.

Rosalie set down her cup and pushed it towards me. "Coffee? It's still warm." Her easy surrender made me giggle and I picked up the cup.

"Thanks." Sitting down I took a sip, she was right it was still warm.

"So, ehm I'm right. You don't eat either, none of you do?"

Both Alice and Rosalie stayed silent, answering my question without wanting to. "And you're as fast as Edward also?"

This time Alice started laughing, her high bubbly laugh filling the kitchen. "We're both very fast, but not as fast as Edward."

Sitting back I thought about that answer, very fast but not as fast as Edward. Sipping my coffee as I tried to relax. They never denied nor confirmed any of the questions I asked. Perhaps it was a self-defence mechanism to hide whatever they were. Because whatever the secret was, it affected all of them.

Checking my phone it showed it was 7 in the morning, late enough to go visit Angela. She'd be out of bed, getting ready to go to school.

"Rose.. Can I borrow your car today?" Needing to drive alone so I could go past Angela's house, I hoped she didn't need her car. To my surprise she pulled a set of keys from her pocket as she got up. Tossing them to me, I just barely caught them.

Looking at the keychain it was different from the previous set of keys she'd given me. It was less heavy and turning it over, I recognised my own initials delicately mosaicked with blue gems in a platinum setting. Running my fingers over the beautiful blue colors I felt two sets of eyes watching me.

"We designed it for you while Rosalie and Emmet rebuild your truck. The stones were picked by Jasper, they represent calm, peace and confidence. I hope you like it." Alice got up from the kitchen counter and came to stand next to me. I was speechless and couldn't answer at first.

"It's lovely Alice." Giving her a quick smile I turned to face Rosalie.

"You finished my truck?" Getting up from the table I walked over to Rosalie and gave her a hug, for a moment she froze before hugging me back. Letting go of her I grabbed my phone from the table and pushed it in my bag. Quickly heading towards the front door.

When I got outside, right in front of the house was my truck. Walking around it, I couldn't believe it was the same car.

"Do you like it?" Rosalie asked as she stood on the other side of the truck letting her hand rest on the hood, a proud look on her face. Alice was standing next to her, looking like it was her getting a car instead of myself.

"Like it? I love it..... thank you so much!" Finishing my inspection I came to join them. Both of them wrapping an arm around me. "It looks like new again."

Alice giggled and I looked at her, rasing an eyebrow. "Actually it's better than new. Come one, get in and start it so you can test it." Pulling me aside she opened the door and pushed me in the drivers seat.

Nervous I put the keys in the ignition and turned it, bracing myself for the loud roar that was my truck's signature. Nothing happened, instead it started smoothly. Rolling down the window first, I closed the door and sat and listened to the perfect sound of my truck.

"Go ahead, I'll see you at school." Alice waved me off and joined Rosalie who had returned to the veranda, both of them looking satisfied as they watched me drive away.

It felt really good to drive again, in my own car, at my own pace. And much to soon I got to Angela's house. Parking in their driveway I could see the lights in her bedroom were turned on. Taking a deep breath I walked up to the front of the house and opened the door.

"Angela" Calling my friend from the step of her stairs. She appeared at the top, already dressed but her hair still wrapped in a towel. "Bella.. what's wrong?" Walking down the stairs, her face showed concern. When she stood next to me I couldn't hide my fear any longer.

"It's Edward. There are so many secrets and little things, but it's like my mind won't connect the puzzle. I need you to help me." Tears started to run from my eyes and angry I wiped them away. Not wanting to cry in front of my friend.

"Come upstairs and we'll talk, placing her hand on my back Angela gently guided me upstairs and to her room. Clearing the chair next to her desk for me to sit in, she sat down on her bed and face me. "What makes you come to me?" Her face looked tense and suddenly I knew she was hiding something also.

"Remember months ago, before my accident. I called you really early in the morning and begged you to come get me?" Hoping my nightmare had in fact been a memory. I sat and waited for her to answer. At first she looked around, got up and closed her bedroom door. When she turned to face me, I could see she remembered. Still she didn't speak and instead went to her bookshelf. Getting a big box from the end she took it with her and set it next to her in the bed.

"I do remember. It was the scariest thing in my life. Do you want me to tell you what happened after I went to collect you?" Resting her hands on the box, her hands were covering the top as if guarding whatever was in it.

"You called me, it was a Sunday morning. The evening before we had been to the movies, just the two of us. And you'd cried over Edward, he hurt you so much when you left. There is no way to describe how broken your heart was." Her face showed the pain she felt when remembering that day, it made me swallow.

"So when you called me, I thought you wanted me to pick you up from your house. But you told me you didn't know where you were. It took me about 15 minutes on the phone with you until you were calm enough to get up and start following the trail you were on, going downhill following my directions. I got up and got dressed, promising I wouldn't call Ben."

Understanding what I had put her through, I felt bad for coming here today and asking her to relive that day again.

"I was so scared you would get lost again, but you didn't. After 30 minutes you called again, you found a sign saying what trail you were on and I quickly drove to the parking lot and started hiking towards you."

Her words made me remember how cold and tired I had been in my dream, not wearing shoes and just a pair of sweats outside in the cold rain. I knew, by the time she would have found me, I would have been a mess.

"You found me?" The look in her eyes told me she did.

"When I did your feet were bleeding, your hair was tangled up and there was not a dry thread left on your what scared me most were your eyes, they seemed blank as if all life had been taken away from them. As quickly as possible I brought you back to my car and drove you home. You begged me not to tell anyone what had happened, not even your father."

Picking up the box she opened it.

"I kept my promise, staying with you while you slept. During that day, several times you spoke in your nightmares, crying, yelling and screaming. Something about a James, Victoria but mostly the Cullen's and Edward. You crumbled when you woke up and confessed everything."

Holding out a book she held it to her chest, still hiding it from me. Her eyes showing a mix of relieve and guilt.

"When you lost your memories, I went to your house and collected this. Afraid someone else would find it and start asking questions. After all you have been through, I didn't want to risk someone jogging your memory and bringing back all the pain."

Knowing not to expect a fairy tale when I drove here, her words felt like a blow. Not only had I pulled my best friend into this mess, because of losing my memories... she had guarded it for me, from me. And obviously it had been really tough on her.

My body felt like it was tied to the chair as I got up and went to sit next to Angela on the bed.

"You can tell me now, I need to know. Yesterday Edward took me to the meadow, a place I only thought existed in my dreams. But it was real and he is real.. even with all the unexplainable things surrounding him. "

Placing my hand on the book she held clutched to her chest I looked at her, my eyes seeing the internal struggle she felt. "The truth is in this book isn't it?"

To my relieve she let go of it and gave the book to me. Using her now free hands to wipe the tears from her eyes.

"Before you read what is in it. What do you think you will find in this book, you mentioned there are so many unexplainable things surrounding him. Before going down that road again, you have to be sure you take the right route."

Her warning was clear and made me frown. Was this the right route. Yesterday at the meadow I had told Edward I didn't care what he was, explaining it didn't matter because I trusted him more.

But would I stop trusting him or only trust him more if I knew the truth? Deliberating I watched Angela get up and get her hair drier. "Towel hair, is not so attractive. Even when you are only human." Smiling at me she excused herself to her small bathroom.

Only human.

Opening the book I read the introduction. It was a book on local folklore. Mentioning the Quilette from the reservation. That wasn't relevant. Flipping forward I stopped at a chapter that had been marked by a cut of picture of Edward. Holding it in the light, he looked as handsome in this picture as in real life. Even the picture made me loose my breath.

Carefully I placed it next to me and started to read the chapter. As I did my eyes felt hungry, eating the words until the chapter was finished and rereading it again. Finding it difficult to believe what the book said but knowing that I had believed it was the truth and had even convinced Angela, faithful and a true believer in god, that demons existed.

"Did you finish reading?" In the doorway Angela stood, her face worried.

"Yes." Not knowing what else to say, I just sat there still holding the book in my hands.

"Then you know why I kept this a secret, if anyone would find out. They wouldn't understand and be scared, cause panic and make them move away. You said it yourself when you told me." Sitting down next to me she put the picture back in the book.

"I don't know why they left you, I do know you told me it was because Edward told you...."

Interrupting her I finished the sentence for her, remembering the heartbreaking words in my journal.

"Edward told me I don't belong in his world." Realisation of why he didn't want to tell me dawned on me. He didn't want me in his world, me just a plain human. Just last night he had told me after showing me how strong he was, that he had to be very careful around himself. I was holding him back.

"Drive with me to school?" Suddenly needing to get out of this room and outside, to feel the cold fresh air against my skin. I hoped it would help me clear my head and help me gain strength for what I was going to do.

Angela smiled and grabbed the box, letting me drop the book back in it. Carefully she placed it back on the highest of her bookshelf. Safe for no one to find. Continuing to guard the Cullen secret.

"Let's go" She waited at the door for me, schoolbag in hand. Proving that no matter how crazy I got, she would always be my friend. Following Angela I took one last look at the box, wishing all secrets could be hidden that easy.

* * *

EPOV

Alice and Rosalie had told me to let Bella go and as she drove away in her truck, both of them felt proud and happy for Bella to be a part of our family again.

It made me feel like this time, instead of being the first to welcome and accept her in our family. This time I was the last one and the doubt was eating away at me.

Joining my sisters outside they both put an arm around me.

"_It will work out, just make sure to got school on time and wait for her outside class." _Alice her confidence sparked my hope, did she really have a vision of my problems being resolved? Frowning I grabbed the keys from Rosalie.

"_Be nice, not just for her car." _Her warnings were never subtle and the sisterly love that went with this warning made me smile.

Walking to my car I started the engine and raced to school. Parking at the far end of the parkinglot. Waiting for Bella and Angela to arrive I walked into the school building, ignoring the fact that I would have to wait at least another half hour before class even started.

Time was on my side, hadn't I promised Bella that just days ago when she had told me she needed time. Here I was waiting, not caring about time but only about Bella.

Finally she did walk into the hallway, talking with Angela and freezing as soon as she saw me. Her big eyes filled with terror, making me panic. Whatever she had found it... it had only caused her to distrust me more.

Pushing past other students I made my way to her. "Good luck." Angela whispered before letting go of Bella's hand and continued her way to class. I wasn't sure if it was meant for either of us or both of us.

"Hi" Her voice sounded weird as she looked at me.

"I need to talk with you." Taking control of the situation and of me, she turned around and started walking out of the school building towards the parking lot. When we reached the far end of the parking lot she stopped and sat down on the edge of the sidewalk.

"This morning I went to Angela. She had something that belonged to me, something that makes me understand what you are." Her voice sounded calm and collected, reminding me of the evening I had left her in the woods months ago.

"I know what you are." Her words came out without emotion. Making my heart sink even more. This wasn't the first time we where having this conversation, but this time I knew what I'd be missing if our conversation went the wrong way. Needing to make my second chance with love work I crouched down in front of Bella. Gently lifting her chin so our eyes could meet.

"Do you care?" My words sounded as desperate as I felt.

She shook her head. Freeing herself from my hand. "No I don't care, but I know you do. It's why you left in the first place." A single hot tear started rolling down her face as around us the rain started poring down.

Picking her up I headed to my car, parked close to us. Cradling her to my body with one arm I opened the car and put her in the seat. Running round, not caring at being caught I was seated next to her in a second.

"You're wrong Bella."Leaning in closer I put my hand around her face again, forcing her to look at me. "Yes I left you, but it doesn't mean I don't want you." Understanding what she was feeling I suddenly felt Alice was right.

Bella just shrugged and pushed my hand away. For a moment she looked outside before turning back to face. "You want me to believe that a vampire, with all his beauty, powers and eternal life.... Would choose to be with me, a stupid fragile human."

It felt like the world stopped moving as all the pieces of the puzzle clicked together. Bella had not only found out I was a vampire, and her being Bella, she didn't care.

No the thing that she wanted to talk with me about was her ongoing disbelieve that I could and do love her. Not knowing what else to do I leaned closer and allowed myself to dazzle her.

"I choose to be with a stupid, fragile human.. because after almost a century of being alone that human captured my heart and I love that human and will always love her for the rest of my eternal life." As the rain pored down around us, creating a private bubble in my car. I pulled her closer and crushed my lips against her, not caring who would find out or what would happen when they did. All I cared about was Bella and convincing her that I loved her.

"I love you." Between two kisses I told her again, looking back waiting for her answer. She responded by kissing my lips, whispering against them very softly. "I love you too"

Afraid to deepen our kiss I pulled her close against my chest, resting my chin on her head. Smelling her delicate fragrance but not feeling any hunger, no burning in the back of my throat. Jasper had been right, when the time comes, love will consume you whole, leaving no room for anything else. And for me that time was now.


	32. Chapter 32

**Disclaimer: Stephenie Meyer owns Twilight and all it's characters**

**We are just all love struck fools for following her into the imaginary world that is Twilight...**  
**Have fun reading ;)**

BPOV

No one is ever going to love you more than I do. That was what I wanted to say, but somehow admitting these feelings to someone who had eternal life felt wrong. Especially since he had forever and I didn't.

Instead I kissed him back softly and whispered against his lips. "I love you too."

Hoping he would understand how much I did mean these words.

To my surprise he kissed me back briefly and then pulled me against his chest. It felt like coming home and with a sigh I relaxed and listened to the rain beating down on the roof of his Volvo.

After a while I got bored with the rain and started tracing shapes with my finger on the palm of his hand. He didn't seem to mind.

"Edward, I noticed your heart doesn't beat. Is that a vampire thing?" Feeling stupid to ask him this, I ducked as I waited for his answer. To my relieve he chuckled and placed a soft kiss on the top of my head, letting me know he didn't mind me asking. "Technically I'm dead Bella. Once you get turned, your body stops working, completely freezing you in time. "

Thinking about his answer for a little bit I continued tracing the shape in the palm of his hand absent minded. When I thought about what I was doing, I realised I was tracing a heart over and over again on his skin. Embarrassed I flushed and pulled away my hand.

"So I probably already know this, but just to be sure. All of you are vampires?" Sitting up I turned to face him. His eyes sparkled and he smiled that croaked grin I loved so much, making my heart skip a beat. "Yes all of us are vampires."

"So none of you actually eat human food?" Thinking about the food he had cooked yesterday, and the funny and even disgusted looks he had given to some food. It made a lot more sense now.

"No we don't eat human food, ever." Trying to hide the humour in his eyes at the mention of human food he looked back at me.

"Huh." Satisfied with his answer I leaned back into his chest again, not caring this time that he didn't exactly pull me close to him. "If you all don't eat human food. Where did the food come from?"

Edward started laughing, at first a soft rumble from his chest but soon a loud and musical laughter and I couldn't help but hold my breath as for the first time, he was actually laughing out loud without restraints. It was was one of the most enthralling things I had ever heard.

"Alice had a vision of you opening the fridge and finding out there was no food. So she stocked the fridge with your dinner, salad and chicken. Because she also saw me struggling with how to prepare dinner for you. I kind of put my foot in it, not having prepared any food ever in my life." Laughing sheepishly he looked at me in the rearview mirror. I liked the way our eyes connected in the little mirror, somehow adding intimacy to the moment. "She put post-it notes on each bag, labelling what it was and step by step instructions what I should do with it."

The idea of Edward taking instructions from a post-it about how to make a salad was hilarious to me. Or perhaps it was all the nerves that had been bottled up for the past days. Either thing made me giggle in a hysterical way until I had a stomach ache and Edward was trying to calm me down by putting his cool hands on either side of my cheeks.

The sound of both mine and Edwards cell phone buzzing brought us back. Grabbing my phone it said I had a new text message from Angela. Asking me if she should excuse me from class.

Looking up at Edward he was holding his phone also. "What did yours say?" Grabbing his phone, he took mine and both of us started laughing. Alice and Angela had obviously teamed up together, sending each one of us the same message from their own phone.

"Shall we go back to class?" For a moment I considered not going to school again, but there wasn't much choice since I had missed school the day before and was expected back again. With a sigh I pulled away from Edward and looked around for my schoolbag, before I could open my mouth to ask Edward. He was holding it out for me, standing next to the car on the passenger side. Confused I looked at the spot where he had been sitting just a second ago. Shaking my head I got out of the car.

"I still need to get used to that." Slipping my hand in his we walked back towards the school buildings.

"Get used to what?" His eyes were on me as he tried to hide a smile.

"To you being faster than a speeding bullet, showing up in front of me when I least expect it." Knowing he already had guessed what I was commenting on, I enjoyed watching his face break out in a very satisfied smile.

When we got to class, I felt sad to let go of his hand. Wishing he could be in my Spanish class. Getting on my toes I kissed him on the cheek quickly, letting go and turning away from him. Before I could he twirled me around and kissed me back, making me flush again at the knowledge everyone else in the hallway could see us. Letting go of me he stepped back and turned away, disappearing in the crowd.

Turning to walk into class, my lips still burned from his kiss. Not paying attention I almost tripped walking through the doorway but felt a pair of hands come to my rescue. Standing next to me was Alice, her eyes lit up and absolutely unable to hide her enthusiasm.

Hugging me tight she squealed in my ear, making me feel slightly deaf.

"I knew you two would get back together. I'm so happy for all of us."

Letting go of me we sat down in our assigned seats and talked a little more before class started. Angela was in the front of class and turned around to wave at me, looking a lot more relaxed also. As soon as class was over she came over to me, sitting on the edge of my table. Alice was still sitting next to me and both of them looked at me expectantly.

"Guys, I don't know what to say. I feel like I've been so stupid to not see how much Edward loves me." And I love him, in my mind I finished the sentence.

Angela put her hand on my arm. "You have no idea how difficult it was to not tell you everything. I hope you're not angry?" Understanding she felt guilty about keeping this secret I got up and gave her a hug. "Are you crazy, you are the best friend anyone could ask for." Letting go I looked over my shoulder to Alice, hoping she wasn't insulted but she just smiled and I knew she was fine with that statement.

Together we left class to the cafeteria. As we walked together I caught people looking at me. Alice went to sit down in the back with Jasper and Angela joined me to get some food. When we had reached the line at the buffet someone pushed me aside, almost knocking me off my feet.

"Oops, sorry." The voice made me turn around, Lauren was standing behind me. A very angry look in her eyes. "Suppose since you and Cullen were making out in the hallway, the two of you are together again. Just make sure you can entertain him a little bit longer this time. Otherwise I'll be ready to scoop him up, that is if you don't get your daddy to chase him out of town. Again" Emphasising the word again, she flicked her hair back and pushed past me and Angela.

Before she could pass all the way, her path was blocked by Edward. His eyes dark as he looked at Lauren, after the past view days I recognised that look. He was angry at her, reigning in his natural instincts to appear human.

Suddenly the thought of how easy he could hurt her or take revenge made me step forward. Not sure if he would but not feeling like starting a catfight war with someone I still needed to be around for a few months.

I let my arms slip around his waist and looked at Lauren. Giving her my sweetest face possible. "Thanks so much for the advice Lauren, now if you'll excuse me. My boyfriend and I are having lunch together. "

Angela had already skipped the line with our tray and paid for our lunch. Following us to the table were Jasper and Alice were sitting already. Looking awkward at Jasper she stopped two steps away from the table, looking at me and Alice for help.

"It's OK I don't bite." Jasper joked and got up from his seat. Slowly he took the tray from Angela, placing it on the table. Offering her his hand, I suddenly felt very relaxed. Angela seemed to feel the same way because carefully she put her hand in his hand.

"Jasper Whitlock, nice to meet you officially. " His introduction seemed a little bit funny, as he had been at Forks high longer than Angela. All the time pretending to be Jasper Hale. But it made her smile and to my relieve she sat down.

I sat down next to her, Edward sitting across me. Offering me a chance to look him in the eyes without being too obvious since I was sitting with my back to the rest of to the students.

"Alice tells me, you are rather amazing at keeping secrets." Jasper asked Angela. Both Edward and Alice looked at her also. All their eyes showed an awareness that I had not seen before. Uncomfortable with all the attention she was receiving, Angela put down her soda.

"Yes. I didn't have a choice." Her words weren't blaming me but I still felt guilty at the stress I had caused her.

"Thank you." All four of us at the table said at the same time, making us all pause for a moment before breaking out in laughter. After that the awkwardness seemed to be gone and we spend the rest of out lunch talking about little things. Every now and again, I would catch Edward looking at me. Each time I would look away, waiting for him to look away also so I could watch him without his eyes locked on mine.

Lunch seemed to fly by as we continued to let our eyes tango across the table. When the hour was finally finished Edward got up and disappeared with Jasper leaving me with a frown at the table. Both Alice and Angela started laughing at my disappointed face.

I couldn't help myself, somehow a kiss from Edward was all I wanted.

Letting my friends guide me to class, the first hour felt like the clock had stopped moving. As our teacher stood in front of class, lecturing about whatever subject our next test was on. All I could do was doodle in the edge of my notebook. By the time we finally were allowed to start working on our assignment, the doodling had taken over and now took up an entire page. Ripping it out of my notebook, I folded it and put it in my back.

As I did, my fingers touched my phone. Sneaking it out, I opened it to type a message to Edward. Hoping he would reply. But before I could send it, Alice snatched away from me. Just in time because our teacher was walking through class, checking what we were doing. Mouthing a quick thank you, I tried to look busy.

* * *

EPOV

Knowing what I wanted was at the other side of the door was driving me crazy. I could hear her heart beat and smell her fragrance. Still I couldn't be with her.

Using my sister and the other students in class, I looked at her. Just in time to see Alice grab her phone and hide it from the teacher.

Laughing to myself I grabbed my phone and typed her a quick text message, knowing she would read it as soon as class was finished. Waiting for the remaining 10 minutes to pass by I stood in front of the door. The school bel finally released me from my agony.

As the door swung open, the first students started walking out of classroom. Not paying attention but instead seeming completely captivated by.. was it my text message? Bella was walking towards the door. Stepping aside I waited until she had walked out in the hallway. Now standing behind her I leaned in closer. " What's so captivating?"

Making sure she could feel my breath against her neck, I snaked my arms around her and pulled her close to me. Over her shoulder she looked back at me. "This guy send me the most amazing text message, I need to thank him as soon as I find him after school. Will you help me look for him?"

Her words reminded me how much she had changed and how much I liked that change. Feeling her warm body close to mine, I knew that we still belonged together. "Sure what does he look like?" Playing along with her game, I followed her to the last and final class of the day. Our only class together this day.

"Well. He's insanely good looking, about this high." Holding her hand next my head, keeping a straight a face.

"Today he's got beautiful warm eyes, with a hint of gold in them. Whenever I look into them, it feels like looking at the sun, stars and moon. All wrapped up together. " Placing a soft kiss on my lips, she sat down at our lab table. Leaving me speechless at her confession.

Did she really see all that in me? Sitting down next to me, I angled my body towards her so I could watch her. Enjoying the way her thick, long hair fell between us. Pushing it behind her ear I let my finger run along her neck. "If he means that much to you, I'll help you find him." Flashing her a smile, her heart responded by missing a beat and accelerating. Her involuntary reaction to me was all I needed for the rest of the hour to keep the smile on my face.

After school Bella insisted driving Angela home, saying she would come to my home as soon as possible. It felt difficult to let her go and watch her drive away. We waited until her truck was out of sight and stayed behind for a little while.

My selfish and protective side was telling me to follow her and watch her. Keep her safe. My rational side was telling me to go home with my brother and sister. Showing Bella I trusted her and could allow her to make her own choices.

When every car had left the parking lot and I had followed Angela's thoughts, knowing Bella had safely dropped her off at her own home. I finally gave up and getting in the car with Alice and Jasper, I was grateful for his gift. Allowing the calm and pleasant feeling to wash over me, helping me relax.

We had almost reached home when Alice's hand gripped my shoulder. Her sudden panic filled my mind.

Swerving to the side I made a full stop, reading her mind to find there was nothing there but panic. The panic was so intense, it was difficult for me to make out if it was hers or belonged to someone else. To someone else like example Bella. The warning voice in the back of my mind added.

Jasper was holding her in his arms, looking at me with scared eyes. _"Can you read her mind, what is she seeing." _Feeling the panic and lost feelings roll of her, made him grip her even tighter in a desperate way.

Shaking my head to let him know I didn't know what was wrong, he placed a kiss on her lips and started talking to her. Using his calm and loving voice to guide her back to us. The loving atmosphere was almost too much for me as he focussed all his attention on letting Alice know how much he loved her.

Finally she gasped and released her grip on the back of my seat. Leaning into Jasper I could see her close her eyes for a second. When she opened them, the terror was gone but she still looked scared. _"We need to go help Bella, now."_

Reading her mind I started my car and turned it around, not wasting any time. Rushing back to Forks. Hoping we would be on time.

* * *

BPOV

It felt good to drive in my own truck again. Somehow the old charm hadn't been lost, making me admire Rosalie even more. She seemed to have put of love in fixing up my truck. The idea that she might have been around when it had been first introduced made me giggle.

After I dropped off Angela at her house, somehow I ended up in front of my own house. It felt like ages since I'd been at home, so much had happened. So much knowledge had been revealed to me.

But it had been only 48 hours since I'd last been here. And the knowledge made me shake my head. Hoping that any time soon the fog would lift from my memories and the fragile bits and pieces that were still there could be reconnected, making me feel whole again.

Getting out of my truck, I carefully locked the door. Now having a sense of needing to guard my truck. It having so much more meaning because Rosalie and Emmet had given it all they had in the past few days.

Pushing my hands in my pockets to warm them I went round to the back of the house. Wanting to see the kitchen first, afraid to see the empty living room with it's big tv. Knowing that Charlie would love to sit and watch the game that was on tonight, it reminded me how he'd looked in that hospital bed. And at the moment... that memory was something I couldn't handle. Laughing at myself in a bitter way at the knowledge that there was actually something I did remember and wanted so much to forget but couldn't.

Entering through the backdoor, I saw the remains of my breakfast and with a sigh I turned on the hot water, letting it fill the sink so I could do the washing up.

On the fridge Charlie's note was were I had place it back, keeping it in place with one of the silly fridge magnets he'd collected. Not sure where he'd got it and why he loved it so much.

Absent minded I started cleaning the few dishes that were there. Perhaps it was the distraction that made me forget everything around me but the hot hand on my shoulder made scream. Turning around with the knife in my hand.

To my shock I slashed the person standing behind me with it, a clear cut along his outreached arm. He jumped back with shocked eyes, his face white with anger.

"Seriously Bella, what the hell is wrong with you?" His accusing words made me grip the knife tighter but his large hand wrapped around mine. Lowering my hand.

It was the same man I'd seen in the hospital, scared that he was in my house I clenched my fist tighter around the knife. Begging he'd let go and leave. But he didn't.

Instead he stood there, his hand around mine. Remembering how much strength was there, still feeling the bruise on my shoulder. I hoped he wouldn't struggle me for it.

"How did you get in?" My voice sounded more calm than I had expected.

"I used my dads keys, we used to visit this place all the time. When Charlie isn't out fishing with him or over at house." His voice was the same low tone I remembered, except this time it was softer almost apologising. "I'm sorry I scared you, it wasn't my intention."

With his free hand he gently pushed my hair back. The gesture was so soft and friendly, it made me relax a little bit. Allowing me to think about what he had just said.

The soft look in his eyes somehow transformed his hard face, making him look younger and vulnerable. "Jacob Black?" Almost finding it unbelievable to find out this was Billy's son, the one that had been missing ever since I'd been in hospital. The once happy boy that I'd build sand-castles with on La Push beach during the few summers I'd spend here with Charlie.

"So you do remember me?" His voice sounded hopeful as he looked down at me. Releasing his grip on my hand but stepping closer as he dropped his arm to his side.

"No I'm sorry. Everything that happened since I moved to Forks, it's a mess. There is nothing there but a big black hole." Feeling scared to let him down like that, not sure how he would react.

His hurt expression told me it hadn't been the right thing to say. For a moment he stood there, just looking at me. The tension in his face making a small vein in his neck stand out, making it unable for him to hide the anger he was trying to hide.

"But you remember the Cullen's, it didn't take them long to lure you back in their lifes." His disgusted outburst was sudden and hostile. It made me forget that for a moment he'd seemed soft and approachable. Reminding me of Dr Jekyll and Mr Hyde. One moment he was a threatening monster the next he'd shown a hint at being a friend and now he was back at being the monster again.

"I don't remember them, not in the way you think.. " Biting my lip I stopped myself from being honest, not sure how much he'd be willing to listen to. Or even how much he knew. Could I tell him about the journals? Scared to trigger whatever he was capable of doing to me I decided to say nothing at all about that. Instead I defended my frieands.

"They are good friends, they didn't need to lure me back in. If you feel that way about them and can't respect my choices you need to leave." Not sure where the calm feeling came from as I asked him to leave. I turned my back on him and placed the knife in the hot water, rinsing it clean. Hoping he would leave, like he had yesterday.

"Don't you turn your back on me." Grabbing me by the same shoulder he'd hurt yesterday, he roughly turned me around. I felt his fingers grip tightly in the same spot, making it impossible to turn away from him.

"This isn't over yet. I can't protect you from making the wrong decisions but just know." Leaning in closer he placed his hands on either side of my body, trapping me in my own kitchen "I'll watch you and protect you against yourself because I remember what you were like when they left the first time."

His hands disappeared and without waiting for my answer he was gone out the back door. Making me run to the door and lock it. Taking deep breaths as I tried to calm down. His threatening words made me shiver. His last words _the first time_ made me feel like he was sure they would leave me again.

Grabbing the phone considering to call Billy and shout at him for letting his son treat me like this. The short tempered man that had just been in my kitchen seemed nothing like the always collected man that was my fathers best friend. Clutching the phone in my hand I felt adrenaline leave my body. Giving way to a panic attack, slowly making me crumble and sink to the floor.

Lost in my own fears I listened to everything around me afraird he would come back. At the same time the feeling of being curled up brought back other emotions. Emotions that had been there all along but just had waiting for the right time to surface. In my hands was still the phone and as my fingers ran over the smooth buttons, I was trying to decide who to call.

The soft knocking on the backdoor made me come back to reality and sit up. Climbing to my feet as hastily as possible. Grabbing the knife again I turned to see the door open. As it did, Edward, Alice and Jasper rushed in. At the sight of me standing in the middle of the kitchen with a knife they stopped.

Dropping both the knife and the phone I ran to Edward. He caught me in his arms and pulled me close to him.


	33. Chapter 33

EPOV

Approaching the house as fast as I dared while driving through the small town streets. It felt like the distance had never been this far.

Getting to the house I parked on the street, not caring about blocking the road. As I did, Alice jumped out and ran to the house followed by Jasper. Alice being afraid for Bella and Jasper being afraid for Alice.. I followed them, catching up with them at the door.

We all stopped as the scent hit us. Jasper looked at me, a worried frown on his face. _"I remember this scent. Jacob Black has been here." _Standing in front of me he waited for me to acknowledge his words but I couldn't. All I wanted was to rip through the door and was trying my best to keep it together.

Twisting the handle on the backdoor, it wouldn't turn. Before I forced the door open Alice disappeared and came back in a second holding out the spare key that had been hidden by Charlie in a different spot. Giving it to me she stepped back and let Jasper put his arm around her._" You should go in first." _

Quickly I unlocked the backdoor and slowly opened it not sure what to expect. In the middle of the kitchen Bella stood. Ready to fight whatever was on the other side of the door. Her body language was both aggressive and fragile at the same time, like an animal being cornered looking for a way out. However what made me stop was the determined expression in her eyes and the tight grip of her hand around the kitchen knife she was holding. This Bella was something i'd never experienced before and it made me hold back.

As she let go of the knife it fell to the ground, followed by her phone. Her body made it to mine and she buried her face in my chest. Relieved to finally put my arms around her I pulled her close to me. But even her being so close couldn't hide the smell of blood in the kitchen and it worried me very much.

Alice and Jasper silently entered the kitchen behind us, smelling the blood also. _"We'll check the rest of the house." _Ghosting away silently they left the kitchen and went through all the rooms in the house as I held Bella to my chest.

The panic that Alice had experienced in her vision was still trapped in her body and I could feel it quiver under the strain. "Did he hurt you?" Whispering in her hair as I ran my hands along her body trying to comfort her.

"No but I hurt him." Her voice was muffled as she didn't remove her face away as she replied.

"Don't worry about hurting him, Jacob Black can handle a lot." Not being able to tell her how much he could handle exactly, or that if I would have had the chance... He would have been hurt a lot more.

"_There is some blood on the floor, I'll clean it. Besides that, the house is safe." _Alice came back in the kitchen and started collecting some things to clean the floor.

Jasper just stood in the doorway, a passive and cautious statue. Watching his love with concern as she bleached the floor and scrubbed the blood. Her pretty face wrinkled in disgust at being so close to the wolfs blood.

When she was done she threw the cloth away in the garbage outside and opened a window to let the chemicals out of the small area.

"How did you know to come here?" This time Bella's voice sounded a lot clearer. Looking at Alice and Jasper also.

Alice stepped closer and took her hand. "Remember how I told you about my gift and you thought I was joking?" Waiting for Bella's eyes to respond to the question she stood there silently. Her usually carefree face looking tense and uncomfortable.

Bella gasped and turned away from me to face her "You weren't joking and can really see what will happen in the future?"

Looking over Alice her head to Jasper she let her eyes rest on him. "Can you do the same? Can all of you see the future?"

Shaking his head at her question, knowing she was only confused but trying to hide his amusement. Jasper came to the rescue, stepping forward so he was closer to us, almost making a circle with the four of us in the little kitchen.

"No we can't. Alice is unique." Placing a kiss on her lips before resting his hand on her face. In turn she leaned in closer and wrapped her arm around his waist. "Jasper is unique also."

Her words sounded like she was confiding in Bella, almost like it was just the two girls standing here and they were gossiping about us men. Beaming up in an adoring smile to her husband as she finished her words.

As the two girls exchanged some knowing glances to each other, almost as if they had a secret. That in fact wasn't a secret because Alice her thoughts were easy for me to read. I was happy to notice by the way Bella was slowly loosing her grip on my arm, the fear had gone and I could feel Bella's body relax more and more against my body.

A feeling that I was grateful for but at the same time her close proximity made me feel the opposite. Trying to remember how much she needed someone to take care of her, and not to ravage her lips and taste her sweet skin.

"Did you see Jacob come in the house?" Directing her question to Alice, Bella turned to her more. Brushing her hip into mine, her action was innocent but when I felt her move like that against my body. It was something I wasn't prepared for and my body reacted involuntary. The feelings of both excitement and guilt made Jasper raise an eyebrow at me. Only making me feel more guilty.

Alice was still talking with Bella and trying to use that as a distraction I forced myself to listen to their conversation. "No I can't see him. But I could see you having a panic attack like you had last week, all alone feeling lost and not seeing properly because your eyes were full of tears.. stumbling around in the kitchen and hurting yourself." Knowing how bad it could have been, her words made me growl and pull Bella closer. Not caring how much I wanted to be with her at this moment or if she would notice or not.

"I made Edward rush back, hoping we would be able stop you before tripping and falling head first on the kitchen counter. The bump would have been considerate, and very nasty looking in the pictures." My sister explained with a conspiring look on her face, making it seem like looking nasty in our Christmas party pictures was enough to make us run to Bella and stop her from hurting herself.

I was glad she chose not to mention to Bella that in the progress of falling down she would have also gotten a concussion, a broken wrist from landing on her arm awkwardly and a nasty cut on her forehead.

"Your safe now, no one can hurt you." Hoping my words would calm her down completely and convince her to come with me.  
The opposite happened and she struggled free from my arms. Reluctant I loosened my arms and looked at her as she stepped away from me.

The calm and collected voice that seemed to be so much like the opposite of her fragile exterior made me frown.

"_She is going to ask you to leave, needing time alone and we should give her that." _Alice let me know. Jasper was already at the door, waiting for both of us to come home with him. Knowing to never bet against Alice I listened to Bella asking me to leave and slowly moved back towards the door.

Looking at her one last time before I left the house. Knowing the darkness would hide me completely I gave the keys to Jasper and let him take Alice home. Returning to the tree out in the backyard of Bella's house, the place I'd been so many nights before.

Watching, waiting and wanting.... not so patiently anymore.

* * *

BPOV

I had received so much information tonight, it felt like my head would explode. And the pain that was coming from my head also made me fear, this wasn't a regular heacdahe. Something I would like to keep a secret from Edward, afraid of how he would react.

Struggling free from his arms I stepped away from him, from the corner of my eyes I could see Alice and Jasper leaving already. Alice waved a quick goodbye at me, holding up her phone. Letting me know she'd text me later tonight or tomorrow morning before school.

Edward was still there, a concentrated frown adding beauty to his face as he looked at me.

"I need to be alone, please give me that... a chance to clear my head on my own. Alone." Desperately I pleaded, hoping he wouldn't see past the lie and stay. To my relieve he placed a soft kiss on my head and stepped back towards the door. His hand on the door as he glanced at me briefly.

Understanding the strength it took him to leave me, I stayed in the same place. Watching him open his mouth.. closing it again. Turning his back to me and leaving. Following Alice and Jasper out of the door he disappeared outside in the darkness.

Blending in despite his pale skin. Making him invisible to my eyes the moment he stepped outside, human eyes that like the rest of my body were so fragile.

Closing the door behind him I inhaled deep, pushing back the pain in my head. A pain that had been just beneath the surface ever since they all had come into the kitchen. And a pain that I didn't want them to know about. I already felt weak and pathetic enough when standing next to them.

Ignoring the warm trickle that had started from my nose I walked to the living room. The lack of oxygen made my lungs burn and I realised I'd been holding my breath and quickly inhaled deep, as deep as possible.

Jacob had been frightening but what had made me panic was the emotions that his harsh worse had made me feel. Emotions I felt when I remembered the words in my journal.  
Stating clearly with my own words.. how my world had revolved around Edward in the months that he'd been in my life. The feeling I had experienced when waking up to him watching me. It had been like waking up to the sun rising, if he wasn't there when I opened my eyes, there wouldn't be any light for the rest of the day. No matter how bright the weather was.

For months that had been how I felt, only now in the past day when his arms had been around me, our lips had teased each other and our eyes had surrendered to each other while holding each other captive at the same time.

Only now did I understand the pain I had been in for such a long time. I knew that without thinking... I'd made the choice again to risk that same pain coming back into my life again.

Sitting down in the darkness of my living room. I pulled a pillow tight to my body as I sat down on the faded and familiar couch. My body felt like I'd just finished running laps in gym. Tired and shaking of the strain it had been under this evening. Leaning my head back I closed my eyes. Knowing that by doing so, I was inviting the memories back in my head that had lain dormant for so long.

Focussing on Edward and the things I'd written in my diary the hot trickle from my nose seemed to increase but I didn't care. Resting my head on the back of the couch some of it ran in my mouth and the rusty taste of my own blood was the last I knew as I felt my mind being pulled from my body and into my own memories.

_Stars twinkled over my head and from the cold air against my skin I could tell I was outside. Focussing on what was around me I noticed Edward had his arms wrapped around me. His eyes the lightest color of gold I'd ever seen. His lips were pulled up in a very satisfied grin as he gently swayed us to the sound of a song that was only faint for me but probably easy to hear for him. _

_My feet rested on his and his arm was securely wrapped around my waist, but we weren't as close as I wanted to be. Wanting to step forward I felt my leg was heavy. Around it was a solid white cast, remembering me I'd broken it._

_Before getting another choice to look up at Edwards breath taking face the surroundings changed. The stars disappeared and replaced by a black darkness surrounding me. The musty smell made me feel sure I was no longer inside and I could feel my body was lying on the floor. _

_Edward was still there but I couldn't see him because my eyes were closed and I couldn't open them because an excruciating pain controlled my body, feeling like fire was running through my body. From somewhere in the room I could hear Carlisle talk to Edward, making me sure he was there. But still I couldn't open my eyes.. _

_Trying not to scream out loud I felt my eyes roll back and my mind struggle against the pain. The fire seemed to concentrate where my fiery skin felt cool hands touching me. Trying to get away I could pressure on my leg and my arm, picking up my almost numb hand and holding it in place._

_A new pain made my brain scream out loud silently, filling my head with an echo if my own tormented voice. Loosing all feeling in my hand, the fire seemed to be disappearing making room to feel other pain. It pulled me under completely._

_Fighting to learn more I focussed even more and this time I could open my eyes and look around. But even if I hadn't been able to see, the beeping sound of a heart monitor made me realise, where ever I'd just been. I was no longer there. _

_My mother was sitting at my bed, dry tears on her face. Looking at myself in the bed with a frown, everything hurt. Amongst other things, the solid white cast was around my leg and it was impossible to move because of all the tubes attached to my body. _

_The room smelled of hospital, a scent I'd gotten to know very well for the past months._

_Behind my mother was Edward, resting on another bed, making her lean closer and whisper softly. Thinking that he was asleep and not wanting to wake him. She confided in me with a happy voice : "I think that boy is in love with you."_

_Her voice sounded both proud and accusing, almost like she was trying to warn me. Knowing she was right made me fight, he did love me... and I loved him and I wanted him closer to me.  
_

_Forcing myself to move I was brought back to Edwards arms. Softly swaying both of us in a private dance under the stars. Sighing at his close presence I finally did move even closer and rest my head on his shoulder. Happy to be back to where my dream had started. _

_When I did, he picked me up and cradled me to his body. Moving to a stone bench and sitting us both down his face was difficult to read but his eyes seemed to hide something as he looked at mine in a questioning way. "You're ready now?" _

_Tilting my head all I managed to say was a very small yes. _

_He smiled and tilted his head in an opposite angle, making it impossible to see what he was doing. The touch of his cold lips on my warm throat made my heart pick up speed at the anticipation what was to follow. As he ran his lips over my skin his cool breath in my neck made me shiver involuntary._

Gasping for air I opened my eyes, leaning forward with my head in my hands. Unlike last times... this strange and forced flashback through my own memories hadn't made me run with fear.

In all of them Edward had been there, it felt like my need to see him had guided me through the different memories. Not having any control over what I remembered but at the same time guiding me.

The last memory made my head spin. Understanding what I had done and his response. It felt like my heart was breaking all over again.

I'd offered myself to him at prom, wanting him to love me and allow me to love him for the rest of his life. But he'd turned me down that night, saying that he would stay with me.... but he didn't keep his promise when they had all left. Leaving me behind as he moved on in his eternal life, there was no room for a human that would grow old and die.

Angry hot tears started to run down my cheeks as Jacob's words suddenly seemed so true. Warning they would hurt me. They would. Because Edward didn't want me to be like him.

That only left one option, in the end we wouldn't be together. And unlike the novels I loved to read our love story could have no happy ending. Closing my eyes I let the pain wash over me at the knowledge that for us there was no forever after.


	34. Chapter 34

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* * *

EPOV

Bella said she needed time to think, time alone.

Bella left me with time alone, time to think myself.

Now as I sat perched high in the tree, watching her room from the darkness I was waiting for her to come upstairs and go to bed. Wanting to see her.

The ache I felt at watching, wanting and waiting was terrible. It was like nothing I had ever experienced. Just 2 weeks ago.. I'd been running away. Running to get as far as possible from her, as far as possible but never forgetting. Feeling like the pain I was in at that moment, was the worst pain in my life.

I had been wrong.

Something in Bella's calm and collected voice as she had pleaded me to leave her, to give her time to think. It had made me leave without fighting, believing my sister was right. But sitting where I was now.... All I was able to think of was how I was watching, wanting and waiting for Bella, it felt like I'd made a mistake. This time it had been her asking me to leave and it made me feel anxious.

What if she would think about us and decide that we couldn't be together. I wasn't sure how I would handle loosing her love for me. Not after I returned and finally had the support of my entire family.

Deep down in my pocket I could feel the token of my love for Bella, something I had slipped in there yesterday just before she got home. Hoping that I would get the chance to give it to her, asking her to be with me forever.

Deep in my heart the feeling was confident and strong that this time if Bella would ask me to turn her, I wouldn't say no. Knowing that life without her was no life at all. Both Carlisle and Esme had already given me their blessing, saying that they would love to have Bella as a daughter in our family.

And after Rosalie's talk with me a few nights ago, I was sure she wouldn't object too much against having Bella become her sister forever. She herself had acknowledge, convinced me... that being apart was ripping us both to shreds.

Alice her vision had been there from the beginning, Bella as a vampire. With me in our eternal life. Jasper and Emmet both knew about it because we had talked about that vision countless times while out hunting together. Each time trying to convince me that it was the right thing to do.

Laughing bitterly to myself at the knowledge that to convince myself, I had to leave and almost allow her to be killed. It made me anxious to know that this time, I was risking to be the one left behind if she didn't want to be like me.... in the end she would die and I would stay behind.

Closing my eyes I pushed back the pain that filled my heart.

Again I checked the time on my watch. Worried I looked at the house. I'd given her 4 hours to come to bed. And still there was no sign of her in her bedroom or in the kitchen. There was no sign she wanted me to come in, her window shut firm and the door locked behind me.

Jasper had warned me that when the time would come, love would consume me whole. Leaving no place for doubt or fear that I would hurt Bella. Giving me confidence that I'd never hurt her.

He hadn't warned me that it would make me feel like an addict waiting for my next fix. Growling to myself I gripped my hands around the branch I was sitting on, almost snapping it by accident.

Checking my phone again, the screen said no messages, no missed calls... nothing. That was what was going on. Nothing and it was driving me mad. Listening I could hear no sounds coming from the back of the house, there seemed to be no movement. Making me think for a moment she had left.

Dropping myself down to the ground I landed quietly and walked to that backdoor, collecting the key from my pocket where I had left it after getting it from Alice earlier this evening. Opening the backdoor, the faint smell of blood was still there but it didn't bother me as much anymore.

There was no sign of Bella and nothing showed she was still awake. Listening again I finally found what I was looking for. My heart felt like it expanded to new proportions as my ears picked up a very soft and steady heartbeat from the living room. Relieved she hadn't gone away, somehow sneaking out through the front without me noticing, I followed the magical sound of her heart, drawing me closer with each beat.

When I finally did get to the living room I stopped at the doorway. In the room, the thing I noticed first was the strong scent of her blood. Rushing to Bella's side, I found her asleep on the couch.

She looked adorable and fragile, cuddled into a pillow with her legs pulled op next to her. Leaning into the back and her head resting on the edge. I would have stood and watched her the entire night if it wouldn't have been for her face.

It took me a moment to gain control of myself as I not only smelled the blood but could see it. A burning hunger made me dig my fists in my side for a moment and close my eyes. However the love for Bella and concern made me open my eyes and crouch in front of her.

She seemed to be fine.

Picking her up very carefully, I cradled her close to me. Her face now being only centimetres away from me giving me a better view of where the blood was coming from.

From the look of things it had been a nosebleed. Knowing I should be relieved... the feeling stayed away.

Rosalie's slip of the tongue last weekend came to mind. Accidentally letting me know that Bella had somehow gotten her blood in Rosalie's car.

Alice her attempt to casually kidnap Bella from school to go visit her dad, after she had fainted.

All of it seemed to make me feel less and less relieved, instead making me worried. Listening to her heart beat, it sounded steady and strong. Making me relax a little bit as I carefully carried her upstairs.

The house was completely dark and it made me remember the times when I'd sneaked inside her room and had watched her sleep. I'd used nights like this, no stars or moon, to sneak up and watch her.

Pushing the door open to her room with one hand I held her to me and prayed she wouldn't wake up as her eyes fluttered for a moment. Thankfully she stayed asleep.

Placing her on the bed, I made sure she was comfortable before quickly getting a towel from the bathroom to clean her face.

Hoping she wouldn't wake up to find the blood on her face. Somehow afraid to see her reaction and not wanting to scare her by the sight of blood covering her face. The little bathroom smelled like her, strawberries and it made me take a deep breath, sucking in as much of the delicate scent as possible.

Returning to Bella with a warm damp cloth I carefully cleaned her face. The blood wasn't dry yet and easily came away from her skin. It felt weird touching her blood and realising at the same time, I didn't crave for it at all.

Smiling a proud smile I ran to the bathroom and washed the cloth clean of blood and wanted to throw it in the laundry. As I did, the smell of old blood made me pause.

Throwing the entire thing upside down I looked through the clothes that were in there, finally finding one of Bella's shirts.

Holding it up in front of me, it had blood on it also. And by the look of things, it was only a few days old. The way the stains ran from the top,getting smaller towards the bottom made me think it had been caused by a nosebleed also.

Worried I took everything down and put it in the washing machine, somehow trying to tell myself that I could just wash away all of it, wishing it would also wash away the cause.

When I returned Bella had turned on her side, one arm wrapped around her shoulder and the other laying palm up on the bed. Sitting next to her on the bed I placed my fingers in the palm of her hand and started tracing the same shape she had drawn on my palm earlier this day.

A small heart, endlessly repeating itself. Thinking that this heart was like mine, it would endlessly love her forever. The word forever made me stop. Could I really be so selfish and keep her with me forever if she didn't want that herself.

Knowing how much Rosalie had hated that she didn't get a choice to live a full human life, I knew the answer already. Leaning down I placed a soft kiss on her lips and got up to leave her but couldn't.

So instead of leaving I stood in the corner next to her window, hidden by the darkness and watched her sleep waiting until she would wake up.

When the darkness started to fade away, replaced by the shy sun bringing the day in her room. She was still asleep. By now it was 9 o'clock in the morning and I was starting to feel uncomfortable. How much longer would she be asleep.

Just as I was about to grab my phone and call Alice for help, whispered words stopped me.

"I love you Edward." The words were soft and barely audible but I did hear them loud and clear. Rushing over to her side, I held her hand. She moved our hands and placed them against her face. Sighing in relieve as I let go of her hand and gently placed the palm of my hand against her cheek. Bella's eyes were still closed but I could tell by the increased heartbeat, she would wake up soon.

Her speaking to me, it had been sleeptalking. Something I had always enjoyed listening to, knowing that the things she usually said were true. Her hair was a mess, wild and everywhere all around her beautiful face. Twirling a long strand around my finger, I knew that I should be leaving but couldn't force myself to let go and step away.

When she finally did wake up, I held my breath and froze. Watching her eyes open slowly, growing wide when she saw me. For a moment her expression was confused then her lips curled up into a satisfied smile.

"Hi" Her voice was still sleepy, making it sound a little bit breathless.

Grabbing my shirt she tried to pull me down, instead I slipped my hand under her shoulder and brought her closer to me she. Still holding my shirt in her fist she leaned closer and kissed me on the lips.

The kiss was innocent but made my heart soar with happiness as I knew she wasn't angry for me coming back and into her bedroom without asking her if she wanted me to be here.

"I dreamed about you." Leaning back I could still see that satisfied smile on her face.

"Really, was it a good dream?" I responded without thinking, eager to hear her speak again. She let go of my shirt and sighed, making me hold my breath at the delicate sound.

"Some of it was." Getting up from the bed she walked to her closet and grabbed some clothes. "I'll be downstairs in 20 minutes, let's talk about things then."

Not waiting for my response she left the room. I heard her close the door the the small bathroom and soon after water started to run.

Collapsing on the bed, I let my head rest on her pillow. Enjoying how it still felt slightly warm and smelled like her. Listening to her splash around in the bathroom I still couldn't believe what had just happened.

Somehow she had taken complete control of the situation, wrapping me around her finger. Leaving me tongue-tied and close to being a drooling idiot when she had left the room.

From the bathroom I heard the shower stop and for a moment I considered staying here and waiting for Bella. But I knew that would only lead is to something we couldn't finish, not now and not while she was human.

Getting up and from the bed I made downstairs quickly. Opening the fridge to check what there was for her to eat. Most of it looked lethal to me, odd smelling and disgusting substances.

Not bothering to look any further I settled instead for making her coffee and toast, something that I couldn't mess up and seemed the safest for her to eat also since the fridge hadn't been looked in for the past 2 days and I wasn't so sure if even a human would want to eat some of the things that were in there.

Placing the cup of coffee and buttered toast on the kitchen table I sat down at the chair that allowed me to see her coming in. Just in time for Bella to walk in and see me waiting.

She smiled the moment she came in, sitting down across from me. Without hesitation she picked up her coffee and took a sip. "Drinkable." Was her comment making both of us laugh.

Outside the sky was turning a grey cloudy mess that no doubt would bring either rain or snow and Bella had dressed accordingly. Still in her bulky warm sweater she looked adorable, her hair pulled back again revealing her neck to me in an enticing way.

For a moment I stopped to think if she did that on purpose, knowing how it would make me feel now she knew about me being a vampire. But she looked so innocent as she continued eating her toast and drinking her coffee that I found it hard to believe that and let the idea go.

When she was done she pushed her plate away and sat back, watching me with cautious eyes.

"You told me, we would talk once you got downstairs." My words weren't supposed to sound so demanding but they did and Bella looked away from and frowned.

"I did, but now I'm not sure what to tell you, where to begin." Still looking outside she frowned even more, as id she was trying to concentrate on something very difficult.

"My dream, it was a memory. And some of it was good and some of it wasn't. At the beginning we were at a dance, did we go to prom?" Looking at me for a moment for confirmation. I nodded in a confirming way, remembering the night in detail.

After receiving confirmation that we had gone to prom she turned to look outside again. "My dream shifted and we were no longer at the dancing, happy together. Instead I couldn't see and experienced terrible pain. Like fire burning under my skin, consuming all that it came across. Just when it became intolerable, it slowly disappeared."

I could see her memory was making her shiver. And guessing what she was describing was the venom running though her body when James attacked her. She had a very good reason to be upset or scared at that memory. The memory itself made me hiss and grip the edge of the table, so tight that it was at risk of being snapped in pieces.

My response made Bella hold her breath, understanding that all of this had happened also. She waited for a moment until I relaxed my grip and forced a small smile on my face.

"After that I was in the hospital, my mom was there and you were pretending to sleep." Her mentioning that day, the day when she had to be admitted to the hospital because of James's attack. I remembered every detail also.

Smiling at her I leaned closer over the table. "I thought you were going to leave me, come with your mother to Jacksonville. But you stayed." Reaching out for her hand, I was relieved when she put her hand up against mine. Our palms connecting as our skin touched and a current seemed to run up my arm.

Bella looked up at me and her eyes showed she felt it to. Slowly I intertwined my fingers with hers, enjoying the warm feeling of her skin wrapped around my cold touch. Caressing the side of her hand with my thumb in the process.

"Yes you stayed because the next moment I was back at prom again, sitting with you on a stone bench." My hand froze as she confessed the next part of her dream and looked straight at me. Knowing what had happened after that, I felt guilt at the pained look in her eyes.

" You turned me down after I offered myself to you for eternity. Promising that you would stay with me....." The uncomfortable silence that followed made me search her eyes for anything, but she had looked away again and I couldn't see them.

It felt like I was both blind and deaf. Not being to able to read her eyes or hear her thoughts. She hadn't pulled her hand away from mine, but she was also not speaking anymore.

"I'm sorry." As soon as the words left my mouth her head snapped in my direction, now I could see her face, her eyes.. And they looked furious.

"Being sorry doesn't help. Tell me why you left because until I know.... until I understand i'm not sure if I can ever trust you again." She started out her sentence yelling at me but ended it with a soft and fragile tone. First accusing and later confessing.

It was terrible to see her so conflicted and felt even worse because I knew it was my fault. She was right. I promised on numerous occasions that I wouldn't leave and I had.

There was no reason for me to trust her, accept for her to have faith in me.

Without letting go of her hand, feeling like it was my only lifeline to Bella, I got up from the table and moved around. Leaning over the table as I moved around it. Could I be able to tell her the truth, risking she would never ever trust me or have faith in me again?

For a moment I wanted to let go and run, but I was interrupted by Alice.

"_Don't run, tell her the truth. I've seen she will accept it." _Alice thought clearly.

Understanding the crucial decision I was about to make and the fact that Alice had taken the precaution to come and mentally cheer me on made me grin slightly. Causing Bella to gasp at the sight of my now relaxed face, her pulse quickening making me alert to the fact she still wanted me.

Getting down to my knees I pulled her hand to my chest and covered it with one hand. Reaching down the other and placing it on my pocket. Knowing I didn't need oxygen, it felt like something that would calm me down and so I took a deep breath and closed my eyes for a moment.

Outside even Alice was silent as she waited for me to open my eyes and start speaking. But when I did my eyes met Bella's and the world around me seemed to fade away. This was it I told myself and started talking.


	35. Chapter 35

**Today our local soccerteam became 'Landskampioen'**  
**So I should be out partying with the others 1000's of crazy fans in the rain...**

**But i'm not because I wanted to post this chapter, tonight!**

**Have fun reading! :D**

**Disclaimer:**

**Stephenie Meyer owns all of Twilight and it's characters**

BPOV

Watching Edward sink down to his knees in front of me it made me forget all about being angry or upset at him. All I could do was look at his crooked grin and the way his hand still held on to mine…. As if it belonged there and he would never let go.

When he closed his eyes, I held my breath. Afraid for what would come next but when he opened his eyes, it felt like they held a secret that would soon be shared with me. Holding my breath in anticipation I watched him open his mouth and start talking.

"You are right to ask me why I left and to have doubts about my love for you. Please listen to what I have to say and when I'm done. If you want me to leave, I will." His voice almost turned to a whisper as he finished the sentence.

"On your birthday, Alice organized a birthday party at our house. Something small happened, but it was a catalyst for emotions and doubts that had been kept hidden to me for a very long time. They surfaced and I forced all of use to leave, afraid of what I would do.. And afraid of what would happen to you." Running his free hand over my forearm, he gently pushed back the sleeve of my sweater and traced the faint scar that I had gotten used to.

"After we left I tried to run, as far as possible. Trying to get away from the pain that I felt. My body functioned like it should but my mind wasn't there… wasn't in control. Because if I stopped to think about my actions, all I could think of was you. It was like being torn apart from the inside, there was nothing left to hold me together."

Edward closed his eyes again at the memory of the pain he'd felt. It was such a human thing to do it made me lean forward and gently push his hair from his face, allowing my fingers to run through his hair at the same time. It felt like he was almost human but when he opened his eyes the intense pain in them made me realize he could never be, the intense pain in his eyes felt like they could but through me . When our eyes met I let my hand rest in his neck, leaning in closer to his face. Wanting to share his pain or at least find out what was causing it.

"What happened that evening that made you all leave?"

"You cut your finger opening presents and at the smell of your blood, I struggled with the scent. It was tolerable but then Jasper tried to attack you…I panicked and pushed you aside. My fear for your safety made me loose control and in the progress you got hurt even worse. That is how you got this scar; Carlisle had to stitch you up on your own birthday party. And afterwards you had to tell lies to your own father about what happened. I felt like a villain, a manipulative monster that forced you to lead a double life and keeping secrets from everyone."

"I didn't feel like that..... I can't remember….. I don't feel like that now" I wanted to tell him he was wrong but couldn't and felt like an idiot as I struggled to finish what I was trying to say.

Deep down I felt he was wrong, remembering the journals upstairs in my room, safely locked away in my desk drawers. All I wrote about was loosing my reason to start the day.

There were pages full of my scribbled hand writing, explaining how much I had loved him before he had left and how much I still loved him even when I had all the right to be angry at him.

"You wrote it down in your journal." Smiling at me, he let me know that he had read all of it and remembered all of it also. Relieved he knew what I was struggling to tell him, I leaned back and waited for him to continue speaking.

"After that evening…. I made a rushed decision. My family packed up the house and left, I stayed with you for a few more days trying to distance myself from you. It was horrible and almost impossible. Somehow you felt something was wrong and held on tight to me, emotionally you are stronger than me, stronger than I'll ever be." His smile was still there, locked in place on his face. The sight made me frown at his words, not sure how he could say I was stronger as he sat there in front of me still on his knees. Confessing all his guilt and pain to me. It made me want to pull him close and wrap my arms around him, and never let go again.

"So I did something terrible and unforgivable. I lied to you and told you that there was no room in my life for you. In a way I was right, because the way things were at that moment. There wasn't any room for you in my life. We needed change, and instead of making the right decision and choose for things to change….. I forced us apart."

I held my breath as he moved his face closer, cradling my face with his hand.

"Instead of bringing you into my life and keeping you safe and happy, I brought us and everyone around is misery. Can you ever forgive me?" His lips were only centimeters apart and I could feel his cool breath on my lips as he spoke to me.

Leaning closer I let my lips brush his, surprising myself at doing so. "Yes I forgive you. I did the moment it happened, you are all that matters in this world to me." Whispering the words into his lips I waited for him to say something back.

He didn't.

Instead he finished what I started and allowed for our lips to crash into each other and start a delicate dance that hopefully would last forever. My mind seemed to explode at the feelings that raced through my mind. Needing him closer I twisted my fingers in his hair and grabbed hold of him. Wishing this moment would never stop I sighed with regret into his lips and pulled away. Catching my breath while resting my forehead against his, I could feel the connection between us. It was the strongest feeling, the feeling of loving someone completely and so much that it would consume you.

"Your love it consumes me, leaving no place for anything else in this world. Can't you feel it?" I hoped to convince him, to make him feel there was nothing to fear.

His lips brushed past mine once more before he pulled back and showed me that croaked grin, only Edward could make it look sexy and vulnerable at the same time.

"You haven't been talking to Jasper have you? He says the same thing about his love for Alice, and to be honest. I think he is right. My feelings for you are exponentially greater than anything I've ever felt before. There is no room left to feel, want or need anything else. Perhaps it is true what they say. All you need is love."

His carefree and happy response made me giggle. I continued running my fingers through his hair once again. Butterflies stirring in my stomach at the realization that the feelings I had were shared by him.

"Bella Swan do you know how absolutely and insanely in love I am with you?" His voice was thick as he spoke to me again. It made me wish the butterflies inside me would come undone and release me into his arms.

"No. But if you want, you can tell me again." I had meant to be honest but as I spoke, the words came out in a teasing way. It made Edward laugh and press a quick kiss on my forehead.

"You are impossible." His words didn't sound as accusing as he probably had planned and made me join in his laughter. We sat there for a moment, laughing together. Holding hands.

The kitchen seemed to be our private sanctuary.

That was until the phone rang. For a moment I considered to ignore it and let the machine pick up. Knowing it would break the bubble that was wrapped so tight around the two of us.

But I couldn't and Edward knew that too. So he got up from his knees and made it to the phone just before the answering machine would take the call.

"Swan Residence." His voice sounded businesslike. I looked at him standing there at the doorway of the kitchen. The faded cupboards suddenly seemed to look much better and for a moment I considered if it was his flawless and perfect being that enhanced everything around him. Would that be the case with me also?

The idiotic ideas that I looked better when I was with him made me giggle again and Edward turned to me, raising an eyebrow at me. Still nodding and listening to whatever the person on the other side was telling him.

When the person on the other end was done talking he thanked her politely and hung up the phone. His face was still serious when he turned to face me again.

* * *

EPOV

My arm was casually wrapped around Bella as I sat next to her. After staying at her house without a car, her truck was our only source of transportation. From the corner of my eyes I looked at her focused little face, paying attention to the road as she was driving to the hospital.

The nurse had called us to inform that Charlie had been transferred to Forks hospital and was allowed to have visitors. For a moment I thought about not telling Bella and finishing the conversation we had started. But that would have hurt her and that was something I didn't want to do.

So the ring was still where it had been for the past days.

Now as we drove to the hospital in her new and improved truck, she would glance at me whenever she had to stop or slow down and would look my way to grant me one of her beautiful smiles. I could no longer regret not having the chance to ask her this morning in the kitchen. There was one more person I needed to talk to before finally proposing to her.

After what felt like the slowest drive through Forks ever, we finally pulled into the parking lot and parked Bella's truck. As she pulled her keys from the ignition her hands were trembling. Placing my hand over hers I took them from her and put them in her bag.

"I'm with you and Carlisle and Esme are inside waiting for us." Getting out of the car I ran around and opened her door. She let me lift her from her seat. For a moment I held her close to me before I slowly set her feet on the ground.

She didn't say anything to me, instead her big brown eyes filled with worry as she looked past me at the hospital entrance.

Holding her hand we walked to the entrance together. From far I could hear Esme's worried thoughts as she waited for us to walk in. Afraid how Bella would react to the sight of her father in the same hospital bed she had been in for such a long time.

When we walked in Carlisle and Esme walked over to us and I stepped away from Bella. Esme pulled Bella in a tight hug and looked over her shoulder at me. _"Did you tell her what the doctor said?" _

Shaking my head I felt like a traitor for keeping secrets from Bella. Realizing she feared seeing her father. I let her hand slip out of mine as Esme led her to the room Charlie was staying in. Wrapping her arm around Bella's shoulder as t hey walked down the corridor.

Carlisle stood there and waited. _"I got your message. We can talk in my office." _

Together we walked to his office, as we did some of the nurses looked at us and I couldn't help but smile at their thoughts. They called Carlisle Dr. Wannadoo behind his back and some of them considered the apple hadn't fallen far from the tree or regretted I was under age.

Trying to keep a straight face I walked into Carlisle's office and sat down in his chair. He closed the door and walked to the filing cabinet behind me. Grabbing the file I wanted, he placed it in front of me. Quickly he spread out the papers and I started examining them. Using what medical knowledge I had from university to read through them as fast as possible.

Carlisle waited for me to finish. At the last page it felt like my heart had been weighed down by lead.

"There is nothing here." Pushing the papers from the desk I stood up and paced the room. Feeling like I was trapped and my body was craving for an opportunity to release my anger.

"I found Bella in the middle of the night, blood all over her face. She was on the couch, passed out and I'm sure this isn't the first time this has happened. Do you have any idea how scared I was last night? I stood there, watching her sleep and all I could do was wait for her to wake up. It made me fear she wouldn't ever come back to me."

Throwing my hands up in frustration I let them tug my hair, not caring how disheveled my hair would look.

"I'm sure this wasn't the first time because I found one of her t-shirts covered in blood and remember Rosalie mentioning the scent of Bella's blood in her car. Also the day Alice took Bella out for the day, she fainted in the morning."

Walking up to Carlisle I looked at his face, twisted in thoughts as he tried to find an answer. His eyes looked worried also and they wandered to the scattered files on the floor, like me knowing the answer wasn't there.

"_Can you convince her to come in for an exam after she is done visiting with Charlie? I'll set up everything for an emergency MRI."_

He placed his hand on my shoulder and we stood there for a moment. It reminded me how lucky I was to have Carlisle in my life and on my team. Our team, the Cullen team.

"Yes, I'll convince her. We'll be back as soon as possible."

Leaving his office I headed down the corridor towards the room where Charlie was staying. As I approached the room…I slowed down my pace. Esme was standing outside the door, almost guarding it.

"_She's talking with Charlie. It's so sweet to see how much she loves him." _

Her loving thoughts about both Charlie and Bella answered my question about how I would get Bella to go to Carlisle for the exams.

"Esme, I need your help. Carlisle couldn't answer my questions. He wants to make an emergency MRI to see if he can find a cause for Bella's increasing nosebleeds and fainting. There is nothing in her medical files that can tie it together with the attacks but he wants to be sure that nothing is overlooked. "

Esme's face turned into a big frown, glancing over her shoulder to Bella sitting next to Charlie's bed.

"_She looks so tired and fragile. I thought it was the stress with meeting us and Charlie being injured. But you think it is something else?"_

" Yes I think it is something else and Carlisle agrees with me. That is why I need you to convince Bella she needs to go see Carlisle straight away after she is done visiting with Charlie."

We had stepped closer to each other and the conversation we were having was nothing more then a one-sided hushed whisper because I was reading her mind. People around us were looking at us with increasing interest. Wondering what the Doctors wife and son would be talking about outside Chief Swan's room.

"Can you do that?" Hoping Esme would realize how important this was for me I waited for her answer. Turning my back to the nurses desk so they couldn't see Esme's voice.

" _Yes, I'll go in and collect her for a cup of coffee. We can sit down and talk, I'll persuade her into seeing Carlisle."_

Relieved to know she would help I pulled her into a hug. "Thank you. Carlisle is ready when you are ready." Letting go of her, I stepped back and looked over her shoulder in the room.

Charlie was joking about something that he'd plan on doing as soon as he could get out of here and back on the water fishing. Bella was laughing at his words, her warm laugh coloring the room.

When she caught me standing in the hall, looking at them through the window, she waved at me. Charlie looked to see who she was waving at and to my surprise he smiled when he saw me and waved also. It was a small gesture but it gave me confidence.

I opened the door and let Esme in first, following her inside and leaving the door open.

"Hello Charlie, how are you feeling today?" Walking over to the side of his bed I put my hand in his and he surprised me by giving me a firm handshake. Like the day out in the woods, his mind was scattered.

"I'm feeling better now I'm home in Forks again." His smile showed me he was indeed feeling much better.

Bella and Esme left the room together and I went to close the door.

"Charlie I was hoping to talk with you." Standing in front of the floor I waited for him to reply.

He just nodded and pointed to the chair next to the bed.

After I sat down next to him he fumbled with the tubes of his medication, and I caught myself twisting in place. For the first time in life a human had the ability to make me feel insecure.

"So..." Clearing his throat as he looked at me. "What did you want to talk about?"

He waited patiently, his mind a scattered mess. It made me consider that like Bella his mind was partially shielded from me, only allowing me glimpse of what he was thinking.

"You know who I am, what I am?"

"Are you revering to being a vampire or to being my daughter's boyfriend?"

"Well both." For a moment his response threw me off balance and I paused. Charlie just signaled with his hand for me to continue speaking. "Most of all I think of myself and feel with every fiber of my body that I belong with Bella."

To me relieve he didn't object to my words, instead he smiled and I could see him remember how happy Bella had been today.

"I was hoping that you would grant me the pleasure of making Bella mine."

His eyes widened for a moment and he sat up a little bit more, huffing at the strain it put on his body. Relaxing back into the pillows his eyes were still on mine. His thoughts now going through his own wedding and the day Bella was born, also showing me how much it hurt him when his marriage had ended and his little girl had been taken away from him.

The memories were so vivid that this time it was easy for me to follow and I understood what was going on so I just waited for him to finish.

"Are you confident that you are ready for such a commitment? A marriage is something that should be forever." His last words made him frown and he repeated the word inwardly.

"Yes sir. I feel the same way…….it would have to be forever." Knowing that I meant the words, a smile formed on my face and I reached into my pocket. Carefully I collected the ring.

It had belonged to my mother and somehow placing it in Charlie's hand to see felt like binding my human life to my present life. He turned the ring in the light.

Closing his eyes for a moment he took a deep breath and closed his fist around the ring. Like before his thoughts were difficult for me to read as he struggled with his own objections to marriage and the thought of having to say goodbye to his daughter. At the same time the idea that his daughter would be kept safe and be loved for the rest of her life, even if that wouldn't be a human life. Opening his eyes again he looked at me and I could see he was fighting back tears.

"Promise me you will take care of my little girl, forever." He placed the ring back in my hand as he grabbed it at the same time. Shaking my hand with a firm grip as the corner of his lips pulled into a grin. "Welcome to the family son."

* * *

OOC for me, but I just wanted to add a note to the end of this chapter:

That is how Charlie could have felt, would he have know his daughter would be loved and protected for the rest of eternity.

Don't you all think? Let me know ;)


	36. Chapter 36

**Disclaimer:**

**Twilight and all of it's beautiful creatures belong to Stephenie Meyer.**

**I'm just lucky to have read the books :)**

**Specials thanks to Snusa for being a great critic and help me shape this chapter to what it is now!  
You rock!**

**Have fun reading.....**

**

* * *

**

BPOV

In front of me Carlisle was talking and Esme was sitting with me, holding my hand.

I didn't hear them, didn't see them.

It felt like I was completely numb. Waiting for whatever tests to happen to me, wishing I'd never agreed to Esme's warm motherly smile, gestures and voice. Walked away when she had asked me about how I felt and told me they were all worried.

Of course I shouldn't be surprised. The fragile human… stumbles into their flawless world. This morning when Edward had been at my bedside he hadn't mentioned it. But my bloody clothes were gone, my face was clean and he was the only one there. He had to know.

Just like Alice knew and Rosalie knew. Probably all of them knew.

So now I sat numb and comfortable in my own world, waiting for whatever would happen to me. The gentle squeeze in my hand brought me back to the room.

"Bella, honey. Did you understand what Carlisle was explaining to you?" Esme was turned to face me and both her and Carlisle were looking at me. Heat flushed my face as I realised that in fact I hadn't heard a thing they had said.

Looking down I heard Carlisle say something about wanting to perform an MRI on me.

Great. Map the flawed humans brain, make sure it in fact doesn't work properly. Sighing I let Esme pull me to my feet. I had promised to not start a scene and undergo the exams.

She had persuaded that it would be the best thing to do, now I couldn't remember why I had said yes. Did that mean my short term memory had gone defect also? Great. Trying not to roll my eyes at my own sarcastic thoughts I continued to walk with Esme and Carlisle.

At least Edward wasn't here, somehow for him to see me like this would be even more humiliating. Carlisle was my doctor and Esme was like a second mom. Holding my hand they walked into a room I'd been in before.

In the middle of the room was an examination table and slowly I walked to it and let Esme help me up on it. Sitting down I winced at the memories of the last time I'd been here. At least this time I wouldn't be alone. Vampires were almost indestructible and Carlisle had promised Esme was allowed to stay in the room with me.

Removing all my jewellery and my watch and handing them to Esme, I kicked of my shoes and straightened down on the examination table. Carlisle handed me a pair of ear plugs and thankful for this gesture, I quickly put them in my ears.

Just to make sure I wouldn't move they put a strap around me, I giggled at the thought of how only crazy people get tied down to a bed. Carlisle looked at me with a surprised look but I mouthed at him everything was all right so he continued preparing the device they would put around my head.

"We are going to place a smaller machine over your head since we are only taking a deeper look at your brain, see if anything that couldn't be seen on the CT scans is visible with the MRI. You can talk to us, if you feel any pain or discomfort tell us and we'll stop the machine." Esme surprised me, she was so efficient and gentle at the same time.

"It's important you don't move at all. We're going to make several sets of images, each taking somewhere between 2 to 15 minutes. Depending on the images, it may take up to 1 hour to finish." Carlisle fastened the last strap, securing me into place. Carefully he placed the machine over my head.

Both of them stepped away and I closed my eyes, wishing they had given me a mild sedative so I could relax.

The moment Carlisle turned on the machine my mind seemed to take me away to a safe place. Somewhere in the background I could hear the loud humming noise and thumping in the background, even with my ear plugs in.

After the first set I got used to it and managed to ignore the sound as much as possible. By the time Carlisle came back in to remove the contraption from my head and free me from the straps. I'd almost gotten used to the slight warm sensation that tickled my skull and the humming.

I felt slightly woozy when I sat up and Esme put her hand under my elbow, steering my straight out the door and back to Carlisle's office. Halfway down the hall I stopped.

What if the images showed some major catastrophe, did I want to sit and wait for my time to be up?

Thinking of that i turned to Esme. " Would you mind taking me somewhere?"

She smiled at me and nodded. I didn't wait for her to speak, instead I just turned around and grabbed her hand. Suddenly knowing what I wanted to do most.

When we got the parking lot she took the lead and showed me to the sleek shiny Mercedes. My keys were somewhere in my bag but with Esme it felt weird driving in my truck so I was glad she opted to take their car instead.

The comfortable seat felt as good as I remembered and with a happy face I wriggled around after I'd fastened my seatbelt. Esme laughed at me when she saw what I was doing. "As soon as you are comfortable, let me know where we are going." Turning the key in the ignition she slowly let the car run forward.

"We are going Christmas shopping, only 4 days left and I have no gifts at all." Knowing that the words sounded all wrong and Alice would probably kill me for going shopping without her, it was nice to get a chance to be just around Esme.

"Shopping for presents, anyone in particular you want to look around for?" Still waiting for me to make a final decision. She was now at the stop sign at the exit of the parking lot. Looking left, looking right and repeating. It felt like being a little kid again, crossing the road for the first time without my mother.

" I need to buy Charlie some fishing gear, so an outdoors store. Perhaps something crafty for Angela and I need presents for you guys." Winking at her I made up my mind.

"Let's go to Port Angeles."

Esme winked back at me. Indicating the direction she was going, she took on last look and exited the parking lot. Driving me away from whatever doom awaited me in Carlisle's office.

In the end it turned out shopping for Christmas gifts with Esme was the most wonderful and easiest thing I'd ever done. For each person she found something personal and useful. For Charlie I bought a new comfortable fishing chair with one of those small tents that you could set up to cover you while you sat at the water. It was both practical and something he would use and love because he didn't have anything like it.

At the same outdoors store I found some gps watches for Jasper and Emmet. Getting them a gift was really difficult, but everyone needed a good watch and these were supposed to not only weatherproof and indestructible, as far as anything was indestructible around Emmet, but would also give them the gps coordinates of where they were. Esme assured me they would love it, and for fun I bought a map with it and a box of blue and red pins for them to map where they had been.

With Esme's help I picked some stunning antique earrings for Rosalie and a turn of the century silver bracelet for Alice. Hoping they would love them I had the saleslady wrap them for me while Esme looked at some furniture. It was very special to see her in the store. Something about the way she carried herself made you forget the modern clothes she was wearing. I couldn't help but feel like I had stepped back in time as she stood in front of the antique cabinet examining some art deco vases that were displayed.

Picking up the largest of the set she carried it the counter. As soon as she set it down the women behind the counter started to gush at the thought of selling such an expensive item. Explaining it was early 20th century Royal Doulton ceramics. Turning to Esme she continued her lecture finishing by telling her how rare it was to find something from England this old and in mint condition.

At the last remark Esme managed to keep a straight face and answer that in fact, she did know and at home had an even older English piece that in fact was in mint condition also. I had to turn around and hide my face. Pinching my arm to stop myself from laughing out loud. When everything was securely wrapped we finally left the store and as soon as I got out, the laughter grabbed hold of me. Collapsing on a seat outside, the laughing got so bad I ended up with hiccups and tears in my eyes.

It felt good to just laugh for the first time in a while and when the hiccups died away and the tears in my eyes were dried again I scrambled to my feet again. Knowing that I still needed to find something for Angela. In the end I managed to find her a book I knew she wanted to read, hoping she hadn't bought it herself.

The only people that were still on my list where Esme, Carlisle and Edward. Getting a gift for Esme and Carlisle was almost impossible so in the end I decided on getting them tickets for a play that Carlisle had mentioned being interested in. Knowing they would love a night out with the two of them dressed up and spending some private time together.

That left me with Edward. All day I had looked at things, picking them up, twisting them... turning them.. examining them from every angle. But each thing seemed insignificant to my feelings for him. And I had ended up buying nothing.

So when we finally drive back to the Cullen house, it felt like I had failed a test. Unknowingly having set upon myself the task to buy Edward a perfect Christmas gift.

When we got back to the Cullen house Esme parked the car gracefully, like everything she had done today. Taking her time but showing a sub-human grace and devotion to what she was doing.

As soon as the car stood still the passenger door was almost ripped of it's hinges. With a shriek I snapped my head to see Rosalie standing next to me. For the first time since i'd gotten to know her again I could see how she had scared me. Her face was livid, lips tight and her eyes looked like an endless pit of black fire.

"How could you break our promise, do you have any idea how much trouble Edward gave me for keeping your secret? And how difficult it was to keep that secret from him!" Her voice wasn't as angry as I had feared it would be, in fact it sounded defeated.

Biting my lip I fought my tears back.

"I was scared for you Bella." This time her voice was softer and the fire in her eyes seemed to die away.

"I was scared also." Breaking out in tears as for the first time I spoke out loud that the black dreams, vivid nightmares, mind numbing headaches and most of all the nosebleeds had in fact scared me very much.

Wiping my tears back I managed to smile an apologetic smile at her. To my relieve Esme was now standing next to Rosalie, having somehow managed to calm her down. Getting out of the car I stood in front of them, unsure with else to say or to do.

They both wrapped an arm around me and pulled me in a hug. The three of us stood there for a moment until loud footsteps broke away the silence.

" Group hug!" A roar sounded and made me look up just in time to see Emmet charging for us. His statement made me giggle, Esme laugh and Rosalie roll her eyes.

The three of us were enveloped in his arms, almost picking us up at the same time.

When he finally let go and stepped back, we all let go of each other also. The tears and anger were completely forgotten.

" You're just in time to bring in all the shopping." Rosalie waved one hand at the trunk of the car as she turned to face Emmet. He pouted at her, looking like a little kid instead of the giant vampire he was.

Esme ran to retrieve her mint condition vase first, picking it up carefully.

Rosalie swayed her hip to the side and brought her hand to her mouth, kissing it while keeping her eyes on Emmet and lightly blowing the kiss to him.  
It was apparently all the motivation he needed because within 2 steps he had rounded the car and collected all the bags in one hand and closed the trunk. Walking towards us first and slapping Rosalie's behind with a grin on his face before he followed Esme to the house.

We followed, Rosalie adjusting her pace to my slow steps.

"How long have you and Emmet been together?" Hoping the question wasn't too personal.

She didn't look at me at first but I could see by looking at her profile she was smiling.

"It seems like yesterday but in fact we have been together for a long time, a lifetime for humans." Her voice was proud as she replied.

"Did you know at first sight he was the one for you?" Not sure where I wanted this conversation to go, I mentally slapped myself for not biting my tongue and stop asking these questions.

Rosalie instead, sped up and pulled me close to her. "Let's talk about this inside."

She managed to get me to the house in record time, at least for me. Leading me up the stairs to her room, I was surprised to see Alice already sitting on the bed.

" Bella and Rose, you two were about to have the guys-talk without me? " Her face was showing a fake pout as she looked at both of us. Her eyes shining at the anticipation of our conversation.

"No not really. But can you forgive me?" Plopping down on the bed I faked a pout back at her and batted my eyes at her, earning me a giggle from both Rosalie and Alice.

Rosalie just shrugged as she sat down next to us.

"So. Now we are inside. Did you know at first sight Emmet was the one for you?" Turning to face Rosalie I asked the question again. Hoping she would answer them now we were inside.

I watched her think as she leaned back and rested her back against the headboard.

" For you to understand I need to tell you the whole story...." She paused and turned away from us, no longer facing us directly but talking to our reflection in the window.

"I never asked to be this, to have this immortal life. But Carlisle found me one evening. Someone I thought was the person who would make me the happiest person in the world, he destroyed me. Both inside and out.

If Carlisle hadn't found me and turned me into a vampire, I would have died. He couldn't leave me behind, his first motivation was that it was a waste for so much beauty to be lost. And true to his words, after I was turned. My beauty was enhanced and each time I looked into the mirror, I loved the image I would see. But the inside, it was dark, lonely and bitter. All I could feel was hatred.

Never did I imagine finding someone that would bring out all the things I had lost that evening when all my trust had been destroyed. If you ask Edward he'll tell you how bad I was, and he'll probably sugar-coat it too because he is a gentleman and would never speak bad about a women." Her last line made her eyes sparkle and she turned to face me for a moment. I knew she was complimenting Edward in a way but at the same time the feeling that her version of the story was just a thin layer of reality. It made me feel sad for her.

" After several years I was out in the woods, alone and hunting. The scent of fresh human blood made my throat burn and I pushed myself as fast as I could to find the source. What I found was a bear mauling a young man. The man was dying, he had injuries all over his body and I crouched, ready to pounce the bear and fight him for my find. Never in my life had I wanted a humans blood this bad and I was ready to give in to the hunger. But as I did the man turned his face to me and I couldn't do it. Instead I killed the bear and took the man back to Carlisle. Not knowing at the time why. All I knew was, this man couldn't die.

Carlisle turned him and we have been together from that day onwards. If you believe that is love at first sight, I suppose then yes I do believe in it. But it has also taught me that great things happen when you least expect them to happen. That day changed my life, something inside of me sparked. It made me believe Edward was wrong, we did have a soul and mine had fallen in love. By falling in love this warm spark inside of me brought me back to life."

Rosalie was finished and the silence in the room was eery as both Alice and Rosalie sat like statues aside of me on the bed. Rosalie was looking outside but through the reflection I could see her face. Her usually beautiful face looked even more stunning as her eyes grew soft and her lips pulled up in a loving smile as she thought about her husband.

"The man was Emmet? He was human when you found him and Carlisle turned him for you?" I felt like I was choking at my own words, or perhaps it was because the truth made me feel breathless. Rosalie had chosen her love and Carlisle had made him a vampire so they could stay together forever.

Alice finally moved and linked her arm through mine, pulling me into her shoulder. The gesture was probably meant to comfort me but it only felt like I was being held into place while all I wanted to do was get up and stamp my feet. Carlisle had given Rosalie and Emmet forever. Why had he not done that for me and Edward. It felt like betrayal, like he didn't want me to be a part of his family.

Frustration build up to raw anger. My head started to tingle and I needed fresh air. I pushed Alice's hands away and tried to get away. Falling from the bed to my hands and knees, pushing forward and getting to my feet while moving towards the door.

The thoughts running through my head completely occupied me and prevented me from hearing Rosalie calling after me, apologising for upsetting me.

Also I didn't see Jasper's shocked expression as I almost crashed into him as I rushed down the stairs. I couldn't hear anything or feel anything besides betrayal and too late I realised that my mind was playing tricks on me again.

Too late I started turning towards Jasper who had grabbed my hand. Barely managing to hold on as everything around me went black.


	37. Chapter 37

**Some people asked, what is Edward doing?**  
**Here is a short chapter just to cure your curiosity!**  
**Enjoy :D**

**Disclaimer: The Twilight Saga belongs to Stephenie Meyer.**

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**BPOV**

From far away I heard voices talking in the background. Trying to focus on them and use them as my way back, it was like being lost in a labyrinth. Except so far at each turn I took there was another happy scene. Hoping next turn would lead me to a way out I rounded the corner and stopped.

_Somehow I had found myself in my own room. In front of me was Edward, his body still and turned to me with his back. When I walked closer I could see he had a single white rose. His face was soft and gentle as he leaned in to kiss me. He handed me the rose and placed both his cool hands around my face. I will always love you Bella. His velvet voice caressed my skin and gave me goose bumps. Stepping away from him, from us and from this memory I turned around and walked away from him. Hoping to be with him again as soon as possible._

_Smiling at the strength to be able to walk away I stopped as the surroundings suddenly seemed to fade and darken. My room disappeared and as it did the wet green smell of the forest filled the air. Holding my breath I could see the trees appear, only green glistening shadows in the pale light of the moon occupied my eyes._

_Looking down to my clothes I was no longer wearing the jeans and warm sweater. Instead I had thin cotton shorts and a T-shirt on. My feet were bare and immediately I felt like running as panic started to build up inside of me. I tried to turn around and go back. But no matter what direction I would try and move in, the surroundings would stay the same. _

_This dream had no way back._

_Rushing forward I pushed aside the shrubs in the hope of finding my way back to the safety of my room. Nothing seemed familiar and angry I pushed forward ignoring the fact the branches would cut my arms and injure me. All the while I kept telling myself, this is only a dream, nothing can hurt me._

"_Are you sure this is a dream?"_ _ The cold voice made me stop and spin around to see who I already knew would be behind me. There was no one there and it scared me out of my mind. _

"_What if this isn't a dream but reality?" Again the cold voice was behind me. Slowly I looked over my shoulder, checking behind me. Again this time there was no one there._

"_He could never love you in the real life, humans are just a waste of time." This time the cold voice didn't belong to Victoria. It was my mothers. Frowning at her words I knew this couldn't be real. The Cullen's kept their identity hidden and there was no way Renee would know about them or talk about humans being a waste of time._

_Pushing my shoulders back I put my chin up. "Edward loves me." My voice sounded weaker than I wanted so I took a deep breath and repeated the words. _

"_Edward loves me and I love him." This time the words came out of my mouth with conviction and they echoed through the forest._

_Standing there I waited for the voices to come back but the only sound was the last echoes of my own voice. As they rippled through the forest I could see the surroundings change again. _

_It was impossible to see clear and when I tried to focus. The color white filled my vision. I closed my eyes and wanted to move my hand up to rub my eyes but a cold hand caught hold of it._

"_She's waking up." Knowing it was Alice her voice I opened my eyes._

Placed on top of the bed that dominated Edwards room, the white ceiling was all I could see. The cold hand wrapped around my wrist belonged to Jasper and sitting next to him were Alice and Rosalie.

"Hi" Not sure what else to say. I tried to sit up but felt 3 pairs of hands push me down gently. "Guys, I'm fine. Seriously." Smiling at them to reassure them I was speaking the truth.

Jasper and Rosalie looked at Alice. She had a concentrated frown on her face before relaxing her hand at removing it. "Bella is right. She is fine, for now."

I felt relieved to get the OK from Alice and be allowed to get up. I sat up and ignored the hammering headache that still filled my headache. "Can we keep my fainting tonight a secret from Edward, for now?" Looking at my friends one by one, each of them looked back at me with mixed expression.

"You do understand, with Edwards gift. It is impossible for us to keep secrets from him." Jaspers southern drawl managed to make the sentence sound like he was teasing me instead of reprimanding.

"No. What are you talking about?" I didn't even bother to hide my confusion.

Jasper turned to face Alice and Rosalie who were still sitting behind him on the edge of my bed. "She doesn't know?"

"What don't I know?" This was getting irritating. Could none of these people communicate in a direct manner.

"Edward is a mind reader, he can hear all the things we think about. So there is no way to keep secrets from him." The words made me gasp. Then fall back on the pillows again and cover my face.

Even to my warm hands I could feel my cheeks flush hot with embarrassment. Grunting at the thought of having battled an inner struggle against my own needs each and every time I had been around Edward.

"Everything?" Removing my hands from my face I looked at Jasper. He had a lopsided smile on his face as if something was very funny. Rosalie was holding back her laughter and Alice didn't even attempt to hide how she felt. She was just cooing at how adorable I flushed.

Jasper helped me out of my misery. "He can hear every thought except for yours. Your mind is silent for him."

My mind is silent to Edward. He couldn't hear me. A relieved smile curled my lips as I sat up again. Relieve flooding through me at the knowledge that all my insecurities were still mine.

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EPOV

Every second I spend sitting with Charlie felt like a decade. From Esme's thoughts I knew she had persuaded Bella to go talk with Carlisle.

And after that she had silently let me know Bella would take the MRI. Carlisle had explained what their concern was and how he wanted to examine her, find what was causing her fainting and headaches.

All the time I had stayed with Charlie who didn't really say that much and it felt a little bit awkward sitting with this silent man in his room. I didn't have a choice, I knew that if I would leave this room, i'd run straight to Carlisle's office.

It had surprised me Bella had agreed to the examination. But she hadn't exactly agreed, instead Esme's words had made her look defeated. That was the best way to describe the look on her face. At least the interpretation I managed to pick up from Esme's thoughts.

As soon as they had gone to the room where the MRI would be made I left Charlie's room. Rushing to the control room and taking place next to Carlisle. My eyes were fixed on my love and the sight made my heart ache.

Her lovely face looked sad and defeated, Esme was right. The straps that secured her body to the examination table made it look like she was a lost little girl in an asylum. It took all my strength to not smash through the window and release her. Wrapping my arms around her and taking her away from all this pain, pain I had begged my mother to talk her into this.

"_Son, you should take a look at this." _Carlisle gently asked me as he placed one hand on my shoulder. His other hand was pointed at the first image he had taken as others slowly started to fill the screen.

It showed a clear image of her brain, the picture was perfect, as sharp as any MRI could be. I knew the MRI machine was in perfect order. But these images were wrong, faulty and painfull to look at.

Gripping the edge of my chair tightly I managed to pull my eyes away from the image and looked at Bella again. She looked so still, completely oblivious to what I had just seen. Should I feel relieved to finally have my questions answered? Without thinking I snapped the seat in half as I got to my feet.

Esme's eyes shot up to meet mine, almost seeing me through the dark window. It was then I realised I had let out a devastated growl. Throwing the pieces of the chair to the corner I looked at Carlisle.

He was still watching the images as the machine continued it's work.

"I can't do this." My voice sounded weird as a weight settled on my hopes and dreams. All the things I'd dreamed of and hoped for since Charlie had grabbed my hand this afternoon and given his blessing. All these things were crushed.

Rushing out I heard Esme call after me to stop but I pushed away her silent voice, knowing she wouldn't follow me because of her promise to Bella. The axial view of Bella's brain kept showing in front of my eyes. I knew Carlisle was taking more pictures to be sure but in my years at medical school I had seen enough healthy brain scans and images to know, this brain wasn't healthy.

Remembering the files in Carlisle's room I rushed back to his office. Using my strength I broke the handle of the door and kicked it open. With 3 big steps I was at the desk, opening the top drawer. It was where Carlisle had kept a copy of all Bella's medical files.

Flipping through it I found what I was looking for. The picture confirmed what I feared most. Sitting down on the floor I grabbed hold of it with both hands and looked at it.

The date was set 102 days ago. A clear image of a perfect and healthy brain.

At that moment I wished the human restrains of this tiny hospital weren't here so I could release all the rage I felt at this injustice.

" _Edward.." _ In the doorway Carlisle stood. A careful expression on his face, his hands were held up in front of him as if he was trying to show me I had nothing to fear.

" _I convinced the nurse you so thoughtfully scared to death, it was alright and she doesn't need to call security." _ Esme is with Bella.

"_Do you understand?" _ My lack of response was making him worried. _"Should I call Emmet and Jasper?" _His words were a silent warning, telling me to pull it together or else he would have me collected by my own brothers.

"Yes." It was all I managed to say. My body still uncontrollable, like a statue in the middle of his office. My only lifeline was the piece of paper in my hand.

"_Good." _ Carlisle stepped forward and closed the door behind him.

"She's dying." The words sounded distant and cold. Almost like they didn't come from my mouth and the meaning behind them made the beast inside me lash out again.

"_Not immediately." _Carlisle chose his words with precision. Afraid to unleash the beast I so carefully controlled.

"The amount of damage is considerable." I closed my eyes as I remembered the images on the screen earlier. "And it is all recent." Finally I managed to move. The perfect Bella slipped from my fingers and I got to my feet.

"Is there anything you can do." My heart forced me to ask. My mind answered the question immediately.

" _I'm sorry. There isn't anything I know that could reverse the damage and without the cause I don't know how to prevent further damage." _

The word damage echo in my mind. Like he had just shouted them at me. Nothing could be more true, even without hearing Carlisle's voice out loud I know how terrible he feels. Bringing bad new has never been his favourite thing to do, it probably wasn't a fun thing for anybody. Unless offcourse you were a sick and twisted person.

"So how long... how much more time do I have with her." In my head a little voice warned me. No matter how much time, it will never be enough.

"_If the damage to her brain increases like it has over the past weeks.... Your time could be..." _ Carlisle struggled with his words and didn't finish his sentence. _"There is another option."_

Carlisle didn't say what the other option was. He didn't need to, I already knew. Yesterday I had thought I was ready for that choice, now I wasn't so sure anymore. Defeat took hold of me.

" _Do you want me to call Esme and ask her to bring Bella back to the hospital. I could explain it to her, if that would make it easier for you." _The offer was tempting but I couldn't take it.

"No. There is something else I need to do first. Can I call you later today?" Unknowingly I had taken a few steps forward and was now standing in front of Carlisle. He stepped aside and let me pass. Just as I was going to step out of his office he grabbed my hand.

"_Don't do anything radical." _

The word radical was something that rarely came out of Carlisle's mouth. However, right now it felt like radical was just what I needed.

Grabbing my phone I searched for the number. Shaking my head at myself for even thinking about what I was going to do. As my eyes finally found the number, nameless but there. When I had stored it, I had never imagined ever dialling it.

Now as my finger hit the green button, I hoped it wasn't a mistake.

The phone rang a few times and I was ready to grind the little thing to dust as my frustration build up inside of me. Finally the other end picked up. There was a slight pause on the other side before the man spoke. "Hello"

Taking a big gulp of air I tried to calm my nerves, it didn't work as the air in the hospital seemed to by tainted by the faint smell of blood. I paused for a moment to control myself.

The man on the other side got impatient. "Hello? Who is this?"

Steadying myself I opened my mouth. "This is Edward Cullen. I need your help." My words came out less collected as I had wanted them. There was another long pause on the other side. And I was starting to fear this in fact was a mistake.

I had already moved the phone from my ear and had my finger hovering over the red button on the right sight of my phone. Almost hanging up. Then I heard the words .

"Where can we meet?"


	38. Chapter 38

**Another Edward's point of view, more is revealed.**  
**Hope you enjoy it!**

**Disclaimer: The Twilight Saga belongs to Stephenie Meyer.**

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EPOV

Silent I stood at the meeting point that we had agreed on. Carlisle had told me don't do anything radical. His words had little meaning. Radical was the only thing that was left. For the past 5 hours I had stood and waited. Now as the time on my watch finally showed me it was late in the afternoon I felt anxious. What if he wouldn't come?

From far I could hear the crunch of the gravel road as a truck turned from the main road into the small parking area at the start of the hiking trail. It was the most wonderful sound. Relaxing at the knowledge no one would come here at this time of year. This had to be him.

As the slightly battered truck approached I could see that there were two men in it. No surprise. It was to be expected that he would not have come alone, in fact it had astonished me to hear him agree he would meet me at all.

Pushing myself away from the tree I was leaning against I unfolded my arms, trying to look as friendly and relaxed as possible.

The truck stopped and from the passenger side Embry got out. He looked at me for a moment, a hint of a smile curling his lips. I returned the smile. He relaxed and closed the door, going round the front of the truck and opening the door on the drivers side. I walked closer also and to the bed of the truck. Grabbing the wheelchair from the back I set it on the ground and stepped back.

Billy looked at it for a moment. "Thank you for the gesture." His tone somewhat shaky with the effort of getting out of the truck and into the chair.

When he was seated comfortable he rolled forward, closer to me. He looked up to me and yet at the same time I felt like he was in control, at his mercy for what I was about to ask him.

"Now tell me why you are here, alone." Leaning back in his chair he rested his hands in his lap. Behind him Embry shifted his weight, uncomfortable with the silence.

"I came alone because the others have nothing to do with me being here. I'm here for one person.. and person only." Straitening my back I tried to ignore how broken my own voice sounded. Pretending I was strong, Bella needed me to be strong for what I was going to do.

"_He sounds as terrible as he looks." _ Embry let his eyes sweep over my body. When our eyes met he realised I had heard him and smiled in an apologising way at me over Billy's head. His eyes looking worried. _"Sorry dude, but it's true. You look like you have been through hell." _

I wasn't offended by his words, he was probably right. I let him know with a sad smile I understood and accepted his apology before opning my mouth to start talking. Somehow it was difficult to start talking. Mentally I forced myself to think of the reason, to think of the person I was doing this. The sight of a smiling happy Bella made me finally open my mouth.

"I'm here for Bella."

Seconds passed. The silence uncomfortable as I allowed both Billy and Embry to think about what my words could mean. Weighing their response in their heads. Embry had been instructed to stay silent unless asked to speak by Billy. So I focused my thoughts on Billy. Waiting for the Quileute elder to speak.

Finally Billy took a sharp breath and looked up at me.

"What business do I have that concerns Bella." His words were spoken balanced, thought about. But at the same time in his mind he was already going through my possible answers.

"I'm here to ask for a negotiation in the treaty. To safe the life from someone who is loved by both of us."

For a moment Charlie flashed to Billy's mind. Fearing there was bad news about his friend and I had taken the task upon myself to tell Billy.

"Who are we talking about?"

Knowing that it would be the first time to say out loud what was eating away at me from the inside. I was relieved for him to not want to waste any time and ask me straightforward.

"Bella. She is dying." Choking on my own words I wished it was possible for me to cry, to be able to show him how much the reality hurt.

Both Embry and Billy gasped at my words.

"Carlisle finished the tests this morning. Her brain it shows damage and there is nothing we can do to reverse the damage or stop it from increasing. There is no saying how much longer she has. I can't bare the thought of her not being in this world." Forgetting the boundaries that had been between our people for decades, I no longer tried to keep my stoic facade and grabbed Billy's hand. Not caring that I was on my knees begging him.

"_You propose to turn her?"_ Billy's eyes were wide at the realisation of what this would mean. As he opened and closed his mouth to form a sentence I couldn't wait any longer for him to speak out loud.

"Life has so much left to offer her, I want to give her that chance. No matter what the consequences for myself would be." A sudden calm swept through me at the subtle meaning behind the words I had just spoken.

"Your life... for her life is that what you are saying. How do you propose that?"

At the thought of me offering my life to him, his eyes widened for a moment. Not expecting this response.

Yes, how did I propose that. Feed me to the wolfs and in return grant Bella immortality without me. Questioning myself I knew that it was an impossible question to answer. Would she survive without me?.. No offcourse not, she would wither away and suffer for eternity wishing to fade away like you had wished for yourself only 1 month ago.

"You don't know yet do you?" To my surprise Billy had his lips curled into a grin.

"I have to." I kneeled in front of him, making it easier for him to look me in the eyes.

"So please allow her to take my place, let Carlisle safe her." Closing my eyes I wished for the suffering to end. Not wanting to fight anymore against the pain I felt inside me.

Warm hands were on my shoulders and I knew Embry was standing behind me. His hands were trying to comfort me, the way friends would support each other in times of need. This was a time of need, I just hadn't expected to find a friend here.

The gentle pressure of Billy squeezing my hand made me flinch.

"Bella is like a daughter to me. If it is true what you say and this is her only chance. I will go back and call the elders, we will need to take time to deliberate. "

He let go of my hand and I felt Embry move away from my body. Around us nature seemed to feel my sorrow. Rain started to fall, washing down on me as if it was trying to wash away the pain I felt.

I could hear Billy move away and looked up to see him get into his truck. Embry folded the wheelchair and put it back in the bed of the truck. Knowing I could easily hear Billy looked at, this time his face was sad. The amusement in his face was gone and replaced by an inner sadness he could hardly hide.

"The treaty is clear... No human can be bitten. Once Bella will be turned, the treaty is broken with all consequences that can be expected. Your offer is very honourable and it will be taken in consideration. But I can promise nothing"

The knowledge he would do his best was enough for now. The truck roared to life and turned. Still on my knees in the now muddy ground, I watched the red tail-lights disappear. When they were finally gone I got to my feet.

"You can come out now Jacob Black, I know you are hiding in the forest. Spying on us all the time." Not in the mood to play games I called him out his hiding place. Hoping he would stop changing his mind about attacking me or not attacking me. Currently it was not attacking.

"_You had a lot of nerve summoning my father." _ The large dark wolf stepped into the small parking area. His eyes looked weary and his body was tense, ready to pounce on me at any given moment.

"He came out of his own free will." Relaxing my stance I waited for him to come closer, he didn't instead he remained at the edge, hiding in the shadows.

"_Is what you told him about Bella true? Is she... dying?" _Even in his mind it took him great effort to finish the sentence and I realised this was hard for him also. For a while he had felt like Bella was the girl for him.

Making it even more difficult for him to see her with me and sparking his attempts to break up our relationship. The insight to this possessive streak he had shown towards Bella made me hiss under my breath. Clenching my fist I hold back, stopping myself from attacking him.

"Yes." The word came out raw and angry, my voice rough and inhuman.

Staring at the wolf through the misty rain between us I was ready for his attack. Instead he stepped back and let his head hang.

"_I'm sorry." _Jacob's words were sincere and laced with hurt.

Not what I had expected.  
Not how I had wanted him to react.

Guilt swept through my body at the realisation that the monster inside of me had hoped to get a fight out of this meeting with Jacob.

Sighing I let go of the anger and nodded to accept his words.

Even with the increasing rain he seemed to be able to see. He lifted his head high and made eye contact with me.

"_The pack is mine now. I'll see what I can do." _ Like a ghost Jacob stepped back and disappeared in the woods.

For the first time today I felt a slight relieve. Both Black men had agreed on negotiation with their people to help safe my beloved Bella. Would that be enough? It was impossible to answer that question and with the involvement of the wolfs, I doubted how much Alice would be able to see. Her vision were heavily clouded whenever we did anything that involved the Quileutes.

My beloved Bella. The memory of her face last night covered in blood me clench my fists even tighter. I needed to be with her, Esme would have her home by now. Perhaps we could go out tonight. A do-over for our date the two night ago. This time I could do it right.

Take her out for a dinner, order all her favourite food. Dance under the stars. Finally ask her the question that would change her life. In my jeans pocket the ring still was safe and waiting to be slipped on her finger.

Until death do us part.

Suddenly the odds had changed. Death would part us, but it would be me leaving her and Bella living the rest of her life. Seeing all the places she had always ached to see and experiencing things she could not yet imagine ever possible.

A sad smile took hold of my face.

In front of me a hiking trail started, it's twisting and turning would lead me close to my home. Going down the path I no longer kept my human pace and pushed my legs to run faster. It was only a few miles to my house and each step brought me closer to Bella.

As I quickly approached the house the voices of Jasper, Alice, Rosalie silently welcomed me. But as I entered through the front door I could hear something else. The sweetest voice I had ever heard and it belonged to Bella.

It wasn't out loud but in my mind I could hear her. Mesmerised I listened to the conversation she was having with Jasper and Alice about how they had met. She was a hopeless romantic and thought theirs was a grand love story. The kind every girl would ever dream about.

Rosalie's voice next to me made me jump. I had been so wrapped up in this new discovery I hadn't noticed her coming down the stairs.

"_Carlisle called us earlier with the results."_ Her usually statuesque appearance looked soft and worried._"How are you?" _

"Worried. Angry. Desperate. Trying to find a solution to this mess, it is the only thing that I can hold on to at this moment."

"_Carlisle will turn her if you ask her, we talked about it this afternoon and all agree it is best but you need to tell her." _ It didn't surprise me they had send Rosalie to ask me this. Out of all people she was the one that had objected the most against Bella joining our family. Now to convince me, they had send the person who had needed the most persuasion.

Stepping aside she gave way for me to pass her and go upstairs. Taking two steps forward to the stairs I froze. There at the top of the stairs was Bella. Supported by Jasper and Alice she looked frail and pale. As soon as her eyes laid sight on me they brightened and her lips curled up in a smile I'd never seen before.

Rushing up the stairs I stopped two steps from the top, making our eyes meet at the same level. As I placed my hand around her waist she sighed content at being touched by me. Even through the fabric of her warm sweater I could feel the strange current running between our skin.

Jasper and Alice let go and I carefully pulled her closer to me. Softly placing a kiss on her lips. At the same time our lips connected I managed to glance into her mind again.

"_Mine"_

The single word was a desperate claim, ignited by a longing that was buried deep inside her . And she was right to stake that claim. Because at that moment I belonged to her, and her alone.

Quileute


	39. Chapter 39

**You know that when you can convince your male colleague.....**  
**to join a group of women at the Twilight marathon and Eclipse premiere**.  
**The obsession is getting out of hand! :P**

**Story is back to Bella. **

**Disclaimer: The Twilight Saga belongs to Stephenie Meyer.**

* * *

BPOV

The moment Edward stepped through the front door I knew. Somehow I could feel my body burn to have him closer now he was finally within reach.

With some effort I managed to make it from the bed, My feet touched the ground and I took 2 steps before a pair of cool hands grabbed hold of elbow. Light-headed from getting up too quickly I was happy to see Alice at my side.

Jasper came up to my other side and together they walked me to the stairs. At the top we stopped. The moment I saw him my breathing hitched. He was magnificent to see.

The rain had soaked him thoroughly and the fabric of his shirt clung to his body. Showing of his perfect chest, muscled shoulders and flat stomach. His hair was a dripping tousled mess around his face, almost like he had just stepped out of the shower. It made his eyes stand out even more. They caught on to me when I exhaled shaky.

Faster then my mind could process he was up the stairs, stopping almost at the top. Our eyes were at the same height and I could feel his cool strong hand on the small of my back. Jasper and Alice let go and I let Edward pull me closer to him.

His lips touched mine carefully, innocent and sweet. It took all my willpower to not give in and wrap my arms around his neck and my legs around his waist. Begging me to take me back to his room. Instead I focused on the one thought that dominated my body. He was mine.

For a moment he paused and pulled back slightly. A croaked grin on his face and I wondered for a moment if it was possible Jasper had lied to me. Could Edward know what I was thinking?

My body was still snuggled against his chest and the cold wet fabric made me shiver. It was a good shiver but Edward pulled me away from his body with a concerned look on his face. "I should get out of these wet clothes."

He finally made it up the last two steps, towering over me as we were finally standing next to each other. I placed my hand on his chest, had he just said out of these clothes. My mind sure was playing tricks on me.

Edward's eyes darkened and for a moment I thought I could hear a soft growl. Biting my lip I let him brush past me and followed him to his room. Happy that my dizzy spell had finally left me. When we both in his room, Edward closed the door behind us.

I sat down on the sofa in the corner of his room, my legs pulled up under me. Resting my head on the armrest I watched Edward. For a moment he just stood at the other side of the room and watched me too. He looked like he had done the first evening i'd spend in this room. A perfect angel. And he was my perfect angel now.

Smiling at the thought I waited for him to collect his clothes and get dressed. He didn't.

Instead he brought his hand up to the first button on his shirt. Without hesitation he flicked the first button open with his pale long fingers. Sliding down to the second and third. Now most of his shirt was open and I couldn't stop ogling him.

My hungry eyes feasted on the pale skin of his muscled chest. I had been wrong before in thinking he was an angel. He was so much more and my body ached at that knowledge.

Edward continued to finish unbottonening his shirt. When he was finally done he turned away from me and shrugged the shirt of. As his shirt slid down his arms the sight of his bare shoulders made me hold my breath. The muscles flexed lightly as he brought his hands to the clasp of his belt.

The sound of the leather being tugged away from the jeans made me shiver again. Finally he dropped the belt to the floor, a soft thud on the lush carpet.

I still couldn't tear my eyes away from Edward. Ogling your own boyfriend is totally acceptable, right? I asked myself and at the same time I heard a soft chuckle from across the room.

My eyes widened when he let his jeans fall to the floor. Now all he was wearing was a pair of boxer briefs. A pair of very tight boxer briefs. Edward reached up in his closet to grab some dry clothes. The movement made all the muscles in his upper body ripple and showed me he wasn't the lean boyish teenager he pretended to be in school. When he had found the jeans and T-shirt he was looking for he grabbed them in one hand and turned to face me.

"Are you ok by yourself while I take a quick shower?" An almost devilish smile was on his face and his eyes seemed to be teasing me. He stood there waiting for an answer and all I could think was... no thinking about that. Again Edward chuckled again.

"Ehmm... yeah.. sure." Gasping for air as I stumbled some random words I was trying to look at his face. That's it Bella eyes on his face. I could feel the blush on my cheeks but didn't care.

For a second I closed my eyes and took a deep breath, trying to regroup. When I opened my eyes Edward was now standing in front of me. He brought his hand to his lips and placed a soft kiss with his cool lips on my flushed skin.

"I'll be right back." Letting go of my hand he didn't wait for my answer as he left the room, still with that ridiculously sexy smile on his face. For a moment I considered calling him back or perhaps running after him. Ask if he could please take a cold shower, it felt like I needed one at the moment.

Shaking my head I tried to force the sight of an almost naked Edward from my mind. It was impossible, the image was branded in my memory forever.

Getting up from the sofa I went to the clothes he had dropped to the floor. Picking up the shirt and jeans to throw them in the laundry. Alice didn't often allow anyone to wear their clothes more than twice, but afterwards they were laundered and donated to shelters.

The jeans felt heavy and from one pocket I retrieved Edwards phone. Placing it on the bedside table I checked the other pocket for any keys or change. Instead the tip of my finger felt something round.

Looping my finger through it, I pulled the item from Edwards jeans. I held my breath at the sight of the little item. Holding it in between my fingers I held it up in the light.

"It belonged to my mother." With a cry I dropped the ring, startled by Edwards sudden appearance behind me.

He made it to me in a flash, catching the ring in his right hand. He was on his knee in front of me, twirling the ring between his fingers.

"Carlisle took it from her when she was in the hospital. It is one of the few things I have that belonged to her. She got it from my father as a wedding gift." His face was serious as he told me this, his eyes now shielded from any emotion he had felt earlier.

"It's beautiful. Your mother and father must have been really in love." I smiled at the idea of Edwards parents together, a happy couple. Unlike my own parents.

"They were." He seemed to be thinking about something for a moment as he stopped the twirling of the ring.

"I was hoping you feel the same about me?" His eyes were now playful as he looked up at me.

My breathing hitched at the insinuation behind the words. No matter how hard I tried to stay calm my heart seemed to race and my palms were starting to get sweaty.

"Isabella Swan. Will you be my wife?" The playfulness had left his eyes and they were now serious again. His lips tight as he waited for me to answer.

I thought about it for a second but in my head the voices were already cheering and I couldn't control myself anymore. Throwing myself down, my arms wrapped tight around his neck I barely managed to hold it together.

"Yes..yes Edward. I'll marry you." For sure I knew this was the happiest moment in my life, ever. As I inhaled his sweet and seductive scent I could feel him relax and place a soft kiss behind my ear.

Pulling back I looked him in the eyes and smiled. He smiled back at me. A soft and happy smile, one that I could never grow tired of. Carefully he placed me back on the bed.

Edward was stilling in front of me on one knee. Shaking he picked up my right hand and brought his hand to mine.

"I will love you for as long as " His voice almost broke as he said the words and slipped the ring on my finger. It was a perfect fit and for a moment he held my hand. Caressing the skin of my hand with his thumb. Then he bend down and softly kissed each on of my fingers. When he was done he stood up and me close to me.

"Let me take you out for the rest of the evening?" His words were gentle, not demanding at all. But there was no way I could refuse and agreed immediately.

Edward insisted we go out for dinner. Claiming I had thrown his schedule and now we had to finish the evening he had planned in a different order.

After I quickly changed into a warm blue dress with matching boots and a warm coat, all approved by Alice. Edward had taken me to Port Angeles to a little restaurant we had been before according to him.

He had been a perfect gentleman all evening. Driving within the speed limit, or slow as he liked to call it. Opening the car door for me, wrapping his hand around my body. Keeping his hand in the small of my back all the time as we walked from the car to the restaurant.

At the restaurant the women at the front had tried to flirt with him but Edward had cut her off, demanding a private place for him to dine with his fiancee. The word fiancee had made me giggle. It seemed to be such an old fashioned word but he used it with pride.

Like everything he did, Edward was in his own league. So far the date was perfect.

After a dinner that had allowed me to sample a little bit from every dish I liked and a big bowl of spaghetti icecream for dessert, he was leading me back to the car. It made me feel like there was nothing to worry about in this world. Like we were caught in this perfect little bubble, our own private world.

The voice in the back of my head however reminded me that wasn't the truth. A nagging headache had started to build up in the back of my head the moment we had stepped into the restaurant. Now I was happy to be finally on my way home.

Edward opened the car door for me and carefully helped me in the car. Closing the door and rushing around the front to get in the car next to me. As he opened his door and got in next to me, I rested my eyes for a moment.

When I opened them again, we were already halfway home to Forks. Edward was driving, staring at the road with an angry expression on his face. Gripping the steering wheel in so tight that if he wouldn't relax he would snap it in pieces.

"Edward?" Not sure what to say I turned to face him. I could see his face relax and one hand shot out to mine. Grabbing hold of my hand and caressing the palm of my hand.

"You're back again." His voice was shaky.

"Did I sleep for a long time?" Afraid to find out something worse had happened. I waited for him to answer. There had been no dreaming or nightmares this time. Just a black hole that had sucked me in, painless and for a short while it seemed.

"No just a few minutes. I'm taking you home now." He flashed a croaked grin at me for a moment before letting go of my hand so he could change gears. Like true Cullen style he was driving like a madman. The poor Volvo being bushed to using all it had under the hood to obey Edwards wishes.

"Could we stay out a little bit longer. Perhaps go somewhere else. " Biting my lip I looked at him, begging him with my eyes to understand I didn't want this perfect evening to end like this.

For a moment he was silent. Then he slowed down and turned the car. "Sure. How about we go to our meadow?" It was more statement than a question. He had already started to drive in the right direction.

The memory of that perfect little hideaway brought a smile to my face. "That would be perfect."

After a short drive Edward had brought his car as close as he dared to drive it. Parking it carefully on the side if the trail he helped me get out of the car. I was happy to be wearing the warm coat over my dress.

From the back of the car Edward produced a blanket and a backpack. Strapping it to his back he picked me up and cradled me to his chest. "Rest your head against my body."

The invitation wasn't needed as I already snuggled myself into his chest and let my head rest in the crook of his neck. Secure and safe.

He started with a slow pace, checking with me if I was fine. After 5 minutes he picked up speed and the little light that was offered in the forest made everything flash by in a spooky and confusing way. When we finally were at the meadow, I was glad to finally stand still again.

"Close your eyes until I say you can open them again." Edwards softly whispered from behind. Patiently I waited with my eyes closed. I couldn't hear him anything but the distant sound of an owl in the forest. It surprised me that whatever he was doing, he was taking his time.

Finally the velvet voice was back again. "You can open your eyes again."

I opened my eyes slowly. The first thing I noticed were the candles, everywhere around us there were candles lit. Not just 5 or 10... no somehow he had managed to light so many it was impossible to start counting.

"How.. did you? Turning to face him, I found he was standing right behind me. Making me bump into him. I still couldn't believe my eyes.

"Alice." He winked at me.

"She did all this for you?" Amazed at the endless generosity my friend seemed to have, I turned back to look at the meadow again. The warm candlelight gave the entire place a warm glow.

"She did it for you." Wrapping his arms around me, without warning Edward lifted me in his arms and walked me the centre of the meadow. Careful to not step on any candles.

In the centre there was a warm blanket spread out and a giant fur coat.

Eying the coat as Edward put me down on the blanket. "Rosalie?"

Edward just laughed and nodded. Leaning closer he kissed me on the lips before picking it up and draping it around my shoulders. "She was afraid you would be cold. It's one of her favourites. Emmet caught the foxes personally. It was a 40 year anniversary wedding gift."

I pulled it closer to my body, happy to have the extra comfort and warmth. Sitting down with Edward I leaned back into his chest. Similar like the last time we had been here, except now all the rules seemed to have changed.

Taking a deep breath I pulled myself away from Edward. Trying to be as elegant as possible I turned around while crossing my legs and ended up sitting across of him. The large coat was draped around my legs and I shivered at the cold air around my face.

Edward sat across, me watching intently. It felt like his eyes were setting my skin afire and self-conscious I pulled the fur closer to my shoulders, wishing I could hide my burning cheeks.

"Please don't." His hand flashed out to stop me. "Tell me what you are thinking?"

"I'm thinking how this coat signifies something we might never experience." Looking in his eyes, I hoped he would understand what I was trying to tell him.

Edward picked up my hand and looked down at my ring. A concentrated frown on his face as he flipped my hand. Running his finger over the lines of my hand, it tickled slightly and I had to hold back a giggle.

"They say this is your lifeline. Alice knows how to put up a good show at parties, reading peoples palms." Looking up again, the frown on his face was gone but his eyes were still hollow.

"You know I was there at the hospital, watching the first images appear on screen. If we would let nature have it's way... this line would stop." Resting his index finger at the line he had been tracing.

The meaning behind his words should have surprised me, but instead I felt a numbing comfortable feeling.. A weight fell of my shoulders. There were no more secrets to keep from Edward

"Is that why you proposed to me?" The moment I asked him, the answer was evident by his reaction. The hollow eyes now angry.

"How could you say that? I love you and have been planning to make you my wife as soon as possible. That ring has been in my pocket for the past day, waiting to get it's chance."

"I ruined everything." Guilt took hold of me and I tried to pull my hand back. Feeling awkward at seeing the ring on my finger. Edward didn't let go, instead he moved closer to me. Like a lion moving in on his prey, powerful and intimidating at the same time.  
I leaned back on the blanket. Trying to keep my distance but Edward just hovered over me. The glow of the candles lighting his eyes in an odd way, making the little gold flecks stand out even more.

"You made me the happiest man in this world." Kissing me, his anger seemed to have faded away. Even with the cold air around me, his lips were colder. Tracing along my bottom lip carefully. Almost like he was tasting me.

"What of the expiry date on that happiness runs out." A silent sob left my mouth and I could feel the tears start to form in my eyes.

With his lips still hovering over mine he gently cupped my face in his hands. "Don't think that way Bella. Your life has just begun and I'm not ready to let you go."

"You'll turn me?" Breathless I whispered back at him. Amazed at what he had just said.

A soft groan came from the back of his throat as he moved to run his nose along my jaw, inhaling deep. "Yes." It sounded like defeat. But when he brought his lips back to mine I could see the warmth in his eyes.

There was no regret, only love when he kissed me one final time. "I can't live in this world without you by my side."


	40. Chapter 40

I may or may not be going away for a few days for work...

depending on the ash cloud currently disrupting flights. (who wants to help huff and puff?)  
If my flight is cancelled this chapter will be pulled and rewritten because  
I have been struggling with it all week and still do not feel satisfied with the result

Let me know what you think, any constructive criticism is welcome :)

**Disclaimer: The Twilight Saga belongs to Stephenie Meyer.**

* * *

BPOV

"_I can't live in this world without you by my side." _

The memory of these sweet words were the first thing I remembered when waking up the next morning. Yawning I stretched my arms up my head, slightly arching my back and curling my toes in the process. It had been such a long time since I'd slept this comfortable and it was difficult to wake up from the comfortable warm sleep I had been in.

Rubbing my eyes I finally opened my eyes and looked straight in Edwards amused face.

"What's so funny?" Trying to figure out if I had ridiculous hair or worse, drool on my face. Worried I brought my hands to my head again.

"You looked like a little kitten just now, trying to wake up." Edward replied.

Great.. not exactly the thing you want to have your future husband to tell you when you wake up in the morning. A cat, really?

He must have seen my confused face because he gripped my hands and brought them down to my side. "You look like a sexy little kitten?" He offered, trying to make me feel better.

"I guess it will have to do, I'll work on my fierce lioness act." Pushing myself up on arm I looked around to see we where in his room again. Except it was very light, almost too light in here. My eyes drifted to the window to see the usually green forest was now white.

"Oh.." Not sure what else to say, I couldn't remember ever seeing this much snow. Or remember for that matter, there being snow last night. "When did that happen?" Pointing outside at the snow I looked to see Edward was watching me carefully.

"That happened last night and most of this morning. It started snowing shortly after we got back home, you fell asleep in the car and I carried you inside and brought you to bed." I bit my lip at the disappointment of forgetting Edward had carried me up to his room and put me in bed. Part of my mind was scolding the other part at having missed the chance to fall asleep in his arms, on his bed, in his room.. alone.

"What time is it?" Sitting up in bed I pulled the covers around me, just the sight of the snow was enough to make me feel chilly. "It is 4 in the afternoon, you slept through most of the day." Edward laughed at me but the laugh did not reach his eyes. Instead they were wary, hiding something from me. I knew what it was. It was on my mind also.

"That's bad isn't it. Me sleeping through most of the day, it has something to do with what you and Carlisle found out yesterday?" I was speaking now with some distant voice, the one I hated. The voice that my mind seemed to give me whenever bad news was going to be told to me. Charlie had called it my hospital voice.

"Can you tell me?" Crawling forward to be closer to Edward. I was only inches away and could see the pain in his eyes. Or was it my own pain reflected in his. It was difficult to tell.

Edward pinched his nose and closed his eyes for a moment. When he opened them the pain was gone, all I could see was sorrow. The sight was enough for me to know, whatever the test results would show. It wasn't good.

"I'll get dressed." Getting from the bed I stumbled to the giant wardrobe and found some of the new clothes Alice had bought me. Grabbing something random I walked to the bathroom.

Once inside the bathroom I locked the door and dumped the stuff I had on my hands on the counter. Gripping the edge I looked at the reflection in the mirror. It was difficult to recognise myself, this wide eyed creature. My hair was a big curly mess, sticking out with loose strands around my face. What stood out most were my eyes, deep and dark brown. Underneath them were dark rings, almost like I hadn't slept at least 12 hours.

"Bella?" From outside the bathroom door Alice called to me.

"Do you want some help?" Her question surprised me. Usually she would just twirl around me like a tornado, fixing my hair and make-up without asking permission.

Grabbing a hand full of hair, I pulled it straight up and watched how it just stood up, making me look like scarecrow. Yep, I wanted help today. Sighing I let go of the counter and moved back to the door and unlocked it. As soon as the door was open, Alice came through it. Locking it behind her again. She looked like a little pixie again, dressed even more creative and beautiful than she would for school days. Next to her I felt even more horrible then I had felt before.

Her cold arms wrapped around me and hugged me tight. "It will be fine, everything will work out."

I knew that she was right. After all Alice did see the future.

Silently she pushed me to the edge of the bathtub and laid out a thick towel for me to sit on. Sitting down on the warm fabric, I was happy for the gesture as the rest of the tub would be cold. Running my finger along the smooth edge of the marble it reminded me of Edwards skin.

"Have they told you?" I looked at Alice who was grabbing stuff from several cabinets and displaying them on the counter. She stopped what she was doing and turned to me.

An apologetic smile was on her face. "They didn't need to tell me. As soon as you agreed to take that MRI. The outcome was clear to me."

I was speechless for a moment, knowing that she had been able to keep this secret from everyone. "When you say the outcome was clear to you..what exactly are you talking about?"

Alice remained silent. Looking at the door with a frown.

"Can you tell me?" Carefully I asked her again.

This time she didn't frown, instead she sighed and grabbed the hairbrush and climbed into the bathtub behind me to brush my hair.

"Yes I could tell you but Esme would rather keep that door in one piece." With firm strokes she started to work on my hair. Untangling the biggest knots in them while trying not to hurt me.

"What does that door have to do with me?" Looking at the the thick wooden door, I could see nothing wrong with it. Behind me, Alice giggled. "Edward will come crashing through that door to stop me from telling you, what I've seen in my vision."

For a second I felt angry as I realised he was listening on our conversation. Then the image of Edward crushing through that door, unleashing the strength and power he kept from me all the time. It made me wish he would and I started thinking of ways to bring him out of this tamed version he so cleverly showed to the world.

A soft but very deliberate tug on my hair made me stop what I was thinking about and Alice leaned around me so I could see her face. "Whatever you are planning, stop it. You are changing your mind so often, it's confusing me." Before I could reply she continued what she was doing.

"Is it difficult knowing what people are going to do?" Looking at our mirror images I connected with Alice that way. She continued with precision to pull back strands of hair and create a big messy bun. When she was done she grabbed some make-up and set down next to me on the edge of the large bathtub.

"Sometimes it is, it's annoying to see the possible outcome of things based on what other people decide. Especially since I can see what they decide not why they decide it." After carefully applying some foundation around my eyes and adding blush to my cheeks, I did look a lot better. My eyes were no longer framed by dark circles.

Alice helped me get dressed, picking out the same clothes I had earlier this morning. The jeans were old and worn but gave me the needed confidence to get through the rest of the day. My dark blue sweater had a bog scooped neck that Alice draped casually off shoulder for me.

"Ready for this?" Her hand was on the lock, waiting to open the door and allow the rest of the world back into the sanctuary we had spend the past hour in.

"Ready." Walking to her I waited for Alice to open the door. A part of me had expected Edward to be waiting on the other side of the door, but there was no one there. Instead Alice grabbed my hand and brought me to her bedroom.

From the cabinet she grabbed a small jewellery box, when she opened it soft music filled into the room. It was a very simple and elegant tune. When she closed the lid the music stopped and immediately I missed the comforting sound.

"This bracelet was something that I had designed for your birthday. It wasn't finished in time and we left shortly after. I kept it with me all the time, hoping that one day I would have the chance to give it to you." Opening her hand she held out a charm bracelet.

"Each charm represents a member of our family. I want you to have it now and know that you are part of this family." Carefully she clasped the bracelet around my wrist.

"You are giving it to me now? Is what Carlisle has to tell me that bad?" Joking I toyed with the little charms as I twisted and turned the bracelet. Each little figure was designed with careful detail, and Alice had indeed chosen each symbol to represent the members of the Cullen family.

"No silly, I'm giving it to you now because I want you to know that no matter what you decide today, we are your family. Now let's go to Carlisle, the rest is waiting for us and he can tell you himself." Pulling me along behind her as we went down the hallway and to the study at the end of the hall.

Outside a car was the only thing breaking the silence in the house. When we got to Carlisle's study I found Carlisle was seated behind his desk with Esme sitting on the edge of his chair. Her hand was held by his and their arms touched, it was such an obvious and yet subtle and honest way of affection for one another, it made me hope that one day Edward and I would have this.

To the side Rosalie was standing together with Emmet. His large arms wrapped around her, holding her close to him as she buried her face into his chest. Jasper pulled Alice in his arms also and I was left standing in the room alone.

All eyes were on me and I couldn't help but feel panicked. Just as I was preparing to turn and run a warm hand touched my arm. I looked up to see Charlie standing there. Supported by Edward and looking tired, but with a sad and proud smile on his face that made me burst out in tears. I hugged him close to my body, happy to see he was out of the hospital. Even if it was for only a few hours and under these circumstances. When I let go he held on to my hand tight, his eyes showing how much he missed me. His hand felt incredibly warm compared to the touch I had gotten used to being around the Cullen's.

Looking around the room, all eyes were still on me. They were waiting, for me to sit down and listen to Carlisle. All of them already knew what the outcome was. And suddenly I felt nothing of the fear or anger I had thought I would feel once the results of my MRI would be given to me. All I wanted was to be held by the people I love and hold on to them for as long as possible.

Slowly I sat down across from Carlisle, my dad didn't let go of my hand and sat down next to me. Edward stood next to me, a tight grip on the back of my chair. When I looked up over my shoulder I could see his jaw was clenched, pressing his lips together in a tight thin line. He wasn't looking at me, or Carlisle. Instead he was looking outside into the perfect white world that surrounded us.

Carefully I place my hand over his, expecting him to look down and relax. He didn't, it almost was as if he didn't even notice my touch. The pain at being shut out by Edward made me bite my lip and look down. Was he coming back on his promise to turn me if needed or had he finally figured out that I wasn't worth the trouble? Reluctant I pulled away my hand and instead put my arm around my own waist, holding myself tight as I waited for Carlisle to begin.

He had pulled out a thick folder and placed it in front of him on the desk. Looking at me he slowly opened the folder.

"The images we made yesterday show that in the past few months, your brain has suffered from trauma." Next to me I could feel Edward tense even further as Carlilse pulled out a sheet. Proof that in fact he was listening to what was being told in this room.

Placing the sheet in front of me, Carlisle allowed me to look at it for a second as he reached for a marker. "This is an image of your brain, one we took after you were brought in after Victoria followed you to the cliffs and you fell down in the water."

I couldn't help but shudder at the fear of what I had felt that night and over and over again in my nightmares. "It looks like a brain to me, like the one pictured in my biology book." Tracing around the edge of the sheet I looked at it, trying to see what was so special about this picture.

Carlisle pulled out another sheet, holding it to his body for a moment. "Very good. It probably looks like the pictures in your book, like a normal brain."

Placing the sheet he held against him next to the one that was already on the table. "Now this is an image made yesterday. The technology is different but as you can see, this is also a brain.. your brain." He pointed with the marker from one sheet, to the other and back again.

Charlie leaned closer and put his finger on the last sheet, squeezing my hand tight in his. I looked at him and could see tears starting in his eyes. Not being able to handle seeing my father cry I focussed on Carlisle again.

He pulled the cap from the marker and circled an area that looked slightly different, the color was brighter. "This discoloration here is where the trauma is." Carlisle was pointing at a small dot, if it wasn't highlighted by the bright red of his marker. I would have never noticed it.

Perhaps it was because of the fact that my brain was obviously not working properly.. but a hysterical laugh bubbled from my mouth. Not able to stop myself from laughing I clasped my hand over my mouth. Afraid I was insulting Carlisle it was the only thing I could to muffle the sound of my laughter. Everyone waited for me to stop laughing, when I felt calmer I took a big deep breath and looked at the image in front of me again.

"It's so small." Running my finger over the little highlighted area, I felt relieved. At the same time Edward seemed to snap out of his restraints and let go of the back of my chair and placed a hand over mine. Bringing my hand to his lips, he placed a soft kiss on my knuckles before pulling a chair closer and sitting down next to me.

Carlisle looked at him for a short moment, absolute silence was in the room as they seemed to be having an one-sided conversation. When he finally did speak Carlisle reached into the folder for another sheet. "You are right, on this level it is." Tapping with his free hand on the image and highlighted area shortly before laying down a third image.

The words slowly registered. On this level. Both Charlie and Edward let go of my hands at the same time. Shaking I reached forward and grabbed the last sheet that was added. Holding it out in front of me I started to shake even more. Carefully Edward pried my fingers loose and put it back on the table. "Love.. look at me, please?"

His soft velvet voice coached me into listening to him as I closed my eyes to fight the hot tears that were fighting to be free. In my mind I could see the multiple highlighted areas on the last image, there had been so many. And after what Carlisle explained to me, I now knew that each one of them was damage to my brain.

Bringing my hands to my hair I let my fingers sink into my hair, not caring that the carefully styled bun was now being torn apart. At that moment I wished I could just reach into my faulty short circuited brain and rip it apart.

"How much longer?" My voice seemed to be that of someone else, twisted and broken. Thick with the tears and hurt I felt at the moment. No one answered and I opened my eyes again. Everyone was looking at me, silent. "Tell me you cowards, how much longer?"

Standing up I pushed my chair back and it fell backwards, almost tackling me in the process. I grabbed the edge of the desk to stay on my feet. Still no one answered me and now anger was starting to build up, fast. It reminded me of the way I had sometimes felt growing up with Renee as a little kid, trying to fight with her about something she insisted on me doing. Except this time, I was the one throwing the tantrum and it felt like I had all the right.

"Fine." Stepping over the chair I managed to not fall flat on my face. "It must be easy to have forever and not ever having to worry about saying good-bye to your loved ones, or if this day is the last time you will see the sun rise, or eat icecream, or hold the one person you love in the world and tell him that." Breaking down in tears I felt a pair of cold arms wrap around me and pick me up. Edward held me close to him and sat down again, seating me on his lap. Just him being close to me was enough to calm me down and control my breathing.

"Carlisle has compared the images of your MRI to several studies and it appears to be something that has not been documented. We believe it is something that can't be reversed or slowed down or given any prognoses on. That is why we called a family meeting here today."

At the word family meeting I turned my head to see Charlie sitting in his chair. His eyes looked red and his face was so extremely sad, I had never seen him like this. Standing behind him were Jasper and Alice had her hands on Charlie's shoulder to let him know he was not alone. By the strained look on Jaspers face I could see he was trying to calm the mood in the room. The gesture made me tear up again.

"I'm fine now. What can I do from now on to make sure I wake up the next morning." Suddenly I felt like I wasn't ready to let go of this human life yet, there were still so many things I wanted to do. Besides graduating from high school, going to college, using my passport for the first time in my life. I also wished I could visit my mother in Florida and watch another Mariners game with my dad on a rainy afternoon. Spend time with the people I loved and needed in my life.

The sensation of Edward twirling a strand of my hair around his fingers, over and over again....made me look back at him. His face was one big frown and still I found him breathtakingly beautiful. Gently I placed my hands on either side of his face. "I don't want to let go of you." Whispering the words into his lips, I hoped he understood how much I meant them.

"I don't want to let go of you either." His eyes darkened and a soft growl rumbled from his chest as he pulled me closer to him. "That is the other reason why we are here."

At first the words didn't make any sense, then I understood what Edward was trying to say. My hand slipped down and rested on the bracelet Alice had just given me and the promise she had made me._ No matter what you decide today, we are your family_

"Alice was right this morning, no matter what you decide, you are family and most of all my love and I would stay by your side until the last breath you take."

How did you know what I was thinking? Edward did you just read my mind? That should be impossible. Grabbing hold of his shoulders I pulled myself up, straddling him now as I brought myself face to face with him. The corner of his mouth twitched and pulled up in a sly grin. Gasping at the realisation he could read my mind, I felt my entire face and neck flush.

Carlisle cleared his throat. " What exactly is going on?"

I let go of shoulders and leaned back, allowing Edward to support with me. Looking at him, daring him to tell the truth. "Yes Edward.. honey, what is going on?"

Behind us Emmet snickered at my response and Alice was being muffled by Jasper as she already knew what was going on. Rosalie finally broke the silence and stepped forward, releasing her hold on Emmets body and facing Edward.

"You can hear Bella's thoughts." Her finger dug in his chest as she pointed at him, looking smug at the same time for figuring out what was going on. Edward didn't flinch, he just kept his eyes on me. Hypnotising me with his golden stare that seemed to show a mix of pleasure, excitement and remorse at the same time.

"Is this true?" Carlisle was now on the edge of his seat and both Esme and Charlie were staring at us also. The attention was a little bit uncomfortable but the pressure of Edwards hands on the small of my back kept me calm.

Finally Edward looked away from me.

"I can hear some of Bella's thoughts. Lately when she is under stress or tired I have been able to pick up words, images or whole sentences. It's not the same as with all of you. It feels like watching a 2 minute movie preview or getting a sneak peek at a new book. Just when you get into it.. the it is taken away from you." He smiled at me and I knew what he was trying to tell me. Most of my thoughts had been safe but not all of them.

"It's almost like she is shielding her thoughts from me, without knowing and when her mind is tired or under stress she is not able to do that anymore. I used to wish that her mind was an open book for me. Now under the current circumstances I regret ever wishing that." The sad tone in his voice made my heart break and in response I leaned in and kissed him on the lips.

I love you was all I could think of. He pulled me closer and kissed me back, tracing my lips with his tongue before letting go. The look in his eyes told me, he had heard me and a smile formed around my lips at this new found intimacy between us.

Next to me Charlie was trying to not see what I was doing, his face almost as bright red coloured as mine was. With a sigh Edward let go of me and gently place me back into own chair.

"Let's vote." Carlisle sat back in his chair and looked up to his wife first.

"Bella's only chance at a future is to join our family. For that she needs to leave the family she has now, I think we should let Charlie decide first." Her soft words were directed at Charlie.

Hopefully I looked at my dad, not knowing what I would do if he objected to me joining the Cullen's as a vampire. He looked back at me. For the first time in years I could see how old he really was as all the weight of the world seemed to be resting on his shoulders. His eyes met mine and slowly he nodded. "You love this man?" The question was rhetorical and still I nodded back at him, confirming what he already knew. Turning the ring on my finger in hope as my dad thought about his answer.

"I will miss you so much." His voice cracked. I got up from my chair to hug him. "I'll miss you to dad." Awkwardly he hugged me back before looking over my shoulder at Edward and then turning to Carlisle and Esme. "Please save my daughter."


	41. Chapter 41

Thank you all for letting me know that the previous chapter can stay posted.  
My plane did leave, just with a 5 hour delay. Stuck behind customs, with everything closed... not so much fun :(

The Azores are absolutely stunning! I enjoyed every minute of the studytrip  
and I will probably go back for a private holiday next year or so.

Just a quick chapter, to let you all know. This story is not forgotten.  
Enjoy reading ;)

**And remember! The Twilight Saga belongs to Stephenie Meyer.  
(**Aren't you thankfull for her writing the books? I know I am!**)**

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EPOV

Everyone seemed to be looking at me and Carlisle. Trying to keep their thought to themselves. Waiting for either one of us to start speaking.

Charlie had already given me my blessing for the second day in 2 days. He wanted Bella to have a happy life, that was what I could give her. That was what all of my family wanted to give her. This was it and all of the people in the room knew.

Before I turned Bella there was one thing I needed to discuss with my family. I had no intention to rip her away from her father and Forks. With the time left it was possible to take her away and prepare, waiting for her body to give up and turn her. But that would also mean that she would have less time left with her father. Looking at the adoring and loving gaze in her eyes when she looked at him. That wasn't an option.

From my own experience I knew how heartbreaking it was to be denied the chance to say good-bye from your loved ones. Just tell them one last time you love them, recall the wonderful things you have done together, laughed about or sad times you cried together.

No I would do everything in my power to make sure Bella wouldn't be denied these last precious days with her own father. Or make it impossible for her to ever come back here after she had been turned. There was only way for that to happen. The wolves and Quileutes Elders needed to grant me permission to turn her.

"_Son" _Carlisle was the first to reach out to me. Taking my private battle at how to proceed from here on as a sign of doubt.

"_If you don't want to change her yourself. Tell me and I'll change her." _Carlisle told me silently, his hand wrapped around Esme's. Holding her for comfort at discussing taking a life he had fought so hard for to save just months ago.

"_I could do it.. if you are afraid to take action. Or think you won't be able to stop... I could do it." _Rosalie's voice was like a wave crashing into my mind. The tone in her silent voice not as silent at all, more like snarling at me. Impatient as usual to get what she wanted, Bella as her sister.

"_No fears..No doubts. Just all consuming love. It will be all you need brother." _Jaspers words remembered me of that evening in the forest where I had exposed all my fears and doubts to him. That evening had been the turning point for me, leading to the decision I was making right now. His words chosen deliberate to give me strength and support.

"_You can change her Edward." _ Alice her soothing thoughts entered mine and I could feel the conviction she felt as she showed me what had been in her mind from the first day I had met Bella. The vision in her mind was clear, confirming what I already knew.

They all wanted to help but were pushing so hard, I was started to feel like there was no room left for me to think. "Stop." My shout was desperate and all of them stopped thinking about changing Bella. They focused on me, especially Rosalie.

"I'll do it."

The soft growling words from my mouth made Bella shiver next to me as she fully understood what I had just promised to all the people in the room. Reaching out I wrapped my hand around her arm in response.. My grip too tight by accident, making her wince at the pain.

Shocked I let go and gently rubbed the bruised skin with the palm of my hands. My eyes locked on hers seeing nothing but love. A love that gravitated me towards her, pulling me in and making me more human than I had ever been before.

My words had created a mental explosion in everyone's head. Words rushed through my head, consuming my mind in a dizzying way. One stood out and the presence of this person made me feel very aware of the promise that I had just made to my family and Bella.

With a frustrated shout at being given so little time, I got up and knocked my chair back against the wall. Behind me it shattered in pieces. Everyone tensed up at the same time, afraid of what I would do next and I forced myself to stand still. Let the anger consumer me and after that, let go. Slowly I felt some of my usual calm reservation flow back into my body. Thankful for the gift, I glanced at Jasper who had a tight smile on his face. He just nodded at me and I nodded back.

Trying to stay calm I placed a quick kiss on Bella's forehead and left the room. As soon as I left the room I headed outside, to the edge of the forest. Meeting the last person I wanted to see at the moment.

I took a deep breath, hoping the forest air would give me some clarity. When I did instead the familiar disgusting smell assaulted my nose, immediately followed by a soft rustling of leaves.

"_Leech." _

From behind the shrubs, Jacob rose to his feet. A mountain of fur, just like I remembered him. _"I was waiting for you to run away from that circus in there." _

His words were no longer directed at me with a hateful tone but still I felt the lack of respect towards me.

"_Since you all have decided and agreed what is best for Bella. You should come with me." _Jacob turned around and disappeared into the forest. He didn't ask for my need or want to follow him, he just ran away from me. Leading the chase.

Smiling at the thought of chasing the wolf, even if it was just for logistical purposes. I followed him immediately. Chasing through the snow white forest, twisting and turning around the trees as I followed the large footprints Jacob left behind in the snow.

The cool wind brushed past my face. Bringing scents of animals to my nostrils, clean and clear. They called to me with pure torturous clarity. Snow had covered all else and made the remaining scents extremely easy to track, locate and.... It made me wish I could just turn my back on this chase and pursue a more fulfilling one. One that would sooth the increasingly aching burn in my throat.

I couldn't.

The picture of Bella's beautiful face and Charlie's heartbreaking plead made me focus on what would be waiting for me. Man on a mission, the thought made me smile even if it was just a slight smile. Continuing my path in the silent and white forest I almost caught up with Jacob. He didn't acknowledge me and kept on running, trying to push himself even faster. Just minutes later he slowed down and I was at the same parking lot I had been the day before. Waiting for me were 3 other wolves, one I recognised to be Embry.

Behind them in the truck were Billy and Harry.

When I stopped just a few feet away from the wolves, one of them got up and growled at me. Almost daring me to come closer. I just looked at him, the feeling of excitement at the chase that Jacob had just allowed me in the forest still evident in my face. Hungry black eyes glaring down at him.

He backed down with a whimper as our eyes met. I felt the corner of my mouth pull up slightly at the feeling of power over him. Knowing that even as a 6 foot wolf this boy knew to be afraid of me.

Embry stood next to him. He looked uncomfortable at being here and didn't acknowledge my greeting at first. Just a blank gaze in his eyes. When I looked his way for a moment I could see a flicker of emotion in his eyes and he stepped forward, closer to me almost like he had been waiting.

With shock I realised he had been focussing, keeping his thoughts to himself. Using the technics I had told him when we had ran home last week. Keeping his own thoughts private from the pack. Now he broke the silence in his mind and I could hear him clear.

"_Go Edward. They will show no honour." _

As soon as Embry's words were formed in his mind. They were drowned in the growling of the wolves around him. I understood what was happening and knew there was nothing I could do. Angry I made fists and could feel the rush of excitement build up in my building, knowing by now my eyes would be black as I could feel my nostrils flare at the anger that was rushing through my body.

Embry was slowly falling to the ground at the mental attack from his own pack. Still the mental torture did not stop him. Even with his body flat on the ground he managed to have his own thoughts, stand up for his own morals when he told the others with clarity. _"I will have no part in this false judgement you wish to serve.." _

The words made my heart sink at the message they gave me and with a growl I took a stance. Crouched to the ground and ready to fight. Fight for my love.


	42. Chapter 42

**Disclaimer: The Twilight Saga belongs to Stephenie Meyer.**

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BPOV

_Please save my daughter_.

Charlie's broken voice echoed in my head as the room became quiet. Hearing his words over and over again, knowing he had given all his trust to Edward. Agreeing to let me go and grant me an eternal life. As soon as my father had spoken I felt like a weight was lifted from my shoulders. Understanding that I would have had a very hard time saying good-bye from my human life if my own father would have objected.

Next to me Edward seemed be lost in thoughts. All eyes set on him. After Jasper had explained about Edward's ability to hear peoples minds. I had no doubts what was going on. Just as I was going to speak up I was cut off by Edward.

"Stop." His pleading and at the same time demanding voice forced everyone in the room to silence evn further. A soft growl made me shiver.

"I'll do it."

I gasped at the realisation. He would turn me himself. I wanted to throw my arms around him, hug him, thank him. But I couldn't talk or move, I was paralysed with shock.

At the same time a cool hand wrapped around my arm, twisting it too tight making me wince at the pain and try to pull away. Immediately the hurting stopped and it was replaced by the palm of his hand. Gently rubbing the skin that was already starting to bruise.

I wanted to tell him it was ok. Breaking out of this feeling that seemed to have taken control of my body, I turned my head to face Edward. With a relieved sigh I could see his eyes were searching for mine also and with a smile I connected to the golden storm that was raging in his eyes.

The moment was short because something made Edward look away. Leaving me feeling naked and exposed at sharing this moment briefly in front of all our family. The connection we had seemed to bend and break, making Edward kick back his chair and rise to his feet in one swift movement. Behind me the chair smashed in the wall and the sound of wood splintering to pieces made me jump in my seat.

Next to me I could see Charlie's shocked expression. He looked past me and the look on his face made me not want to see what was happening. Behind Charlie I could see Jasper, he looked at me and nodded slightly before forcing a small smile on his face. Alice was holding him tight and he put his hand in hers, intertwining their fingers in a lovers way.

I could feel the calm sensation of Jaspers gift flood the room. Knowing it was mainly aimed at Edward, it had it's effect on me also. Sitting back in my chair, I finally felt released from the anxious feeling that held me hostage.

A cool quick kiss on my forehead made me look up. When I did, Edward was already gone. Out of the study, walking away from us.

New panic started to build inside of my body as I could see both Emmet and Jasper let go of their loved ones. They stepped forward and shared whispered few words with Carlisle. It was so fast and low, I couldn't hear what they were saying. And without further explenation they left in a hurry. After they left the room, I got up also. When I wanted to follow them, I was stopped by Alice. "They will go and find him, take him hunting and calm him down. Don't worry."

I knew she was right. There was no need to worry but something about what just happened didn't make sense.

Finally we had agreed on sharing not just our life as a married couple, but sharing it forever. Shouldn't we be celebrating instead of running away from each other? Slowly I nodded, still thinking about what could have made Edward leave.

"Bella." Esme's soft singing voice called me and I turned around to see her standing next to Charlie. "Your dad is tired and needs to rest. Carlisle and I are driving him back to hospital. Will you be ok staying with Alice and Rosalie?" Her question seemed to not only be for myself.

"Yes. That is fine." Answering for all of us.

Stepping closer to my dad, who was supported by Esme. I hugged him tight and gave him a kiss on the cheek. He hugged me back awkwardly before letting Esme lead him from the room. He did look really tired and I felt sorry for having to drag him into this mess.

When they were gone I turned to Alice.  
"Can you ask Jasper to call as soon as he finds Edward?" I was hoping that would give me some peace of mind. But Alice didn't reply.

Instead she stood there, her eyes wide and looking blank. Almost like she wasn't there at all. Her face was almost completely relaxed, except for her mouth. Her mouth was slightly opened, almost as if she was gasping. Something that was impossible since by nature vampires did not need any oxygen, leading me to the conclusion it was something in her vision that made her gasp. Something was wrong and I wanted to know what. Without being told by Alice, I knew whatever it was had to do with Edward.

"Where did Edward go?" I knew I was now shrieking like a banshee but couldn't be bothered to care. Grabbing hold of Alice her shoulders with as much force as I possibly could, I tried to wake her up. It didn't work, she wouldn't be moved by my weak human arms.

Fighting back tears I tried again. Hoping that somehow Alice would come back to me and talk to me. Nothing happened and another set of hands, strong and cool pried my fingers loose. Rosalie was standing beside of me. "I know my brother. He has gone to do something completely ridiculous."

Finally Alice moved again, her eyes returning to their deep dark onyx colour. Her forehead was wrinkled in a frown and her lips perched in a tight line. "Edward just disappeared. And no matter what I look for. All I see is Bella with us in the future."

Relieve and anxiety battled inside of me at her words. I was in the Cullen's future and Edward wasn't.

"There is only one thing that can fully block my vision. He must have gone to them, but why would he do something so stupid?" Crying out loud at the both of us, Alice stood with a pained expression on her face in front of us.

"By them, do you mean the Quileutes?" Remembering how Edward had explained that their presence clouded the visions Alice would have. Grabbing my phone from my pocket I dialled the number for Billy Black, having it programmed in my phone because my dad was there so much.

It rang once, twice and a third time before going to the answering machine. With a sigh I lowered my hand and looked up at Alice and Rosalie. "Billy isn't home. Are you sure he has gone there, why would he do that?"

"I have no other explanation. Like I said this morning. Sometimes it is frustrating to just know what people do. Not why." She looked so lost I stepped forward and put my arm around her shoulder.

Both of us were facing Rosalie now. She raised an eyebrow slowly. Opened her mouth to start speaking...then stopped again.

"What is it?" Hoping she knew more, I almost begged her to speak up.

"I can think of one reason. This is Edward we are talking about. He went to ask your father for you hand. Following the rules and guidelines he was brought up with. Set in his believes that rules are there to be followed." Rosalie spoke slowly as she tried to complete the puzzle in her mind. "He was there when the treaty was made."

At the words treaty Alice sparked to life. "No, he wouldn't do that Rose. He knows the consequence."

This was beyond me, before my time and I felt very much left out. Gripping Alice tighter I turned to face first her, then back to Rosalie again. Trying to understand what I was missing.

"You think. He has asked the Quileutes for permission to turn Bella... so we could stay in this area or come back." Alice her words were spoken with such a serious tone, it frightened me.

"What does this mean?" Whispering the words I felt in my gut, the answer wouldn't be what I wanted to hear.

"The treaty was made when we moved her the first time. It was agreed upon that we could stay here, unharmed. As long as we did not come on La Push territory or.. and this is most important. Or take a human life."

The reality of Rosalie's explanation slowly sank into my mind. Take a life. They would see it like that, instead of saving my life it would be taking my life.

"We have to stop him." Fire flamed inside of me. An hungry longing to have Edward at my side for eternity made me turn around and start walking downstairs. Rosalie put her hand on my arm to stop me but I ignored her. Her grasp careful not to hurt me and letting go when I pulled.

"We'll come with you." Both Rosalie and Alice followed me. When we got downstairs, Alice disappeared for a split second. Returning with a warm coat, scarf and a pair of gloves.

"Wear these, it will be cold when we run." Handing them to me she smiled at me. Some of her true Alice sparkle was returning and I could feel how it helped me relax.

Quickly I shrugged the coat on, it was skiing jacket and did feel very warm. It also made me feel like a little puffy barbie doll since it was a bright pink color. The scarf was pink also and even the gloves were pink.

"Really Alice, pink?" Rosalie snorted when she looked at me. Her dramatic response made me forget I was scared and eager to find my love for a moment. It made me giggle and soon enough both Rosalie and Alice followed my laughter. Together we walked out the front door. Still giggling at Rosalie's reaction to my attire.

When we did, within a few steps Rosalie froze.

"One of them was here, he waited for Edward. The boys didn't notice because they went out the back but the scent is fresh and easy to track because of the snow. Edward's scent follows the same track. He either went together or followed it." She bit her lip in a very uncharacteristic way. "Bella, you have been out running with Edward before...haven't you?"

I slowly nodded, unsure what she was asking me. As soon as I did Rosalie grabbed hold of me and flung me on her back.

"Good let's go." Without further warning she started moving. Alice followed us, running next to Rosalie and glancing at me every once in a while. I didn't see because I was too busy trying to hold on.

Edward's run was fluid and fast, Rosalie was fast but not so fluid. More aggressive and it made it difficult for me to hold on to her in a comfortable way. Also the ice cold wind that swept past us made me shiver so bad, my legs started to feel cramped.

Hiding my face in her neck, hoping to keep the wind from lashing at my face. It made it impossible to see where we were going. It didn't really work and the cold continued to lash at my nose and eyes with a ferocity that made me cry.

Finally she slowed down and when I peeked over her shoulder I forgot about how cold I was. Adrenaline started to race through my body at the sight of Edward facing 3 large wolves on his own. It didn't look like the fight had started but they were circling each other, waiting for the first to attack.

Rosalie and Alice came to a halt next to Edward and I let go of her with a cry.

"Stop this madness." Flinging myself from Rosalie's back I tumbled to a halt in front of Edward. Her sudden stop and my own hasty movement had left me feeling dizzy and with great trouble I managed to stand on my feet. Right in between Edward and the wolves.

From behind the mountain of fur that seemed to be confronting us I could see Billy's shocked expression in the truck. Disbelieve at seeing me here seemed to make him realise what risk was involved at coming here.

"If you hurt Edward, you hurt me." Stepping forward I brought my arms up, raising my hands. Palms forward, open in a surrendering way. Hoping they would understand I came to talk not fight.

Knowing that I wouldn't stand a chance against these monstrosities. All I could try and fight with was my humanity.

From behind the 3 wolves a shout sounded. Billy had turned the window down from his truck and both him and Harry seemed to be shouting at the wolves in a tongue I did not understand.

The largest turned his head towards them and huffed. When he did the other two stepped back, forming a line between us and the truck. As they did, they revealed a fourth wolf. The numbers weren't even after all.

Only three vampire and four wolfs.

Stepping closer to them I repeated my previous words. "If you hurt Edward, you hurt me."

I could feel hot tears started to run over my cheeks, burning at the ice cold skin.

"Please." Hoping they were sensitive for the begging and pleading. Hoping that Billy Black couldn't turn his back on his best friends daughter. I looked past the wolves and in his eyes.

He had tears to his eyes also, his old face now looking even more tired than usual.

Hope sparked at the sight of my fathers best friend.

Just as I was lowering my arms, relaxing slightly, the largest of the wolves stepped forward and closer to me. Behind me Edward hissed and growled. I could hear him being restrained by his sisters.

Standing in the middle of this snowy clearing I let the wolf bring it's big head to my face. His eyes meeting mine. When he did I could see most of the emotions I felt. Hurt, sadness, anxiety and added to that, fear. These eyes had glared at me before, each time when he left, he had given me a warning about the Cullen's.

"Jacob?" Putting my hand on his head he leaned into it. Confirming I was right with my assumption.

"How is this possible?" Stumbling backwards until a pair of strong hands steadied me, I felt Edwards arms wrap around me. He pressed my back to his chest and I felt safe with him close to me.

Looking at the wolf standing in front of us I still didn't know if we would run or fight. Something had changed in his approach. When Rosalie, Alice and me had gotten here just minutes a go it had seemed that all of them were ready to fight. Now only one of them stood face to face with us and the rest was waiting.

Turning to look at Edward's face over my shoulder. I felt weak in the knees at the sight my eyes were treated to. Just this morning I had wished to see Edward crash through the bathroom door, not hiding his true nature but unleashing who he really was.

Nothing could have warned me for the sight my eyes were treated to. His wonderful hair was windswept, a wild and tempting invitation to run my hands through it. The usually pale color seemed even whiter then normal and his eyes were like endless black pits. They were the most pure, animalistic and threatening I had ever seen his eyes. I knew I had to run at the sight of this creature yet at the same time this was my Edward and the fact he had this power rolling of him, made me want him even more.  
"I love you." The words slipped from my mouth before I had a chance to stop and keep them all in.

Edward looked away from the wolf, his dark eyes warming with love. One side of his mouth crept up in a smile, warming my heart. "I love you more." Placing a soft kiss on my cheek I could feel how his lips weren't as cold as the air, almost the same temperature as my own chilled cheeks. It was a welcome and unexpected sensation and made me smile also.

In response the wolf I now knew was Jacob growled at our affection. Just when I was about to turn and see what he was doing. Edward held me tight to him. Twirling around I was now behind his back, safely tucked away from whatever threat he expected.

His voice was chilled when he spoke out loud addressing not only Jacob but everyone else who was here.

"Tonight Bella's life is in your hands. Kill me and you take away her life.."

Alice put a hand on my shoulder as Edward spoke out loud. Behind his back she tried to signal and mouth something at me but it was too soft for me to hear. I shrugged, letting her know I did not understand. Her smile was bright all of the sudden. Hope sparked inside of me. Did she see a vision of me and Edward together in the future?

Edwards grip relaxed around my body and I managed to get to his side. Leaning my head in his chest as he gently ran his hand up and down my arms. Even through the thick skiing jacket his touch made me feel like an electric current running through my body. I sighed at the sensation.

"All I ask is for you to think what it would it be to be denied a future with the women you love, to be denied a chance to save her life." Jacob backed down slightly, taking one step back as Edward finished pleading for their approval. I took one glove of my hand and curled my fingers around his hand, needing to the contact between our skin as we waited. It felt like hours as we all stood there facing each other in silence.

Then finally very slowly Jacob took another step back, dropping his head as he did.  
Defeat showing through his body language and giving me hope that we had won this battle even before it had truly begun.


	43. Chapter 43

Back to Edward again. He's a tough point of view to write from :P  
And also, why am i writing about snow when it is so sunny and warm outside?  
I'm sorry but perhaps you can use it to cool down?

Since this story is coming to it's end. I've started on a new one.  
It's still in the works and has no title. But as soon as it does have a title.  
I'll throw it online for you to read or at least post a sneak peek at the end of this story.

For now enjoy reading this story :)

**Disclaimer: The Twilight Saga belongs to Stephenie Meyer!**

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EPOV

With my arms wrapped around a ridiculously pink Bella, I felt both angry and relieved to have her here. Both my sisters had stopped at either side of me. Together we stood forming a line, ready to guard Bella. But it wasn't Bella that needed guarding. I soon realised with her pleading eyes and heartbreaking voice. She was the one in control of the situation.

I knew she felt overwhelmed to find out that the giant wolf in front of her was in fact the same person that had visited her twice in the past week. Scaring her and warning her to stay away from us. Without thinking I had caught her when she stumbled back, even in the middle of a crisis with adrenaline pumping through her veins she was incapable of walking in a flat surface.

Now I could smell her sweet scent. Calming and relaxing like a sedative taking control of me. Bella looked over her shoulder and for a moment my face made her blink. Her pupils widened but it wasn't fear, it was lust for me. Somehow she managed to see through the inhuman exterior and find the person I really was and it was exactly what I needed now.

"I love you." Her husky voice and the way she looked at me made me grip her even tighter. Starting a need in me that had no right to exist at this time and place.

"I love you more." The words seemed to feel like an understatement. For a second I considered kissing her, properly lips, tongue everything.. But instead I placed a soft kiss on her cheek. The wind had chilled her skin and my lips missed the warmth her usually soft skin brought to them. Pulling back I could see she smiled back at me. In her eyes still the lust I had seen earlier.

A soft growl sounded from Jacob and I faced him with shock. I had been so wrapped up in Bella, I hadn't heard anything. My mind had been completely and fully absorbed by my love for her, resulting on not hearing anyone else around me.

In a second I had Bella safely tucked behind my back.

To my relief Jacob's stance was no longer as aggressive, backing down a step as he was trying to control his thoughts.

"_She loves him like I love..."_ Jacob cut of before saying the girls name. It was too late. In his mind I could see the petit face, bronzed skin, full lips, round cheeks and brown eyes as she looked up at him. Love and adoration showing in her eyes and I could read in his mind how much he loved her back. He had found his mate.

"Tonight Bella's life is in your hands. Kill me and you take away her life.."

My words had the wanted effect. Jacob imagined immediately losing his newfound reason to live and backed down another step.

From Alice the image of me and Bella together made me feel confident this was the right approach. Whatever would happen, we would still end up being together. Just the way I wanted.

"_Whatever your words triggered, I think it's working." _Rosalie thought smug.

I relaxed my grip on Bella and she managed to wriggle out of arms so she was next to me again. Her head rest against my chest where my heart was. I could still hear her heart racing, beating loud enough for both of us. Trying to relax her I ran my hands up and down her arms. Rubbing them gently, carefully this time. The pink jacket under my fingers felt rough compared to the soft skin I was aching to touch. Still the action did not leave her unaffected and with a sigh she leaned in even closer to my body.

"All I ask is for you to think what it would it be to be denied a future with the women you love, to be denied a chance to save her life." Hoping it was enough to tip the balance in our favour I almost begged Jacob this time. Remembering how he had promised me the before he would do all he could.

For the last time Jacob's thoughts flashed to the adoring eyes that captivated him fully every time he saw her. _"You lay that burden on me?" _ He took one last step back.

Now back in line with the rest of his pack.

"You are the last to object to Bella joining our family forever." At the words forever I could hear soft growls but none of the wolves responded. Jacob was indeed the leader of the pack and seemed to have silenced his friends. Asking them not to intervene any more.

"_Charlie knows and he has agreed for his daughter to be turned into..."_ Billy's astonishment made him pick up his mobile. Dialling the number with shaky hands, barely able to press the right buttons, he called the hospital and asked for Charlie's room. There was a short hushed conversation before he hung up.

Billy opened the door of his truck. "Bella come here?" For a moment I wanted to hold on to her but she gently ran her hand over mine. Letting her ringed finger rest against my index finger as she did, making it seem like i pointed at the ring. Remembering me she willingly belonged to me. The small gesture calmed me down.

I released my hold on her and she stepped forward. Chin up in the air and shoulders back. When she passed Jacob, shortly she glanced at him before continuing her short walk to the truck.

"Hello Billy." Placing her still ungloved hand on his. A warm smile on her face at seeing her fathers best friend.

"Isabella. Do you really wish to give up this life?" Billy used her full name as if trying to weigh the conversation. Making it even more serious.

She glanced over her shoulder to look at me. Biting her lip as she was trying to hide a smile. "Yes." Blushing she turned back to face Billy. "I wouldn't give up my life, I feel like this life would only become better, it would finally start."

He nodded in response. "And Edward?" Looking at me, some of the sparkle in his eyes had returned.

This time Bella did not hesitate. "Without Edward, I would rather die. Without him, life would not exist." Her response made me feel like running over there and sweeping her up in my arms.

Finally the sparkle in his eyes seemed to reach his face. A hesitant smile reached his mouth and he nodded again. "Very well. We shall allow Bella to join your family."

Starting his truck he started to drive away. Leaving dark tracks in the white snow as he did.

The wolves looked at him leaving. Embry was happy and at thinking that immediately scolded silently by his friends. One by one the left, disappearing in the white forest around us. Jacob was the last one left and walked away slowly until he reached the edge of the forest. _"Take good care of her Cullen."_

I ran to Bella and kissed her swiftly on the lips, pulling her in my arms at the same time. Claiming her, like I had wanted from the moment she had opened her mouth to declare in front of Billy how much she loved me.

Jacob was gone and Alice and Rosalie rushed forward also. Hugging both of us tight. Alice was laughing her high and bubbly laugh while Rosalie kept yelling how proud she was.

Finally they both let go and I could properly kiss Bella. "You were wonderful love." I whispered into her mouth. Her breathing became unsteady and her heart started to race again. Tracing her lips with my tongue waiting for her to part her lips. She didn't disappoint and parted them, slightly.

Careful to keep her away from my teeth I deepened the kiss. She tasted like a delicate flower, sweet and soft. Enchanting me and exciting me at the same time. When she shivered I let go.

I realised what the problem was. "You're cold." She blushed slightly.

"We should get you home, it's too cold out here and you've been standing still most of the time." Rubbing her arms with my hands, I knew there was no chance for me to warm up her body right now. My skin was even colder than the snow surrounding us, having lost it's temperature also because I had been outside much longer.

"We can run home ahead of you, inform the others of what happened here and also run a hot bath for you." Alice hugged first me and then Bella again. Not waiting for my answer she grabbed Rosalie's hand and together they left.

Wanting to follow them I was going to help Bella on my back but she stopped me. Her small hand wrapped around my wrist, stopping me from moving. "Edward."

The way she said my name me wish she hadn't. I had no power left to resist her. And just as I was going to lean in and kiss her I could see tears in her eyes.

Taking a deep breath she closed them for a moment. One big tear escaped from the corner of her eye and without thinking I caught it with the finger of my tip. The touch of my finger on her skin made her eyes fly wide open.

Her full lips parted and a soft and fragile sob sounded before she took another breath and looked away from me.

Almost lost in the wind that swept around her I could hear the words that left me speechless. Lost and cold as I stood next to her.

Looking back to face me, she repeated them "I don't want this anymore."

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Question: Talking with Snusa about 80's/90's music and Twilight characters.

What song do you think would make what character go all crazy dancing and have them sing along?

For example: We agree on Barbie Girl - by Aqua being a great song for Emmet ;)  
Any suggestions? Feel free to share!


	44. Chapter 44

Warning this chapter is in fact the second half of the previous chapter. It contains a suggestive adult theme, also know as lemon. So if you really really don't want to read anything with an adult theme or lemony. Skip this and ask for a summary instead.  
It has been checked and Ok'd by Snusa, she rocks even when listening to UB 40 ;)

Oh and ehm.. there are no other suggestion for theme songs for the Cullen's?

**Disclaimer: The Twilight Saga belongs to Stephenie Meyer!**

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EPOV

Did I go crazy, was I hearing things.

For the second time Bella repeated her words. "I don't want this anymore."

Her voice was broken and fragile, mirroring how she left me feeling. I brought my hand up and pinched my nose. Trying to hold myself together, wishing my sisters hadn't left us here.

"I don't understand." It was all I managed to say before turning away from her, not being able to face her any longer. Guilt washed over me as I realised, I was only feeling a fraction of the pain I had probably caused her when months ago I had told her I didn't want her anymore.

"This... all of what is happening around us. It is just too much to handle." Bella continued and I forced myself to listen. "Everyone seems to be involved in our problems." She hesitated at the word problems.

From behind me her arms wrapped around my waist, she let her head rest against my back. Almost like she was trying to hold me, like I had held her earlier this afternoon.

"Edward." Letting go with a sigh I could hear her take a step back. "Will you please look at me when I try to explain this to you."

I took one last look into the wilderness. If I would run now, she would have no chance to get home safe. My sisters would be almost home, or at least more than 5 miles away because I couldn't hear either of them in my head.

Turning to face Bella. She had large dark eyes in her cold white face. Her lips were slightly purple from the cold. It reminded me she needed to be taken home, as soon as possible.

"I don't want this uncertainty any longer or time for people to object to what we want." As she said the word we, Bella grabbed my hand and held it to her heart. "This is yours. And I don't want to wait any longer for you to change me."

Breathing heavy I finally understood what she was trying to tell me and I felt like a cruel idiot for turning my back to her.

"Right now?" Lowering my mouth to her neck I softly kissed the soft skin and inhaled her scent. I could smell she was slightly aroused by my presence and it excited me.

"If that is what you want, yes." She offered herself to me willingly.

"I think this is not the best place." Kissing her neck again softly I picked her up and cradled her against my chest. It would slow me down but at least allow me to see her face as I ran home. "Let me take you home." She just replied by giving me a shaky smile and pressed her face into my chest.

It took me twice the time to get home, making sure that Bella was not too much bothered by the wind sweeping past our bodies. Around us it had started to snow again and the white wet flakes were clinging to us both.

By the time we reached the house Alice was waiting at the door for me.

"_Upstairs in the master bathroom, Esme has run a hot bath for you. I've laid out dry clothes for both of you." _

Rushing upstairs with Bella I was relieved to feel that even to my skin the bathroom was warm. Hoping it would wake up Bella enough to take a bath. Placing her on the counter like a child, she slumped forward and held on to me.

"Edward I'm so cold." Her lips looked almost blue now and I felt guilty at not taking better care of her. Gently I started peeling of the pink ski-jacket and her sweater. Underneath it she was wearing a thin t-shirt. Barely hiding how cold she was. I ran my hands down her arms a couple of times, the friction made them feel slightly warmer but nothing like her usual warm temperature. Taking her shoes and socks of I noticed her feet were freezing also.

"I'm going to take your jeans of now, is that ok Bella?" I waited for her to answer, my hands resting at her waist.

Her eyes fluttered and she looked up at me. "I thought you were never going to ask." Attempting a smile she winked at me and I couldn't help but grin back at her.

Carefully I stripped the cold wet jeans from her legs and threw them aside. I stepped back but she just sat there. When I arched my eyebrow at her she flushed a delicate pink.

"You need to help me in the bath, I'm shaking so bad. It feels like my legs won't move."

She bit her lip and looked down at her knee's placing her hands on the scars I had already noticed earlier.

For a moment I stood there, watching her. Then I started to kick my shoes of, stripped out of my clothes until I was wearing nothing but boxers. Her breathing hitched when she saw what I was doing and I remembered what had happened in my bedroom the other night. How she had devoured me with her eyes.

Picking her up carefully I stepped in the bathtub and sat down. The water felt hot to my skin, a comfortable scorching. For Bella it wasn't the same and she tried to break away from my hold.

"It's too warm, please take me out of here." Begging me she threw her head backwards in agony.

I ignored her knowing the warm water would soon start to heat her body. Pinning her to my chest with one arm and using my other free hand to grab the loufa. Dipping it in the water first I used it to massage her arms, hoping that would help her cold muscles relax.

Running it up and down her right arm first, I made sure to stop each time I got up to her shoulder and slowly slid it down again.

After a while Bella stopped whimpering and relaxed against my chest. She wriggled around a little to get more comfortable and sighed deeply. Unaware of what her movement was causing and where my arm was now resting. I froze, afraid to move.

"Edward why did you stop?" Her voice was innocent and in the mirror hanging across from us she was watching me intent. Her big eyes dark and tempting as she bit her lip again. It was impossible for her to not notice how she had positioned my arm and still she didn't move.

"Ehm no reason." I dipped the loufa back in the water and started working on her other arm. This time tracing small circles as I massaged her arm and shoulder. Her skin was starting to feel warmer again and I ached to throw away the loufa and let my own hands run over her body. For our skin to be touching. Letting go of the stupid fluffy thing I let my hand run up and down her skin instead.

Bella sighed content at our skin touching and when she did arched her back, pressing her chest forward. Making my hand cup her breast in a way that was completely inappropriate. And still it felt so right, so I didn't move. Instead I gently let my thumb draw a small circle on her skin.

Her breathing hitched again and her eyes flew wide open, looking at me through the mirror. I looked back, seeing our image. Together in the tub. It was a sight I never wanted to forget. Bella's thin grey T-shirt clung to her body and my own skin shimmered from the steam that surrounded us. Her dark hair was splayed around her shoulders and on my chest, a sharp contrast with the pale skin tone.

The hot water had done his work and her skin was warm and flushed again. Looking healthy and welcoming to touch. Keeping my eyes locked on our mirror image I ran both my hands over her arms this time. As I did I could see she liked it, the thin cotton not being able to hide enough.

Bending down I kissed her neck slowly and in response she angled her head sideways, given me even more access to her neck. I allowed my lips to touch the sensitive skin behind her ear, Gently I sucked the skin, careful to only use my lips and not break the skin. She quivered in response, making me stir even more.

I knew by now she had to feel how aware my body was of her close proximity. Trying to relieve myself I moved my hips. But Bella just followed and pushed herself back further, even closer to my body.

"Bella." My voice sounded dark and rough as I pleaded for her to stop moving. The little selfish creature in the back of my hand laughed at me, why would I want her to stop?

"I won't make love with you until you are changed." My words didn't sound so sure.

"Then change me." She challenged back and pushed her lower backside against me even further.

A soft growl rumbled from my chest and I knew she could feel it also because a very cheeky smile formed on her face. "It is up to you." She dared again, exposing her neck to me.

"_Edward!" _Alice her shout made me stop and I realised if she hadn't shouted at me, I would have sunk my teeth in the delicious skin and tasted Bella's blood.

"Tonight is not the night." Placing a gentle kiss I could see her frown at me, pouting like a kid who was just told she couldn't have dessert.

"You're evil." She attempted to sound angry but ended up looking and sounding like an angry kitten again. Placing my hand back over her chests, cupping her breast again like I had done earlier. I leaned closer to her hear. "You have seen nothing yet."

My words made her gasp for air as I at the same time flicked her nipple with my thumb. Holding her in place I grabbed the loufa again. This time not stopping at her shoulder but letting it slide down her chest and stomach in a seductive way. Just because I wouldn't be satisfied, didn't mean I would have to let her get away unscathed.

Increasing the pressure of my movement I slowly speeded up. Feeling how with each soft slide down, Bella would hold her breath and slightly push into my hands. Each time she did I could feel myself hold my breath at the thought of her hips grinding into me like that one day. Reaching down with my hand I rubbed the insides of her thighs. Feeling how soft she was down there made me lose control.

Placing her head back on my shoulder she managed to kiss me in the neck. It was just a small innocent kiss but the action made my spine explode. "Careful Bella." My warning a soft growl and I could smell from her body, it only excited her more.

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BPOV

Edwards hands were on my body, for the first time as far as I knew. And he had just told me he wouldn't make love to me. But whatever he did have planned I wasn't sure because right now all I could focus on was his touch on the inside of my thigh.

I placed my head on chest, turning my face to his and managed to press a kiss to his neck. It was something I had never done before but felt so intimate and right. He responded by pressing his hand down on me, cupping me with his hand. "Mine" A low and husky word spoken with what seemed newfound intensity,

"Yours." Was all I managed to say back, hanging on a thread already. Pressing my backside against him, I gasped at the knowledge that all of that would one day, and hopefully very soon be all mine. After that I didn't have much time to think about anything but trying to breath and how much I loved Edward.

We rested in the now almost cold water. Edward reached over and unplugged the tub while turning so the cold water would run away. He stood me up and grabbed the hand shower. Without saying anything he turned on he hot tap and ran the water over my body. Washing away the last of the bubbles on my skin.

When he was done he stepped out of the bath and quickly wrapped a towel around his waist. Then he grabbed another one and turned around to me. Wrapping the large towel around me while trying to not look at my body.

I blushed at the realisation that my body made him uncomfortable. Using Edwards shoulder for support I stepped out of the bath. As soon as both of my feet were securely placed next to each other on the floor he turned me towards the door and led me to his bedroom.

For a moment my breathing accelerated when the large bed came in sight. He just chuckled behind me. "Really Bella?"

I sat down on the edge of the bed and looked at him. He was the perfect godlike creature I remembered waking up to last week. His hair was slightly wet from the bath and his pale skin looked like marble in the soft light coming through the window.

He just ran his hands through his hair and smiled at me. Grabbing the pyjama Alice had picked out for me, it was a soft pink flannel. Again pink.. but why flannel? I shrugged and looked down at my towel and back to Edward. "Ehm.. would you mind.. you know."

He turned around and quickly I put the soft pants and jacket on. They did feel very warm and comfortable. Pulling the blankets away I nestled myself under them and rest my head on the pillow.

Edward turned back to watch me. Sitting next to me on the bed I tried to keep my eyes open so I could watch him to but the whirlwind of events today left me feeling very tired and without saying another word I felt my eyes close and drifted away in a deep sleep.

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With Snusa's help, a nice little Lemon outtake was placed at the dots. If this was still too graphic I am sorry and hope to make it up to you with future fluff :)


	45. Chapter 45

**Disclaimer: The Twilight Saga belongs to Stephenie Meyer!**

Only 1 more month untill the Eclipse premiere... who is planning on going?  
I ordered tickets already for the Twilighton at the cinema near work  
Twilight... New Moon and then the Eclipse premiere, can't wait.  
I'm so pathetic... :P

Enjoy reading this short chapter!

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EPOV

Watching Bella sleep until early in the morning. I couldn't help but feel like I had done her wrong last evening. Giving her just a little bit of what we both ached for had felt like a blessing at the time.

Now I felt all my morals screaming at me as I watched her sleep. She was so pure and innocent. A true angel in my darkness.

Clenching my fists I remembered how close I had come to sinking my teeth in her skin and claiming her as mine for the rest of our lifes. She had begged me for it, whimpered and writhed against me.

The truth was that part of me was angry at letting the chance slip, instead of watching her sleep. I could be watching her change.

Angry I got up and threw my hands up, tugging my hair in a frustrated way. Pacing the room I stopped in front of the glass wall. Looking out over the moonlit forest, the white snow reflecting the cold pale light making it seem even more tranquil than usual.

It didn't help. Not tonight. Angry I slammed my fist into the glass in front of me.

"_Careful Edward. You would have great trouble finding someone to replace that window on the day before Christmas." _ Emmet stood at the doorway.

"_Do you want to come talk with me for a moment?" _ Stepping out of the doorway into the hallway, he nodded to the stairs.

I took one last glance at Bella. She was still asleep. Peaceful and heartbreaking beautiful.

"_Rosy can watch her if you think she needs looking after." _ His tone was warm as he thought about his wife.

"That would be good." Stepping out of my room I whispered softly.

We walked to their room. Rosalie was sitting in a chair overlooking the forest, reading a book. She looked up when she noticed us enter the room. A loving look at Emmet when he kneeled down next to her. It was at times like this I could really connect with her, when she looked vulnerable and almost human. Loving her husband and loosing all the drama that she shielded herself with.

"Edward. I heard you and Bella had a close call." Winking at me to lighten her words. I couldn't help but smile back at her. Ignoring Emmet's attempts to reign in his amusement at my expense.

"Yes. I don't think I can stay away from her much longer, deny her what she wants." Sitting down with my back against the glass wall, I looked up at my sister. "Bella is too tempting for her own good."

In response Emmet cracked and began to laugh. Rosalie smacked him on the back of his head. "Shut up honey, this is a serious conversation."

He huffed and retaliated by pulling her hair so her head was tipped backwards and kissed her on the mouth. By the time he was finished she had a smile on her face.

"Dude. I don't know how you can stay away from Bella. I can't keep my hands from my Rosy for more then 5 minutes."

I looked at Emmet. "5 minutes Emmet, really? You could have fooled me, I thought it was more like 5 seconds."

"_True." _ Both Rosalie and Emmet thought at the same time.

I closed my eyes and shook my head, trying to hide the laughter at their united response.

They understood what was going on and started to laugh also. It felt good to be this carefree with both of them and we just sat and laughed together for a few minutes, enjoying the moment.

"She's changed you" Rosalie's warm thoughts finally made me focus again. "She's changed you for the better, now all you need to do is change her."

The words seemed to be completely out of character for Rosalie who regretted this life the most. I sat and watched her hesitant to answer not knowing what to say.

I wanted to change Bella so bad after what she had asked from me yesterday.

"She asked me, begged me yesterday after you left us. It nearly killed me when she begun starting to tell me she didn't want this anymore. " Confessing our private conversation to Rosalie and Emmet, it helped me gain perspective. They sat together, a couple in love, but most of all as a brother and sister offering their advice. It was a new experience and I felt blessed for their support.

"She gave me her heart and told me it was mine to take. Asking me to change her there and then. Instead I took her home and abused her trust and put her in bed like a little child. She will wake up hating me."

I closed my eyes at the memory of my mistake.

"You're kidding right?" Rosalie stared at me, fire in her eyes. "You give the love of your life the first intimate moment of her life. And you think she will hate you. I never knew how dumb you really are Edward."

Emmet grabbed her hand trying to calm her down. _"Dude, that was not the smartest remark ever." _ Silently he tried to warn me.

"I did things with Bella last night, without having the right to do them." Angry I retaliated, ignoring Emmet's warning. But instead of Rosalie yelling back at me, she just stopped.

Rosalie opened her mouth.. closed it again. Glared at me and then frowned at me before relaxing.

"Don't tell me you think.. because you are..." She didn't finish the sentence because Emmet interrupted her by starting another round of laughter at my expense.

Angry I stood up. "Yes that is exactly what I'm trying to say. I won't have sex with Bella before marriage."

Rosalie got up from her seat and looked me in the eye. Her fiery eyes challenging me. "Then what are you waiting for." Stomping out of the room she left me and Emmet.

"_Well that brings me to what I wanted to talk to you about." _ Emmet looked up at me, a smirk on his face. _"Are you.. or are you not taking Bella as your wife before changing her?" _

I thought about it, weighing the options. "Before."

Emmet smiled at me and I continued. "We won't know how she will handle being a newborn. Planning a wedding could be difficult. Besides I want her to know that no matter what happens after I turn her. She will always be my mate, offering her the security that my love for her is forever ."

From somewhere in the house I could hear an excited scream, followed by Alice waltzing into the room seconds later. She flung her arms around my neck and hugged my tight. When she let go, she was still hyper. Jumping up and down in front of me.

"I knew you would come around. Don't worry. I can organise everything to be ready by tonight." Without waiting for my reply she disappeared from the room again. In her mind I could see her going through fabrics as she called out for Esme and Rosalie.

Emmet scooped me up in his bear hug. When he was done with his bone crushing hug, I could feel my shoulders were slightly sore..Even with my own vampire strength to match his he had managed to hug me too tight.

Rubbing my shoulder I grinned at him. "So what does a vampire do on his last free day in life?"

Punching me in the shoulder his smile widened. "Don't worry little brother. Jasper and myself have it covered. All you need is to come along for the fun."

* * *

BPOV

"Is she awake?"

The hushed voices from both Alice, Rosalie and Esme slowly pulled me away from my dreamy sleep.

"Now she is, you woke her up."

Esme sounded slightly cross and I couldn't help but smile. It was just the slightest pull at the corner of mouth but enough for all of them to see.

"Isabella Swan open your eyes and quit pretending you are asleep." Alice her voice sounded teasing.

With a groan I opened my eyes. All three of them were sitting on the edge of the bed. Looking at me with a warm smile on their face.

"Where's Edward?" Sitting up in bed I rubbed my eyes, trying to wake up.

"The boys took him out for the day." Rosalie winked at me.

Out for the day. That would mean that I wouldn't see Edward again until later today. Why would he just leave without waking me up, kissing me good-bye or leaving a note saying he would return to me. My thoughts went back to last night, it had felt so good to be this close to him and somehow my brain was still fuzzy, just now finding clarity. With that clarity, insecurity returned also.

"I'm so excited. We have so much to do today." Alice jumped up and down on the end of my bed. Giving me no chance to continue thinking.

"Ehm.. ok." Pushing back the blankets I got out of bed. "Let me just get dressed first."

Before I could leave the room, Alice was at my side again."There are clothes in the bathroom. Wear them and come down to the kitchen. Esme needs to discuss the cake with you."

Slipping past me she waved before quickly disappearing upstairs to the attic I had never been to. Rosalie and Esme just laughed behind me. Turning around to them, I raised one eyebrow.

"What is going on with Alice? I've never seen her this... this bright and bubbly." Waving my hand towards the direction where she had disappeared in.

Esme walked over and gave me a quick hug. "Like she said, she's very excited. We all are honey." Letting go she gave me a quick kiss on the cheek before going downstairs.

Hopeful to get answers I looked at Rosalie. "I don't suppose you would tell me?"

She giggled and walked closer to me. Picking up my hand she held it out between us. Turning it so my eye fell on my ringfinger.

"Remember what you said yesterday at the meeting with the wolfs?" Her eyes seemed to sparkle at whatever knowledge she had about todays plans.

My mind tried to recall the conversation yesterday. A lot was said by me. Most of it involved trying to persuade Billy and Jacob that I truly loved Edward and wanted to spend the rest of my life with him.

"I told Billy I love Edward." Touching the ring on my finger I sighed at the promise it held.

"What happened after that?" Her words were calm but my mind immediately remembered last night. Heat crept through my body, flushing my cheeks.

"Before that Bella." Rosalie rolled her eyes at me, the corner of her mouth pulled up in a knowing smile.

"Right... offcourse." Stuttering I tried to focus.

"Before that we stood outside, together. I told Edward I didn't want to wait..." Stopping in the middle of the sentence I looked up at Rosalie and gasped.

"Are you trying to say. The boys took Edward out for the day.. And Alice is so hyper because... and the cake I need to discuss with Esme?" Unable to think straight I just started rambling.

Rosalie nodded at me and let go of my hand. She winked at me again before turning me towards the bathroom. Slapping me on my behind with a giggle she pushed me forward .

"Now Bella. If you please could get showered, dressed and downstairs. I will see you there."

She walked past me and down the stairs. For a moment I just stood there and raised my hand again. The sparkle caught my eye immediately, making my heart race at the knowledge it would soon be replaced. Just one more day to get through. Smiling I walked to the bathroom and found the clothes Alice had picked out for me. Setting them aside I ran the shower and quickly shampooed my hair.

When I was done I wrapped the big fluffy towel around me and wiped the damp away from the mirror. Looking at myself closely I frowned at noticing the slightly pink scars on my thigh. Running my hand over it I felt how they had become smoother and softer. Still they were very much noticeable. Would they ever disappear?

Taking a deep breath I put my clothes on. The jeans hugged my body and the pale blue colour of the sweater seemed to give my skin a glow that hadn't been there for a long time. Smiling at my mirror image I brushed my hair and tied it back in a sloppy bun.

When I was finished I took one last look before going downstairs. Bringing my hand up to my face I touched the skin above my upper lip and looked at my fingertips. The rusty red colour made me feel sick at what they meant. Grabbing the towel I had just thrown in the hamper I brought it to my nose and applied pressure. Sitting down with my back against the door and closing my eyes.

"Please don't this to me." Begging softly out loud I thought of Edward. "Just give me one more day." It was the last thing I could remember before slipping away in the cold familiar darkness.


	46. Chapter 46

Sorry for taking such a long time, at least I didn't lave you with a cliffy last time ;)  
Enjoy reading next chapter and please take a look at the A/N at the end.

**Disclaimer: The Twilight Saga belongs to Stephenie Meyer!**

* * *

BPOV

"_Do you think they'll come rushing to safe you." _

_The taunting words swirled around me. Smiling I straightened my back and looked her in the dark red eyes._

"_They already did, haven't you noticed."_

_My words sounded confident and sure. She felt the conviction also, wavering slightly. Taking a step back... back into the darkness where she belonged._

"_Nothing you can say or do can hurt me anymore. You are gone.. just a last figment of my own imagination,fear and doubt."_

_Stepping closer to her, I felt a rush of power course through my body. _

_Taking one last step I had finally reached her, stepping in the shadow with her. _

_As I did... the red of her hair seemed to fade away as the red of her eyes flamed brighter. There was not enough light and for a moment I could barely see as my eyes attempted to adjust to the shadow._

"_Is this what you want?"_

_The voice no longer sounded like the sick tormenting voice that had kept me awake many nights, haunting me in my sleep. _

"_Yes." _

_My eyes finally finished adjusting to the darkness. When they did I gasped and tried to turn, falling backwards as I did finally recognise the pale figure that was hovering over me. _

"_As you wish." Her lips curled up into a satisfied smile as her red eyes seemed to flame even brighter. The long mahogany hair fell around her flawless face as she bent down to pick me up. "You shouldn't keep me waiting in that case, it is impolite." _

_Crawling back out of the darkness I felt her help me to my feet. "I look forward to seeing me again.. soon." Whispering the last word her cold hands let go of me. It was both a promise and a threat at the same time. _

_Closing my eyes I tried to remember where I was and what I was doing. Knowing that like before... the only way to get out of this place was to get calm and stay calm. The soft invisible pressure of a calm gentle touch on my arm helped me focus. _

_Struggling to come back from my dream I felt like walking a very thin line. All the while holding my breath, afraid I would get lost and lose the chance to marry Edward tonight. Finally I stood in front of the bathroom I knew I had just stepped into. Opening the door I felt the rush of adrenaline in my body as I opened my eyes._

"Welcome back sweetie." Esme was sitting next to me on the bathroom floor. Her face didn't show any sign of being afraid or doubting I would be fine. Stretching my legs and wriggling my toes I remembered at the same time, I had sat down this time and not fallen over.

Scrambling to my feet while being helped by Esme I felt my cheeks warm at the embarrassment of being caught. "I'm sorry you had to see me like this. And wait.. how did you get in?" I had been sitting against the door after all when I opened my eyes.

Esme pointed at the louvre doors at the opposite side of the bathroom, walking over she opened them and revealed they actually lead into a large dressing room with mirrors on both sides. "I came in through my own bedroom, looking for something old and blue for you to borrow. I heard your heart beat very slowly and you were mumbling against yourself, when I came to check up on you.. you were just waking up again."

Grabbing my hand she brought me to the middle of her dressing room and gently sat me down on a large chaise lounge. "Now you are here, we might as well find something old."

Sliding aside one of the large mirrors, a very organised collection of hatboxes and slightly smaller boxes showed. From the top shelf she grabbed one of the smallest boxes. It was covered in what looked like diamonds and handed it to me.

Opening the lid I gasped at the selection of jewellery inside.

"Esme.. I can't. That is just.. what if I lose any of that." Stuttering I pointed at the necklace, bracelet and earrings. "Besides I have nothing to wear with that." Rushing to finish my sentence, I took another deep breath.

"I wouldn't be so sure of that, Alice is upstairs right now working on your dress. I'm sure whatever she has designed for you is going to look perfect with these pieces. It would mean a lot to me if you would wear them." Running her finger along the edge of the little box I was still holding in my hand. Her face looked so happy, it was impossible to say no to her.

"A dress?" Biting my lip I looked down at the necklace again. It looked like something you would expect to see in a museum or perhaps an exhibition of the Royal Jewels of the World.

Esme leaned in and gave me a quick kiss on my cheek. "Yes, a dress. This is the first time for you and Edward. We have all waited so long for him to find his mate. You have given us all so much joy by loving him and agreeing to take him as your husband. This is our way to thank you."

Closing the lid I held the jewellery box up to Esme. "In that case...Will you keep them safe until I change into my dress?" Feeling her adoration shine down on me, I smiled back at her. Happy to have her here today, helping me through all of this.

"Sure." Taking the box from my hands she disappeared for a second, returning back empty handed. "Alice was over excited to see the choice we made and thinks you can fit your dress in about 3 hours."

The muscles in my stomach clenched at the knowledge that in 3 hours, I would be trying on my wedding dress. Me Bella Swan, the ugly and uninteresting duckling... was getting married to the most sexiest man alive.

Smiling I dreamed of at remembering what he had whispered in my ears yesterday when I had begged him to make love with me. _I won't make love with you until you are changed. _

Tonight's ceremony was only the first part, we would be committing to each other for a lifetime, his lifetime.

The thought of being changed made me lose my smile. Edward hadn't told me a lot about it, only that he remembered the burning. When I had pushed him for more information, he had kissed me and dazzled me into dropping the subject.

Now as the hours were ticking away and the moment came closer and closer, I felt an urge to know more and somehow prepare myself.

"Esme can I ask you something?" Shifting in my seat uncomfortable, I tugged my hands under my legs and looked down at my toes. Trying to hide my awkwardness but failing miserably. She came to sit next to me, like earlier her face showed no anger, concern or doubt. She simply was here for me and the support made me feel stronger.

"What can you tell me about the change?"

For a moment she leaned back and closer her eyes. When she opened them, I could read the faintest glimpse of hurt in them. "You want to know the truth?"

I nodded, waiting for her to continue.

"I hurt myself bad and was in terrible pain when brought to Carlisle. However the pain I felt was nothing compared to what followed. For days, the pain was excruciating, unlike anything I'd ever experienced or could describe. I thought it was my punishment for what I'd done, except it was beyond anything I could have imagined."

I had to admit to myself, this was not the explanation I had been wanting to hear. Biting my lip I tried to think of ways that would explain excruciating and punishment as something other then extremely bad.

" Bella. You have to understand. The moment I opened my eyes and saw with clarity the most beautiful and loving man I had ever seen in my life, sitting with me.. holding my hand. None of that pain mattered anymore. "

"You have no regrets?" Holding my breath I waited for Esme to answer and exhaled slowly with relieve when I saw her shake her head and smile.

"No never. I have gained so much love in my life, and a family with lovely children.. tonight I am happy to welcome another daughter into my life." Hugging me tight I couldn't help but cry at her loving words. I let her hold me for a little while, leaning into her cold hard frame that was strangely comfortable.

"Is that what is bothering you?" Holding me away from her body so she could look me in the eyes, she gently used one hand to wipe away my tears.

_I look forward to seeing me again.. soon_

"Earlier in the bathroom. I was pulled under by the darkness and I expected to find a memory." Trying to explain to Esme I felt her eyes on me. Waiting for me to finish what I was trying to say.

Twisting the ring on my finger I could see the hand of the woman in my dream. Her cold strong hand on my shoulder. As she had reached down the ring on my finger had been there. "It was me.. but it wasn't me at the same time. I think it was me as a vampire."

Silently I waited for Esme to answer. Hoping she didn't think I was pathetic or crazy. Instead she got up and pulled me to my feet also.

"Did it scare you?"

"No."Shaking my head at her, I knew it had been shock that had made me want to run away from me. It hadn't been fear.

"No fear." Esme replied and I was happy to see her nod back and smile at me.

"At least unlike most people, you will get exactly what you dream about."

Her smile widened as she gave me another quick hug. Then she let go of me and looked at my stomach. As if on que, it rumbled.

"Time for breakfast?" Remembering I hadn't had anything to eat all day. I let Esme take me downstairs and sit me down at the kitchen table. After getting me some tea and buttered toast she left me alone in the kitchen.

I ate my breakfast silently, taking the time to relax a little bit. Over the back of the chair was Edwards coat. Pulling it closer around my shoulders I inhaled deep. His sweet scent made me close my eyes and snuggle the coat even tighter around my shoulders and neck.

It had been almost 12 hours now since I had last seen him and it felt like an impossible long time. Getting up from the table I kept the coat on and went to find my own coat in the hallway.

Reaching down in the left pocket I found what I had been looking for, my phone. It said I had 2 missed calls. The first was Angela and the second was Charlie.

Pushing them away I went to the messages and selected Compose. As I did a smile made it's way to my face. Sitting down on the bottom step of the stairs I typed 3 words and hit the send button.

Within seconds a reply came in.

**I miss you more**

Typing a reply as fast as possible, I replied to his message. The answer came even faster this time.

**In 5 hours and 22 minutes, I will ;)**

My face flushed and quickly I typed a message and send it back. Almost instantly the response came.

**YES**

I could almost hear his thick velvet voice growling the word at me and the thought made me shiver with desire.

* * *

EPOV

The guys or should I say Emmet had planned an entire day of fun for us as he liked to call it. We were starting of by playing a tag team stag hunt. Basically it meant we had to hunt in teams, gather up a stag and whoever was the first to catch and kill the animal got a point. Whoever was the first to collect 3 points had won the game.

Emmet insisted we were supposed to pair of in teams of two, otherwise it would be tag-team. After some deliberation and changing his time a couple of time, Emmet had decided I needed to team up with Carlisle. He was hoping that Jasper could come up with a strategic plan to beat me and Carlisle.

The only flaw in that plan was that everything Jasper would try and come up with, he would have to take the time to explain the plan to Emmet. All of that I could hear in his mind and use against them. I let it slide, grinning at Jasper who in turn knew exactly how flawed Emmet's plan was.

Emmet however was hyped and rushed off as soon as he had finished counting down. Jasper just shrugged at me and followed him.

"_So you want to lead the way or shall I track the first stag?" _Carlisle asked. After centuries of hunting he had become a very skilled tracker and strategic hunter. Probably more skilled then any of us, but he mostly went out with Esme and so no one really noticed.

"You lead the stag hunt." Huffing at the word stag I rolled my eyes at Carlisle. How had I ever allowed myself into this ridiculous game?

We started running at a relaxed pace. Side to side in a steady tempo, both enjoying the serenity of the early morning. It was a great pleasure to hunt with him, enjoying the private time of just the two of us.

As he swiftly caught the scent of the first stag his pace picked up and quickly we reached a small clearing in the woods. A magnificent deer was scraping some of the snow away, finding some greens to eat. The animal was indeed a great catch.

Crouching low I circled the clearing, waiting for Carlisle's silent order to go in for the kill. Just as I was about to jump forward the animal lifted it's head and looked straight at me. It's body stood still like a statue but his eyes were like a storm of brown. Finding a way of flight, a way to escape out of this place and continue living.

The eyes reminded me of the way Bella had looked up at me yesterday. Warm, brown, mixed with a desperate darkness and surrounded by golden flecks.

Without thinking I straightened up. Loosing my will to kill the animal. Carlisle sensed my hesitation and took it down in one swift move. When he did the snap of the neck made me growl.

I stepped back. Surprising myself at the sudden outburst.

"_Edward son, what is going on?" _Worried Carlisle dropped the drained animal to the ground. In a second he was at my side. Reaching out for me with a worried look in his eyes.

"Bella. The eyes they reminded me of Bella. After I change her, I'll miss her eyes." Knowing how absolutely stupid I would sound to him. Crumbling over killing a simple animal while rambling over the love of my life at the same time.

" _Are you getting cold feet?" _Pointing at my sneakers and the snow he chuckled at his own joke. It was funny and managed to make me smile.

"No my feet are as warm as ever." Wriggling my toes I sat back and exhaled slowly, releasing all the tension I had not realised I was holding on to. " Time seems to pass so slow without Bella at my side. And so swift when she is near."

"_After tonight you will never run out of time again."_

The knowledge brought me great pleasure. Thinking about Bella at my side forever made my heart swell with love. "I can't imagine a life without her. It's like I fall deeper each day. And each time I am away from her, the pain get's worse. I feel like an obsessed caveman."

For a moment Carlisle sat and thought about what I had said. Remembering the first time he had seen Esme when she was just a little kid. And later meeting her again when she was older. _"I think the feeling you have is natural for us. I felt it when I met Esme. If we would not have been in the hospital, without a doubt I would have grabbed her and taken her away with me."_

I watched Carlisle, his usually calm thoughts racing at the memory of her blood. Her scent calling for him, overpowering him with a need to claim her as his mate. It had never occurred to me, he had gone trough some of the difficulties I felt now. At the time I had struggled with my own thirst for human blood. Now through the memories he was recollecting I understood better what he had felt and what Bella would be going through as a newborn as soon as she was turned.

"_The pull never goes away. It just changes, for the better." _Getting up again he extended his hand to me. _"Now, Mr Caveman. What say you.. shall we show our opponents who the better vampire is?" _

Pulling me to my feet he looked north, raising an eyebrow. The scent of several deer called for me, increasing the burn in the back of my throat. This time I was the one leading us to our next kill. Without hesitation I flung myself at the largest of the animals. Snapping the neck in one swift move and taking down a second deer as soon as I landed in a crouch.

"Did I win?" Turning around with a smug smile, I caught Emmet and Jasper standing just a few meters away.

Emmet looked like a little kid that had just lost his favourite toy. "I was going to grab that last one."

Jasper punched him in the shoulder and laughed. "You didn't and I'm sure with the nice doubletap Edward just performed, they now have 3 stags. Making team Carlisle and Edward the winners of your game."

"_Please Edward, say it is so and free from Emmet's warlord strategies to catch a simple animal." _Pleading silently for my support, Jasper walked over to me.

"You're right Jasper." Extending my hand to Jasper, he gratefully grabbed my hand and congratulated me. Turning to Emmet I winked at him. "I'm sorry.. but it is game, set and match big brother."

Instantly the sad look disappeared from his face and he rushed over to smack me in the shoulder. _"Just know, next time I get to be with Carlisle on one team."_

The conversation was interrupted by my phone buzzing in my rightpocket.

Grabbing it the three words made me hold my breath.  
**I miss you**

The three words tugged at my heart and for a second I thought about rushing home. Had it not been for both Emmet, Jasper and Carlisle watching me closely. Smiling at the words I wrote a reply.

Her reply was almost instant.  
**Can you show me?**

The words made me hiss. They were a direct challenge, reminding me of last night. Quickly I replied.

Sliding my phone back in my pocket it buzzed again. Taking it out I hissed at the words she had send back to me. Tempting me in ways she couldn't possible know.**  
****Is that a promise Mr. Cullen?**

Within a second I had typed my one worded reply and hit the send button.

Just before Emmet grabbed the phone and waved it at me.

"Ooooh little Bella is sending you naughty words?" He smirked at me as I lunged for my phone. Wanting it... needing it...

As I did the phone flew from his hand and smashed into a rock. It shattered into a small pieces. Looking at the pieces, then back to me.. back at the broken phone again. Emmet slowly got up.

"Oops?" Giving me his best puppy dog look he started rushing several more excuses at me. For a moment I stood there, my hands balled in fists aside me body. Digging into my sides as I tried to stop myself from running back to Bella or lunging at Emmet again.

"Well that is something we have never done at a bachelor party." Laughing out loud Jasper grabbed his phone and flung it at the same rock. It shattered into pieces.

Carlisle looked at him for a moment then shrugged and grabbed his phone. Without looking he casually flung it to pieces also. "Here's to us guys, for the next 5 hours."

Both of them turned to look at Emmet. Waiting for his response.

Emmet got his phone out of his pocket and raised his hand to throw it away. I grabbed his arm and stopped him. He looked at me with a surprised look. _"Thanks dude, Rose would have gone mental if I had destroyed my new blackberry." _

"Oh I know she will Emmet." Taking the phone from his hand I flung it hard and precise, making it shatter into small pieces with the others. His face looked shocked as he realised what had happened.

"_That was her Christmas present for me." _Gulping at the prospect of having to explain to Rosalie what had happened with his phone. He stood and stared at me.

"Well I guess. You will need to be very careful when explaining to her and use all your naughty words to make her forget." Smirking at him I stepped past him and patted him on the shoulder.

* * *

BPOV

Carefully Rosalie curled my hair. Following the orders Alice had given her.

It was good to have some time alone with Rosalie also. After talking to Esme and probably spending time with Alice alone later this afternoon, it felt only right to do the same with her.

Remembering the coffee we had shared at the little cafe only 2 weeks ago, so much had changed and without knowing. Rosalie had been the first person in her family to truly win my trust and make me feel welcome back into their family.

She looked at my smiling mirror image and raised an eye brow at me.

"What makes you so happy.. and if you are going to tell me it's Edward.. please don't give me any intimate details." Gently tugging my hair, she grinned at me in a teasing way.

"Ehm no.. but now you mention his name." I sighed and winked at her. Making her roll her eyes and break out in a high pitched laugh.

"No I was thinking about that day at the mall, when we drove home. You were the first to find out about my secret and the fact you kept that secret from everyone. It really made me trust you.. all of you . And well, ehm I guess I never thanked you for that."

"You don't need to thank me. I'm just relieved that everything has worked out the way it has. My biggest fear was that whatever was wrong with you, would take you away from us."

She didn't need to finish the sentence because I knew what she was thinking. I felt it also, instead of taking me away from the Cullen's. My fragile human brain with all it's flaws was forcing me into their life at a unparalleled speed.

"You know I have been thinking about the black outs and memories. What if after I turn, I won't remember anything else." My trembling voice made Rosalie look up and pause her actions. Putting the hairbrush on the counter she sat down it.

"What if turning into a vampire helps lift the cloud in your mind, helps you remember everything that is safely tucked away in that little brain of you?" Gently tapping on my forehead as she spoke to me. I could tell she was serious about what she was suggesting.

"According to Carlisle, we all take our strengths with us.."

"You think me losing my memories is a strength?" Gasping at Rosalie

"Both Edward, Jasper and Alice have amazing gifts. Carlisle believe they are strengths they have brought into their life from being human. If his theory is correct that would mean some humans are gifted."

She wasn't making any sense at all and with wide eyes I just sat in my chair looking at her getting all excited.

"Try looking at the brain like it is an object, a tool you can use in life. Most of your daily activities are trained into your brain and even with all the things we do... We only use a very small part of our brain. Daily activities take no to little effort for the human brain to remember and execute."

"Not me." Huffing at her suggestion I pointed at my feet.

"My brain has trouble coordinating my feet on a daily basis and anything else for that matter. Ranging from my ability to catch a ball to recalling my memories of Edward." Frowning I really didn't understand Rosalie.

She just ignored my complaint and continued brushing my hair. Ten firm strokes later she paused and set down the hairbrush on the counter again.

"Being clumsy is just bad luck and will without a doubt end as soon as you are turned into a vampire. But your memories are stored away in your brain. Kept safe for you to use whenever you need them."

Increasing the volume of her speech. I could tell, whatever she had just thought up... it made her feel pretty excited.

"In that case I'm doing a crappy job at keeping my memories safe. Because... reaching out and remembering events from your past might be easy for most people. But not for me. I faint, have nosebleeds, get scared and fear I'll lose myself in the nightmares."

Anger started to build up in me now. Why couldn't she understand these past 3 months had been torture for me. Constantly feeling left out or like a disappointment whenever people I had been supposed to know, didn't even look vague familiar.

"Exactly."

Her smile was smug. And it took all the self-control I had to not jump up and leave the room. Rosalie seemed to understand how upset I was starting to get. The smug smile disappearing from her face as she absent minded picked up the hairbrush and spun it around on the flat surface of the counter so fast it made me feel sick. In thoughts she didn't look up as she continued explaining to me.

"You have gone through so much pain, combined with the torture and haunting inflicted upon you by Victoria."

I felt like receiving another blow. It wasn't at all needed for me to be reminded how Victoria had for a while ruled my life with her threats. Making me fear being alone all by myself or leaving my dad alone for a while.

"What if your own mind is shielding all these memories from you? Like Carlisle said. Each time you remember something your brain suffers from trauma. Perhaps by pushing through your own boundaries... You damage your brain a little bit further."

Sitting back I thought about what Rosalie had just tried to explain to me.

Could she be right and did I shield myself from remembering all that pain and suffering. Did I really poses the strength to subconsciously influence my brain. Bending and using it like it was a mere object. The idea was stunning and scared me a little bit at the same time.

"So each time I fainted? You think I needed a memory that was blocked or something?" I frowned at the suggestion, not sure how I felt about her theory. All the time while I had been feeling pulled to pieces about not remembering. Was she really trying to tell me that I in fact didn't want to remember.

"Yes possibly. Or perhaps the constant strain of shielding yourself got to be too much and caused you to collapse."

Getting up from her spot on the counter Rosalie suddenly looked excited. "I'll be right back, don't move."

She disappeared and reappeared in front of me within a split second. Alice and Esme at her side.

"I can't believe none of us have thought of this explanation." Alice gushed. She looked so excited, jumping up and down even worse than this morning. "We were all to busy focussing on other things that we didn't notice the explanation was right under our nose."

"But can you see any proof of my theory being correct?" I snapped. Angling my head in an uncomfortable way to look at Alice also now. Holding my breath as she appeared to be in thoughts.

Esme grabbed my hand, squeezing it softly. Offering a silent support I very much needed as all of us were waiting for Alice to answer.

Finally a soft delicate smile curled her lips. "Yes."

* * *

A/N Close to the end now with this story. I've started a new story. If you have enjoyed reading Object of the Mind.. perhaps you could find the time to let me know what you think. It's called Cocoon Crash

http: / www (.) fanfiction (.) net / s / 6021480 / 1 / (or if you do not like editing this link, just check out my profile page ;)


	47. Chapter 47

_Can all of you get excited and join me on my countdown. 4 days left until my holiday :D_

_I'm not going anywhere, sad for me but great for you. LOTS of updates...!_

_Have fun reading next short chapter.  
And if you would like to check out my other story, first chapter is up and feedback would be greatly appreciated ;)_

**_Disclaimer: The Twilight Saga belongs to Stephenie Meyer!_**

* * *

EPOV

Approaching the house I was happy for the day to come to an end. Never had time spend apart from Bella crept by this slow, tormenting me throughout the day.

After the text message she had send me, my mind kept wandering to our plans for the evening. Had she replied after my response, possibly feel anxious for me to return. Anxious like me, eager to pull her in my arms. Pushing my legs harder I picked up pace to reach the house sooner.

Next to me Carlisle ran with me. Silent in his thoughts, a calming influence on my scattered thoughts. Behind me Emmet and Jasper followed. In his mind I could hear Emmet practice telling Rosalie how his brand new blackberry, special edition.. a gift from Rosalie. How it had been destroyed and why. Afraid the why part of the story, would earn him a good whack on the head.

Jasper was trying to balance out my anxiety with, Emmet's restlessness, Carlisle's calm and his own happy feelings. Mixing it together in a laid back blend that he in return was trying to feed back to me. The effort was wasted completely but I didn't tell him, accepting his gift gave him pleasure.

When we came close to the river, I slowed down.. The scent of other vampire's clearly noticeable.

"Did you invite them?" Looking at the blond that was coming our way with a murderous look on her face. Stopping I watched her stop as she saw us approach the house, coming towards her. Before I could say anything a pair of keys were thrown at me so fast they almost hit me in the head.

Just barely I managed to put my hand up and catch them. They were my keys to the Volvo. Holding them up I looked from them to the blond and back again. Her thoughts were incoherent but mostly raging about a pale fragile looking human she had just taken the keys away from. _"Your mate is the most irritating and obnoxious human I have ever met." _Her words were silent but seemed to feel like slap in my face as she shouted them at me with fire in her eyes.

"Bella."

Stepping towards I wanted to rush to the house, afraid she might have been hurt. But Carlisle stopped me and I relaxed immediately knowing that he was right. With Esme, Rosalie and Alice there to protect her no one would hurt my love. Not even a jealous succubus.

"Let's go welcome the others. See how and if they have met with Bella already." Carlisle politely suggested. He shook his head, still surprised at the odd little show we had just witnessed and continued walking slowly towards the house. Jasper and I followed.

Emmet however rushed forward to the house, punching me in the shoulder as he passed by me. _"Perfect... with Tanya here. I'm of the hook for trashing my phone and besides it's the closest we will get at finding a hooker for Edward's stag party."_

His remark made me snort and pray to god he did not actually think of asking her to participate in any way what so ever in tonight's events. Not sure if she would in fact grab the chance to seduce me or try and rip Emmet to pieces. My intuition told me it would be the first option and I wasn't too eager to experience that.

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BPOV

For the past hour I had stood as a model for Alice as both she and Rosalie had taken my measurement several times. Stretching and draping different fabrics over my body countless time and asking my opinion. I didn't care, all my mind could think about was what would happen after the wedding.

Alice confirming to me, that I in fact did have some sort of power made me feel anxious. What if this power was something that I couldn't control once being turned into a vampire. Already my life was a mess.

Once they had yet again draped a soft fabric over my body, both standing back and studying me or the fabric.. i wasn't sure. I had enough.

"I need to use the bathroom." Pushing away the fabric, patterns and both their hands I gladly freed myself from the attention. I got of the chair and stumbled outside of the room and down the several flights of stairs. Walking downstairs I scanned the hallway.

Esme was in the kitchen at the end of the hallway. The radio was playing a soft fifties song and she was singing along with it. Her voice crystal clear and in perfect harmony with the music. I knew she was busy making a cake. She had insisted earlier that it was unacceptable for me to have a human wedding without having a wedding cake. The fact that I would be the only one to eat from the cake could not stop her and with a smile I had agreed on chocolates and strawberries. Two of my absolute favourite things to eat.

Walking with caution I hoped she was distracted enough to not hear me, or at least pay attention to what I was doing. From the coat rack mounted on the wall next to the front door I grabbed one of my long woollen cardigans. There on the corner of the side table, under the coat rack, next to the door, were Edwards carkeys.

Snatching them I quickly stumbled towards the door. Edward had promised me I was free to leave this house whenever I wanted. Now felt like a great time.

Opening the door I was ready to rush out the front door but attempted to make a full stop immediately. My left toe catching behind the door stop making me fall over forward. Cool hands steadied me and brought me to my feet again.

When I looked up in front of me were 5 vampires I had never seen before in my life. Like the Cullen's it was impossible to be unaffected by their magnificent beauty. The one closest to me still had her hand on my arm and gently I tried to pull away from her but she held on to me. She was one of the most stunning people I had ever seen.

Glancing at her face very quickly I checked to see her eyes were the same light color as the Cullen's. They were but her face was not as warm and friendly. Instead she seemed to be looking down on me, making me feel unworthy of being in her presence.

Grabbing the keys from my hand she dangled them in front of her, eying the keychain. "E.. for Edward. Who you are not."

The sharp accusing tone of her voice made me take a step back, wishing that Alice, Rosalie or Esme would come to help me soon.

"Who are you?" Again the same sharp tone in her voice. Except this time I didn't feel accused any more. Lifting my head, I looked her in the eyes.

"Who are you?" I tried to sound as cool as possible but failed miserable at trying to stand up to this woman. Her eyes flickered for a moment, obviously she didn't like it when people talked back to her. Forcing a smile on my face, I waited for her to answer.

The corner of her mouth twitched and again I tried to pull away from her grasp on my arm. This time she did notice and looked down at her hand.

"Who ever you are. I suggest you let go."

Her eyes flickered again and the grasp on my arm tightened. She was now hurting me and both of us knew it. Biting my lip I made no sound and continued to stare at her. It was completely silent around us for a moment as neither of us backed down. Just as she started applying more pressure the only man in the group stepped forward.

"That's enough Tanya. Let the girl go." He spoke with a slight accent, warm and rich. Very much opposite of his friend.

She let go of my arm suddenly and hissed at the man. My arm fell limb against my side and in a reflex I wrapped my own warm hand around the aching spot where her cold iron grasp had been. Grateful I turned to the man that had stepped forward to help me.

"My name is Bella." Smiling a timid smile at the visitors.

Giving them my name now since the man had volunteered the cold blonde's name name to me. From the corner of my eye. I could see that at mentioning my name her face fell completely. Uttering something too low for me to hear she stalked past the others and disappeared into the woods.

The man however smiled a warm smile and stepped closer to me. "Nice to finally meet you Bella. My name is Eleazar, this is my mate Carmen." Pointing at the dark haired woman standing close to him. She smiled at me, warm and inviting in some way reminding me of Esme.

"These two ladies are Irina and Kate, their sister Tanya you have met."

I waved at the two in an attempt to greet them. They were just as stunning as their sister and when they waved back. I was relieved to see they seemed to be more friendly than their sister.

"I'm sorry about upsetting your sister." Not that I actually was sorry but it felt like the appropriate thing to say.

"Would you like to come in?"

It felt weird inviting strangers into a home that wasn't my own. Trying to keep an eye on them and enter the house at the same time. I stepped sideways, bumping into the doorpost with my head. The immediate throbbing at my temple made me grab my head.

From behind me I could hear a muffled giggle.

"I'm clumsy." Mumbling the words as some form of explanation I walked inside, this time keeping my eyes on where my feet went instead of the 4 vampires following me inside.

"Are you home alone?" Carmen asked me as she followed me inside first. As if on cue Rosalie and Esme appeared in front of us. It made me wonder if they had left me to make my own awkward introduction for a reason. But the warm way they both hugged all of them made me relax.

When they were done Rosalie came to stand next to me. "Sorry about that. We were trying to calm Alice down, she's having a meltdown up stairs over your dress."

The words weren't much comfort to me. Seeing I had just spend a good hour standing as a model for the both of them and there were only 3 hours left. At this point the option to escape this madness and persuade Edward to elope and marry in Vegas started to become more attractive each minute.

Both Irina and Kate however caught onto the word Alice and dress. Stepping closer with an excited look on their face. "Alice is making a dress. Oh I love her creations, what's the occasion?"

Rosalie looked at me and I tried to tuck away my hand in my pocket but was stopped by Irina, grasping my hand in a flash.

"Ooooh, look at this. I'm so happy for you." Throwing her arms around me she completely caught me by surprise. When she let go I could see she was truly excited for me.

"Congratulations Bella." Kissing me on the cheek Kate was less outgoing but seemed genuine in her blessing.

I blushed violently and looked down. Wishing at this point had chosen to sneak out of the backdoor instead of front door. But there was nothing to be done about my choice now and with a sigh I looked up.

My eyes didn't see Kate and Irina however. They looked straight past them, through the door, outside. Approaching what felt like in slow motion was Edward. The moment my eyes met his he smiled that beautiful smile I loved so much. Pushing past the vampires surrounding them I headed for the door. This time not catching my toe on the door post but rushing outside in one smooth run.

He caught me just in time as I threw myself in his arms. They wrapped around me, pulling me into his body in a tight embrace.

"I missed you." His sigh made me shiver and without thinking I reached up and pulled his face down. Kissing him on the lips. He held still for a second, surprise in his eyes before cupping my face and parting my lips with his tongue to deepen the kiss.

It took us a few moments to remember there we weren't alone. When we finally let go I was panting for breath and felt like every fibre of my body was on fire. Hiding my face into his chest to hide my flushed cheeks I tried to catch my breath. Feeling very aware of all the eyes staring at us.

Edward however had the most triumphant smile on his face as he turned to face the 4 vampires that were visiting.

Placing another soft kiss on my forehead I could feel him place his hand on the small of my back. "I trust you have met my mate and soon to be wife, Bella."

Every one smiled and nodded. Carlisle welcomed them again and invited them inside. Granting me and Edward some time alone.

When they all were gone and the front door was closed. It was just the two of us left, standing outside in the yard. Holding out the keys in front of me Edward raised an eyebrow at me, staring questionable at me. "I hope you weren't planning on becoming a runaway bride?"

"No, absolutely not." Shaking my head violently I hoped he knew how honest I was. "I just needed a break and wanted someone to talk to."

"There are plenty of people to talk to here." His face seemed confused as he tried to understand.

Grabbing the keys from his hand, I was relieved to see he let go. Knowing he didn't understand I took a deep breath. "Someone normal."

He still looked confused and softly I added. "Someone human."

His face looked blank for a moment and neither of us spoke for a few minutes. Finally he looked away from me. " I see..a normal person." The tone in his voice sounded hurt and in turn me, worse then Tanya's iron grasp on my arm had done.

"Edward.. please don't get upset. It's just. I need .. to talk with someone who is more objective. Please?" Trying not to sound desperate, I clutched his face. Trying to make him look at me but he wouldn't be moved.

He closed his eyes and turned away from me. For a moment I thought he would walk away but he turned back to face me. His golden eyes unsteady as he looked down at me, trying to smile as he gently placed a hand on my face.

"Can you at least allow me to drive you myself?"

I relaxed into his hand, smiling with relieve at the knowledge he was allowing me to talk with the only person that could make this all seem normal.

"Yes. I would like that very much."

Walking to the car, he held the door open for me to get in before flashing to the other side and sitting down even before I had secured my seatbelt. Quietly we drove into town not speaking at all. When we got there he parked the car and turned off the engine.

Edward looked away at the house.

"I'll wait here for you to return."


	48. Chapter 48

_Special thanks to all the people who have reviewed, most of you guessing where Bella is going.  
You're about to find out!_

_Enjoy reading this short chapter, next one is being typed out at this moment  
(well not right now because now i'm typing this.. stopping now and going to work)_

_Let me know what you think ;)  
_

_**Disclaimer: The Twilight Saga belongs to Stephenie Meyer!**_

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BPOV

"I'll wait here for you to return." His velvet voice promised me and the look in his eyes told me he would. Begging me not to go inside at all. But I couldn't and I needed this talk.

Leaning into him I place a quick kiss on his cheek, he turned his face and our cheeks brushed past each other for a second. The cold skin of his face a welcome release to my own flushed cheeks.

He pulled away and smirked at me. "Making out with your boyfriend in front of the reverend's house? What will they say?" Playfully he tickled me and I relaxed, happy to know he had found some of his confidence back.

"They will say we are madly in love. Now let me go so I can go talk with Angela." Slapping his hand I opened the door and got out of the car. Walking carefully so I wouldn't slip on the snow covered path to their front door, I was happy to reach the door. Looking over my shoulder I could see Edward stare at me. His eyes showing the same concerned look again, making me feel guilty at doing this.

Pushing my hair back behind my ears I closed my eyes for a second and took a deep breath. You can do this Bella. I mumbled to myself and reached for the doorbell. I pressed the button reluctantly. It buzzed loud, making me jump.

For a moment I thought about running away but since the snow had covered most of the garden and sidewalk with a slippery treacherous layer of ice. My options seemed limited, knowing my own flawed balance would surely make me fall flat on my face.

I didn't have to time to run away either because almost instantly the door was opened by Angela's mom. She took a look at me and my clothes. "Bella. How are you, please come in. You must be freezing." Eyeing me up again, I knew she had noticed that in fact I was wearing a legging, a pair of flat shoes and a cardigan to stay warm.

"Thanks." Stepping inside I smiled at her. "Edward drove me, so I didn't bring my coat."

She glanced over my shoulder, confused at my explanation. When she caught sight of the shiny Volvo parked on the side of the street she frowned even more. "Wouldn't he like to come in also, it's awfully cold outside."

For a moment I considered asking him inside, knowing it would seem weird for a human to sit outside in a car with this weather. When I looked at the car, Edward however wasn't in his car anymore.

"That's very kind of you but he went to visit a friend of his own and is meeting me back here when I'm ready to leave." I even surprised myself at how smooth my lie sounded.

"Is Angela at home?"

Hoping she was in fact home as the sudden thought occurred to me it was very much possible she had gone out on a date with her boyfriend or were spending a normal Christmas eve at his house.

Fumbling with the sleeve of my cardigan I waited for Mrs Webber to walk to the stairs and call for Angela. It only took my friend a minute or so to appear at the top of the stairs. Her eyes widening and a smile on her face as she saw me.

"I'm so happy to see you." Rushing down she joined me. Pulling my hand as she waved her mom away and took me to the kitchen.

"How are you?" Looking at me she seemed be critically studying me. Her eyebrows furrowed as she took in my tired eyes and lack of smile.

I leaned against the kitchen counter and surrendered to my friends seeing eyes. "I'm a wreck Angela." Holding out my hand to her she gasped at the ring on my finger.

"When did he ask?" Staying extremely calm she got the tea kettle and filled it with water. It was exactly how I needed her to react, calm and collected. I watched her finish the simple task of preparing our tea. From the top shelf she grabbed some tea and put the bags in two mugs adding sugar to mine and milk to hers.

"He asked me a few nights ago, but yesterday I got some news that seem to have put things fast forward." I couldn't help but sound sad instead of happy at trying to explain to her what was going on.

She froze and turned to face me. "How fast is fast forward exactly, are we talking vampire fast?" Whispering the last two words, I couldn't help but giggle at the conspiring way she talked about the subject.

"Fast as in tonight fast." Biting my tongue I held my breath and waited for her to reply.

She looked shocked for a moment, eyes flying wide open and her mouth forming a silent oh. "That is fast. I'm so happy for you." Kissing me on my cheek and giving me a warm hug before pulling away and looking at me again. She frowned again. " I should be happy for you, right?"

Her question seemed to burst my last little bit of self control. "Yes you should. I want this more than anything."

"But... I can hear a but?" Poring hot water into the two mugs she sat them down on the kitchen table and sat down. I did the same and sat across from her.

"I'm afraid of what will happen afterwards. Edward is my life, I couldn't imagine ever living through another day without him. But tonight after we get married, my life will change." Wrapping my hands around the mug in front of me. I was trying to relax but the warmth seemed an inconvenience instead of calming influence.

"Offcourse it is scary, you are going to get married. Committing the rest of your life to another person is a very big step." Taking a sip of her tea, Angela smiled at me. I knew she was talking from her believes, having grown up with her father marrying people as part of his job.

"You don't understand Angela." Lowering my eyes, I looked at the table. "The rest of my life will be forever."

The sound of tea being spat back into the mug and the soft swearing as Angela started to cough made me look up. My friend was trying to catch her breath after almost choking on her drink after what I had told her.

"What the hell. Bella." Leaning closer over the table she lowered her voice. "You mean. He's going to... well you know. How does that even work?" Looking at me she tried to wipe some of the spilled tea with her sleeve.

I sat silent for a moment, considering this was not the way I had wanted this conversation to go.

"To answer your first question Yes and to the second, I'm not exactly sure." Looking for answers I let my eyes focus on the black windows, feeling sure that Edward was out there waiting for me.

"All I do know is I want to spend the rest of my life with Edward as an equal." It was the first time I had told anyone this reason for wanting to change. Deep down I knew it was the truth. All I really wanted in this world was to be with Edward as an equal, forever.

"Aren't you scared?" Angela asked.

"Out of mind." Was all I could say and my remark made both of us laugh.

"Yeah you must be out of your mind to marry a dead guy." Winking at me she got up and refilled her mug, hanging a new tea bag in it. "But he's a very cute dead guy and I can clearly see how you fancy him."

Both of us laughed at her remark. Knowing that before Edward had started to date me, half the female population had crushed on him. Including the Lauren's and Jessica's at our school.

"I came here to say good bye Angela." My words made Angela sit down. All she did was nod. We sat at the table finishing our tea. Neither of us spoke for a while until our tea was finished.

Angela got up and put both mugs in the sink.

"Will you write me, or call me?" Her voice sounded rough and I knew she was fighting tears. Getting up I hugged her from behind. Holding my only friend in Forks besides the Cullen's close to me. When I let go she turned to face me, wiping a tear from her eyes.

"When I can." My promise was vague at best but all I could give Angela. She knew and bit her lip. Giving her one quick hug I walked to the backdoor.

When I opened it, Angela waved at me. I waved back before stepping outside and closing the door behind me. As soon as I was outside a pair of strong arms held me tight. Letting the tears run free at feeling the loss of saying good bye from my only normal friend.

"You can cry love, saying good bye is one of the most difficult things in life." Edward's soft voice whispered in my ear. And I knew by his tone, he understood exactly how I felt.

"It won't become easier but at least I can offer you my love in return."

His words made me tear up even more at the subtle meaning. There were a few more people to say good bye to. One of them was only a few miles away.

"I wish you had told me why you wanted to speak with Angela. You were so brave to do this." Kissing the tears from my eyes as his hands ran up and down my arms,

"Is there no other way." Hiccupping uneven breaths as I struggled to control my breathing and crying at the same time. I could feel him tense beneath my fingers.

" You have to remember it is for their own safety. Perhaps in years when your control is perfected you could visit him. And like Angela said, you could write her. There is no threat for you in writing them and telling them how you feel."

His hands rubbed my back slowly, making small circles on the small of my back. I leaned into him closer, enjoying his comforting touch. "I hope you haven't changed your mind and want to postpone the wedding."

The words made me grip the soft fabric of his sweater tighter with my hands. Leaning away I held him at arms length and tried to look him in the eyes.

"Edward Cullen. I know you can't read my mind, but how dare you even ask me that. Don't you know, you belong to me. Like I belong to you and if you think I can life without you. You're wrong." Getting up on my toes I kissed him on the lips. Looking up at him through the thick mascara that Rosalie had applied earlier on this day. A final hot single tear rolled down my cheek. The trace leaving a burning sensation on my skin.

Edward made a sound that came closest to a growl and tightened his grip on my waist and pulled me even closer to him. I could feel his fingers digging into my sides as he eagerly held on to me. Pinning me close to his body he kissed me rough until I needed to break away to take a deep breath.

He laughed and picked me up. "I'll be expecting you to tell me that again, later tonight."

His words were half teasing me and I couldn't resist teasing him back. "Let's first try and make it to the car safely."

Within 2 seconds of saying the words he had me in the seat of his car. Leaning over me and buckling the seatbelt tight around my body. Running his hands over the straps,lingering on certain parts of my body.  
I looked down at his hands.

He removed them and stepped back. "Just checking."

"Right" Was all I managed to breathe back at him. Wondering how it was possible to feel so sad only a few minutes ago and now... What was it exactly what I was feeling, love, adoration, lust? The muscles in my abdomen tightened at the word lust, given me my answer. Immediately I could feel my cheeks turn warm, hoping Edward didn't notice how he was affecting me right now.

Glancing sideway I could see he was already in his seat next to me. Fiddling with the radio station to find some non-Christmas tune. Finally he had found a soft jazzy tune, accompanying a breathy singer who sang about lost love and broken promises.

The words were heartbreaking and yet at the same time brought me so much peace. I leaned back into my seat and let the words comfort me. Knowing I would never ever again have to endure such feelings for my own heart.


	49. Chapter 49

_**Disclaimer: The Twilight Saga belongs to Stephenie Meyer!**_

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EPOV

Watching Bella step away from the car, carefully placing one foot in front of the other. Taking one small step at a time. Each step made me focus more and more on her mind. Wishing that right now I finally would be able to pierce through this shield that seemed to be blocking me. Rosalie had told me the instant I had stepped close to Bella this evening at our house. Both happy, excited and proud of herself at the same time for figuring it out. Like Alice had said, it was something none of us had ever considered but was the most likely explanation.

Tonight however wasn't the night to break through, or for Bella's subconscious to let me in.

Growling at the torture of not knowing why she needed to talk with her friend so badly I slammed my hand into the steering wheel. I felt it snap slightly and worried I felt around the edges, it still held into place but made me realise that sitting here in this car, waiting and inadvertently listening in to the conversation she would have with Angela. It wasn't the smartest thing.

Getting out of the car I quickly rushed to the side of the house, happy there was no one outside. It was already getting late, twilight had begun and most people were at home with their families spending Christmas Eve together.

I hid in the shadow of the garage and concentrated on Bella. She had pressed the button from the doorbell and Mrs Weber had opened the door. _"It's that Swan girl. Look at her, she must be freezing. Poor thing has no one to look after her with her dad being the Chief of Police." _Had her tone of thought not been so accusing it could have warmed my heart. But instead I felt slightly angered by her poor judgement of Charlie.

Bella made up an excuse that lead Mrs. Webber to glance at my car. _"How odd for that Cullen boy to not come inside. And wait.. wasn't he the one that left the poor girl alone and troubled just a few months ago. Yes Chief Swan should really monitor his daughters behaviour in a better way." _

This time I clenched my fists and dug them in my side. Keeping myself from pounding against the garage walls. What was it with this women and her mothering complex, judging Charlie so easily.

Bella waited for her to finish talking and asked for Angela, standing in the hallway patiently while her friend was called down. As soon as Angela came down the stairs and hugged Bella I sighed with relieve. Her inner voice being a soothing balm after her mother's.

"_Oh this is a surprise. I can tell from her eyes, there is something she needs to tell me. The kitchen, yes the kitchen is good." _ Taking Bella's hand she led her to the kitchen and started conversation.

Through her mind I could watch Bella. She was leaning against the kitchen counter._ "I'm a wreck Angela." _Holding out her ringed hand. Through Angela's eyes my love did look like a wreck. Her hair looked dull and her eyes looked tired.

"_It's a ring, stay calm. Normality is the way to go. Finish your task and then get excited." _Focussing on preparing to mugs for the tea she was making. Her conviction to be a friend to Bella made me feel a little more relaxed.

"_He asked me a few nights ago, but yesterday I got some news that seem to have put things fast forward." _Angela stopped moving as she heard the words. Several things rushed through her mind all at the same time. Amazing me that a human could handle that speed of thought.

Finally she felt composed enough to look at Bella again and turned again. Eyeing my love with a wary look, trying to see if in fact she was happy or sad. Relieve flooded through both her and my body as she caught the hint of a smile on Bella's face. _ "How fast is fast forward exactly, are we talking vampire fast?" _The reference to my existence was almost whispered.

"_Fast as in tonight fast."_ Bella's reply was a confession made without hesitation. Making me feel proud of her.

Angela at the same time looked shocked for a moment, eyes flying wide open and her mouth forming a silent oh. _"Did she just say tonight. Really. No that can't be right. But she did and oooh that is rather romantic." _Somehow she ended up deciding to support Bella.

"_That is fast. I'm so happy for you." _Angela watched Bella smile and release her lip from her teeth. In two quick strides she was standing next to her and kissed her on the cheek. Before giving my love a warm hug.

"_Something is off."_ Concerned feelings made it impossible to fully feel happy for Bella. Pulling away she examined Bella's face _" I should be happy for you, right?"_

Bella stuttered slightly before answering. _"Yes you should. I want this more than anything."_

Immediately I tensed hearing the same Angela did. Lucky for me my little spy asked the exact same question I had been afraid to ask myself. _"But... I can hear a but?_"

Silently I stalked closer to the house, using the twilight and shrubs to stop anyone from seeing me. Inside the lights were on and I knew that with the lights on in the kitchen, I would be safe standing outside. As I did, my eyes locked on Bella. Happy to no longer have to view my love through another persons eyes.

She bit her lip again and seemed to be struggling to find her words. Still using Angela's mind I finally heard her answer. _"I'm afraid of what will happen afterwards. Edward is my life, I couldn't imagine ever living through another day without him. But tonight after we get married, my life will change."_

Wrapping her hands around the warm tea mug after she was done speaking. I could see her face turn frustrated for a moment before she forced her forehead to relax and took a deep breath.

"_Cold feet. What is it dad usually tells soon to be married couples when they seek his support." _Angela's reference to her fathers work made me shake my head and smile.

Knowing in a way she was trying to compare human marriage and realising at the same time she had no idea what Bella was committing to. Her own conflict was however set aside and she looked at Bella. From where I was I couldn't see her face but felt how compassionate her mind was.

"_Offcourse it is scary, you are going to get married. Committing the rest of your life to another person is a very big step."_ Taking a sip of her tea, Angela smiled. Feeling proud at her words.

"_You don't understand Angela."_ Bella replied. _"The rest of my life will be forever."_

The sound of tea being spat back into the mug I could actually hear. And for the first time ever soft gentle Angela's mind was full or profanity. She started swearing silently as she tried to cough up the scolding hot tea.

"_What the hell. Bella." _I watched her lean over the table._ "You mean. He's going to... well you know. How does that even work?"_ Angela tried to filter through all of the words in her head and managed to chose the non too aggressive ones. _"Ah fuck. I made Bella shut down, wait she can't be doing this for real and yet it makes sense at the same time. I've seen her trying to struggle through her days without Edward here." _

The image of a pale looking, lifeless Bella that had clearly lost weight and all will to participate in life made me step even closer to the window. Almost wanting to step inside and pull her in my arms. Feel Bella now as she was, as she was supposed to be. Warm and full of life.

"_To answer your first question Yes and to the second, I'm not exactly sure."_ As she spoke, Bella's eyes focus on the window. Making me feel sure that somehow she felt I was here waiting for her outside.

"_All I do know is I want to spend the rest of my life with Edward as an equal."_

The words equal stunned me. I had never thought about Bella being anything but my equal, as she held so much power over me. Obviously from her words, she did not understand it was I that was a prey to her fragile humanity.

"_Aren't you scared?"_ Angela asked. Her question made me pay attention. Noticing for the second time she managed to ask the exact question I could not bring myself to ask.

"_Out of mind."_ The answer was quick and honest but what surprised me was that both girls started to laugh. Was this something females usually did when put under pressure. My hands ached to grab my phone and call Jasper, ask him for advise.

But I couldn't because it was laying in the middle of some forest hundreds miles from here, thrown into small bits and pieces by my big idiot brother. Watching the girls continue to laugh and giggle, I felt like a villain taking this away from Bella.

"_Yeah you must be out of your mind to marry a dead guy."_ Angela joked at my expense. As she got up from the table and refilled her mug, hanging a new tea bag in it._ "But he's a very cute dead guy and I can clearly see how you fancy him."_

This time it was all three of us laughing at her remark. In her mind I could see Angela go through all the times in the past year that Lauren had tried to flirt with me or any of the other girls at her table had spend talking and fantasising about me. She had been an innocent bystander, perhaps I would one day write her a letter saying. How it had been to actually know what they were thinking about.

Pinching the bridge of my nose I tried to calm down and relief some of the stress at remembering that.

"_I came here to say good bye Angela."_

Bella's sudden words made me freeze. And made Angela sit down. All the poor girl did was nod. Her subtle mind searching for words to say, words that would not ruin the pleasant mood they were both in.

I was left standing outside. Watching the two girls finish their tea. My mind was telling me to allow them their private farewell, but my heart was yelling at my body. Telling me to go inside and comfort Bella.

After what seemed too much time to finish one drink, Angela finally got up and put both mugs in the sink.

"_Will you write me, or call me?"_ Her voice sounded rough and as she spoke to Bella. I could see my love get up and walk over to her. Giving her a tight hug and holding on to her.

"_When I can." _

The words echoed through my head. When she could. Walking to the back door I listened Bella's footsteps come closer. The door opened and over her head I could see Angela was watching her leave. Giving my love one last wave before Bella turned to step outside.

Angela allowed her tears to run free as soon as Bella had finally turned her back on her. _Please don't let her turn and see. _

I wasn't sure if she knew I would hear her, not exactly knowing how much details she knew about our family but I nodded at her. Stepping forward I closed the door behind Bella and wrapped my arms around her. Catching her warm body in my cold arms.

Bella fell apart and all I could do was hold her and try to comfort her.

"You can cry love, saying good bye is one of the most difficult things in life." It sounded lame, like something you would find on a hallmark card or one of those calendars that would give you a motivational each day.

Rubbing her arms I tried to say something else to comfort her. "It won't become easier but at least I can offer you my love in return." As soon as I had finished talking she started crying even worse, tears now rushing down her hot cheeks.

s away.

"I wish you had told me why you wanted to speak with Angela. You were so brave to do this." Kissing the tears from her eyes. I let my hands run up and down her arms again, trying to somehow comfort her.

"Is there no other way." Hiccupping uneven breaths against my chest. Each little word made my heart ache for her. Wishing I could just take all of her misery away.

" You have to remember it is for their own safety. Perhaps in years when your control is perfected you could visit him. And like Angela said, you could write her. There is no threat for you in writing them and telling them how you feel."

Trying to take her mind of things I allowed my hands to slide down her back. Softly I started rubbing small circles on the small of her back. It seemed to work because Bella leaned in closer and her breathing started to slow down, becoming more steady with each breath she took. Matching the rhythm of my hands on her back. "I hope you haven't changed your mind and want to postpone the wedding."

It was my one fear, the thing that had been on my mind from the moment she had held up her hand to Angela. Showing her ring, my ring, on her finger. Her confession _I"m a wreck_ hitting me with the force of a wrecking ball itself.

Her sudden tension made me immediately want to take back my words. As I felt her lean away from me I tried to keep a neutral look on my face. But the pain was slashing it's own way inside of me, hurting me with each second that ticked away,

Bella grabbed the collar of my shirt tight and leaned back. Staring straight at me and as she did, I was caught. Trapped like a prey in the chocolate brown of her fragile human eyes. Reminding me, no matter how powerful I was. Bella would always have the strength to bring me to my knees.

She wet her lips and they parted slightly, taking a deep breath before speaking.

"Edward Cullen. I know you can't read my mind, but how dare you even ask me that. Don't you know, you belong to me. Like I belong to you and if you think I can life without you. You're wrong."

Without any hesitation she got up on the tips of her toes, bringing our mouths closer. Looking up at me with those powerful eyes, I couldn't move as her face came closer. Finally our lips touched, brief and hesitant but it was the sweetest kiss I had ever received.

A final hot tear rolled down her cheek. And at that moment I knew, I needed to get her home as soon as possible and make her mine.

Bella was mine.

Loosing control I made a sound that came closest to a growl. Without thinking I tightened my grip on her waist and pulled us even closer together. I could feel his fingers digging into my sides as he eagerly held on to me. Pinning her closer to me, deepening our kiss.

Roughly letting my lips move against hers as my tongue teased hers. I could feel her seeking the comfort our contact brought and almost heard her disappointment as she pulled away to catch her breath.

She frowned at me, and it was so adaroble and sexy at the same time. I couldn't help but laugh. Without thinking I picked her up, bridal style. "I'll be expecting you to tell me that again, later tonight."

My words were honest and but the light happy mood she had made me to be in, made it sound like I was teasing her. To my excitement she giggled and looked at me with a straight face, her voice slightly wicked as she replied. "Let's first make it to the car safely."

Her challenge made me forget we were in the backyard of some humans. And within 2 seconds I had her in the seat of my car. Carefully placing her in the seat and leaning over her to grab the seatbelt.

I could feel her breathing was hitched again. Running my hand over the straps,lingering on certain parts of her body, I made sure she was securely seated next to me.

She looked down at my hands and it made me feel caught. Like a kid with his hand in the proverbial cooky jar. "Just checking."

"Right" Was all she managed to breathe, her breathing still uneven from our kiss.

She rest her head back in the seat and took a few deep breaths, long and steady. Trying to calm down.

I started the engine and slowly started driving, pretending to pay attention while at the same time fiddling with the radio. Most of the radio stations were playing the Christmas top 100 songs. It made me shudder to hear each gruesome cheerful song. Finally I found one of my favourites, a channel that wasn't mainstream and usually stayed clear of any event.

My car filled with the sound of a soft jazz tune being played and from the corner of my eye I caught Bella sigh and relax as she closed her eyes and leaned back. Smiling to myself I drove home. Knowing that soon, pretty soon. She would be mine, all mine.

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A/N If you liked reading this story, please check out my new Fan Fiction: **Cocoon Crash**

Link is on my profile ;)

Hahahaha, or just re-read this story like Biddy429 suggested she could do. She is writing an awesome broken Bella Fan Fiction called **Love Brings Pain Love Brings Joy**. Be sure to check it out and review! 


	50. Chapter 50

Thank you all for reviewing this story and adding me to your story alert :)  
If I forgot to reply to your review, i'm very very sorry!

Closer to the wedding now.  
Hope you enjoy this chapter :D

**Disclaimer: The Twilight Saga belongs to Stephenie Meyer!**

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BPOV

Edward took the exit down the long Cullen driveway. As he did I studied his face, it looked so calm and happy. It made me feel ashamed of having doubts at all today about my future with him.

He glanced sideways, smiling at me, as he slowed down his car to no more than the speed of walking, human walking.

"What are you doing?" Looking outside and checking the mirrors at the same time. There was nothing on the road.

"Just buying time alone with my lovely girlfriend." He gestured towards the direction of the house with one hand. "Their waiting for us."

Alarmed I turned to look at the direction of the house also but we were still too far away for me to see who was standing there in the dim evening light. "Who and why?"

Trying to focus on the people standing there I was guessing one was Rosalie, judging by the long blond hair cascading down the persons back. It stood out in the darkness, catching the little bit of light coming from the house.

"Rosalie and Emmet. Apparently we delayed Alice her plans by going to visit Angela. We are now going to be prepped for the festivities later tonight. I could offcourse still turn the car and head to Vegas?" Smirking at me, I could tell he was joking but for a few seconds the no nonsense shotgun wedding sounded fabulous to me.

"Just the two of us?" Trying to keep a straight face as he looked at me with dark eyes in reply.

"It will be the two of us for a very long time." Hitting the brakes, making me slam forward he reached his hand to put the car in reverse. A small burst of triumph shot through my body as I watched his hand move.

That same feeling was immediately ripped from me when the door opened next to me.

"Don't you dare."

A pair of strong hands unbuckled my seatbelt and grabbed me from the car. Rosalie flung me over her shoulder and started walking towards the house. "If you leave now, Alice may never recover from the disappointment."

I couldn't help but giggle and forgot to be angry. "You could put me down, I can walk myself."

She just wiggled her body and laughed back at me. "No way, this is too much fun and besides after the wedding Edward isn't going to allow me ever to do this again."

Neither would I, but I decided on not telling her that. Instead I relaxed and watched from a very different angle how Rosalie entered the house and walked up the stairs, not stopping until reaching Alice her attic.

When she flung the door open and walked, without warning she put me down. Almost making me land on my butt instead of feet. Just at the last moment I grabbed her hand and she kept me on both feet.

When I turned around the first thing I noticed was Alice, behind her Kate, Irina and Tanya. They all stood looking at me. For a moment I wished Rosalie had at least allowed me the dignity to walk into this room instead of being carried here over her shoulder. Probably offering them a great view of my behind as she had entered the room.

"Hi." Watching them all stare at me with an awkward look didn't exactly help either. Rapidly I felt the air in my lungs tighten and the temperature in the room go up. Waiting for any one of them to start speaking, but they didn't.

Taking a step back I bumped into Rosalie.

"I'm sorry I left. And I'm even more sorry for thinking about eloping with Edward. Please don't be angry." I started to wish that Rosalie would just throw me over her shoulder and walk back downstairs again. None of the women in front of me replied.

Instead they just stepped sideways. Revealing something what looked to be, straight from a fairy tale.

Stunned I stared, feeling my mouth fall open but unable to close it again.

"I think she likes it." Kate said to Alice.

Staring at the dress modelled on the mannequin in front of me, it was difficult to breath as the realisation hit me, this was my dress. Walking closer to it I carefully reached out to touch the fabric.

The strapless bodice seemed be embroidered with small pearls and showed of a complex lace pattern. From the bottom of the bodice the rest of the gown seemed to transition in Ivory white chiffon. The soft and airy material was carefully arranged in layer after layer building up into a ruffled skirt. It sat on the mannequin, the gown and trail floating down on the floor.

Holding back tears I turned to Alice and hugged her tight. She hugged me back before letting go and finally smiling at me.

"Thank you, thank you, thank you. Alice you are the best sister in the world. How did you manage all of that in a few hours."

"We had five sets of very agile vampire hands. Each of us worked at a different section so it would be finished by the time you came home."

Surprised I looked at the three sisters that were standing very silently observing me. Especially the fact that Tanya would want to help was a surprise. "Thank you all for helping also." Trying to smile my warmest smile to them, I hoped they understood I was genuinely thankful for the work they had done.

Each one of them nodded, except for Tanya. She looked down with a nervous smile.

I waited for her to say something, seeing she was feeling uncomfortable but Alice interrupted the moment by nudging me in the side. I looked to see her happy tight face next to me.

She grabbed my hands and leaned closer. "So do you like it?"

"Like it?" Looking from her face, to the dress, back to her face again. "I think you are a genius Alice, this is the most fabulous dress I have ever seen."

My response was welcomed by her high pitched squealing and before I knew what was happening. Alice was jumping up and down in front of me, a big smile on her face and her eyes sparkling with pleasure.

"Can I try it on?" Caressing the chiffon again, it reminded me of the smooth silky touch of Edwards skin.

"You can as soon as your hair and make-up is finished." Twirling me around, Alice pushed me towards Rosalie. Pouting I took one last look over my shoulder to the dress. Wishing I had the strength to resist her but knowing that any resistance now would only cause for a delay.

Rosalie took me by the hand and brought me to the corner. There was a table with beauty products displayed, ready to transform me into a bride.

Sitting down at the table I could see the mirror was hidden by some fabric. Making me feel nervous. Now there was no way to reign them in, I had no clue what they would be doing to me.

Rosalie started curling my hair again. Starting where she had left of earlier. Behind us Alice was making some last minute adjustments to the dress.

Both Irina and Kate excused themselves, saying that they were called down to assist. I couldn't hear them but knew it was very likely to be true.

Tanya however came up to Rosalie and myself. She still was looking down, when I studied her face closer I finally recognised the look. It was shame. Frowning I eyed the stunning woman. She felt me looking at her but when she looked up, her eyes showed how sad she was.

"Would you like to help us?" The words left my mouth before I knew what I had done. Behind me I could feel Rosalie's hand tug my hair tight.

"Can I?" Tanya asked, eyeing Rosalie behind me.

It was silent for a few seconds. The pressure on my hair still too tight. Just as I was going to complain I could feel Rosalie's hands relax the grip on my hair and at the same time Tanya's face light up.

Picking up a couple of hairpins she went to stand behind me also. In a soft hushed voice Rosalie explained what she wanted to do with my hair, speaking so fast I couldn't understand what it was about. But Tanya did.

Brushing my hair gently, she started dividing it into different strands. Without saying much she continued braiding each strand and pinning them back. Leaving the end loose and falling down my back in big curls.

Finally when the two of them seemed to be finished they stepped in front of me. Two tall gorgeous blondes. Both with the same pale skin and golden eyes. If I had seen them for the first time, I would have thought them to be twins.

"Perfect don't you think." Rosalie asked, winking at Alice who came to join them.

"Yes I agree, but there is something missing." Tanya stated. Without hesitation she pulled out the hair comb she had in her own hair. It was a collection of blue stones in what appeared to be a silver setting.

"Esme told me she is lending you the Romanov set. This was once part of it, I think it is no more than appropriate for you to wear them together at your wedding." Gently she slid the comb into my hair. Stepping back she looked at Rosalie. "Now Isabella is perfect."

Her pronunciation of my name made me aware of her heritage.

Touching the comb she had just placed in my hair, I looked at her. "Did you just say Romanov." I could have kicked myself for asking but opened my mouth anyway.

She laughed, a throaty and possibly seductive laugh as she shrugged. "Yes like all powerful families in the European and East Asian continent. They were closely watched by the Volturi. Many of their riches had been spread in the 17th and18th century, not wanting all of it to fall prey to the Italians. Before me and my sisters moved to this continent we received numerous gifts."

"You knew them?" Out of the two things I wanted to ask, I figured this was the lesser evil. The other being that her words and casual mentioning of the 17th and 18th century made me wonder how old she was exactly.

"Not only I, the introduction came through Carlisle." Smirking at me, she pointed to the box that Rosalie had retrieved. "How else do you think Esme got to have them?"

Trying to process the information just given to me, I sat and stared at the jewels. Alice was carefully taking them out of the box. At the same time Rosalie was working her magic with some make-up. Forcing me to sit still.

When she was finished, I expected Alice to start dressing me but Rosalie instead handed me a bag. Immediately I recognised the label on the outside, it was the little French lingerie boutique where she had forced me to go shopping.

"Alice, made you a brand new dress. Tanya gave you her hair comb to wear. Esme is letting you wear jewellery that predates even me and Alice. Now all you need is something blue, usually the bride wears something as a symbol of purity and loyalty. This will guarantee that Edward stays loyal." Winking at me she stepped back in line with Alice and Tanya. Alice already knew what I was getting and got on her toes to tell Tanya. Whispering too soft for me to hear. When she was finished the both of them giggled.

Getting up I glanced inside... Shutting it closed as quick as possible after seeing what was inside. Closing my eyes, I hoped the make-up would disguise my embarrassment.

"I.. eh.. I'll just change into this then." Holding up the bag I waved it clumsily at Rosalie. My stuttering was welcomed by the three of them laughing.

Pushing my shoulders back I went to the small changing room at the back of the attic. Like true Cullen style, it was lightly decorated with 2 soft seats in the middle. I threw the bag in one of them and started stripping out of my current clothes. Not caring to fold them but chucking them on the other chair.

Finally ready, I grabbed the bag and got out my present from Rosalie. I could have expected but at the same time, my mind just wasn't able to think of this type of items.

Afraid to tear the fabric I managed to put both the panties and the strapless bra on. They were skin tight, scandalous and baby blue. Digging in the bag, I grabbed the last item. A matching lace baby blue garter. Holding the back of the chair I lifted one leg and hooked my foot through it. Carefully I tugged it high up, in place.

"Bella, do you need help?" Alice her sing song voice called out. In the background I could hear Rosalie laugh again, reminding me of Emmet. They really were alike.

"No thanks, I'm good on my own." Pushing my shoulders back and lifting my chin high, I came out of the dressing room. The cold air hit my skin, giving me goose bumps. But I didn't care and kept on marching straight towards Rosalie and Tanya.

"Do they fit?" Turning around slowly in front of them, I had to fight to hold back my own triumphant smile as both of them had stopped laughing and were now completely silent.

"Good" Angry I turned to Alice. "Can I now please wear clothes again?"

She nodded and went over to the mannequin. The dress was still on display and was even more pretty than I had remembered.

Rosalie came over and helped Alice lift the dress high up.

"Put your arms up and hold your breath."

I wasn't sure if the last remark was a joke but I did put my arms up. As I did, they slid the dress over my head. Careful to not touch my hair and make-up.

When it was in place, Tanya stepped up and started to quickly lace the back of the bodice tight, closing it around my upper body. When she was done the others let go of the skirt and it flowed down around my legs.

"You can lower your arms now, Bella." Tanya whispered from behind me.

Right, offcourse I could. The dress was on. Dropping my arms I let my hands rest at my hips, brushing through the soft fabric. It felt like touching a cloud, or at least the way I had always expected a cloud to feel.

An excited squeal behind us made me turn around. When I did Esme was in the doorway. She rushed over and carefully hugged me. "You look like an angel." Softly she kissed my cheek before letting go. Her eyes shining with love and had she been human, probably they would have been full of tears. "If you are ready, we can start the ceremony downstairs."

Nodding I let her lead me back to the table where Alice had put the necklace, bracelet and earrings on display. As I followed her the rustling of fabric around my legs, ever so soft made me feel very aware of the fact that only Esme and myself were dressed for the wedding.

Esme however didn't say anything, instead she picked up the first earring. Carefully clasping one to each ear, they were heavy but not as heavy as I had expected them to be. It would be tolerable for a few hours. Next she picked up the necklace, holding it up in the light of the lamps above our head.

The blue diamonds sparkled as she turned them. "Carlisle gave to me as a wedding anniversary gift. Later I found out, he had them for over 200 years already. His explanation was, he knew that true love would cross his path and when it would she should be treated as a princess." Fastening the clasp on the necklace on my neck, she picked up the bracelet.

Thoughtless I raised my hand towards her, she slipped the bracelet on.

"I have no doubt you are Edwards princess. And he will treat you as such for the rest of your life."

Fighting back tears I touched the necklace with my fingers. The diamonds on my wrist feeling cold and smooth against my exposed skin. It reminded me of Edward.

"Ahh momma." Alice flung her arms around Esme from behind. "Did you tell her the princess story?" Winking at me over Esme's shoulder, her carefree mood made me relax a little bit.

"Yes I did Alice, like I tell each one of my daughters." Pulling free from Alice her arms, Esme turned to face Alice.

She had changed into a soft pink dress, it's body tight and the skirt ruffled. In a way it resembled the girlie version to my wedding dress. Behind her Rosalie walked in, wearing the highest heels I had ever seen and a very short pink sequined dress. It was the opposite of my dress but very much Rosalie and she looked stunning.

Tanya has disappeared by now, probably joining her two sisters downstairs. For a moment we stand, together. Each unique and all the same, or soon to be the same. Because really soon I'm going to be a part of their Cullen family.

Esme looks at me, a knowing smile on her face. "Are your ready sweetie?"  
I can't speak so I just nod and let her take my hand, following Rosalie and Alice downstairs.

Because without a doubt, I know.  
I am ready.


	51. Chapter 51

Wise lesson learned yesterday, going to an outdoor spa-resort..  
Not a good idea when it's a sunny day  
Hiding indoor today, because pink does not look good on me

At least it gave me time to write some of EPOV on the wedding.

Have fun reading ;)

**Disclaimer: The Twilight Saga belongs to Stephenie Meyer!**

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EPOV

Watching Rosalie walk away with Bella over her shoulder was something I had never anticipated ever seeing. From my seat in the car I could see Bella's hair flowing down Rosalie's back. Her warm dark hair great contrast with the blond. She didn't seem to be very angry and as Rosalie walked towards the house. They talked and Rosalie wiggled her body.

"_Just look at that perfect booty shake... perhaps there is a way I could get out of the decorating and just sneak her away for a quick..." _

Punching Emmet in the side, I stopped him from continuing his line of thinking. There was just so much I could hear and know about my sister and brother.

Smirking at me he lifted me over his shoulder also, trying to transport me the way Rosalie had just Bella. I let him just for his own amusement.

When we reach the house he drops me on my feet and I land in a crouch. Tackling him to the floor. Before we could actually further our playful fight, Esme waltzes into the room.

"Edward and Emmet, stop fighting in my house." Throwing a few boxes at us. I barely managed to catch them. "Make sure these are up over the veranda at the back of the house."

Leaving the room again, I could hear her talking with Carmen now about organza bows. Jumping to my feet, I pull Emmet to his feet also. He raises an eyebrow at me as I chuckhalve the boxes in his arms.

"Unless you want to assist Carmen and Esme in making white organza bows, I suggest you team up with me and fix these lights up outside."

Walking outside through our living room to the large veranda that wrapped all around the back of the house. I stopped when stepping outside.

All the snow had been removed and right at the end was now a gazebo. Lined in front of the gazebo were 6 chairs. Both Carmen and Esme were working their magic on them and the first already looked stunning. A white cover was pulled over the entire chair and around the back was indeed a large white bow.

Looking at Esme, she caught me standing there. I pointed at the boxes I was holding and she straightened up for a second. _"Perhaps you could get some cables up from the house to the gazebo? Drape the lights around and in between?"_

Nodding I glanced at the house, there was a little ledge that was perfect for some hooks to attach the cables to. And if I used that, the cables would be angled slightly downwards, hooking up to the gazebo.

Emmet showed up, boxes in hand. I put mine down and he followed. _"What's the plan, Eddie?" _He was purposely trying to flip me off, but I ignored him and grabbed the cables that Esme wanted us to use.

"These need to go from that ledge, down to the gazebo." Pointing from one point to the other. He looked and huffed. _"Sure no problem, give me 10 minutes." _

He disappeared for a moment, coming back with his toolbox. They were premium quality equipment. A gift from Rosalie and true enough, out of all of us, Emmet was Mr. Fix-it.

While he fixed the hooks in the wall, made a small eyelet on the cables and hung them tight and in several straight lines. I attempted to untangle the endless twinkling Christmas lights. Most of them had never been used, but still they somehow came out of the box in one big tangled mess.

By the time I had finished carefully untangling 2 boxes, Emmet had finished his chore. He just stood watching me, leaning one shoulder to the side of the house. An amused smile on his face. _ "Is the evil little twinkly light beating the big bad vampire?" _

I growled at him and glared, trying to show him that his comment wasn't funny. He just laughed his usually loud laugh and grabbed a box. Taking out the lights and coming to my conclusion. These were the lights from hell. For the next half hour we both struggled to not rip the electrical wires or snap any lights. When we finally managed to untangle all the boxes and fixed the lights, it did look good. It was worth some of the work, especially knowing it was all to please my love.

As we tidied up Emmet walked past me, a relieved look on his face at knowing this task was done. He slapped me on the shoulder has he did. _  
"You do know for future weddings, Las Vegas has lots of twinkling lights also."_Still laughing he disappeared inside the house. I was left for a moment, alone in the back. Upstairs the girls were getting Bella ready and it took a lot of strength to not invade their minds and listen to everything they were saying, seeing and doing.

Focussing on Jasper, Eleazar and Carlisle minds I followed the sound and found them sitting in his office. They were discussing Bella. Knocking on the door, I let myself in and sat down next to Jasper.

"_Welcome Edward, we were just talking about turning Bella and what the possible outcome could be." _Carlisle quickly explained to me.

"_Does he know she is gifted?" _Eleazar thought to himself. My head snapped to face him.

"How do you know about that?" It felt weird to discuss my beloved and his apparent knowledge about her gifts made me intrigued to find out what he exactly knew.

"Ah yes, I sometimes forget. You can read my mind so easily." Smiling at me, Eleazar leaned back. "You know Carlisle and I met through the Volturi. We both spend considerable time their. Do you know what my job was for them?"

Both Jasper and Carlisle remained very calm, waiting for me to take the lead in this conversation. Carlisle would already know and Jasper was too silent, even in his mind. Showing me he knew more already.

"No, but if you would like to share your story. I would be very pleased."

Eleazar nodded his head. "I tracked down potentially gifted vampires. Sometimes they would still be human, others would be newborns and sometimes it would be nomadic vampires. My own gift is to see other gifts. After a while I got tired of the life the Volturi could offer me, like Carlisle realising there was more in life and another way to live."

Sitting back I thought about what he told me and the images he had remembered in his mind. Especially the ones from his life with the Volturi. It made me even more sure to never ever alow my own life or Bella's life to come in their hands.

"So when you met Bella earlier tonight, you could see she is gifted. But you don't know exactly how, that is how it works right?" Part of me felt sad to have no new clue to what we could expect and at the same time I felt proud.

"That's correct Edward. However we have something else to consider." Carlisle interrupted us and I could feel Jasper tense next to me.

"You intend to change her, and intended to change her here. Is that not correct?" Eleazar looked at me, his mind somehow keeping to himself what he intends to ask.

"Yes, I don't want to take her away to an unknown place. I feel with my family here to protect her, she would be safe." Finishing my words, I understand suddenly where the conversation is heading. Turning to Jasper he winks at me, letting me knows he understands also.

"It is not her safety you are talking about and I can understand you would like to be on known grounds. What do you think about taking her to our house in Denali. We won't return for another few weeks. It is familiar to you, yet more secluded so safer for her." Stunned I stare at Eleazar. The Denali home is like this one, beautiful decorated with lots of space and every possible thing you could ever need, both as vampire or human.

"_Me and Alice would come with you." _Jasper let's me silently know.

I think about it again, the house is extremely secluded and is on the edge of a giant nature park. There would be no risk for Bella to get on the reservation or wander into town by accident. It would be just me and her.. and Jasper and Alice. But they are good to have around, just in case, so there is really no argument about that point. And Bella would probably love the idea of some sort of honeymoon and some extra privacy. It would be very easy to persuade her. It's worth taking the risk.

Leaning forward I place my elbows on my knees and take another quick glance at Jasper, who just nods. _"Just say yes, Edward."_

Jasper is my best man, I should take advise from his serious. So I look at Eleazar.  
"That is indeed a very good idea, and a wonderful gift to give us. Thank you, to all of your family." Grinning at Eleazar, I know that there is one person in his family that probably won't like the suggestion. And Bella will probably get a kick out of letting her know, not only did she steal her man... she's also taking her house for a while.

Carlisle and Eleazar both grin back at me, giving away the fact that are both extremely relieved I agreed to their proposal. Carlisle get's up, he's already wearing a suit and when I look closer I can see a little bit of white popping up from the top of his colar.

"Carlisle what is that" Pointing at the white board. He stops and smiles, touching it carefully.

"Don't you think it's a nice touch." Adjusting it slightly his eyes show me he is teasing me. "Rosalie printed out a license for me. So I am now officially marrying you tonight." Picking up a small book, I recognise it at once. It's his fathers old bible.

Holding it up he smiles at me."I never thought I'd ever read out loud from this book, or bless a union between two souls."

As he emphasises the world souls I don't object because for the first time in a very long life, I feel that in fact he could be right.

"Wasn't one illegal marriage maker in the family enough." Looking to Jasper he shrugs his shoulder and get's up.

As he does he turns to face both Carlisle and me. "It only seems normal for the son of a religious man to bless this union."

With that he leaves the room and I hear him walk upstairs. Pinching the bridge of my nose, I try to force myself to calm down. Hoping this is the last of our surprises for the night.

Outside there is a soft knock on the door. Esme is standing there, she is already changed into a beautiful dress. And I can see Carlisle stare at her, crazy in love with his wife after all this time.

She walks in and kisses him on the lips, soft and chaste. Before turning to me.

"Edward the girls are helping Bella get dressed, she is almost ready. Can you change also. Alice has put your suit out on your bed, Emmet and Jasper will be there if you need any help."

Her tone of voice is soft and I can't deny her anything. The thought of my love getting dressed upstairs, almost ready for me to take her in my arms and hold her there forever. It sounds like magic.

Quickly I rush upstairs to my room and see Emmet and Jasper there waiting for me. Grabbing the bag on the bed, I rush to my bathroom and change. Like theirs, my suit is pitch black with a very shiny black tie. My shirt is a white button up and over the shirt there is a black pin striped vest.

Stripping out of my clothes I remember with a smile, doing the same just a few nights ago for Bella and getting a glimpse of her thoughts. Some part of me is eager to get this night over with and finish what I couldn't that night. To finally be able to act upon her attraction to me, the way only a married couple can do.

After changing into the suit, I have to hand it to Alice. It does look good, my only reservation is for the pale blue tie she has selected to finish off the look. It looks a little bit gay. Tying it around my neck I step out to join Emmet and Jasper.

"_Looking very sharp Eddie boy." _Emmet let's me know. Jasper just get's up and walks over to me Straightening out my tie with a concentrated look on his face. They are both wearing pale pink ties and at that sight I relax. At least I'm wearing a manly colour.

Checking my coat pocket I can feel the bulge of the small boxes. Taking them out I hand them to Jasper and he slips them in his pocket. Patting the two little boxed he winks at me. _"I'll guard them with my life." _I know, he better should because Alice hand picked them and if he would misplace or damage them. It would take him a while to get his wife happy again.

"Ready to go?" Turning to face Emmet, Jasper asks us both out loud.

Taking another non functional deep breath I steady myself from rushing past him. Yes I'm ready. Walking to the door both guys follow me and we go downstairs.

Upstairs I can hear the clicking of heels. And the anticipation of seeing Bella in a few minutes causes me to shiver. Soon is all I can promise myself, very soon.

Walking downstairs and outside. I am stunned for a moment at what I see. Esme and Carmen have really finished it, decorating the entire area to the last detail. At the front row I can already see Elezear, Carmen, Irina, Kate and Tanya sitting down.

It is then that I see the final missing person and smile. Standing in front of me is the one guy that will make this night perfect for Bella. Giving him a hug with one arm before going to my place at the front.

I stand with Carlisle and wait for my angel to come.

* * *

A/N As soon as this story is finished, I plan on updating Cocoon Crash at least once a week. Right now, writing happy wedding and the sad feelings at Bella feels in Cocoon Crash... it does not work together :P


	52. Chapter 52

Hides away. Sorry for the very slow update.  
Many thanks go to Snusa!  
Her smart thinking and sharp eye, helped me fix this chapter.

Hope you enjoy reading about the wedding.  
Just one more chapter to go after this.

**Disclaimer: The Twilight Saga belongs to Stephenie Meyer!**

* * *

BPOV

Slowly I walk down the stairs, afraid I will fall down. Tripping over my heels or own dress. Each step I take my heart beats faster and with that my second fear comes closer and closer. What if I have another attack? What if I faint at my own wedding?

Before I can actually start hyperventilating and initiate a panic attack or blackout, Alice calms me down. Gently placing a cold hand on my back, in between my shoulders. Her touch reminds me of Edward and at the same time the support she is offering me. I take a deep breath and pause for a moment before facing the last stairs down. When I do, relieve floods my body.

There standing at the foot of the stairs waiting for me is Charlie. My dad is here, suddenly I can walk down and find my feet without any problem. Esme and Alice follow, standing with me and Charlie as he hugs me awkwardly.

"You look very nice.." From the corner of my eyes I can see Alice frown and make a noise that comes closest to huffing. Charlie notices also. Quickly he corrects himself. " eh.. you look stunning Bella."

"You're looking pretty good yourself Dad." Smiling back at him, I check again and he does look good. The suit obviously is not his but probably hand picked by Alice. "I'm so happy you could come tonight." Hugging him again, holding him close I know everyone is waiting for me outside but at this moment. All I can think of is the fact that tonight might be the last time I see him.

"It was a really big surprise. The door opened and instead of the nurse, two blond goddesses walked into my room. First I thought it was the pain medication but they were real." A big goofy smile on his face as he waves outside, implying the two blond goddesses are still here.

"Kate and Irina picked you up?" An almost hysterical laugh leaves my mouth.

"Everyone else was busy." Esme quickly explains and so I just nod and bite back my laughter at the thought of them driving to a small hospital like Forks to pick up a human man. It somehow seems wrong and yet very funny at the same time.

Charlie still looks dreamy and I'm not sure if it's the medication they have him on or just sheer infatuation. Either way I don't have time for this right now.

Grabbing his hand I turn towards the living room. Luckily he follows because as soon as I set one foot in the room, my eyes drift outside. Seeing through the glass windows, the veranda and the sight makes my heart stop.

It looks like something from a dream, only there is no way I could have ever dreamed this up. Outside I can hear the soft piano tune start, a wedding song played by Rosalie. So soft and sweet, it almost brings me to tears just hearing it.

Pausing I feel Charlie's warm hand hold mine even tighter. He looks at me, the infatuation gone and only love for me. A father's love can be found in his eyes.

Gently he pulls me forward, close to his side and I don't object. Because outside, underneath thousands of small lights, cascading down to a small white gazebo is Edward.

Nothing matters anymore, not the perfect white scenery in the background or the stars in the sky. I don't even really notice the candles and flowers that are placed along the white carpet I walk on.

My eyes can only focus on him, dressed in an extremely sharp black suit. I've never ever seen him looking this good. And in the back of my mind a panicked voice starts to mess with me. For a moment allowing me to think that this divine man, could not be for me. He is waiting for another person.

I pause again, this time Charlie can't make me move any further.

Staring at Edward, he looks up at me. Loving eyes take hold of me, somehow Edward knows what is going through my mind and next thing I know my legs unfreeze. Allowing Charlie to safely lead me to Edward. His cold hands replace my father's warm ones. Soothing me, calming me and bringing a shy smile to my face.

"Hi." Is all my fumbled mind can manage.

"Hi." Is all he replies softly, pulling me to his side in front of Carlisle.

Glancing sideways again, I re-check. To indeed find Carlisle standing there. Why did no one warn me about this? Someone flashes a picture at us, snapping me out of my thoughts.

Carlisle starts and it takes all my strength to focus on his words.

"Dear family and friends." Looking at my father, sitting on the front row next to Esme and the Denali. I can't help but smile how he fits in so easily with my new family.

"We are gathered here this evening to witness the marriage of my son Edward and his beautiful mate Bella." The word mate causes a current to run through my body. Edward looks at me and I can see he feels it also. Smiling we lean in closer to each other.

"Jasper and Alice you were asked to witness this ceremony because both Edward and Bella trust you, feel loved and honoured by you and rely on your support of this marriage." At his words, I turn to look over my shoulder to see Alice stare at Jasper. Her dreamy eyes probably resemble mine as the words trust, love, honour and support are combined in one sentence with her husbands name.

I stare back at Edward and the way his gaze is fixed on my face, makes my cheeks warmer. Carlisle continues speaking but I miss most of his talk because of Edward. A sly grin showing he already knows what Carlisle is going to say. Mind reading his way through the ceremony. Carefully I mouth _Cheater_ at him. The corner of his mouth goes up in a half smile that makes my heart beat even faster. Before I can smile back at him, Carlisle calls for our attention.

"We are blessed with eternal life, but life without love is like living without light. After almost a century Edward has found his light. And with her, not only light came into his life. Bella came in and brought light to all our lifes. Edward and Bella have already begun their journey together. Struggling through great difficulty to stand here, choosing to be with each other no matter the consequences."

Smiling to myself I listen to the words. They have it all backwards. I'm not the light, Edward is. And when I'm with him, he shines so bright.. there is nothing else that could possibly warm my heart like he does.

After some more words Carlisle is finally done speaking. When I look at the guests, sitting together on the single line of chairs. Charlie is holding Esme's hand. In his other hand he has one of his big cotton handkerchiefs, wiping away tears from his eyes.

When he catches me wiping the tears away he smiles at me, apologising. But that only makes me want to cry more. And I can feel a tear escape from the corner of my eye. From behind me Alice puts a small white handkerchief in my hand. I'm not sure where she got it from because vampires don't cry but I gladly use to wipe away the tear.

"Together you shine more bright." See now he has the right way round. "To represent this shining love, I ask you to light this candle. Using the two smaller candles set aside for you."

Edward picks up the two small candles and hands me one. As he does, our fingers touch again. It makes my skin tingle. Trying to hold still I watch as he lights his candle and after that mine. Shaky I step forward and together we light the larger candle.

It reminds me of our date at the meadow. Lying in his arms on the blanket, surrounded by small candles and watching the stars. I thought then, that my feelings for Edward could never grow more intense. But standing next to him now, lighting our candle together. I only love him more.

Stepping back to face each other again. Edward takes me hands, both of them. He looks deep into my eyes and my heart jumps. This is something I recognise from movies.

Carlisle chuckles softly. "Edward if you would like to start, I know you are cheating by picking the words from my head."

I glance at Carlisle for a moment, understanding he too understood what I was mouthing at Edward earlier. He winks at me as at the same time another flash distracts me.

Then Edward places one hand over mine. When I look at him, I hold my breath and feel my heart race as Edward smiles a grin so triumphant and bright, I'm afraid to get lost in it.

"As your husband, friend and mate. I promise that I will stand by you, love you, cherish you for better and for worse, for the rest of our eternal lives. "

Jasper steps forward and hands Edward a ring. I frown at the loss of his touch. But almost instantly his hand is back, wrapped around mine. Very carefully he slips a white golden wedding band on my finger. It is neither outrageous or flashy, just elegant and timeless.

"Do you Edward, take Bella to be your wife, from this day forward." Carlisle says out loud and involuntary I hold my breath waiting for Edwards answer.

"I do." Soft velvet caresses my ears as I hear him reply to Carlisle, while never taking his eyes of me.

"Bella, would you please repeat after me?" Carlisle asks me and slowly he repeats the same words Edward spoke.

Timidly I repeat the words after him. Happy to finish the words without stuttering or forgetting any words. When I'm done Jasper steps forward, this time handing me a ring. It's an exact copy of mine, only slightly heavier. When I slip it on Edwards hand, I can't help but notice how the white gold looks lovely with his pale skin.

Carlisle is saying something, and in response I mumble the same two words. "I do."

In the background I hear applause but I'm stuck staring at the wedding rings on our intertwined fingers.

"Bella?" Edwards soft voice is close to my voice.

"Bella, I may kiss the bride now." Snapping up my face, I can see his face is just a few centimetres away from mine. Leaning in he softly brushes my lips, teasing me just a little bit.

The kiss starts soft and hesitant, until I get on my toes and wrap an arm around his neck. Then his hands find it's way to the small of my back and he pulls me in his arms. Deepening the kiss.

It is only the violent flashing in our faces, combined with Jasper, Alice and Rosalie's loud whistling remind me that we aren't alone. Pouting I let go of him and Edward let's go of me. Looking just as reluctant. He mouths a words at me and I know instantly what it is M_ine. _

We turn to walk back into the house. And as soon as we start walking, from all sides, flower petals are thrown at us. It's like pink snow falling from the sky and giggling I lean into Edward. Looking up to see he has pink in his hair also.

EPOV

Bella is in front of me, staring down at our hands. Our fingers linked together, our wedding rings touching each others skin. All the time Carlisle talks I watch her, watch the rings.

Finally Carlisle says the words I have been waiting for, to allow me to do what I wanted to do ever since she stepped outside in that ridiculous sexy wedding dress Alice made her.

"You may kiss the bride." Carlisle

Emmet flashes a few pictures in advance, a big goofy smile on his face.

"_Make it pretty Eddie boy." _Flash another picture is taken of us.

But Bella is still looking at our hands.

Gently I call her. "Bella?"

No response so I slightly duck, bringing my face to her face. Breathing in her face as I speak. "Belle, I may kiss the bride now."

That does the trick and finally she looks up at me. Her large chocolate brown eyes, full of love and adoration as she takes in my face. I smile at her and lean closer, softly brushing her lips with mine.

Flash.

"_That kinda looked lame, is that all you two love birds have in you." _ Teasing me, Emmet makes another picture.

I smile because at that same moment Bella gets on her toes and wraps her arms around me. Keeping one way on Emmet for a moment I deepen our kiss before completely losing control and deepening my kiss. Recklessly opening my mouth to hers, teasing and tasting her in ways I usually wouldn't dare.

Thoughtless my hands slip down her back, holding her at the small of her back and pulling her closer. Another series of flashes in our faces makes me finally let go. Alice, Jasper and Rosalie are whistling now, whilst mentally cheering me on.

"_I'm impressed, didn't know he had such skills. Or is it Bella." _Snapping on last intruding picture Emmet finally walks away, waiting for us at the house. Looking to the living room, I can just catch a flash of Esme and Carmen arranging things. When they are back, in place with the others I gently turn Bella towards the house.

We start walking and at the first step are assaulted by pink flower petals. Bella giggles, her first relaxed sign of the evening. Besides kissing me. Running my hand along the inside of her palm, creating small circles as we walk, I can see her glance at me and she giggles even louder.

That's when the mental image from my family let's me see why, the pink looks ridiculous in my hair. Shaking my head, most of it disappears soon. But Bella in turn looks absolutely adorable with the pink in her hair. It makes me decide to make sure, it stays there all evening.

When we get to the door she pauses and gasps. "Edward, look at what they did." Standing at the threshold, I carefully help her inside. "Do you not like it?" Nervous I glance around, trying to find what's wrong.

It looks like Esme raided a florist, large flower arrangements are scattered around the room. Some standing on white stands with again organza bows attached to them. The lighting is soft because of the candles that are lined along the glass wall.

"I can take all of it away, or we can leave. Just tell me what you want?" Holding her at the waist, watching her face. Bella just shakes her head softly and I can see tears roll down her face, causing me to feel even more alarmed.

"But.. I don't understand, please..." Before I can finish the sentence a warm soft finger is placed on my lips.

"Don't you understand? This entire night, it's perfect." Looking up at my face, I forget the tears when I see her warm eyes. "You are perfect."

Relaxing I pull her into my arms and softly start swaying, bringing her closer to the centre of the room with each step. She let's me lead her, finishing the dance without any further words.

When we are done, Carlisle and Esme join us. Dancing as a couple first before tapping in and swapping partners. As Esme twirls around with me I watch Bella dance with Carlisle. After Carlisle, Jasper has a dance with her. Making her laugh with his teasing words as I dance with Alice.

"_She looks pretty doesn't she?" _Fishing for a compliment my little pixie sister follows my every step, not missing a beat as she looks up at me. I try and decide what to answer, deciding the truth and admitting that Bella looks stunning. As soon as I do, she sees what I am going to answer and a smug smile lights up her face. _"Thought so."_

Twirling her one last time before the song ends. Alice let's go and dances with Carlisle. Rosalie takes her place. I glance over her shoulder to see Emmet very carefully dance with Bella, taking small steps as his giant hands gently hold hers.

Spinning Rosalie, I show her how careful he handles my new wife. Looking at them together, she instantly looks smitten. _"Gosh, he's so hot when he looks so sensitive." _Nudging her in the shoulder she raises and eyebrow at me. "_What? It's the truth, I like to think he would have been a great father and somehow seeing him this careful with Bella, just confirms that." _

"You both would have been great parents Rosalie." Kissing her on the cheek I twirl her around again. Letting her come back closer to me when the song is almost over, holding on as she mentally struggles " Because you are both great people and I'm proud to have you as my sister."

She smiles a sad smile at me. Stopping our dance the second the song ends. Letting go she looks over to Emmet. _"If you'll excuse us? Call me when you get to Denali?" _

I nod letting her go, knowing she needs some time alone with her husband.

Bella somehow ends up dancing with Charlie who looks extremely uncomfortable dancing. Holding his daughter at the shoulders and just swaying his shoulders, feet standing still and a anxious expression on his face. His confused thoughts make no sense but Bella glances over his shoulder and looks at me in the reflection of the glass wall. Letting me know, they are fine.

Finally the song is over and I walk over to them. Gently tapping Charlie on the shoulder. He looks at me and relieve floods his face. "Please dance with Bella." Handing her hands to me, we all laugh.

I do dance with Bella. This time it's even slower and all around us, the couples are slow dancing also. Holding each other closer. From the corner of my eye I see Kate and Irina talk with Charlie.

"_Don't worry Edward. We're just explaining we are like family to yours. And have a house in Denali and just let him know that is where you will be honeymooning." _Irina calms my mind, for a moment fearing they had found another use for Bella's father.

When the song ends I lean closer to Bella. "I have one last surprise for you."

She looks up at me, her eyes big with excitement and her cheeks pink from the dancing inside all evening.

Placing a soft kiss on her lips, I taste her on my lips. Making me crave for more. Pulling away I push back the urge to take her to my room and change her here. Knowing fully what the consequences would be if I would do that. No Carlisle and Elezaer had been right, taking all of our interests and safety in consideration.

"Tonight we leave for Denali, staying at their house as a honeymoon for a while."

* * *

A/N Somehow a mental image of Kate and Irina strutting down the hallway of Forks hospital to the sound of Kiss - I was made for Loving You keeps replaying in my head. Just so you know, I think Charlie has the same problem ;)

Now me personal, if I ever get myself into hospital. I have 2 wishes:  
1) Carlisle is to be me doctor (he'll just have to endure the fact I will play Dr Wannado by Caro Emerald over and over again)  
2) Edward comes to pick me when I am allowed to go home AND brings me home. ( I know that is two things, but a girl can't help but dream. Also Edward needs no themesong, he makes his own music.)


	53. Chapter 53

Before you finish reading this story, I would like to say thank you.

Some of you have added this story to favourites or reviewed  
and by that way supported my throughout writing this entire story.  
I'm so happy that you all took that time and it makes me love you all very much.

**Virtual Group-Hug!**

Snusa, Biddy 429, Sammy and WeirdAboutDreams

You ladies deserve a special shout out for reviewing every chapter from the start.  
Letting me know whenever I played boggle instead of spell checking my chapter (you do know the game boggle?)  
Besides, without you cheering him on from the sideline Edward might have never gotten his act together ;)

Good now that is done. I hope you like the last chapter.

My story set out to tell you how I thought up my version of Bella and the Cullen's getting back together as one family.  
I feel that has been achieved. Seeing they have this thing called immortality, this story could go on forever.  
Because that is what they have together.

For anyone who does want to read a Bella vampire story.  
I've started a new story, different timeline with Bella as the immortal.  
Chapter 3 is up and I plan to update regularly.

Knowing me, it will be long... like this story ;)

Thank you all so much, again.

Have fun reading the last chapter!

**Disclaimer: The Twilight Saga belongs to Stephenie Meyer!**

* * *

BPOV

"Tonight we leave for Denali, staying at their house as a honeymoon for a while."

His smooth voice sounds calm and collected. But the thought of leaving Forks tonight, it takes me a moment to comprehend. Shock is the first thing I feel and holding my breath, I mentally count to ten. Letting the information sink in.

"There is no need to worry. Our plans haven't changed, it would just be safer for you. Alice is packing right now while Jasper prepares the car, they will come with us."

His voice sounds slightly panicked now. Relaxing I exhale, finishing my counting and slowly releasing all the air I'm holding captive.

"What time do we leave?" Not looking at him, I keep my eyes on Charlie. He's talking to Irina and Kate. Tanya is standing to the side but she is looking at us, smiling at me. I misjudged her earlier and I smile back. Knowing that after tonight we have some silent friendship, unlike the one I have with Rosalie or Alice. But reliable when needed.

"When you are ready." Edwards voice still sound a little bit tense. Leaning closer into him I wrap my arms around his waist and let my head rest against his chest. Glancing up, I can just see his face. "I'm ready."

As soon as the words leave my mouth, Alice shows up to help me get changed. The getting dressed part took hours, changing into something more comfortable to wear while travelling only takes minutes.

Carefully I take both Esme and Tanya's jewellery off and place it on the small writing desk. Knowing they will find it.

When I return downstairs, Edward is already waiting for me. Standing next to him is Carlisle with Esme and Charlie. My dad looks so extremely sad. For a moment the guilt at taking this path in life overwhelms me. I find the strength to step close to him and hug him. He hugs me back and let's go. "I love you." His voice sounds so proud, and as he let's go Esme surprises me by taking one of his hands.

Leaning into Edward I try to hide my tears at Esme's gesture. Letting me know, they will watch over Charlie while I am away. I don't want to ruin the moment by crying. But it's impossible to stop. Edward holds me close to him as we walk to the car. Jasper is already sitting in the driver seat. Without a word I let Edward help me into the back. When we sit down he pulls me to his chest and I can see Alice sit in the front next to Jasper.

Now it is just the four of us. Through the small rearview mirror, Jasper looks at me. As he does his power washes over me, calm loving feelings. It works a little bit and I smile a quick thank you at him. Then I close my eyes, resting my head in my husbands lap and fall asleep.

The next thing I notice is the rocking sensation of being carried. When I carefully open my eyes, the surroundings are similar yet different. A large open house with a welcoming interior and light furniture. To the back of the house there is a large glass wall, similar to the Cullen's. It allows me to look outside and notice the sun softly shining over the white winter forest. Thick snow is everywhere, indicating we are in fact really in Alaska.

I'm in Edwards arms. My head securely tucked away under his chin as he carries me upstairs to the room where we will be staying. Neither Jasper or Alice are anywhere to be seen. They must be giving us some privacy, waiting for us. Like I know everyone that is left behind in Forks will be there waiting for me to return and join them forever.

Grabbing hold of Edward tighter, I wrap my arm around his neck and notice the ring. The ring around my finger telling me I am now a Cullen and my heart starts pounding more excited with each step Edward takes towards our room. Bringing me closer to finally belonging with him forever.

Upstairs he takes the last door in the hallway, opening up to a large bedroom. A large bed sits in the middle, covered by flowers and candles are arranged around the room. Sitting down on the bed, with me on his lap. I lean into him wrapping one of my arms around his body. Holding him just like he is holding me. Tilting my head to the side I push aside the soft scarf that is draped around my neck and shoulders. Fully exposing my neck to Edward.

The soft hiss from his mouth, tells me. The exposure of my neck, tonight in this way. It is something he wants also. He makes another sound, something, too soft for me to hear. I don't care because at the same time he pushes aside my hair and traces the exposed veins with his fingertips while slowly exhaling his cool breath on the skin he has just touched.

His hand stopped moving and I felt his cool lips brush the skin of my neck. Lingering at the most sensitive part right behind my ear. I shudder and grab the fabric of his sweater tighter. It feels like my spine is about to explode when he finally kisses me. Slow and deliberate small kisses carefully placed along my jaw, all the way to my lips.

When he pulls away I whimper, missing his lips on my skin immediately. Looking me in the eyes for a moment I can see how tense his face is. His eyes are darkening, to a color darker then anything I have ever seen.

This is it, the moment we both have been waiting for, anticipating, fearing and wanting at the same time. The reason why our honeymoon is in a park up north somewhere in Alaska.

Placing one hand on his face, I softly cares his lips. He watches me with heavy eyes, the last specks of gold swimming in the deep dark pits of his, slowly turning to a complete black. I know this look, it's one of lust. Smiling I lean closer to him, placing my neck close to his lips. "It's a perfect day to die."

"An even better day to live." Is his immediate response. His voice is rough and for a moment I fear that he will loose control. But then the next moment I can't think because he sinks his teeth deep into my neck.

Biting my lip I exhale roughly, groaning at the excited sensation I feel at this one perfect kiss that will make me immortal. The moment lasts only a few seconds because Edward pulls away. Kissing me on my lips one more time before pulling my body in his strong arms, pinning my body to his. Holding me still as the fire slowly starts to burn through my body.

Pain pushes everything to the background and trying to safe myself I desperately fight the only way I know possible. I hold on to Edward with all my strength, inhaling his sweet scent and focussing on him rather than the pain. Knowing that showing my pain would hurt him also.

As I do the fire is pushed back to a dim tingling sensation and I feel like I'm being pulled away from the room, from Edwards arms. I smile for the first time as the threat of darkness tugs at my consciousness. "Mine." Is the only word I manage to utter, knowing it is exact the thing going through Edwards mind.

_When I focus again I'm no longer in his arms but standing in my room at Charlie's house. I'm in my mind again, but this time I'm not alone. _

_There in front of me he stands waiting for me, in my room with a single white rose. His face just as shockingly beautiful as I remembered him to be. Smiling down at me as I carefully lay my head on his shoulder. _

_Edward pulls me closer to him, softly swaying to the perfect piano music playing in the background. As he does, I know everything is going to be alright, finally I am home._

"_It feels like dreaming, it's been so long since I've dreamed." His usually smooth voice sounds even better in my mind. "How did you do this?" Leaning away from me, I can see his eyes are back to the bright gold color I love so much._

"_After Rosalie and Alice managed to figure out, my gift is in my mind. I knew using it would either be really scary or really good. So far it is really good." Smiling at him, I let him twirl me around. Catching me from the back, holding my back to his chest. Leaning over my shoulder, he kisses me in my neck. The same place where he has just bitten me._

"_It's amazing to be able to see in your head, in your dreams. If this is a dream?" He sounds truly grateful and I can't help but rejoice. Turning my head, my lips brush past his. "It's a dream but you can see it, feel it and taste it. My dreams are very real." Brushing past his lips again, I emphasise how real it is. His body tells me, he feels how real this is also. _

_As we continue dancing together, neither of us get tired. But as we do, I can feel something change inside of me. It's almost like the vision in my already perfect dream enhances. Then when I least expect it, everything crumbles. Around me the familiar surrounding of my bedroom fall away. Leaving me standing in the garden. As I do, my hands try to find Edward. He is gone._

_When I look over my shoulder, the house seems to grow smaller and smaller, disappearing also. But even as all of that happen, I don't feel any fear. I feel calm._

_When the house is gone, the trees flash by, La Push beach passes me, followed by the warm sun of Arizona desert and my mothers house, our old house. _

_Confused I peer at the sight in front of me, before I can figure out what is going on. The same flashing starts again, moving me further back... or is it forward. It's all a blur now as images flash by. The heat from the desert is still here, increasing until I can feel the scorching heat inside of me. Alarmed I feel the pain and want to scream but can't. It lasts for a second before the feeling fades away._

_Finally the flashing of images around me stops. In my dream it is black, no matter how hard I try there is nothing left to see. The only thing I notice is the soft touch of a hand in mine, the taste of Edward on my lips and his soft voice calling me._

_Trying to take a deep breath, the taste grows stronger.  
The air is burning my throat in an uncomfortable way and with realisation my eyes snap open._

There sitting with me, exactly how we were when I closed my eyes, is Edward. Except it feels like I have never seen this Edward before. His beauty is overwhelming, making me wish I could cry but knowledge tells me I can't.

Lifting my hand, I marvel at the touch of my hand to his face. It feels smooth and warm. Tracing his jaw, I touch his lips with my hands. All the time he doesn't move, holding still like a statue. The only thing that shows life are his eyes as he watches me.

"Edward?" My voice sounds soft like silk, matching his. "What's wrong?"

Intense fear floods my body as he still does not move. Panicked I move away, misjudging the distance and standing on the other side of the large room in a second.

He sits still on the bed, his empty hands stretched out after me. Nervous I watch him rise to his feet, walking over to me in human speed. Each step he takes closer his eyes calm. Until he stand in front of me, tall and handsome. His hair is even messier then I am used to.

Lifting my hand, he kisses the palm of my hand before looking me in the eyes.

"Nothing is wrong, all is right." Placing our hands against his chest, I can feel the familiar current run through my body.

"Then why were you so silent?" Speaking again, I hear my own voice like it belongs to a stranger.

Edward's eyes darken slightly when he looks down to our hands for a moment.  
Then he smiles, a triumphant glorious smile that would have stopped my heart, if it was still beating.

"You my beloved, are the most stunning creature I have ever seen."

Leaning closer I can taste his sweet breath on my lips.

"You left me speechless and in awe."

If it were possible his words would have made me flush, but I know that's not an option either. Mentally I note, many subtle ways for Edward to read me are no longer existent. As he waits for me to reply I giggle softly. "At least now you know how I feel whenever I am around you."

The corner of his mouth twitched, telling me he is trying to stop from smiling at my response.

"Can I kiss you?" His words are hesitant and take me by surprise. Before knowing what I'm doing I respond and lean into him, grabbing him at the shoulders and placing my lips on his. The moment I do, his arms wrap around my waist. I can feel how his fingers apply pressure like he couldn't before.

The kiss is deep and seems endless, marvelling at how neither of us need air. I continue to trace his lips, explore his mouth and mold into his body. For the first time ever it is Edward that needs to brake away our kiss.

"I take it that was a yes?"

His eyes tease me and I lower my face in humiliation.  
Nodding at him, without looking him in the eyes.

Cupping my face he gently nudges my chin, relaxing my head I allow him to raise my chin, to meet my eyes with his.

"Bella, please never hide from me. I love you and we have forever together to love each other."

His words warm me, calm me, excite me and awe me at the same time. And carefully I slide my arms around his waist, allowing him to hold me.

Knowing that from this day forward, I am his and he is mine.

Nothing will stand in the way of our love. We will be together, for the rest of eternity.


End file.
